After The Apocalypse (Book 2): Church of Chaos (13 page)

Chapter 21

“How did a nice, innocent girl like you wind up involved with Seth Ra?” Lola eyed me curiously as we sat down at a small outdoor table that was positioned on the edge of the patio of the restaurant she had chosen for dinner.

“It was an accident.” The air smelled heavily of cooked meat and spices. My stomach rumbled and I abruptly realized how long it had been since the last time I had eaten. I was starving. “And it makes for a long story.”

“I'm not in any hurry to get back to the Underground,” Lola said dismissively as the waitress approached. Lola ordered an appetizer of chips and dip as well as drinks for the both of us. I didn't particularly care what type of food she ordered. Growing up in the Cube pretty much ensured that I was willing to eat almost anything.

“I'm not going back to the Underground,” I said. “Ever.”

“You said that,” Lola acknowledged. “I understand your feelings. Seth betrayed you pretty badly today.”

“'Betrayed me' is an understatement,” I muttered. “He probably doesn't even understand why I'm mad at him.”

“He knows that you didn't appreciate him killing your mother, zombie or not.”

“I didn't say he didn't know. I said he didn't
understand
.” I sighed. “There is a huge difference between knowing that something is the wrong thing to do and understanding why you shouldn't do it. Seth is fully aware that he did the exact opposite of what I wanted him to do. He just isn't ever going to understand that, to me, it wasn't just a matter of seeing a zombie and killing it. Maybe she could have been saved.”

“I doubt the possibility of a cure ever crossed Seth's mind.” Lola looked at me curiously as the waitress returned with the tortilla chips and set the basket in between us. “Do you really think the zombie virus could be curable?

I took a deep breath. “If Bud Moon can modify the virus so that zombies still have human minds, then anything could be possible with enough time and research.”

“So, you think we should stop killing zombies altogether?” Lola asked.

“I didn't say that.”

“I'm just asking,” Lola replied. “Because if one zombie could be cured, maybe all of them could be cured. If they're curable, maybe we shouldn't be killing them at all. Maybe we should try to save them. Keep them housed somewhere far away from the general population while we work on developing a cure.”

“You think we should try to save all of them?” I couldn't imagine trying to safely house and contain thousands of zombies.

“Wouldn't we have to?” Lola countered. “Every zombie out there used to be someone's loved one. You can't choose to save your mom but decide to let some other person's mom continue to rot, could you?”

“I guess not,” I said somewhat reluctantly. “Maybe a cure isn't really feasible.”

“If you can't cure the zombies, then you would never be safe around them.” Lola picked at the chips as our waitress reappeared carrying a pair of lemonades.

“I don't think I'll ever feel truly safe again. Zombies or no zombies.” I picked up my first chip. The tortillas were still warm. I hadn't realized how truly hungry I was.

“Because of Seth?” Lola dug into the chips.

“Because of life.” I took a sip of my lemonade. “I don't even know where to start trying to explain. You have no idea how much I miss my mom. I just want to be able to talk to her one last time. I want her advice. I feel so lost and I don't know what I'm supposed to do.”

“Talk to me. Maybe I can help,” Lola said. “I'm not your mom, but I do have a lot of life experience. I give pretty good advice. Especially when it comes to dealing with boys who want to revolutionaries. Between Jeremiah, Seth and Gauge, I've been around this particular block a few times. Maybe I can help you make some decisions about what you want from your life.”

“My first priority is finding my dad.” I picked up another handful of chips.

“Your dad was sold through the meat market, Pilar. You aren't going to find him.” Lola's voice was gentle but the reality in her words was not.

“I thought Gauge said he might still be alive?”

“Don't get your hopes up. Cannibals don't tend to show their food a whole lot of mercy.”

Her words stung. I bit my lip and tried to fight my urge to cry. “I want to believe he's still alive. I'll find him if I search this city from top to bottom.”

“He could be alive,” Lola agreed. “But what are you going to do if he's not?”

“I don't know.” The truth was that I hadn't allowed myself to consider the possibility that dad was dead. I definitely hadn't spent any time thinking about what I was going to do with my life if both my parents were gone.

“Has Seth asked you to join the Church of Chaos?” Lola's question took me completely by surprise.

“No. Not to join the Church. Not specifically.” I glanced down at my hands. They were shaking slightly. “He's said he wants me to stay with him, but after today I don't want to be anywhere near him.”

Lola frowned thoughtfully. She had a tortilla chip in her hand but she seemed to have forgotten it was there. “He killed your mother.”

“He did.” The image of Seth delivering the final killing blow was burned onto the inside of my eyelids. “I'm so mad at Seth that I don't care if I ever see him again as long as I live.”

“Then don't,” Lola said.

“What do you mean?”

“You don't have to see him again if you don't want to. You aren't a member of the Church of Chaos. You don't belong to him. You can walk away.”

“I know. Why do you think I have everything I own in my backpack?” I kicked at the bag that was sitting next to my foot. The waitress came back to the table and Lola ordered food for both of us. A double order of fajitas.

Lola waited until after the waitress had left with our order to begin speaking again. “What do you want from your life, Pilar?”

“I-.” I hesitated. “I honestly have no idea. My life used to be all planned out, but that was before.”

“Before?”

“Before my parents disappeared from inside the Cube. Before I joined the Scavengers. Before I even knew there was a city here or that the Church of Chaos existed.”

“Before Seth walked into your life.” Lola said the words plainly.

“Before Seth walked into my life. Before Drake Bledsoe knew my name. Before everything.”

“Do you want that life back?”

“I don't think I can get that life back,” I told her. “All the people I've ever loved are dead. Even if I went back to the Cube tomorrow and went back to my old job in the hospital ward, I'd still know that the Powers That Be are snatching my neighbors out of their beds at night and selling them to the highest bidder. Every time I opened another disgusting can of thirty year old food, I'd know that the only reason I'm eating it is so that the zombie virus won't contaminate my body and make me unsalable in the meat market.”

“It's an ugly truth,” Lola said as the waitress brought our food and set it down in front of us. The plate was steaming with delicious smelling meat and veggies, but my appetite was gone.

“I can't go back.” I realized the words were true as soon as they came out of my mouth. “I'll never be able to go back.”

“But you don't want join the Church of Chaos either?” Lola pressed the issue.

“I haven't really thought much about what I'll do.” I stared down at my food. It smelled wonderful but I wasn't hungry. I hadn't been hungry ever since I'd learned that I needed to worry about not just
what
was on my plate, but
who
. “I've been completely focused on getting my parents back. Now that I know they're gone, I feel lost.”

“Why don't you stay in Ra-Shet?”

“Stay here?” I was startled by her suggestion. It seemed so simple.

“Yes. Stay here. Get a job. Buy a house. Live a completely normal life. The cleaning crews are always hiring. You wouldn't have any problem finding employment.”

“I was a nurse in the Cube.”

“Aren't you too young to be a nurse?” Lola asked.

“Not in the Cube. They start our job training when we turn ten.”

“And you're sixteen now, right?”

I nodded.

“You could probably get on with the hospital here. You have experience.”

“You really think I should stay in the city and just get a job?”

“Depends on what you want from life,” Lola said. She stuffed a tortilla with the meat and cooked peppers and then rolled it into a tight ball. “If you want to have any hope of living a normal, peaceful life then you need to walk away from Seth. Just walk away from him and don't look back.”

“Walk away from Seth, settle down in the city and try to lead a normal life?” I asked. “You make it sound so easy.”

“I never said it would be easy,” Lola corrected me. “But if you stay with him much longer, you're going to become a part of his delusions.”

“Delusions?”

“Seth isn't a god.”

“I know that,” I acknowledged.

“He's not a prophet either. He can't see the future any more clearly than you or I can.”

“You don't think his prophecies are real?” I asked, recalling Seth's comments about my own supposed ability to control zombies.

“The prophecies are Seth's excuse to do whatever he wants. The truth about Seth is that he's never been able to stomach the thought of being an average person. Even before Seth changed into whatever he is now, he never saw the point in working an honest day's work for an honest wage. He always thought he was too good for the Burroughs. Too good to have to spend his days cleaning up other people's messes or hauling rock out of the quarry.”

“But what about his followers?”

“Seth accidentally stumbled across a way to make humans immune to zombies. Becoming 'changed' was a total fluke that he's used to his advantage. If Seth really wanted to help people, he'd share his secrets with the world. If everyone knew how to 'change' then no one would have to worry about being eaten by a zombie ever again. The king would lose almost all the power he has over the people in this city. There would be no need for the meat market. There would be no reason to be afraid of zombies. If Seth would just tell the truth, we could all be free.”

“Oh wow.” Her perspective was eye-opening for me.

“Unfortunately, Seth is a selfish bastard on a power trip. He has the power to save the world, but he has no interest in doing it because saving the world doesn't suit Seth's mood.”

“You really think he could save the world if he wanted to?” I asked.

“I don't think there is much that Seth Ra couldn't do, if he wanted to. The words being 'if he wanted to', because Seth is incredibly selfish. Honestly, it surprised me that he was helping you.” Lola took a deep breath and then exhaled. “I can't figure out what he has to gain by saving your parents.”

“What makes you think he has anything to gain by saving my parents?”

“Seth doesn't help people for the sake of being a good person,” Lola said. “He's helping you for a reason.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her about how I supposedly tied into the prophecies, but something in the gleam of her amber eyes unsettled me enough that the words died on my tongue. Instead I shrugged my shoulders. “Vera says I'm Helen of Troy.”

Lola snorted back a bitter laugh. “Helen of Troy?”

“She thinks that Seth only wanted me because of Drake.”

“Drake was the monster we saw in the bunker today, wasn't he?” Lola asked.

I cringed and tried not to think about the rotted creature Drake had become. “He used to be the leader of the Scavengers. He and Seth didn't get along.”

“And you were romantically involved with Drake?” Lola guessed.

“Back before my life turned into a walking nightmare, my best friend and I were obsessed with Drake. He was tall, muscular and just incredibly sexy in every way. He was famous in the Cube. Famous for being handsome. Famous for being brave. He was just the guy of every girl's dreams.” I shrugged my shoulders helplessly. I felt like I was doing a really lousy job of explaining. “Julienne used to go out of her way to run into him, literally. I think she spilled at least 10 drinks on him while trying to get him to notice her.”

“Oh, that must have been hilarious to watch,” Lola said with a small smile.

“It was. Especially since we were a couple of years younger than he was and he never paid us the time of day. He always had half a dozen different girlfriends, but we didn't care. For some reason, Julienne and I were just certain that if he ever noticed that we were alive, he would immediately become a one woman man.”

“I take it that it didn't work out that way?” Lola asked.

“Not hardly.” I wrinkled my nose at the memories. “I was so flattered when Drake invited me to join him at a party. I didn't even know that he knew my name. I was just giddy with excitement.”

“How did your best friend feel about it?”

I hesitated. “Julienne died in an accident about six months before Drake noticed I was alive.”

“Oh I'm so sorry,” Lola immediately looked stricken.

“No, it's okay.” I was surprised to realize it was. “But I think that her death was one of the reasons that I let myself be so mislead by Drake. Obsessing over him had been one of our favorite pastimes, so being with him made me feel like I was close to her again. I know that sounds crazy.”