After the Cabin (14 page)

And that's when I see them.

Karen and Matt have been tied naked to two back-to-back chairs, bound with thick ropes. They're both bloodied and cut, as if they've been tortured already, and Karen is clearly in a much worse state than Matt, with her head dropping down. The scrabbling sound is coming from Matt, as he desperately tries to get free from the ropes, but after a moment he stops as soon as he sees me.

With a thick gag covering his mouth, he tries to call out, mumbling desperately as his eyes widen with fear.

I freeze for a moment, as if every thought has rushed out of my mind.

This isn't real.

It has to be another hallucination.

Matt is still trying to say something, and he's jerking the chair with such force that I can hear the wood starting to split.

Stepping forward, I'm shocked by the wounds all over his body. There are thick cuts running across his chest and down onto his abdomen, along with what looks like a burn mark on his penis. Karen, meanwhile, has some kind of hole drilled through her left shoulder, while her entire chest is criss-crossed by cuts and strips of ragged skin. Her injuries look so much like mine from three years ago, it's almost as if someone has been deliberately recreating the whole thing.

Matt's voice gets even louder as he tries to shout something at me, but the gag is too tight.

“I'll get you out of here,” I stammer finally, “I...”

After checking over my shoulder to make sure that there's no-one behind me, I hurry to the pile of tools in the corner and quickly find a pair of garden shears. Running back over to the chairs, I kneel next to Karen and start cutting through her ropes.

“Can you hear me?” I ask, looking up into her drowsy face. “Karen, say something!”

Her eyes flicker open and she stares at me with a blank expression. Unlike Matt, she doesn't have a gag over her mouth, and after a moment her lips twitch slightly. She's trying to say something, but she's clearly too weak.

“It's okay,” I continue, my mind racing as I try to work out how I'll get them both out of here. “Can you stand? Do you think you can walk out with me?”

As soon as the ropes are free, Karen slumps forward, but I manage to catch her naked, bloodied body in time. She leans all her weight against me as I gently lower her to the floor. Behind me, Matt is still desperately trying to say something through the gag, but for a moment all I can do is check Karen's pulse and then stare at the horrific injuries all over her body. Already, my hands are covered in her blood.

“I'll carry you,” I tell her finally, as she lets out a pained gasp and her eyes close. “I'll cut Matt loose and then I'll carry you out.”

Shuffling over to the other chair, I start digging the shears under the next set of ropes so I can get Matt free.

“It's okay,” I tell him, “we'll get out of here, we'll get help!”

He's still trying to speak, so I take a moment to cut the gag away.

“Matt,” I continue, “we -”

“Don't let her go!” he screams. “Don't cut her ropes!”

“What?” I pause for a moment, before hearing a bumping sound nearby. I turn, just in time to see Karen towering above me. She brings the handle of an ax slamming down against my face. I hear a heavy cracking sound. By the time I hit the floor, I'm already unconscious.

Fifteen

“Anna?” a voice whispers, as if from nowhere, breaking the silence of my non-existent dreams. “Anna Matthews, can you hear me? Anna?”

Someone touches my shoulder. Just a gentle nudge.

“Anna?”

I force my eyes open, and to my surprise I find that I'm a large, bright, high-ceilinged room, with a nurse leaning over me. The scene is so surreal and unexpected, and I genuinely don't remember how I got here.

“Can you hear me, Anna?” she asks.

“I -” As soon as I try to speak, I feel a sharp, scratchy pain in my throat.

“You should drink something,” she continues, holding a cup against my lips. As soon as she tips the cup toward me, I feel cold water running into my mouth, and I swear it's the greatest sensation I've ever experienced. Swallowing is painful, of course, but I swear it's almost as if my entire body is shriveled and dry, and I can almost feel the water re-hydrating me as it runs down my throat. I try to reach up, to take the cup myself, but my arms are too heavy.

Once the cup is empty, she sets it aside.

“More,” I gasp.

“Okay, hold on.”

I hear her re-filling the cup. When I try to move, however, I feel something pressing against my chest, holding me down onto the bed, and there seems to be something around my wrists and ankles as well.

“What...” I whisper. “How...” As soon as the cup touches my lips, I drink again. I swallow the water gladly, letting out a gasp once I'm done. “Where am I?” I ask, as I try desperately to remember how I got here.

“You're at Middleton Cross hospital,” she explains with a faint smile. “It's okay, Anna, you're being looked after.”

“But -”

Middleton Cross?

Why am I back here?

Suddenly I remember the sight of Karen towering over me, naked and bleeding. She swung something at my face, slamming it into my head and -

“Matt?” I whisper, trying again to sit up but still finding myself strapped to the bed. “Where's Matt? Where's Karen? Are they okay?”

“Someone will be along shortly to speak to you,” the nurse replies. “Now that you're awake... Well, don't worry about that right now.”

“What happened?” I ask, looking down and seeing thick leather restraints holding me in place. I try to pull against them, but the sharp edges immediately dig into my skin. Unlike the restraints I remember from the cabin, these feel so firm and professional. “Why am I like this? What are you doing to me?”

“We're not doing
anything
to you,” she continues. “Some police officers will be along soon and they'll explain everything. For now, you need to focus on drinking plenty of fluid, and you need to get some rest.” She pauses, with a hint of sorrow in her eyes. “You've been so much and... Well, I shouldn't say anything. I think the officers are already on their way, we called them about an hour ago when you first showed signs of waking up.”

“Why are they coming?” I ask, trying not to panic. “What's happening? Where are Karen and Matt?”

“I'll get you some more water,” she replies evasively, turning to walk away. This time, she doesn't go to the sink in the corner; instead, she heads out of the room.

“Where are they?” I shout, trying desperately to get up. “Why are the police coming? What's happening to me?”

***

“Do you understand the charges?” the officer asks calmly as he and his colleague stand next to my bed. He waits for a moment, before turning to the lawyer who arrived with them. “Can you explain?”

“Anna,” the lawyer says, stepping closer, “do you understand the charges that were just read out to you?”

Staring at him, I feel tears running down my cheeks.

“Anna,” he says again, “do you understand the charges?”

“I didn't kill anyone,” I whisper, my voice trembling with fear.

“Maybe you should read them again,” the lawyer says, turning to the officer. “They said she doesn't have a head injury, so if -”

“I didn't kill anyone!” I shout, tugging at the restraints as I feel a rush of panic in my chest. The metal cuffs rattle against the bed's rails as I try desperately to get free. “You're lying! I didn't do it!”

***

“Tell me what you remember,” Doctor Lewis says a few hours later, as he sits next to my bed.

Staring at him, I feel as if my mind is on the verge of shattering. A nurse was in here a few minutes ago, rubbing antiseptic balm on my wounds. I've been pulling so hard on the restraints, I managed to wear my skin away.

“Just in your own words, Anna,” Doctor Lewis continues. “And remember that this conversation is being recorded, for your own good as well as for my benefit.”

“I didn't do it,” I whisper.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Anna -”

“I didn't do it,” I say again. The panic is returning.

“Okay,” he continues, checking his notebook for a moment. “Why don't you tell me your version of events?”

“I don't know what happened,” I reply, with tears in my eyes. “They said I killed Matt and tried to kill Karen, but that's not true. It can't be. Matt's not dead, he...” My voice trails off for a moment as I try to remember everything that happened when I entered the building on the industrial estate. I feel as if someone has shaken my head like a snow-globe, and all my thoughts are drifting around in an unconnected mess.

“Don't forget Frederick Gray,” Doctor Lewis says after a moment. “You've also been charged with
his
murder.” He checks his notes. “I believe he was a security guard at a company that specializes in CCTV networks. His body was found on the floor in one of the storerooms.”

“He was dead when I got there,” I reply.

“Your fingerprints were found in several rooms at his office.”

I open my mouth to explain what really happened, but I'm not even sure that I know. I remember Freddie's body falling out of the cupboard, but I can't be sure that it really happened that way. For a fraction of a second, I think back to the moment when I attacked Jennifer's dead body outside the cabin. If I could have forgotten that, I guess I could have forgotten anything.

“There are videos, Anna,” he continues. “One video in particular is very distressing, I've seen some segments. The video quite clearly shows Matthew and Karen tied to a chair, being subjected to various forms of torture. The person hurting them is off-screen for the most part, but there
is
a sequence where you are clearly shown looking into the camera.”

“That was when I arrived,” I stammer.

“It's earlier in the tape than that. The torture continues after your face is shown.”

I shake my head.

“Karen also confirmed that you were responsible for kidnapping her,” he continues, “taking her to that location, and subjecting her to a series of brutal assaults.” He checks his notes again. “Electric drills, saws, garden shears, acids, heat, physical -”

“Stop,” I whisper.

“Anna -”

“Stop!” I shout, trying again to get up from the bed, only to find once again that the restraints are holding me down. “I didn't do any of that! You have to believe me!”

“I believe that
you
believe it,” he replies. “Some of the investigating officers are a little skeptical, but when I write my report on your case I'm going to suggest that you've suffered from a series of blackouts. It's also my opinion that in order to cover these blackout periods in your mind, you've been inventing some rather wild and unlikely claims, things that you truly believe happened but...” He pauses. “I'm on your side, Anna. I think you're a terribly damaged individual, and I think that the extent of your psychological damage was under-estimated. I blame myself for a great deal of that, and I can assure you that I have been thinking a great deal about what signs, if any, were missed. You haven't been in control of your own actions.”

“I didn't kill Matt,” I whimper, as tears roll down my cheeks. “He was alive when I got there.”

“Karen claims that she got free just after you killed him, and that she was able to knock you out.”

“No, I...” Pausing, I think back to that night. I distinctly remember untying Karen and then doing the same for Matt, only for him to scream at me that I mustn't let Karen loose. “How do I know what's real?” I whisper. “I don't know what really happened.”

“The tape is pretty clear,” he continues. “The police have no doubt whatsoever.”

“What about the other video?” I ask. “If I did this, then who was filming me after I escaped from the cabin?”

“
After
you escaped?”

“The extended version,” I continue. “It shows me after the cabin, and it shows me after I got back to England. If I was doing all this, who was holding the camera?”

“There's no extended version of the video,” he replies. “If you think you saw that footage, then I would suggest it's another part of your delusional state.”

“But Detective Bryson claimed he'd seen it!”

“Detective Bryson hasn't mentioned any such thing to me,” he adds. “I can ask him again, Anna, but I think it's clear that you've imagined a great deal of your experience ever since you were released from hospital. Your subconscious mind has been working furiously to provide illusions that keep your conscious mind from accepting the truth about what you did.”

I stare at him, barely able to believe what he's saying, until finally I realize that I remember something new from the cabin.

“I beat Jennifer,” I whisper. “I didn't remember it until recently, but after the cabin had burned down I dragged her corpse out and I...”

For a moment, I think back to that morning. I see myself using rocks to bash her burned body, crushing her neck and severing her head. A shiver passes through my chest as I remember some of the disgusting things I did to her, and finally I remember weighing her body down and tossing her into the lake. And then I walked away, and I forgot that I did such an awful thing.

And if that part is true, then I guess I can't possibly deny the rest of it.

“How did he die?” I ask.

“I beg your pardon?”

“How did Matt die? How did I... How did I kill him?”

“I'm not sure that you need to -”

“How did I kill him?” I ask again, feeling a flash of rage in my chest. “Don't keep things from me! Please, it might help me to remember!”

He pauses. “I believe the autopsy revealed that he bled out,” he says calmly. “He'd sustained significant injuries, including mutilation of the chest and genitals, and a cut that ran halfway through his neck. He'd almost been decapitated.”

I shudder at the thought that I could have done such a thing.

“Will I ever remember that part?” I ask.

“It's hard to say.”

“I want to,” I continue. “I want to remember it all, so that I know exactly what I was thinking at the time.”

“There are certain techniques that can be used to help recover memories, but I'm not entirely sure that this would be a healthy approach, at least for now. At the moment, the most important thing is to stabilize you and ensure that there's no further degradation of your faculties. I think it will be some years before you're able to start delving into the past, if ever.” He closes his notebook. “This doesn't have to be the end for you, Anna. You'll be sentenced to a psychiatric institution, that much is clear, and then you'll be helped properly. I'm sure that sounds scary right now, but it'll be the best thing for you in the long run.”

Getting to his feet, he heads to the door.

“I'll be back tomorrow,” he adds. “There'll be some paperwork for the courts, and -”

“Have you seen Karen?” I ask.

He turns to me.

“Have you spoken to her?”

“She's not my patient,” he replies. “I believe she's doing as well as can be expected, given the circumstances.”

“Tell her...” I pause, trying to think of something I could say that might make her feel better, but I can feel tears streaming down my face. When I try to tell him not to bother, I break into a series of sobs and my words emerge as a pained howl. I hear the door opening and closing, and finally through the tears I see that I'm all alone in here. I can hear voices in the distance, and footsteps in the corridor outside the room, but they sound so far away, they might as well be on another planet. Anyway, I don't want to see anyone else ever again. I'm a killer, a monster. What happened to me at the cabin was terrible, but I was weak and I allowed it to change me, and somehow I ended up doing the exact same thing to Karen and Matt.

I just want to be alone. I don't ever want to be able to hurt anyone ever again.