Aftermath (28 page)

The sight of it traveling down her cheek tore at the fabric of his being. Every cell in his body longed to reach out and hold her. He held still a beat. Two. And then he was a breath away. The palm of one hand was on her cheek, his thumb brushing at the streak of moisture under her eye. “Hey.”

“Another part of me remembers a sweet, funny girl who got a crappy lot in life. Every system there for her protection. All of them failing. Who paid the price?”

The numbers were too great. And while Amanda was here dealing with the aftermath, he doubted Beth had any remorse. Or even gave them a second thought. The truth of it had settled in his bloodstream a long time ago. And like solar flares, it sprung to life and begged for release at odd intervals.

What good would it do?

Like when the love of his life was falling apart in front of his eyes, but desperate to hold the frayed edges together. And so consumed with protecting everyone around her, she forgot about herself.

“And then I remember all the lives she destroyed. Lilly’s. Ariana’s. Yours. And I can’t see that girl anymore. I see a waste of breath.” Her words came hard and fast. “A selfish and vindictive woman who doesn’t care about anything. Someone who writes letters for herself. No one else. And I can’t stand the thought of her living—even in jail—one more day.” She took a breath. “So, how am I any different? How is the same type of burning anger any better than hers?”

He closed the gap between them and pulled Amanda against him. Like every other time she’d been in his arms, he reveled in the perfect feel. The way she hugged him back as if life depended on it. Never held back.

With Amanda it was all or nothing. And she had a hard time with the latter. Even during mind-numbing madness. “Your anger is driven by love.” He whispered into her hair. “For your friends. For your family.”

She pulled far enough away to look up at him. Her eyebrows furrowed, because she knew his words were true. She had to.

“Even for...her.”

As if she’d known where he’d been heading, she clamped her eyes shut. Shook her head as if she could outdo a choice that was soul-deep. The despair there cut him in ways he’d never thought possible. What he wouldn’t give to change it.

“Reconciling both emotions won’t be easy.” It wasn’t for him and he didn’t have a convoluted history to wade through. Only a sister so focused on her own pain, she saw little else. “It makes you who you are. The woman I respect. The woman I love.”

Her eyes sprang open and centered on him, shock floating in their depths. Unshed tears added a sparkle.

“What?” He grinned over the pounding of his heart inside his ears. “Did you think it was going to go away because things didn’t go as planned for us the first time around?”

The edge of a smile caught her lips. She sniffed. “That’s sort of insinuating there’s a second go-around.”

There had to be. “You better believe there is, Nettles.”

She didn’t argue with him. “You better dry your tears then, mister. We can’t have whiners around here.”

A chuckle met the air around them and bounced back as his own, good and freeing. “On it. About New Year’s Eve—”

The intense sound of chirping stopped him short. She pulled away from him and dug out her phone. Punched a few keys. “A bedroom window was opened.”

And then his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket and put it to his ear. “Robinson.”

“Tell Amanda to stop panicking,” McKenna said. The click of keys filled the line. “Lilly and Ariana saw the news tonight.”

Robinson pinched the bridge of his nose. Hadn’t meant for them to find out this way. Or at all. “How bad is it, Moore?”

Amanda’s eyes were glued to him. She didn’t move.

“They were both upset about Jonas. We settled Ariana down and got her to sleep.”

“Lilly went out the window. Scaled the gutter drain pipe.” Amanda and McKenna’s voices were in stereo. And then his Agent was back with, “She’s pretty quick. That thing isn’t made to hold much weight for long. Not like the movies.” She paused. “I could tell she was just as upset as Ariana, but desperate to hide it. Threw her books and notes away.” She paused, a sigh filling the silence. “I’ve got Kevin Gates following her.”

“You sure the kid can handle it?” He ushered Amanda out of the Bening house and locked up. There was only one place Lilly would go.

As if to prove BeMoore Securities hired only the best, McKenna scoffed. “He may be a
kid
in the eyes of some, but he’s good at what he does.”

“Alright.” He blew out a breath.

“Found something odd between the pages of Lilly’s book.”

“What?”

“A copy of Beth’s diary. Looked like it had been mailed.”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

HE’D NEVER BEEN more right.

A truth Amanda could have gone without acknowledging. Ever. There was something wrong with her. A missing screw in her brain, ceasing normal function. And leaving her trapped in a maze with no exit.

She adjusted her seatbelt inside Robinson’s SUV. The strap chaffed the exposed skin of her collarbone. Sent giant ripples of irritation into an already keyed up system.

The windshield wipers annihilated the droplets trying to find permanent home on the window.

How was she supposed to justify love—the word didn’t deserve to come within feet of Beth—for a woman who’d destroyed innocent lives? And justified those actions based on an invisible sliding scale, compounded by every wrong committed against her.

Amanda hadn’t been placating Robinson last night. She understood how a person could come to that crossroads. How anger could take over injury and exacerbate the grievance to the point where the lines of right and wrong didn’t exist.

Where seeing the pain of a fellow human being didn’t register until it was far too late. If ever.

“Lilly’s not ready, Amanda.” Robinson shifted in his seat. Flicked on his blinker as he slowed for an intersection. His hands tightened on the wheel. He didn’t even glance in her direction, aggravation flying off of him like sparks from a metal grinder.

Amanda shook her head. Planned to stave it off before it could settle in. Should have employed more of the loving-the-seemingly-unlovable on Robinson’s sister. “She’s not twelve. You can’t make her decisions for her. Doing so is coddling a capable woman and creating a prison she can’t escape.”

He shook his head. The dashboard illuminated the green in his eyes. It stood out against the beautiful blue, like the reef against the ocean, as he focused all his attention on her for a split second. “That’s not what I’m doing.”

“No? From where I’m sitting, that’s what it looks like.”

He itched a spot on his chest, near the top of his seatbelt. His jaw flexed. “And what else am I supposed to do?”

Heaven knew they
’
d all tried to be understanding. In a situation none of them could truly grasp without surviving the specifics. And, instead of attempting to see through the bull, and tackle the problem, she
’
d assumed her departure would do the trick.

“She’s had enough taken from her. Too many decisions ripped from her hands.”

“Not ripped.” His voice was clipped. “She couldn’t control the car accident or anything in the months following it. I’ll give her that. But she’s alive and capable and she chooses not to do anything most of the time.” He flashed her a glare. “You’ve seen it. And I can’t let Ariana struggle on her own.”

No one would argue with him, there. “So, let her make this decision on her own. If she feels she can’t hack it, she’ll tell us. And, if needed, you can say I-told-you-so later.”

Beyond the motion required to turn them onto Sugar Creek Road, he didn’t move, lips pressed tight. “This isn’t about being right.”

“You can’t protect and shelter her and then expect she’ll one day pick up the pieces as if nothing ever happened. It doesn’t work that way.”

Maybe she was wrong. Lilly didn’t require something to remind her she hadn’t died and was still needed. That they didn’t see through her. “She’s kept up her nursing license, right?”

A terse nod was her only response.

She bit down on the edge of her tongue. Held back the dose of frustration climbing her esophagus.

She didn’t intend to leave Robinson to shoulder the burden alone.

If there truly was a second chance for them, it meant picking up the other end of his cross and dragging it if she had to. So long as she had her hands on the thing.

He parked the car at the edge of the cemetery gates, shut off the engine and turned toward her, his movements jerky. The serious expression covering his face had her wanting to squirm in her seat like a teen in serious trouble. “We tracked down the suspicious call into the hospital this morning. Came from your landline.”

What?

Ariana and Robinson had still been sleeping when she’d gotten up. “Lilly?” Her heart sank to her toes. She took a breath. “So, she was concerned. Called to check on him. What’s the big deal? That might work in our favor. We need someone to care for Jonas once he gets to—”

“We need someone who isn’t angry and lashing out at everyone.” His voice was gruff. His eyes hadn’t left her face.

“What am I missing? Are you questioning her nursing abilities or something else?” Like Amanda’s strength against the other woman’s verbal chess. Pain that had slowly brewed to bone-deep hatred.

“My guess is she dug into his past. Found a connection she doesn’t need to be grasping on to.”

Jonas’ deceased wife popped into her mind, her death one among many in the path of destruction Beth had created. “And it prompted her to check on him. Still not getting the big deal. Even if she did it for the wrong reasons, which would include comradery with someone in the same boat, that’s nothing new. Happens all the time. And positive things can come from a bad choice.”

“In the right frame of mind, sure.” He crossed his arms. “I know Lilly. What she did was no accident.”

That sinking feeling was tugging a little harder, at her insides. “Spell it out for me. What’s the big deal?”

Robinson tucked his bottom lip inward and stared out the front window. “She used your badge number to gain the information. Identified herself as you.”

What? Her heart started a frantic rhythm, all the way from where it had flopped on the floor of Robinson’s vehicle, like a fish out of water. A giant stomped on her stomach and kept going despite the obvious lack of defense.

Lilly was mad. Amanda got that, because, right now the burn of anger promised to destroy what the giant had left behind of her insides.

The dark shadow of the other woman, inside the cemetery, caught Amanda’s attention. Lilly squatted in front of one of the headstones. What had prompted her to lie so thoroughly?

As if she should have known where this conversation was headed, an aggravated huff came from the other side of the car. “I’m questioning where her head is. And if we can afford this kind of wild card.”

“Wouldn’t it have been easier to say that to begin with? Is there anything else I should know? Any other surprises you want to spring on me?”

He caught her in his sight. “What do you want from me? Was I supposed to walk through your door, yesterday, and announce that both of our sisters are nut jobs? Steer clear.”

Her anger deflated a few degrees. “That would have set a bad tone for an already horrific day.”

As if she wouldn’t ever understand him, he shook his head. Reached for his door.

Amanda caught his arm, halted his progress. “Let me talk to her.”

“And have her try to justify actions with hateful words?” A harsh breath left his lips. “I don’t think so.”

“Because you think I’ll disappear to lick wounds in a corner?”

He didn’t say anything. Didn’t move. The silence answered better than any words. Cut through the center of her.

She tapped her fingers on the armrest. Found more shadows than light, beyond where they sat. She could open her door and run into them. Disappear before anyone knew which way she’d gone.

It wasn’t who she was. Nor the woman she strived to be, but a slow death forged out of easy-sounding lies. The truth didn’t still the raging tornado inside of her.

She gripped the door handle and pulled it. The dome light illuminated Robinson’s stoic expression, currently aimed toward the windshield. The keys were clutched in his fingers as if a more relaxed hold would cause them to slip beyond his reach.

“We’re in this together.” She enunciated each word, unsure if she did so for herself or him. Then she pushed her door open and stepped into the semi-wet night. “End of story, Robbie.”

___

I KNOW YOU must be hurting. Maybe this will help.

The five note whistled symphony, in Lilly’s brain, had been on repeat all night. Two more seconds and she might consider leaping in front of the nonexistent traffic on Sugar Creek Road. Just to end the song she couldn’t place.

And the questions she wouldn’t have answered. By a man she didn’t know at all, beyond one hasty meeting. And one she knew better than a list of drug interactions. They were both dead. And, unless she believed in some mumbo-jumbo about near-death experiences affecting how the living responded to otherworldly things, neither man would be telling her a thing.