Again (26 page)
Authors: Lisa Burstein
Carter
I
waited for Kate on a bench outside the Williams Center while she was in a
meeting at the Student Financial Services office. She was telling them who she
really was. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, if her finally admitting
what she’d done would be the end of her time here.
It
wouldn’t be the end of us, though.
I
couldn’t have understood when I first met her over a month ago that my journey
to find her had started four years before. I couldn’t help but wonder if her
journey to meet me had also taken all of the ten years since she’d been in
college.
My
phone buzzed with a text from Tristan:
It will be
okay and if it isn’t there is always Midori.
We will survive,
I texted back.
The
doors of the hulking brick building opened and when Kate saw me, she smiled.
I
could tell her composure was for my benefit. Her news was not good.
We will survive
, I
repeated in my head. I took four deep breaths as I waited for her to reach me,
trying to steady myself.
“Well?”
I asked, standing, unable to sit still.
She
took her own deep breath. “If I leave of ‘my own volition’,” she made air
quotes, “they won’t press charges, if I don’t—hello prosecution.”
I
nodded. I kind of figured that would be the result of her coming clean. Having
been through my own scandal here, I understood Hudson University liked to brush
unpleasant things under the rug. More so, they liked to make things disappear.
If Jeanie wouldn’t have chosen to go, if my father hadn’t paid to make sure I
could stay, they surely would have urged me to transfer somewhere else.
“Maybe
we could leave of our own volition together,” I said. I’d had my idea in place
before she even walked out those doors. Well, not an idea necessarily, but a
decision. I would keep us together by whatever means necessary.
If
she needed to leave, I would too.
She
shook her head, directing her brown eyes on mine. “No, you’re like two months from
graduating—no way.”
The
air warmed around us, the way it does in February. We were a week away from
Valentine’s Day. I usually didn’t care about that stuff, but there was no way I
was spending it without Kate.
“I didn’t
mean I wouldn’t graduate. You have to leave school, but that doesn’t mean you
have to leave Kingston, right?”
She
smiled, her whole body arched toward mine. “Trying to save me again, huh
Carter?”
“You
always seem to need it,” I joked.
She
pushed me playfully, her touch making me wish we weren’t in public.
“Honestly,
I’m saving me.” I cupped the side of her face, running my finger against her
cheek. “Saving you is all about saving me.”
We
both turned, startled by the sound of the front door of the Williams Center
slamming. Alex and Steph trudged down the huge cement steps and walked back
toward the dorms.
“What
the hell are they doing here?” Kate asked.
I
smiled. Their timing couldn’t have been more perfect. “An RA from another
floor, Tristan I think his name was, called in a tip that they were in
violation of the campus alcohol policy. My guess is they were at the
Residential Life office being informed of their new probationary status.”
“You
really are Superman,” she said, looking up at me.
“If
I can annihilate them, imagine what I can do for us,” I said, putting my hands
around her waist.
She
breathed out, seemingly letting my words fill her. “What’s your proposal?”
“I
get you an apartment nearby until I graduate, and then we decide together where
to go next.”
She
laughed. “I’m pretty sure this is the first time ever a younger guy is the
sugar daddy. I mean, that’s what you’re suggesting, right, that I be a kept
woman?”
I
trailed my thumb against her lips. “Oh, you’re going to earn your keep. You
will be applying to other schools, as many as it takes until you’re accepted.”
She
bit down on my thumb playfully. “I have some ideas on other ways I could earn
my keep.”
I
leaned in close to her ear and whispered, “That goes unsaid, but you’re smart,
Kate. You deserve to get your degree if that’s what you want.”
“It
is,” she said, “but I’m pretty sure all of this proves it’s too late for me.”
“You’re
going to have to be something besides just my sex slave,” I pushed.
“I can’t
afford school anyway. Here or anywhere else,” she said.
“I
can,” I said. “I might as well use my trust fund for something worthwhile.”
“Paying
for my degree is worthwhile?” she asked, her voice rising. “You do understand
how expensive college is.”
“I
don’t want either of us to have to lie about anything anymore. You can be a
twenty-nine-year-old freshman when you don’t have to worry about financial aid.”
She
pressed her lips together. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be thirty by then.”
I
laughed. “Uh oh, the dreaded T-word.”
Her
mouth twitched in amusement.
“So
what do you say?” I asked.
“You’re
serious about paying for my college?”
“Think
of it as your own private scholarship fund,” I said, putting my arms around her.
“The only stipulation being that you work on staying sober and that you’re mine.”
“I
might need some help with the sober part,” she admitted, “but being yours won’t
be a problem. She nuzzled into my shoulder, “But what will you do?”
“Wherever
you get in, that’s where we’ll go.”
“What
about law school?” she asked, still not believing I would do everything for
her, for us.
“My
father is the one who’s pushing me to go to law school. I’m going to take some
time to figure out what I want,” I said, pulling her closer, “besides you.”
“I
guess you shouldn’t suffer my having to leave, too,” she whispered into my
lips.
“Then
just say yes.”
Her
eyebrow cocked, remembering when she’d given me the same directive. “Yes,” she
replied, “for all the right reasons, yes.”
I
pressed my lips on hers, our decision sealed with a kiss. Neither one of us was
running anymore. Together we would start again.
Kate
Four Months Later
I glance out the window of our apartment
and watch as Carter puts the last of our moving boxes into the U-Haul
truck
we’re driving to California. Like the pioneers, we’re going west.
Unlike the pioneers we’re doing it with
a U-Haul and hotel stops along the way, including a two day exploration of the
Grand Canyon.
After an assessment of my real grades
from college-take-one, it seemed best I start at a community college and
transfer once I received some more impressive grades. I want the best, but I’m
going to have to work for it this time.
The plan is to live in Palo Alto, attend
Foothill College, and transfer to Stanford University’s pre-law program in two
years.
Carter has already been accepted to
Stanford’s School of Medicine. He’s decided to study to be a veterinarian. His
father isn’t happy about it, but Carter told me his father is pretty much never
happy about anything, so that’s nothing new.
The thing is, Carter
is
happy and
for once I can honestly say I am, too.
I’ve been sober for four months and one
week and not drinking gets easier every day, except for the days when it’s
really hard. I have a counselor I’ve been going to for help.
My relationship with Carter put me on
the right path, but my sobriety is something I need to be responsible for.
Or at least, responsible enough to know
I need support from someone other than Carter.
She’s already put me in touch with a
counselor in Palo Alto and has promised to come and kick my ass all over
California if I screw up what I had no idea would be my real second chance.
I’m pretty sure I won’t. There is too
much to lose. I have my whole life to gain.
Dawn still won’t talk to me, but I keep
trying. Maybe one day she’ll forgive me, or maybe she won’t. It’s enough for
now that she knows I’m sorry. It’s enough for now that I truly am.
Tristan was accepted to Olympic training
at the USA Swim Center in Colorado and has promised to come and kick Carter’s
ass all over California if he messes things up with me.
I’m pretty sure one day we’ll be
watching him on TV winning gold or, at the very least, making fun of someone
for wearing it.
Veronica is leaving Franklin Law to open
her own accounting firm. She said I inspired her. She is going to visit us
whenever she can and I’ve promised to come kick her ass all over New York City
if she doesn’t.
I am beyond lucky I get to start over. I
understand, for Carter and me, that chance only came from finding each other.
That chance can only continue by staying
on this path together.
Carter enters the apartment and closes
the door behind him. I put down the atlas I’m highlighting and watch him yank
his shirt off and wipe his brow.
He is the one person in this world who
knows all of me and I am the one person in this world who knows all of him.
The map I hold may be what leads us to
California, but together we will figure out what comes next.
Usually you would thank your
publisher or your agent here, but since this is a self-published novel I’m
going to thank my readers, twitter and Facebook followers first. You have been
there since I had the idea to self-publish and your support through this entire
process has been invaluable and humbling. Thank you for always wanting to read
what I have to write and for being EXCITED about it. There is nothing better!
To my husband, who when I
told him I was writing a draft of a book in a month and that it was something I
had to get out as quickly as possible, just stood by and supported me. Mostly
by making a lot of slow cooker dinners and giving hugs when needed. Thank you
for knowing that this is my dream—and for letting me live it.
To my girls in the Cool Kids
Mafia: Rachel Harris, Cindi Madsen, Christina Lee, Rhonda Helms, Wendy Higgins,
Stina Lindenblatt, Megan Erickson, Tara Fuller, Melissa West & Cole Gibson
for listening to me bitch, for helping me with the cover and blurb for this
baby and for being all around awesome ladies. This journey would be a lot less
fun without you.
A special shout out to my
girl Ophelia London, who many days keeps me sane with her wit and wisdom; you
are a true friend.
To my family for always
being supportive no matter what crazy book I’m writing.
And finally, I want to thank
myself. I do a lot of things for other people in life, and in writing, but this
book was all mine, all me. Good on you Lisa, for being strong and determined
enough to make this happen.
