Agatha H. and the Airship City (19 page)

General Khrizhan shrugged as he fiddled with the controls on the samovar. “Oh. Yaz, I suppose hyu is right. Oh vell. Vould hyu like sum tea? To make op for de inconvenience?”

Agatha realized that she was hungry again. How could that be? “Oh, I…”

“Ve effen t’row in sopper.”

“But I…” Agatha’s stomach growled. “Supper?”

General Goomblast offered her a silver platter piled high with warm tea cakes. Agatha could see that some were stuffed with custard and jelly, sprinkled with nuts and topped with a thick sugary glaze. Some appeared to be covered in thick chocolate, and a few were evidently stuffed with fruit. A second plate appeared, covered with warm pastries that Agatha could smell were stuffed with savory meats and baked cheeses. “Iz goot! Ve not eat bugs. I svear!”

General Zog looked at his plate disappointedly. “No bugs?” General Khrizhan shushed him with a glare.

Agatha smiled nervously and graciously plucked a small meat pastry from the tray and gingerly nibbled at it. Onions and spices she was unfamiliar with suffused her mouth and she let out a muffled, happy squeak. It was delicious. Intensely so. In three bites it was gone.

General Goomblast was obviously pleased. He poured her a cup of tea and gestured towards the platter. “Hyu like? Take anodder.”

Agatha looked longingly at the platter, but the manners that Lilith had drilled into her stayed her hand. “Oh, I couldn’t—” she began, but was stopped by General Zog’s reaching forward, tilting the platter, and dumping half of the cakes upon Agatha’s plate.

“Degorl is starffing,” he said conversationally as he put the tray back down. Turning to Agatha he said, “In enemy territory hyu neffer know ven you is gonna eat. Don’t pass up an opportunity.” With that he scooped up the remaining cakes in one hand and dumped them into his mouth.

General Khrizhan took a deep breath and smiled alarmingly at Agatha. “General Zog has been a varrior longer dan any uf us. He see sefferyting in terms of…practicality.” He gestured at Agatha’s plate. “Dis doz not mean dot he iz wrong. Please eat up.”

General Goomblast had stared at the empty platter for a second, sighed in disappointment, and from a sideboard produced an enormous cake pan. Lifting the lid allowed the spicy odor of gingerbread to begin filling the room. A crock on the table was opened, revealing its contents to be thick yellow whipped cream. The large creature showed Agatha how to stir a spoonful into her tea, which, he informed her, came from a friend of the Baron’s in China.

After some steady eating, Agatha felt herself starting to relax, a fact the three Jägers noted.

“Zo, my dear Meez Clay,” Goomblast began while refilling her cup, “vere iz hyu family from?”

Agatha looked at him warily. “Beetleburg?”

“Iz dot so? Mine people still liff in Mechanicsburg.”

“Ah. The Heterodynes’ home. Of course. I’ve never been there, but I always wanted to go.” Despite her reservations, the very inanity of the topic was reassuring, Agatha found herself relaxing and discussing the various merits of different towns. Off to one side, the other two generals quietly sipped their tea and observed.

General Khrizhan leaned closer to the older Jäger and muttered behind his hand. “Vot you tink?”

General Zog glanced at him and snorted. “Hy don
gotta
tink.

Hy knew ven hy smelt her clothing.” He considered Agatha with

a scowl. “Could be a forgotten second cousin, or a by-blow…”

“A by-blow?
Dem?”

Zog smiled at his colleagues’ astonishment. “Dey
vas
hooman.”

Khrizhan nodded reluctantly. “De kestle vould know,” he said quietly.

Zog shook his head. “De kestle iz mad. Dyink.
Useless.”

Khrizhan’s shoulders slumped. “Den it iz op to us.” He leaned into the conversation, which had come to a lull. “Tell us about you parents.”

Instantly a wall of suspicion slammed down behind Agatha’s eyes. “My father’s a blacksmith, and my mother gives piano lessons. I’m worried about them,” she admitted.

“Yez. Dey haff disappeared und ve cannot find dem. Dey obviously do not
vant
to be found, but dey
vould
vant to know dot hyu vas safe, jah?” Khrizhan shook his massive head. “Iz qvite puzzling.”

“They’re probably hiding,” Agatha admitted. “They don’t… trust the Baron.”

Goomblast waved a hand dismissively. “Who does? Ve’s
used
to pipple hidink. Vat’s strenge iz dot we cannot
find
dem.”

Agatha absorbed this information and deliberately reached for another tea cake. There were few left. “These are
very
good,” she said, and smiled at Goomblast, who frowned at her in annoyance.

General Zog, who had been pacing around the room, dropped into the chair next to Agatha. He smelled like ancient leather boiled in vinegar.

“Zo,” he said brusquely, “hyu vent flyink mit der young master.” He leaned closer. “Vot hyu tink of him?”

Agatha flushed. “Well…” she struggled for words. As she did so, the general’s nostrils flared, and a smile crossed his features. General Khrizhan’s hand smacked the back of his head, sending Zog’s fez flying.

“Vot kind of schtupid qvestion is
dot?”
Khrizhan roared.

“Vell it vould make tings really
simple
if—”

“I
know
vat hyu is
tinking!
Bot hyu ain’t
tinking
tinking!”

“Tinking iz
overrated!”
Zog roared, and tapped his nose.
“Dis
tells me—”

Khrizhan grabbed Zog’s vest and shook him violently. “Be
qviet
you
idiot!”

Agatha scrunched down in her seat as the generals roared about her. Two delicate furry hands effortlessly scooped her up and deposited her before the door. “I tink hyu better go,” General Goomblast muttered.

Agatha picked up the box with her belongings. “Did I say something wrong?”

Goomblast smiled at her in what he thought was a reassuring manner. “No, no, madam waz qvite charmink. But ve gonna haf a leedle discussion now, and dey can get kind ov loud.” He opened the door and called out, “Minsc!”

A tall Jägersoldier with a particularly toothy grin appeared and snapped to attention. “Yezzir?”

Goomblast pushed Agatha forward. “Dis iz Meez Clay. See dot she’s get beck safely to—”

A scream of rage from within the room was all the warning they got as the samovar caromed off of the back of the general’s head. Spinning about, Goomblast’s head appeared to split in half as his mouth opened wider than Agatha would have thought possible. A scream like tearing metal filled the hallway and the Jägergeneral leapt back into the room, slamming the door behind him. Minsc grabbed Agatha’s arm and dragged her down the hall. “Ve go now,” he advised.

The sound of breaking furniture followed them down the hall, until there was a sudden final shattering of glass and then silence. Minsc turned to Agatha and grinned. “Zo. Vere to, dollink?”

“Um… the student dormitories?”

Minsc brightened. “Ho! Excellent!” He licked his hand with a purple tongue and slicked back his hair. “Mebbe I see my sveetie.”

Agatha stopped dead. “Your—
who?”

“De gorgeous Von Pinn.”

“Your sweetheart is
Von Pinn? The
Von Pinn is your sweetheart.” No matter how many times she said it, it still sounded wrong.

Minsc shrugged slightly. “Vell, if youz gonnaget
technical
about it, not
yet
. But I am confident dot she
vill
pick me!”

“Pick you out of
what?”

“All of der Jägermonstern iz desirous of her,” he confided. “She iz zo sharp… zo
dangerous,
like a pudding bag full uf
knives!”
He growled at the thought.

Agatha swallowed. “Ah. And that’s
good
is it?”

Minsc’s eyes went misty and a beatific smile played across his face. He sighed. “Tvice I haff felt de touch uf her hand as it caressed my face.” He pointed proudly. “See der scars? Vunce her elbow lingered as it vas buried in mine kidney. And vunce, ven her teeth seek mine throat, I gaze into her eyes und—”

“You’re
crazy!”
Agatha screamed, “She was trying to
kill
you!”

Minsc stared at her and then his face slid into a sly, knowing grin. “Ho, ho, ho. Hyu iz still a leedle gurl in der vays of luff.” He patted her shoulder. “Hyu vill learn.”

Agatha swallowed. “I sure hope not.” She looked up. To her surprise, they had already arrived at the dormitory door.”Thanks. I guess—”

“Miss Clay! Don’t move!”

Agatha and Minsc whirled and saw Von Pinn racing towards them, her hands outstretched, a look of fury on her face.

Agatha squeaked in alarm and froze. Minsc grinned and stepped forward while pushing Agatha through the doorway. “Hyu moof along now, kiddo.”

“But she’s after me.”

“Hee heh,” Minsc smirked as he straightened his hat. “I guarantee dot a kees from me vill make her forgets all about
hyu!”

Von Pinn was almost on them and Minsc stepped forward into the crazed construct’s outstretched arms. “Hey beautiful, it’s
me,

you
Minsc!”

“MOVE OR DIE!”

“Whoo! Already mit der sveet tok!”

At this point the massive door closed behind Agatha and all she heard was a sound that reminded her of a fight she’d witnessed in the biological oddities lab when a soon-to-be-deceased lab assistant had neglected to lock a number of cage doors. A large object slammed into the door, shaking Agatha out of her shock. She raced into the main room and saw a plump young man sporting a yarmulke coming out of the kitchen clutching a large number of bottles. She ran up to him. “Von Pinn is
killing
one of the Jägermonsters!”

The young man raised an eyebrow. “Oh. So?”

“So we’ve got to
help!”

He considered this for a second, then shook his head. “I think Von Pinn can handle them by herself.”

Agatha thought she was going mad. “No,” she explained through clenched teeth, “we’ve got to help
him.”

The light dawned. “Oh!” He then turned back to the stairway. “No, I don’t think so.”

Agatha raced around him and pointed at the door, where the noise had grown even more frenzied. “Can’t you
hear
that?”

The young man looked at her patiently. “That’s what I mean,” he explained. “It’s taking much too long. If she
really
wanted to kill him, it would be over very quickly. She’s just warning him off.” A pained squeal rose through the air and was cut off with a sharp wet sound. “Ah, Minsc. I should’ve guessed.”

Agatha stared at him. “Oh.” She leaned wearily against the wall. “This is a very strange place,” she observed.

The young man considered this. “You think so? I don’t get out much.” He awkwardly shifted his load of bottles so that he could stick out a hand. “I’m Hezekiah Donewitz.” Agatha gingerly shook his hand. “You must be Agatha,” he continued. “You should come to Theo’s room. Gil is here! He’s telling us about Paris.”

Agatha scowled. “I wouldn’t—”

Hezekiah interrupted her. “Aw, come on!” He jiggled the load of bottles. “We’re going to reinvent the corkscrew. You can help! I hear you’re brilliant at systems analysis.”

Agatha blinked. “What?”

“Sure. Gilgamesh said you really improved his flying machine.”

“He
did?”

“Yeah. He says you’re really smart.” He leaned forward: “I think he really likes you.”

Agatha looked closely at Hezekiah’s face, but could detect no trace of irony. Her head felt funny and she desperately wanted to sit down, and the last thing she wanted to do was face Gilgamesh Wulfenbach. “I’m afraid I’m so tired that I don’t think I could stay awake if he was telling you about his trip to… to America by way of the moon. I’m sure I’ll hear all about it tomorrow.”

Hezekiah shrugged with a clink. “Fair enough, from what I’d heard, you’ve had a busy day. Good night.”

Agatha realized that it
had
been a busy day, and as she climbed the short stairway to her room, felt weariness drop onto her like a blanket.

On the wall next to each of the bedroom doors, Agatha had noticed a set of thin metal pockets mounted to the wall, labeled with the occupant’s name. As she approached her door, she saw that the second pocket had been labeled with her name, and that there was an envelope within. She unfolded it and found a notification that in the morning, she was to report to Minor Mechanical Workshop Number 311. There was a map showing the way from the dormitory. She studied it a moment and then realized that she was swaying slightly.

She pushed open the door and was startled to see a large white cat eating off of a tray of food that had been left on the desk of the room’s other occupant. In a flurry of white, the cat leapt down and vanished under the other bed.

Agatha got down on her hands and knees and peered under the bed. Two large glowing green eyes stared back. “Hiya, cat,” she said. The cat scrunched itself further back into the corner.

Agatha sat back on her knees. “How many cats do they have running around here anyway? Well, you don’t want to come out? Suit yourself.”

The door opened and a tall, aristocratic-looking young lady walked in. She had a long, thin face, pale skin, and an elegant mass of long auburn curls. Her outfit was a standard Wulfenbach overall, but it had been tailored to fit, and shiny brass buttons replaced the regular issue. From the state of her outfit, it was apparent that she had been engaged in heavy labor. Upon seeing Agatha, she stopped dead. In an eyeblink her tiredness had vanished and was replaced by an air of graciousness. “Ah, you are awake. You may rise.”

Agatha realized that she was still on her knees and hastily scrambled to her feet.

“I am Her Highness, Zulenna Luzhakna, a princess of HofnungBorzoi. We are to be roommates, it appears.” She extended a hand. “And you are?”