After Midnight: (A Penguin Special from Signet Eclipse) (Killer Instincts) (5 page)

“They must be pretty damn close if he cosigned her house. Do you think she’s helping him hide the kid?”

“Maybe, maybe not. It wouldn’t hurt to check it out, though. At this point, we’ve got nothing to lose.” Morgan’s tone went brisk. “We’re just waiting for Noelle’s guy to get back to us with an address. Right now we only have the name of the village. You and Abby gather your gear. I’ll call you back when we have something.”

“Recon gear or assault?”

“Both. If we stake out the house and get visual confirmation that the Aberdeen boy is there, we move in.”

“Roger that.” Kane disconnected the call and glanced at Abby. “Possible location where the kid is being held. We’re on standby until we have an address, but Morgan says to be prepared for an assault.”

Her expression promptly turned grave.

“What’s wrong?” he said instantly.

Abby didn’t answer. She shifted her feet. Fidgeted with her hands.

Kane didn’t think he’d ever seen her
fidget
, which only confirmed his suspicion that something was seriously wrong.

Fuck. He was kicking himself for not seeing it sooner. Hound dog that he was, he’d kept getting distracted by the sex, and now he felt like the shittiest husband on the planet for not picking up on his wife’s distress.

But he also knew better than to push her, so when she didn’t respond, he let out a sigh and said, “All right. We can talk whenever you’re ready, sweetheart.”

He headed into the bedroom and grabbed fresh clothes from his bag, proceeding to dress in a hurry. It took a moment to register that Abby had lingered in the bathroom doorway, and was still wearing her towel.

“Babe, we have to get ready,” he said firmly.

“I can’t.”

His fingers froze in the middle of pulling up his zipper. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I can’t be part of an assault team.” A tortured look marred her face.

“Why the hell not?”

She drew a breath, and he could sense her hesitation, see her struggling for words.

And then she blurted out something he never expected to hear.

“Because I’m pregnant.”

Abby braced herself for Kane’s reaction. A part of her expected him to respond in anger, yell at her for not telling him sooner, rail about the importance of the mission and how her absence might cause the whole thing to blow up in their faces.

But the anger didn’t come. His face conveyed nothing but pure shock, followed by a burst of happiness that had his eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree.

“You’re pregnant?” he echoed.

She nodded weakly. Ever since Noelle had held up the plastic stick to show her that glaring pink plus sign, she’d been battling wave after wave of panic. She’d tried not to think about it as they’d headed to the next location on the list. Pushed it right out of her mind, and Noelle hadn’t brought it up either. They’d returned to the hotel and continued to focus on business, and the shower she’d just taken with Kane had been a nice distraction too.

But she couldn’t ignore it any longer.

The test had been positive.

She was pregnant.

And the only emotion she seemed capable of feeling was . . . dread. Bone-deep dread that not even Kane’s overjoyed expression could alleviate.

The next thing she knew, her husband hurried over and threw his arms around her, his stubble-covered chin scratching her neck as he buried his face in the crook of it. “Fucking hell.” His lips brushed her ear. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? This is the
best news ever
.”

Off the top of her head, she could think of at least a hundred things that would be better—at the top of that list: not being pregnant—but Kane sounded so thrilled she couldn’t bring herself to ruin the moment for him.

He knew her well, though. In the blink of an eye, he’d pulled back to assess her face. Then he frowned. “You’re not happy.” The frown deepened. “Why aren’t you happy?”

Abby swallowed. “I . . . don’t know.”

“You don’t know what?” An edge crept into his voice.

He released her and took a step back, those shrewd green eyes continuing to study her. She suddenly felt self-conscious and vulnerable wearing nothing but a towel, and her vocal cords couldn’t seem to formulate the right words. She walked over to her bag and fumbled for some clothes, then dressed quickly while her husband’s gaze bore a hole into her back.

“Talk to me, sweetheart,” he said sternly. “Tell me what’s going on inside that head of yours.”

She buttoned up her black jeans and turned with a miserable look. “I’m not sure I can do this.”

Kane went silent. A flicker of disbelief entered his eyes, and then he spoke in a calm, even voice. “When we got married, you said you were open to the idea of having kids.”

“Yes, in the
future
. The very distant future.” She fought to speak past the massive lump in her throat. “I don’t know if I’m ready for it now. The thought of having a baby is . . . overwhelming. We didn’t
plan
this.”

“I imagine it’s overwhelming whether you plan it or not.” His wry expression gave way to disappointment. “You’re really not the slightest bit excited? Because I am. I’m thirty-three, babe. I’m kinda ready to be a dad. God knows my parents ask me about it every time I talk to them.”

“I’m not having a child because your parents expect it of us!” she burst out.

“No, you’re having one because you’re pregnant,” he shot back. “You may not be ready for it, but it’s happening. We’re already in this.”

“We don’t have to be.” The words popped out before she could stop them.

It was like a thundercloud had formed over Kane’s head. His breath sucked in sharply, hands curling into fists at his sides. “Are you kidding me?”

“It’s an option,” she said quietly.

Now he staggered back as if she’d slapped him. “And to hell with what I want, right?” His bitterness hung in the air like a thick canopy. “Your body, your choice. I get it. My input means nothing, huh?”

“That’s not true,” she protested. “Your input matters. It does, Kane.”

“Yeah, it sure feels like it.” He stalked over to the bed and grabbed the shoulder holster he’d left there, his body language stiff and unresponsive.

She wanted to go to him, but he looked so hurt and so angry that she didn’t dare.

“Kane . . .” Her tone was timid. “We’re mercenaries. How can we expect to be good parents?” She paused as the truth dawned. “No, that’s not true.
You’d
be a good father, no matter what your line of work is. But me? You know how hard it is for me to open up to people. To
love
people. What if . . .” An awful thought crawled into her head, and she forced herself to voice it. “What if I don’t feel anything for our child? What if I can’t give it the kind of love and comfort it deserves?”

His breath hitched again. He glanced over with torment swimming in his eyes. “Three years of marriage, and you still doubt your ability to love.”

Abby watched helplessly as he armed himself. Strapped on the holster, snapped a knife sheath on his belt, checked the magazines of his pistols before sliding them into place. The entire time, he didn’t say a word. Didn’t even look her way.

“You said my input mattered.” He kept his back to her as he finally spoke in a gruff voice.

“It does,” she whispered.

“Fine, then here it is.” He spun around, green eyes hard with resolve. “I want this baby. I understand that our work is dangerous, and if having this kid means we have to leave the team, then so be it. And maybe it won’t be so bad, returning to civilian life. We could buy a house in the suburbs somewhere. Maybe move to Michigan so we could be near my folks. Our kid would have his grandparents living nearby—think about how great that would be.”

Kane sat at the edge of the bed, his gaze never leaving hers. “We could make this work, Abby. We can give our child a good life.”

A pang of doubt tugged at her. “You really think so?”

“I
know
so.” Aggravation floated across his face. “I want this baby. I think deep down you want it too, and it makes me crazy that you can consider the alternative. I never took you for a coward.”

Anger bubbled in her throat, then spilled over in a fast, hot rush. “I’m a coward now? Just because I have doubts about my ability to raise a child? I’m sorry, but I didn’t have the idyllic childhood you did. My mother was a
prostitute
who brought her johns home to play with me!” Nausea churned in her stomach. Although Kane was fully aware of her past, she still felt ashamed talking about it. “I was seven when one of those bastards raped me. Seven years old, Kane.
That
was my childhood.”

His tone softened. “And then Jeremy found you. He adopted you, showed you a different kind of life.”

She laughed without an ounce of humor. “God, Kane. I loved that man to death, but do you really think my life with Jeremy was any less screwed up? He trained me to be a warrior. He loved me, but there was no warmth in our relationship. He treated me like a soldier, and yeah, he taught me a lot and I appreciated everything he did for me, but that wasn’t a real childhood either.” She angrily shook her head. “I don’t know how to do all the stuff your mom does. Cook and bake and knit sweaters and—”

“You can learn,” he cut in.

“I’m not sure I want to,” she shot back. “Look, I might be fucked up and scarred, but I’m fine with who I am. And if we do keep this baby, I’m not about to change my entire personality.”

“I don’t expect you to.” Kane sounded as frustrated as she felt, and despite his firm denial, she suddenly realized how untrue it was.

He
did
want her to change.

The upsetting notion brought the sting of tears to her eyes. Kane always swore that he loved her for who she was, that he accepted her flaws, but the future he’d just described said otherwise. Moving to Michigan? Buying a house near his parents? That wasn’t what she wanted
at all
. She could never, ever belong in that kind of setting.

Even if they kept the baby, she would want more than the goddamn suburbs, and his inability to see that made her want to cry. The sorrow and disillusionment hit her hard, sending her stumbling toward the door.

“Where are you going?” Kane demanded from behind her.

“I need some air.” She didn’t turn around. Didn’t want him to see the tears that had welled up.

She heard him jump to his feet. “I’ll come with you.”

“No,” she said sharply, her hand going for the doorknob. “I want to be alone right now.”

“But you’re pregnant.”

Now she
did
whirl around. “That doesn’t make me an invalid!” She fought to control her rising temper.

A multitude of emotions streaked across his face. Frustration, anger, worry, desperation. “Abby—”

His phone rang, making both of them curse. Kane snatched the cell from the bed and answered the call. He didn’t sound the slightest bit thrilled as he muttered, “We’re on our way out.”

“Morgan?” she asked after he’d hung up.

He nodded. “We have an address. They’re waiting for us outside.”

Abby bit the inside of her cheek. “Look. Regardless of what I—
we
—choose to do, I still don’t think I should be in the line of fire tonight.”

“Obviously,” he said, his voice colder than she’d ever heard it.

“But you still need me.”

“Fine. We’ll position you off-site, and you can keep watch in case Nazara is there and makes a run for it.”

“You want me to be a lookout?” After all the grisly things she’d seen and done, she found it damn ironic that she’d been banished to sitting in a car.

He gave another terse nod. “If Nazara does escape, don’t engage. Just follow him.”

Two minutes later, Kane relayed the same plan to Morgan when they met him in the parking lot. Noelle was already in the backseat of the Jeep, a bored expression on her face, while the fingers of one hand lazily twined a strand of her hair.

Needless to say, the boss was more than a little puzzled by the plan and questioned it immediately.

“We need you at the farmhouse,” Morgan told Abby.

His tone invited no argument, but Kane gave one. “Well, she won’t be there,” he answered for Abby.

Morgan looked from husband to wife, a scowl forming on his lips. “What the fuck is going on?”

Abby hesitated, then let out a shaky breath, realizing there was no point in holding anything back. Morgan was their leader, and he needed to be made aware of any detail that might affect the outcome of the mission.

“I’m pregnant,” she said softly.

He blinked. “Oh.”

“Exactly,” Kane muttered.

After a moment, Morgan nodded. “All right. Abby stays out of it.”

And that was that. Not another word spoken on the matter, much to her relief. The last thing she wanted to do was discuss her personal life with Morgan, not when she and Kane weren’t even on the same damn page.

Although they had two Jeeps, all four of them piled into one vehicle on Morgan’s orders. They were headed for a private airfield on the outskirts of the city, where a chopper awaited them. It would be quicker to reach Eshe Salib’s village by air, rather than make the two-hour drive south.

Abby was grateful to sit in the back next to Noelle. With Kane in the passenger seat, she couldn’t see his face, which meant she didn’t have to glimpse his disappointment. Or anger. Or bitterness.

But she knew he was feeling all those things. She saw it in the rigid set of his shoulders, heard it in the tightness of his voice as he spoke to Morgan about the layout of Salib’s farmhouse and the surrounding area.

That was definitely the main drawback to working together. She couldn’t avoid him, couldn’t take a private moment to collect her thoughts.

She knew she’d hurt and upset him, but they’d promised to be honest with each other, and she couldn’t pretend she was ecstatic about something that scared the living daylights out of her.

But hurting Kane, seeing him in pain . . . God, it made her nauseous.

She stared out the window and forced herself to focus on what mattered right now. This mission wasn’t about her. It was about the two-year-old boy who’d been stolen from his parents.

Her pregnancy, Kane’s anger, this sudden rift that had opened up between them . . . all that would just have to wait.