Afterlife (3 page)

scented with lavender and eucalyptus

oils, she’d tried to

keep her eyes on the gold band of her

wedding ring, the

protection that il usion gave her.

Instead, her gaze strayed

to his closed eyes, the set of his firm

mouth, the slope of his

jaw. The way his hair brushed her

skin as she laid her

fingers on his temples.

She imagined what would happen if

he lifted his hands,

closed them over her wrists, holding

her manacled there as

he opened his eyes, looked up at her

and made entirely

different demands. Just the vision

made her wet, a

shocking development. It had been

quite a while since

anything had caused her to have that

response.

As if some kind of devil on her

shoulder was determined

to make things worse, Jon had lifted

his chin as she settled

her fingers on his brow. Though he

kept his eyes closed,

his nostrils flared. “I like this scent,

Rachel,” he said, his

voice low.

Of course he meant the eucalyptus

and lavender. Right?

* * * * *

Of course he did. He was a business

executive who had

the confidence to handle people wel .

For heaven’s sake,

he’d never made a single

inappropriate move toward her.

She needed to put him out of her

mind. Particularly right

now, with Peter and Dana here. It

made thinking about him

al the more hazardous. The idea that

her smal world had

rol ed into the trajectory of
two
ful -

blown sexual Dominants

was an irony that smacked of the

Universe’s cruelest sense

of humor. It was best for her to

pretend she’d never heard

that powerful word fal from Dana’s

lips, a word that

unlocked al sorts of wild things in

Rachel’s soul.

The same word she’d been certain

had belonged in that

empty space when she’d asked Jon if

she could touch him.

And how insane was that?

Jon Forte. Just saying his name in her

mind made her

breath shorten and crazy things

happen to her body. Things

that her body didn’t do, hadn’t done,

for a very long time.

Unlike Peter, he was not engaged and

therefore far too

tempting. He might as wel have been

happily married

though, because he was no less off

limits, for a variety of

reasons. She reminded herself of the

least painful one, that

the man was at least ten years

younger than she was.

Probably fifteen, though she winced

to push it that far. He

was closer to her son’s age than hers.

The age her son would be now, if he

were stil alive.

Another sharp hurt came with that

thought, even higher up.

In a moment, she was going to be as

rigid with pain as one

of her new patients, fresh from a car

wreck.

Damn it, she was done with al the

things that Peter and

Jon represented. She’d tried to go

down that road and

ended up nearly destroying herself.

Squaring her shoulders,

she turned away from her thoughts,

her desires and her

memories, and gave herself the here,

the now and the

realistic—a much safer trinity.

Chapter Two

“Al right, there you go. Take a deep

breath. Think we can

go a bit further?” Rachel leaned on

the triceps, ready to

push the arm back another notch if

Dana gave her the

slightest indication she was ready for

it, though she was

pretty sure the woman had reached

her limit.

Dana gave her a quick jerk of a nod

and closed her eyes,

focusing. Watching the tension

throughout the rest of

Dana’s body, Rachel cut the hold

time down to half before

she released. “I think that’s plenty for

today. You’ve made

progress since last time. You’re

doing your exercises

religiously.”

“Try getting out of them with an ex-

captain who wants to

be a dril sergeant when he grows

up.” Dana managed a

wan smile.

Reaching into the drawer next to the

cot, Rachel withdrew

a gold-foiled chocolate and put it in

Dana’s hand. “Your

reward. You did real y, real y wel ,

honey. I know it’s slow,

but you’re improving your flexibility

at the rate someone like

me wants to see.”

“Improving, but it wil never be the

same as before.” Dana

pressed her lips together, showing

the strain behind the

words, but then she sat up with a

quick snap, a shake of her

head. “Sorry. Weak-assed thing to

say.”

Rachel put a hand on her shoulder,

but merely said,

“You’re stil doing the Iyengar poses I

showed you, with the

straps?”

“Yes.” Dana nodded, offered that

half-smile again. “Peter

likes the straps.”

Rachel normal y would have

managed a witty comeback,

but it caught in her throat. She

couldn’t joke today. She was

too ful of envy for what Dana had.

“Hey.” Dana moved her hand to

Rachel’s knee. “You

okay?”

“Yes. Definitely. I was just…smiling

at you two. Being so

in love and al . It’s a nice thing to

see.”

“It’s a nice thing to feel.” Dana

cocked her head. Rachel’s

left hand was resting on her knee, so

now her patient was

touching the gold band on her ring

finger, a plain contrast to

the diamond engagement set that

flashed on Dana’s. “I

hope you’re going to tel me you stil

feel that way about

your husband. It might keep me from

bashing in Peter’s big

rock head before we even make it

down the aisle. Or are

you stil newlyweds?”

It happened on occasion. Rachel

would never lie about it,

but she did everything to avoid being

asked. “I’m not… I’m

divorced.”

“I’m sorry.” Dana’s fingers tightened

on her hand, over

that ring. “Was it recent?”

Dana was planning to attend

seminary. Though she’d

only just begun prep courses for it,

Rachel could tel she

was going to be a good minister. She

already had that

quiet, soothing way of talking that

made it feel like she was

inviting a confession and forgiveness,

instead of being

intrusive or nosy. Of course the idea

of forgiveness for a

passionless crime…

She didn’t want more questions, so it

was best to get it

out, rip the bandage off fast. “No. It’s

been a few years. I

wear the ring so I don’t have to fend

off male attention.” She

forced herself to sound light, breezy.

“It’s appal ing how few

men are deterred by it these days, but

it does help some.”

Rachel was far more curvy than

Dana’s regal Ethiopian

physique. Ful -breasted, with a

generous ass and hips that

didn’t bother her, because the yoga

kept it al firm and

healthy, even if she didn’t match the

standard for thin. She

knew from experience she was far

more likely to catch the

eyes of passing males than the

pencils in designer wear a

couple decades younger. She did

understand that about

men, that they liked a woman to hold

in bed, liked the way

clothes could be made to amplify

those fertile attributes of

breast and backside. But it was

bolstering knowledge only,

not designed to catch the passing fish

who couldn’t meet

her needs. She’d learned it was best

not to cast the line.

“So no one in your life now?”

“Do I detect a matchmaking note? If

so, remember I can

actual y tie your body in a pretzel

shape and leave it that

way.”

The problem with having this kind of

conversation with a

blind person was they couldn’t be

thrown off by visual cues

—the false smile, a casual shrug.

Rachel tried hard to

make her tone teasing, relaxed, but

the crease across

Dana’s smooth brow said she wasn’t

fooled.

“You feel like a woman who has so

much love to give a

man, Rachel. I never would have

guessed you didn’t have

one. Do you have other family?

Children?”

I had a family. And one beautiful

child.

“Oh heavens.” Rachel gave a

strained laugh, one she

was sure sounded fake, but she was

out of courage to

handle the conversation. She was too

fragile today. That

word kept running through her head.

Master, Master,

Master…
With each beat of her

heart, she felt anew the

thril that had run through her vitals

when she’d heard it. Only

now it was starting to feel like an

electric shock applied to

the soles of her feet. “It’s almost

eight o’clock. I have to run

an errand upstairs before my next

appointment. I’m sorry,

honey, I don’t mean to cut us short…”

Withdrawing her hands with a quick

pat of Dana’s, she

rotated on her stool and jumped,

surprised to see Peter

leaning against the wal a few feet

behind them. She hadn’t

heard him enter, so she guessed he’d

arrived during their

brief, far-too-intimate interchange.

Dana rose then, gesturing as if she’d

give Rachel

another reassuring touch if she was

stil in range. “I’m sorry,

Rachel. I didn’t mean to get too

personal. You don’t have to

pretend. You can tel me not to be

such a nosy bitch, I can

tel you to bite me and we’l be square

again.”

The warmth that wel ed up in Rachel

now was real. She

liked this woman and her fiancé, so

very much. There were

too few people like them. Since she

had no trouble being

physical y demonstrative in such

circumstances, she was

able to put her arms around the

slighter woman and give

her a pure warm energy hug, rubbing

her back a moment

before letting her go. “Okay. Nosy

bitch.” She laughed as

she stumbled self-consciously over

the rough language, but

then added, “Remember to keep up

with your exercises

and I’l see you next Tuesday. Ice

pack and heat when you

get home.”

“Bite me. And no problem.” Dana

gave her another

squeeze. When she reached out, Peter

was already there,

putting her cane back in her hand and

giving her his arm.

“How’d she do?” he asked.

“Exceptional y wel ,” Rachel said.

She meant it sincerely. However,

looking at the two of

them, another impulse gripped her.

Something needy

uncoiled in her bel y, a desire to

connect on this level, even

if it was only in some miniscule way.

Knowing she could be risking a vital

faux pas, she

added, “Except she was a little tough

on herself at the end.

Thinking her hard work didn’t

deserve praise because it

would never restore her to what she

was. Just a brief

moment, but I thought you should

know about it.”

“Real y?” Peter arched a brow,

holding her gaze an extra

minute before glancing down at his

fiancée. “Wel , I guess

we’l have to go home and deal with

that attitude, won’t

we?”

He gave Rachel a significant nod

then, an expression

that made something quiver inside

her. Her hands closed

at her sides, terror at her own daring.

“Most il uminating,” he

murmured. “Thank you, Rachel. See

you next week.”

She was relieved to see the smile

playing on Dana’s lips,

and accepted the additional press of

the woman’s hand

before it slipped away to rest on

Peter’s biceps, trusting

him to lead her wherever she needed

to go.

* * * * *

By the time she finished the week’s

appointments and

three yoga classes, Rachel decided

she needed to start

the weekend with a stiff drink and a

serious reality check.

She’d been oddly euphoric right after

that little interchange,

but ever since, she’d been

unbalanced, raw. She knew

better than to go down that road, even

with a seemingly

innocuous tease. But for one solitary

second, she’d put a

foot inside a circle in which she’d

longed to be al her life.

Though it was only as a pathetic side

character, a walk-on

part where she facilitated something

for the main players

she couldn’t share with them, it had