Authors: Mia Zachary
JadeBlossom: You’re lucky we’re best friends.
C
HRIS HADN’T REALLY
expected Jade to call. But he’d hoped she would. He’d lain awake most of the night, waiting for the phone to ring like some teenaged boy with his first crush. What an idiot. Finally he’d dozed off, only to dream about her. Dreams so hot that he’d ended up taking matters into his own hand, so to speak.
He loved women. He had learned from his mom and his sisters to respect women’s intelligence, strength, endurance and ambition. He admired their optimism, willingness to share and their emotional depth. He had never been one to objectify women, and yet he couldn’t stop imagining Jade naked.
Her body would be a perfect combination of lean muscle and soft curves. She’d smile at him as she lay back onto his bed and held out her arms. Her golden skin would be like hot silk beneath his hands. She’d gasp with pleasure when he settled between her thighs. “Chris.” He could almost hear her whispering his name.
“Chris?”
He startled, realizing his next client was trying to get his attention. “Hey, Eric, sorry.”
Eric Antoine slouched into the office, the picture of dejection and he flopped onto the guest chair. “I got shot down again. Why do I even bother with this? I’m never going to meet a woman who wants to spend the rest of her life with me.”
“Come on, Eric. We’ve talked about this.” He rested one hip on the edge of his desk. “If you want
positive things in your life, be it love, a better job, whatever, you have to have a—”
“Positive outlook, I know, Chris. But I kept thinking about how beautiful she was and how smart, and then I got nervous because I wanted to ask her to go out with me again but I knew that she wouldn’t.”
He sure knew that feeling. He was dying to see Jade again but knew he’d better resign himself to never hearing from her. She would end up being a fond memory of a phenomenal night and nothing more. Too bad, but it wasn’t like he was looking for a relationship anyway. On the other hand, though, his client was.
Eric was a tall, thin, African American man with big ears, a big heart and an even bigger smile when he bothered to use it. He was a nice guy with a good job but he had zero self-esteem. Chris studied his poor posture and downcast eyes.
“Is this how you talked to Michelle?”
Eric finally looked at him. “What do you mean?”
“Women are verbal communicators, men are physical. Everything about your body language right now says, ‘I don’t want to be here.’ You can’t connect with a woman if you don’t make eye contact. You can’t let her know you’re open to a relationship if your attitude is closed. Come over here.”
He grabbed Eric by the shoulder and pushed him toward the triple mirror in the corner. “Look at us. What’s different?”
Eric’s dark-brown eyes showed a spark of humor
as he took in Chris’s paler, blonder reflection. “You mean besides the obvious?”
“Yeah, besides that.” He smiled.
“You’re bigger than me, and better dressed.”
Chris shook his head. “I might look bigger, but I’m not. We’re about the same build. Now, stand up straight. Hold your head up and put your shoulders back. See?”
In the mirror, all three of Eric appeared larger and more self-assured. His expression revealed that he saw it, too.
“Now watch this, watch what I’m doing while I’m talking to you.” Chris hunched his shoulders and let his eyes shift from Eric’s mouth to his hair to a point beyond his shoulder. “My lack of focus tells you what? That I don’t care about you, about who you might be beneath the surface and that I’m looking to see if there’s someone better to talk to.”
“Ah, man. That’s probably what Michelle thought, when really I was just nervous. No wonder she blew me off.”
Chris clapped him on the shoulder. “Now that you know, be aware of it. If you don’t get anything else out of these sessions, get this—confidence is sexy. It’s all about knowing who you are inside and out. Nothing will impress a woman more.”
He worked with Eric for another forty-five minutes, mostly trying to convince him that eventually he would find the right woman. Four more individual sessions with male clients followed, effectively keeping him from thinking about Jade. Sort of.
Several times, she crept into his thoughts and he had to remind himself to focus on the job. It was a lot of extra work when he could have just let the computer program handle the matchmaking. But Chris felt it was worth the time and effort.
Just because he’d never fallen in love didn’t mean he couldn’t make it happen for someone else.
Not long after he opened Lunch Meetings, Chris had realized that too many of his early applicants just wanted to get in, get off and get out. Even those men who wanted to fall in love were more likely to screw up a budding relationship than the female clients. Either they made mistakes at the beginning or they weren’t willing to put in the effort to keep it going and they walked out when things got too complicated.
Like his father.
So Chris began quietly offering courtship counseling to the men who seemed genuinely interested but totally clueless. Using his own experiences and education, he helped his clients reform their self-image and destructive behaviors. Sure, it was manipulative. But it worked and that’s what mattered.
At least it worked for other people. He’d seen it happen, helped make it happen, but in that hollow void inside him he didn’t believe it would happen for him. He was much better at fixing other people’s lives than finding lasting happiness in his own.
T
HE AFTERNOON DOCKET
cleared quickly and the day ended on a high note, as Rei approved the adoption
of a seventeen-year-old girl. A special hearing had been set so that Katie could be a legal member of the Kaufmans before she aged out of the system. After granting the petition, Rei had her picture taken with the tearfully happy Kaufman clan—Katie, two bighearted parents and their six other adopted children.
Rei was still smiling as she packed her belongings for the weekend. At least until she remembered that she was going home to an empty house. Something that usually didn’t bother her. But, focusing on the briefcase full of files and petitions, suddenly the old caution about all work and no play came to mind.
Rei walked out of the courthouse and down into the parking garage. The idea of playing naturally segued into thoughts of Chris. She hadn’t allowed thoughts of him to distract her on the bench, but he’d definitely been on her mind all day long.
And each time she recalled the image of his handsome face and roguish grin, her heart beat a little faster. Her nipples got a little harder. Her thighs got a little damper. Despite the explicitness of what they’d shared last night, she shouldn’t care who he spent time with. But she couldn’t help wondering what he was doing tonight.
And with whom…
As she slid into the driver’s seat of her Lexus, she heard a faint buzzing noise from her handbag. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out her cell phone to answer the call. “Hello?”
“Rei. It’s Maggie Solís.”
Her heart clenched in her chest. Something about the oncologist’s compassionate tone of voice had her gripping the phone tighter, anxiety building inside her like layers of fog on the Bay. “Dr. Solís. What—? I mean everything was fine when I left your office.”
“I know, Rei, I’m sorry. You’ve been asymptomatic and I only ordered the blood work as part of your routine exam. But I got the results back from the lab today and…I’m sorry.”
Rei’s pulse fluttered erratically and her hands began to shake as she listened to the medical jargon about glycoprotein markers. Apprehension swirled in her gut, making her voice quaver when she was finally able to speak. “Are you sure?”
“No, not for certain. That’s why I’d like you to have a mammogram and MRI first thing Monday morning. Just call my secretary and let her know when you’re done so we can expedite the findings.”
Hot tears streamed down her cheeks as Rei dully agreed and thanked Dr. Solís for her concern. But as the phone dropped from her numb fingers into her lap, raw grief assailed her. She lifted a trembling hand to her mouth, inhaling deeply through her nose, hoping not to throw up, fighting the urge to scream.
It couldn’t be true. This couldn’t be happening again.
The same sharp-edged fear she’d experienced last time came back with a vengeance. It wasn’t fair.
Survivor was supposed to mean that the ordeal was finished, behind you, over. With the cancer in remission for over a year, she was supposed to be making plans and looking forward to the future….
“R
EI
,
HAVE YOU BEEN
crying?” Candace Versa laid a hand on her arm and frowned in concern.
After leaving the courthouse, Rei had driven over to California Pacific Medical Center to meet her breast cancer support group. She didn’t know how she would have endured her last bout with the disease if not for P.J., Dr. Versa and these brave women.
She’d originally planned to come this evening to share her one-year triumph with the women who best understood. Instead, she would cast a specter of gloom over a group that tried their best to hold on to the light. If there were any people on the face of the earth she could share her situation with, it was the women in this hospital conference room.
The educated uncertainty made it worse this time, knowing as she did what was at stake and what would have to be done. Tears pierced the back of her eyes again. But Rei held back, not wanting to confront this new turn of events yet. She didn’t want to put her dread and fears into words and make them real.
So she forced a smile of reassurance onto her lips. “I’m fine, Candy. I just had a bad day at work.”
“Well, you know I’m here if you need to talk.”
“I know. Thanks. I’m okay, though.”
Dr. Versa patted her arm again before Rei slipped past her to take a seat among the others. There was a core unit, including Dr. Versa, a psychologist, as well as with other women who joined and left over time. Rei greeted her old friends and nodded a welcome at the new faces as everyone introduced themselves.
“Hi, Kerry Kensington, two years.” The petite redhead always brightened the meeting whenever she attended.
The quiet brunette next to her was new to the group. “I’m Heather Centrino, and um, it will be six months next week.”
“Alicia Rexam, I’m a three-year survivor.” Despite her silver white hair, she didn’t look old enough to have seven grandchildren.
“I’m Rei Davis and it’s been…one year.”
And so they went around the room. As they were finishing the introductions, the door opened behind her. Rei turned to see who had joined them and gasped softly at the sight of her friend Miriam.
“Sorry I’m late, ladies.” Miriam’s voice was breathy and she slowly made her way to the table.
Rei’s heart broke as she watched her friend gingerly lower herself into the chair. They had been born the same year, but now Miriam looked at least
a decade older. There was a tightness around her mouth, as if she were in a great deal of pain, and her skin had a grayish pallor. Her brown eyes were dull and held a shadow of fear even as Miriam looked at her and winked.
Cold certainty crept over Rei. She may or may not be sick again, but there could be no doubt that Miriam was.
“It’s good to see you.” Dr. Versa smiled at her in welcome. “We were just about to share List accomplishments.”
Rei was frankly dreading this part of the meeting. She couldn’t tell them about her sexual encounter with a stranger in a nightclub. She’d have to settle for relaying her exotic fruit experiment, an accomplishment that sounded lame compared to Alicia finishing another quilt for her grandchildren or Kerry learning to ice skate.
“If you don’t mind—” Miriam paused, closing her eyes briefly with an audible pant. “If you don’t mind, Candy, I’d like to say goodbye first.”
Rei’s heart skipped, anticipating hearing the worst.
No, not Miriam.
“I want to thank you all. For the camaraderie and tears, laughter and hugs. I can’t imagine how I would have gotten through this. Without my friends.” The sudden appearance of tears washed the dullness from her gaze. “But I won’t be coming back to the group.”
Murmurs of sadness and comfort echoed throughout the room.
“Honey, no.”
“Oh, Miriam.”
“Don’t, don’t feel sorry for me, girls.” She panted again, her smile now a little frayed around the edges. “Howard and I have been preparing for months. We’re finally taking our dream trip. France and Spain for as long as we can afford to stay.”
Rei laughed out loud to relieve some of the tension that had built in her chest. “You’re really going? That’s wonderful!”
The noise level in the room rose with excited chatter as Miriam gave details about her upcoming trip and the rest of the group shared the experiences they had recently checked off of their Life Lists. Rei listened absently to the conversation, lost in her own thoughts.
Miriam might be dying but she was also fully living at last. Her attitude and daring silently reminded Rei of how fortunate she’d been last time. Despite her depression and doubt that she might not be so lucky this time, she didn’t dare wallow in self-pity. Not when her friend was fighting so bravely.
Across the table, Miriam gave a breathy laugh in response to something Alicia said and Rei realized how much she would miss her. Her friend had always tried to look on the positive side, telling off-color jokes to make everyone laugh and baking a cake in tribute to each month of survival.
The best way for Rei to honor her friend’s legacy of courage would be to follow her example. Like
Miriam with her trip to Europe, she needed to celebrate the good things in life and not wait for dreams to come true, but to make them happen. Starting right now.
H
IS SISTER WAS RIGHT
. There was definitely something strange about his mother.
Jeanna London had always been a constant in Chris’s life. She’d had the same job at the same accounting firm for years, lived at the same house in Lower Piedmont where he’d grown up, kept the same general routine. Like the air, she was just there and didn’t require much thinking about.
So when he walked through the bright blue front door of her white stucco house after work, what he saw took his breath away.
“Mom?”
He’d expected to find her curled up on the couch, wrapped in her favorite sweatpants and cardigan, watching the evening news. Instead, she was transferring her wallet and stuff into a little beaded purse. Her light-brown hair was streaked with golden blond highlights and cut to shoulder length. Her shoulders were bare except for the straps of a figure-hugging black dress.
He didn’t even know she had a figure.
“Mom?”
“Hi, sweetheart. This is a surprise.” She walked over to where he’d stopped dead in the hallway and air-kissed his cheek, careful not to smudge her dark pink lipstick.
“Not as surprised as I am.” Chris couldn’t get over how…how sexy his mother looked. Moms weren’t supposed to look that way! “What did you do?”
She glanced at the foyer mirror and smiled a little even as she took him to task. “Aren’t you the one who teaches men how to pay a compliment? You’re not exactly bowling me over here.”
He gave her a real kiss on the temple. “Sorry, Mom. You look fantastic.”
“That’s better.” She went back to emptying her everyday handbag.
Chris stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned against the stair rail. “What prompted the haircut and…Everything? Is there some charity benefit for work tonight?”
Her smile widened but she didn’t answer as she straightened her hem and fluffed her hair. The sort of last minute primping a woman does before going out on a date.
Chris’s chest tightened painfully at the thought. Over the years, his mom had gone to dinner with male colleagues or out with a group of friends, but she hadn’t dated. The pressure in his chest increased and he realized he was holding his breath, a stress-related habit. He flared his nostrils and forced air into his lungs, hoping he was jumping to conclusions.
“I came by to finish that yard work, but it’s all been done. You didn’t lift those heavy bags of mulch yourself, did you?”
“No, I didn’t.” She moved to the hall closet then held a heavy black wool cloak toward him.
Chris frowned but helped her into her coat. “So, the Henderson kid came over?”
“No, he didn’t do it.” She grabbed the evening bag and her car keys from the hall console.
“Come on, Mom. What’s going on?”
When she turned to look at him, he saw the stubborn set of her jaw but also a bright gleam in her eyes. “I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”
“Obviously you’re going out tonight and that’s great. I just want to know what you’re doing.”
The hint of tension in her posture belied the casual tone of her words. “I have a date, Christopher.”
Here he was an adult, yet all these years, neither of his parents had shown an interest in anyone else. All these years, he’d childishly wished they would somehow get back together.
Don’t think about it. Don’t let it hurt.
He forced his jaw to unclench and tried to match her nonchalance. “Give me the guy’s name so I can check him out.”
“I already know he’s a good man.”
Chris took her elbow as she opened the front door. “For Pete’s sake, Mom, you can’t know for sure—”
“Trust me.” She gently pulled out of his grasp. “I appreciate your concern, but you’ll just have to trust me.” She turned and stepped outside, walking down the three stairs while he closed the door.
What the hell was with all the secrecy? She’d
always let him into her life. After his father left, he’d been the man of the house, making it his responsibility to be strong for his mother and older sisters. He’d thought he and his mom were close but all of a sudden she was shutting him out. Was this new man that damned important to her?
He allowed a little of his anger to color his words. “At least tell me where you’re going tonight so I’ll have a last location to give the police.”
“I’ll be fine. There’s no need to call out the Marines.”
He didn’t share her joke. “Just because I’m out of the Corps doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten my combat training. Where is he taking you?”
His mother just smiled wider and unlocked her car. “I love you, tough guy. I’m going to Palio d’Asti, okay?”
“Hunh. Somebody wants to make a good impression.”
She looked at him then, her gaze suddenly as serious as her tone. “Yes, I really think he does. People change, sweetheart. Remember that.”
The new Jeanna London gave him a quick hug before sliding into the driver’s seat. Chris stood in the driveway and watched her pull away, a frown tugging at his mouth. A band of tension reminded him he was holding his breath again and needed to lighten up.
As he walked back to his Dodge Dakota pickup truck, he reflected on the irony of the situation. His
love life sucked. Here it was Friday night and the successful dating service owner was going home alone while
his mom
had a date.
S
LOWLY FLIPPING
the pages of her Life List, Rei reviewed some of the dreams, goals and aspirations she’d written over the past months.
Visit New York City during the holidays
Drink wine in an olive grove in Tuscany
See the Aurora Borealis
Drive a Mazerati
Swim with the dolphins
Try either hang gliding or skydiving
Snorkel on the Great Barrier Reef
Rei closed the book and flopped back against the bed pillows. Before she’d been diagnosed last year, career ambitions and fear of failure had kept her in a uncomfortable space, leaving her wary of stepping outside of her chosen box. Once the disease had gone into remission, though, she’d planned to embark on all kinds of great adventures.
But somehow, over too short a period of time, she’d slipped back into a similar box—this one just included a different job and more interesting fruit. Now, it was very possible that she was getting sick again and this time it could be terminal. Honestly, she didn’t want to know. Not yet.
Avoidance was a cowardly way to deal with the likelihood, but would a few days or even a week really make that much difference?
They might, if she put the time to good use. She vowed to adopt singer Tim McGraw’s lyrics about living like she was dying as her personal anthem. She would likely have to face another round of treatment soon enough. Before then, though, she wanted to cross as many things off her List as she could.
She now realized that she had followed the letter of the support group assignment, but not the spirit. Did goals have any real meaning if you never took steps toward achieving them?
She needed to stop daydreaming about out of the ordinary adventures—there was no way she could take off from work to hike the Grand Canyon or go whale watching in Alaska right now. Instead she would take the kind of small personal chances that added richness and depth to each day. Trying new varieties of fruit might not be life altering, but it had been fulfilling.
And then, whenever she could, she’d let go of her fears and excuses in order to take some bigger risks, like she had at the club last night. Seducing a stranger had actually been a pretty big item on her List. But had she really fulfilled her objective? She definitely didn’t feel fulfilled.
She got up from the bed, suddenly too restless to sit still, too aware of the mattress beneath her. Tossing the Life List on the comforter, she went to the window. She rested her forehead against the glass, looking over at the lights from the streets
downtown. The cold against her temple did nothing to alleviate the heat coursing through her.
It was crazy to want a man so much, to imagine having sex with a virtual stranger. Crazy because, for all she knew, Chris was out there right now seducing some other woman in some other nightclub. It was stupid to think the sparks she’d felt had been mutual, that last night had been anything special. She’d better write the experience off as a once-in-a-lifetime fantasy partially accomplished and forget about him.
Except that forgetting him proved impossible.
Each time she closed her eyes, she experienced again the heat of his touch and the drugging taste of his kiss. She remembered how he’d made her feel, how quickly he’d taken her over the edge. She wanted to feel that way again without the barrier of clothing between them. She imagined having hot, primal, sweaty, earth-shakingly satisfying sex….
If she stepped outside her sensual cage, there would be no going back. Her safe little world would be irrevocably altered. And she wanted it to be. Rei lifted the phone and forced herself to dial before she lost her nerve. Right now she didn’t care if this was crazy.