Afternoon Delight (12 page)

“I’m sorry, Rei, but it’s true. The instant someone disappoints you, you cut them out of your life.”

She realized what P.J. had said was true and cringed inside. Rei drew patterns in the condensation on her glass, not meeting P.J.’s eye. “You make me sound like a complete bitch.”

“You’re not a bitch. You’re a woman whose protective shell has grown into plated armor. Outside of the courtroom, you never give anyone a second chance. That makes it harder for them to hurt you, but you never give them an opportunity to make up for it either.”

Was this the reason the men in her life were never around when she needed them, why it was so hard for her to make close friends? Had she subconsciously done something to push them away? She thought back over several relationships, about offences big and small. She wasn’t wrong. Those people had let her down. Hadn’t they?

Rei shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She was getting psychoanalyzed every time she turned around lately. “So what’s your advice? Call Chris and restart a relationship that was founded on deception?”

P.J.’s intense gaze contradicted her gentle tone. “Chris isn’t the man you need to talk to, honey. You’ll never get any sense of closure until you resolve your issues with Gordon.”

Rei felt her expression harden along with her voice. “Yeah, like that’s going to happen.”

“Then you need to accept the fact that you’re never going to be whole or happy.”

R
EI SPENT
most of Saturday in bed. She’d earned a day of wallowing in self-pity, something she normally didn’t indulge in. But, frankly, it had been a hellacious week and all she wanted to do was sleep. Sleep was the ultimate avoidance tactic—except when it resulted in dreams.

She stood on the edge of a canyon, a frigid wind howling in her ears and slapping against her face. There were people all around her—friends, acquaintances and coworkers, family.

She tried to speak but no one seemed to hear her. Then she realized she was encased in a bubble of glass.

Though she stood among the crowd, she couldn’t touch them and they couldn’t get through to her. They reached out for her, but she slipped over the precipice, falling into isolated darkness.

Rei awoke with a start, her heart racing and the stale residue of nightmares clinging to her skin. Her temples throbbed with a slight headache. Shoving the covers aside, she got up and padded to the en suite where she ran warm water over a cloth. After washing her face, she looked up and caught sight of herself in the mirror.

Usually when she looked, she noticed only the sum of her parts, not her face as a whole. Had she always appeared this stern? Did her eyes always look so uncompromising?

Was this how people saw her? P.J. had held up a different kind of mirror today, and she’d liked her reflection in that one even less. It hurt to be accused of sharing the fault for her failed relationships. She’d thought she had changed, but maybe she hadn’t come as far from her pre-cancer days as she claimed. Rei turned aside and left the bedroom.

After half-heartedly slapping a sandwich together in the kitchen, Rei wandered back upstairs to the office, still in her nightshirt in the middle of the day. She turned on the computer with the intention of checking the news. The best way to stop feeling sorry for herself was to remember that others had it so much worse.

Her e-mail program opened before the Internet browser, though. There were five messages from Chris each successively shorter until she reached this last:

HOW ARE YOU?

I know we’re through, but what did the doctor say? Are you all right?

Chris

We’re through.

She had spoken the words earlier today, the words that she should have anticipated hearing from him. She had no right to feel surprised or sad or disappointed, and yet her sense of loss went beyond tears. Chris was so much more than a great lover. He was charming and sweet and patient, more patient than she deserved maybe.

Having never reached out before, where did she begin? Begin with the obvious. But what did she want to say? She missed him, missed his affection and friendship. But, despite taking P.J.’s words to heart, she believed she had grounds for not fully trusting Chris.

And where did that leave them? Nowhere really.

RE: HOW ARE YOU?

I’m okay. Thanks for asking.

Rei

H
E’D FINALLY
heard from Rei and her reply couldn’t have been colder. He didn’t know if she meant she
wasn’t sick, or if she was just blowing him off. He hoped it was the former and he wished her well. But, even though he missed her and worried about her, he was through chasing after someone who didn’t want to get caught.

Chris frowned as he pulled his truck in front of his mother’s house. There was a blue Toyota Camry parked next to her Honda in the driveway. He recognized it in abstract disbelief, but a quick check of the tag number confirmed that it was his father’s car.

What the hell was he doing here?

He opened the front door and walked through the foyer toward the back of the house. “Hello? Mom?”

“In the living room, dear.”

Sunlight streamed through the glass sliders, illuminating the tableau. Chris faltered in mid-stride at the sight of his parents sitting, side by side, on the green striped couch. It wasn’t their proximity after so long that shocked him as much as their relaxed demeanor. They appeared as if it were perfectly normal for them to be sharing a seat, when to his knowledge, they hadn’t spoken in years.

“Hello, son.” His father looked at him warily and shifted away, widening the space between him and Jeanna.

But his mother reached for his hand and greeted Chris with a quiet smile. “Hi, sweetheart. I was expecting you to stop by today.”

“What’s going on, Mom?”

“Come and sit down, Chris.”

He walked further into the room and chose an armchair across from his parents, who were holding hands. He felt like he was in the Twilight Zone, seeing but not quite believing.

Jeanna took a deep breath and glanced at David. She exhaled with a little laugh. “I don’t know how to tell you this. I realize it’s a bit of a shock. But your father is the man I’ve been dating. He and I are getting back together.”

She waited for his reaction with an expression of pleased anticipation. Chris looked at his father for confirmation, then back at Jeanna. “Why?”

His mother startled and the happy glow faded slightly from her face. The question had been spoken more harshly than he’d intended. But he couldn’t help the sudden flood of anger, false hope and resentment that filled him.

David faced him directly and calmly held his accusatory gaze. “I understand this may be difficult for you and your sisters to understand, Chris. I did wrong by your mother, and by you kids, and you have no idea how sorry I am.”

“No, Dad, I guess I don’t. What do you think, that you’re just going to pick up where you left off? With the emphasis on being on the word
left.
”

He knew he was being unfair, but Chris couldn’t seem to help himself. On the one hand, he was glad for the gleam in his mother’s eyes, for the bright color in her cheeks. But the angry, abandoned boy
inside him demanded to know how David dared try to come back into their lives like this.

“I’m the luckiest man in the world that your mother is willing to try again. We’ve talked a lot over the past months and I’ve tried to make it up to her. She’s the only woman I’ve ever loved and I’m going to do my damnedest to make her happy. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’m hoping we might be a real family again.”

This was what he’d longed for as a boy, but as a grown man who had too often faced disappointment, Chris found himself less than forgiving. “What happens if it doesn’t work out, Mom? What if things get tough or even just uncomfortable? How can you trust him not to walk out again?”

He and his father had never really dealt with this, never talked about what David had done or how Chris felt about it. They had ignored the wall between them, talked around it, stepping aside and pretending it wasn’t there while it grew taller and thicker.

His mother’s gaze softened, her hazel eyes sympathetic but determined. “Sometimes, my darling, you have to have faith. You have to trust people to do the right thing. I believe your father has changed and is deserving of a second chance.”

“Looking back, it all made sense at the time. But it’s so hard to explain now.” David hung his head and sighed. “We married young and I guess I had this illusion of what my life would be like. When our marriage didn’t meet those impossible expectations, we drifted apart until the gulf seemed too wide to cross. So
I walked away from the best thing that ever happened to me, searching in vain for something better.”

Chris scoffed. It had been a lame-assed excuse the first time he’d heard it and it didn’t sound any better now. “Did you find it, Dad? Did you find something worth hurting everyone you claimed to love?”

His father looked up and shook his head. “No, son, I didn’t. It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, but I didn’t realize until it was too late.”

“But it’s not too late for us, Chris. It’s never really too late if you can find forgiveness in your heart.” Jeanna’s tone of voice begged him to unbend, to meet his father halfway. “Life is spanned by small bridges between people and those bridges have to go in both directions.”

David kissed Jeanna’s temple then got up from the couch. He walked over and stood in front of Chris, looking down at him but not down on him. “A man has to admit when he’s made a huge mistake and be brave enough to ask for that second chance. I’m blessed that your mother has forgiven me. I don’t expect you to. But I’m asking anyway.” He put out his hand.

The last time he’d cried had been the day his father left. Now, on the day his father was asking to come back, Chris felt tears sting his eyes for the first time in nineteen years. He felt a tightness in his chest and reminded himself to breathe. In his mind, he saw the wall begin to crumble, a few bricks at a time. It was time to rebuild it as a bridge.

Chris stood slowly, unable to resist the pleading
in David’s gaze and took the offered hand. “Welcome home, Dad.”

The tears he’d been holding back appeared in his father’s eyes. David squeezed his hand once then dropped it to take his son in his arms for a long overdue embrace.

A
S HE WALKED
toward courtroom number 420, Chris noticed the smell of industrial strength pine cleaner. It couldn’t quite mask the odor of desperation wafting through the air. His greeting encompassed the whole family, apprehensively waiting in the hallway, but Chris’s focus was on his nephew.

“Hey, G-man. How’re you doing?”

“How do you think?”

Gabe delivered the reply in the surliest voice possible but Chris saw the fear in the boy’s eyes and ignored it. He sat down on the hard bench and draped an arm over Gabe’s shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

“This is totally bogus, Uncle Chris.” He wiped a hand over his face. “Okay, yeah, I got mad about some guys who were messing with me. But I was never going to hurt any of them.”

“I know it’s hard to believe it right now, but you’ll get through this. You’ve got your whole family behind you.”

Chris looked up at Diana and Michael who were talking with Luke Simon, the attorney they’d hired.
He wasn’t sure whether his sister and her husband would be able to work out all of their differences, but judging by the way Michael rested his hand on Di’s waist, they were at least going to stand together for their son’s sake.

He shifted his gaze to his parents. David and Jeanna sat on the next bench with his sister Andrea, waiting for Gabriel’s case to be called. He still couldn’t get over the sight of them holding hands. A pleasant glow warmed his heart. He’d been waiting a long time for this and hoped that this time really was until death did they part.

Chris adjusted his necktie and smoothed it over his shirt. They were all here to offer moral support, and if the judge allowed it, to act as character witnesses. Gabriel’s immediate and possibly his long-term future was on the line, so it was important that he make a good impression in the courtroom.

However, if Chris were honest with himself, the choice to wear his best suit and favorite tie was in hopes of running into Rei. He’d thought about calling her on the pretext of asking her advice on Gabe’s behalf, but then told himself he wasn’t going to chase her. She obviously didn’t want him to.

Though just because their relationship was over didn’t mean he’d stopped caring, wondering how she was and praying for her to be all right. He wasn’t sure where to find her and he didn’t want to wander the halls and miss Gabe’s case being called. Maybe he’d try to locate her after this hearing.

If she was even here. Chris raked a hand over his hair. Hell, it hadn’t occurred to him that she might have taken a leave of absence to begin whatever treatments her doctor had recommended. He’d done some Internet research and apparently chemotherapy often made the patient feel worse than the cancer itself.

“Gabriel Russo?”

His thoughts were interrupted and his heart gave a nervous leap when the bailiff called Gabe’s name. Chris looked over to see the look of panic on his nephew’s face. He patted Gabe’s knee then stood as the lawyer came over to escort them into the courtroom.

Chris held the heavy wooden door for his mother and waited for his dad to precede him before following them inside. The courtroom was smaller than he’d imagined, so he wasn’t halfway down the aisle before he saw the judge’s face. Shadows darkened her eyes and her mouth was set in a firm line.

Rei looked tired and preoccupied, but he smiled anyway, glad to see her despite his resolve. She, however, did not seem at all happy to see him. Her brows drew together in surprise when she looked up from the papers she’d been studying. For a second, Chris thought he saw welcome in her gaze but it disappeared almost instantly.

“Mr. Simon, what is Mr. London doing here?”

Gabe’s attorney shot him a puzzled look before addressing Rei. “He’s the defendant’s uncle, Your Honor. He’s one of the witnesses I intend to call to—”

“Both counsel, approach the bench.” Rei shot him
a quick glance, looking vaguely apologetic, before turning her attention to the lawyers.

“What’s going on?” Gabe asked in confusion.

His mother touched his arm. “How in the world do you know the judge, Chris?”

He lowered his voice so no one beyond the family could overhear. “She’s the woman I was dating until recently.”

“Oh, you never told me about her.” Jeanna looked over towards the judge’s bench.

He looked at Rei as well, his chest tight with longing and regret. “There’s nothing to tell.”

C
HRIS LOOKED
wonderful. She’d never seen him in a suit before and the formality of it added a certain sexiness to his boyish good looks. The ripple of pleasure traveled from her heart to all the nerves in her body, finally settling between her thighs. The reaction annoyed and distracted her.

She
was
glad to see him, just not under these circumstances. “I’m not at liberty to speak with you. This isn’t the time or place.”

She glanced up and down the western corridor nearest the Administrator’s office, where she’d just asked that Commissioner Whitney take over the Russo case. Rei sincerely hoped no one witnessed this ex parte conversation. If she was seen talking to Chris, she’d get her hat handed to her by the supervising judge. After the Grayson fiasco, she couldn’t take that chance.

“Listen to me, Rei. Please.”

His superior height and larger body blocked her escape from the alcove near the stairs. Chris wasn’t threatening her and he couldn’t possibly know it, but his posture reminded her of someone else who used physical intimidation to make a point.

“We have nothing to discuss, Chris.”

When she started to move around him, he put out his arm in entreaty. “This isn’t about us. It’s about an angry and misunderstood boy who—”

“About whom I don’t want to hear another word. I can’t, okay?” She gripped the folds of her robe and tried to make him understand. “I am barred by the canon of ethics from discussing any of my cases, especially those involving a minor.”

Chris’s focus remained on her as his voice took on an earnest tone. “We’ve talked about Gabe before and you know he’s basically a good kid. It’s just that this divorce has got him upset and confused.”

Rei looked up in time to see what she’d dreaded most. Judge Orr was coming down the hall. Now she found herself grateful for Chris’s ability to overshadow her. “You’re the one who seems to be confused. I recused myself from the case and postponed it for reassignment to avoid any suggestion of impropriety.”

“If you’re not going to hear the case anymore, there shouldn’t be a problem.”

“There’s still a problem, though you obviously can’t see it.” As soon as the supervising judge had passed,
she drew herself up to her full height and pleaded with him to appreciate the position she was in.

“I respect the zealous way you’re defending your nephew, it’s admirable. And I realize you’re used to manipulating opportunities to get the result you want, but that is not going to happen in this matter, understand? It’s out of my hands.”

“I see you read the tabloids.” Chris’s eyes darkened with resignation and his mouth twisted into a smirk. “All I’m asking is for someone to listen, to see the truth and make the offer of another chance.”

Were they talking about Gabe, or about their relationship? This was a test, a chance for her to prove that she wasn’t judgmental. But damn it, the timing was all wrong. She reached out to briefly touch his hand and felt the same tingling energy as the first night they’d met. “We can talk later, okay? Right now I have to go.”

When Chris turned, creating an exit route, Rei pulled the robe tighter around her and started to walk away. She was just about past him when he cleared his throat. “How are you? Are you…okay?”

She looked up to catch the worry in his gaze before the shutter came down and his expression became impersonal. No, she wasn’t okay. She was angry and confused and disappointed and she missed him. There was a big empty space in her life where he was supposed to be.

“I’m fine, Chris. It was a false alarm. A second round of testing showed that the cancer is still in remission.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Rei. Really.” His shoulders
sagged a bit, releasing tension, and he gave her a little smile. He opened his mouth, as if there was something else on his mind, but then simply nodded.

She continued to hold his gaze, giving him the opportunity to say what he needed to. But the silence stretched on painfully and the gulf widened between them. She wanted to bridge it, though she wasn’t sure how since nothing had been resolved, and she reached for him again.

“Chris—”

“You have to go, remember?” He looked away. “Take care of yourself.”

She drew back her hand and sighed. “Yeah, you, too.”

Chin down, Rei marched down the hall in the direction of her chambers. She was determined to keep it together until she could close the door and have a good cry, something she’d been doing a lot lately. She wouldn’t have the chance, however. Someone stepped in front of her and she jerked her head up.

Associate Justice Gordon Davis frowned down at her. “What the hell were you thinking, Rei?”

H
ER CHAMBERS FELT
too small with her father in it, especially when he invaded her personal space. Rei hid her reaction, though, and forced herself not to back down.

“You’ve embarrassed me, smearing the family name through the tabloids.” He smacked the newspaper he held with the back of his other hand. “And, as if that
weren’t bad enough, I come to discuss your transgression only to find you carrying on with a witness.”

“I turned the Russo case over to another judge as soon as I realized there was a conflict.”

“That’s something at least. You’re never going to be taken seriously if you continue to exhibit such a lack of good sense and judgment.”

As he continued his tirade, Rei simmered with resentment. He never listened to anything she said, except those portions he could use against her later. He hoarded her words and feelings like ammunition then shot her down when she least expected it.

“I was right to push you as hard as I did, though I don’t know why I bothered. You’ve never lived up to your potential.”

Rei looked at him, noting that once again a man was using his size to keep her in place. Chris was the same size as her father, as tall and as broad. He too had challenged her over Gabriel, but instead of intimidating her, he’d simply stood his ground and made his appeal.

In an instant of crystal clarity, she realized P.J. was right—she couldn’t move forward as long as the past was holding her back. “No, Dad. I’ve never lived up to your
expectations
and that’s not the same thing.”

Gordon paused, highly displeased at the interruption. “Excuse me?”

Rei cleared her throat. “I’ve exceeded my potential. You’d know that if just once you’d see me for who I really am, not the way you want me to be.”

Gordon scoffed. “If you could be what I wanted,
you certainly wouldn’t be wasting your time in kiddie court.”

“‘Kiddie court’ is the best job I’ve ever had, the most rewarding, the most important.” Rei fanned the spark of anger to bolster her courage. “I’d rather suffer the consequences of the few Bruce Graysons than make the mistake of not showing leniency to the many Gabriel Russos. Believe it or not, Dad, I’m a damned good judge.”

“Of course, you are. You’re a Davis when you bother to remember it, and I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

He didn’t get it. As usual, it was all about him. He was small-minded and small-hearted, needing to tear people down in order to make himself better.

“I doubt that you realize it, but you’re the reason I fight so hard for the kids in my courtroom. I’m a good person. I’m smart and caring and have a lot of other positive traits. But you’ve never acknowledged them because it was easier to keep me in a box called inadequate.”

He looked away from her steady gaze and moved back a step. “I never said that you’re inadequate. But you do tend to make unwise choices—refusing the offer from Stanford, leaving your corporate law firm. Now you’re involved with some kind of matchmaking con artist. This is not acceptable for a jurist and member of my family, Rei.”

She smiled sadly, knowing he would never understand and that it was time for her to let go of her expectations as well. “We’re not a family. Not since before
Mom died. We’re just two people who were once forced by blood and circumstance to live together.”

“How dare you? I raised you to show more respect.” Gordon threw the newspaper to the floor at her feet.

Rei flinched but stood her ground. “You want respect but you’ve never given it in return.”

It was as if she hadn’t spoken. Gordon continued to scowl at her, his brown eyes boring into hers. “I demand an apology, young lady. Right now.”

“I am sorry, Dad. I’m very sorry for all that should have been and may never be.”

She could tell by the unyielding expression on his face, by the rejection in his eyes, that he wouldn’t change and so neither would their relationship. In her heart a part of her would always want to be Daddy’s precious girl, but she realized she’d never live up to his expectations and she no longer wanted to try.

This was her father’s game and she didn’t want to play anymore.

“I wanted so much for you to love me, Dad. But I can’t remember a time you ever said it, and even if you had I wouldn’t have believed you. Actions really do speak louder than words.”

He stared at her, uncharacteristically speechless, and for a moment she thought that, for once, something had gotten through to him. Then without another word, he spun on his heel and walked stiffly toward the door.

Rei watched him go, her heart breaking a little more with each step. For most of her life she’d viewed her father as judgmental and intimidating
and hurtful. But now, as if she were looking through a window after sweeping the curtains aside, she finally saw him clearly. Gordon was human, a sad, dysfunctional man who didn’t know how to be a father. Realizing that, she felt liberated from the past.

Then suddenly he paused, the knob gripped tightly in his fist. He spoke without turning around.

“About Hunter’s high school graduation.”