After Dark (11 page)

He never entered me. He didn’t even moan. His dark, angry eyes raked my body, his cum wet my sex, and then he backed away.

I lay on the bed panting as Matt picked up his towel and ruffled his hair.

He glanced at me. “Don’t. Come.”

I swallowed and sat up. The plug shifted inside me, making me moan.

“Oh, and you can take that out,” he murmured. His gaze loitered on me. I knew how I looked—my lips slightly swollen, skin flushed, wearing nothing but a string of pearls and a plug—and I made one last play.

“Please,” I whispered, lowering my eyes. “Fuck me, Matt…”

“Hannah.” His voice was a growl. He kissed me swiftly, devouring my mouth, then pulled back and stalked out of the room. I whined, reaching after him. Was this my punishment? It was the worst, the best punishment. The most affecting punishment. His absence.

*   *   *

I fell asleep without Matt—he stayed up late, a soft light emanating from the sitting area—but I woke beside him, his body curled around mine.

Morning sun spilled over his back. I stroked his golden hair.

I’d gone to sleep confused and a little angry—but when Matt’s eyes opened and he smiled at me, I knew we were going to have a better day.

The hell with yesterday. A bump in the road.

I fluttered my lashes against his cheek and pressed the gentlest kiss to his wound.

“Mm, I’m”—he touched the scabbing gash—“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he grumbled.

“Oh, baby, no.”

“Yes. I am.” He climbed onto me and settled down. I stroked his bare sides, reveling in the way his body pressed into mine. Every morning with Matt, I felt the same giddy thrill.
Is he really mine? Yes, he is.
“Shouldn’t have fucking … gone to see him…”

“Why did you?” I whispered.

“Some weird e-mail. I got some weird fucking e-mail from an address I didn’t recognize.” He nuzzled my chest as he spoke. He was feeling good and communicating, so despite the chill I felt—
Weird e-mail? From whom?
—I played it cool.

“Oh yeah? What did it say?”

“I’ll show you later. Basically it said your sister was pregnant and Seth got her that way. Strange fucking tone, kind of taunting.” He seemed less disturbed than I felt. Then again, he probably got a lot of odd messages. “I should have talked to you about it, but I think I’ve been waiting … for an excuse to hit him. Nate told me Goldengrove was at the Plaza Hotel, and I went there and … we fought. He’s fine. He’s lucky. I could have fucking killed him…”

I kissed the top of Matt’s head and cringed. I really, really didn’t want to talk about Matt’s anger with Seth, because I was to blame.

Seth getting Chrissy pregnant was just the cherry on top of Matt’s towering rage.

“How was the city?” I hedged.

His head came up. He flashed a boyish smile at me. “Same old. You ever been?”

“No.” I curled my toes under the sheets. “You know me, simple Hannah…”

His smile dimmed. “Bird, I didn’t mean that. Not like that. Simple is … good.”

If simple is good, then why do you want us to live in a mansion?
I bit my tongue.

“What you are is perfect for me.” He kissed my forehead. “I love you. You’re so intelligent, gorgeous, intuitive. You’re sensitive. You’re—”

I touched his lips, shushing him with a grin.

“That’ll do. You’re out of the doghouse … for now.”

“So easily? And I was ready to kiss ass for the next hour. Literally…”

I blinked and flushed. “Okay, you’re back in the doghouse.”

We clambered out of bed at ten. I felt thoroughly satisfied, and I tabled my concerns about last night. I got room service to bring up Matt’s favorite breakfast (the only actual breakfast he’d eat)—two grapefruit halves doused in sugar and coffee, black.

Our flight back to Denver was uneventful, but as we were taxiing toward DIA, Matt turned to me and said, “Is she going to have it?”

The question stunned me into silence.

“The baby,” he prompted. “Is your sister going to have it?”

“I don’t know. She’s thinking about it.”

“You would be an aunt. Auntie Hannah.” He grinned.

I giggled. “Uncle Matthew.”

We smiled at each other stupidly for a moment, then simultaneously frowned.
What the hell?
Chrissy’s pregnancy was
not
a happy situation, and we were not having a baby conversation right now. My overloaded mind couldn’t fit family thoughts.

“Ah, we”—Matt whisked a hand through his hair—“we’ll help her. Financially.”

I hugged his arm. “Sweet night owl.”

He gazed resolutely out the window.

“It seems like the right thing to do. We’ll plan for Seth staying out of the picture. I don’t think he…” Matt hesitated.

The seat belt sign went off with a ring and he hurried to retrieve our carry-ons.

End of discussion, apparently.

On our way to the baggage claim, I dragged Matt into Hudson Booksellers. I have a weakness for airport bookstores.

“Really?” He glowered at the store. “Our bags…”

Matt navigated air travel the same way he drove, with glares all around. If he had his way, we’d march everywhere and never enjoy anything.

“Really.” I smiled sweetly at him.

I drifted about the store, stopping at the Moleskine display and flipping through a pretty, overpriced little journal. It was the sort of small luxury I’d denied myself all my life. I frowned as I moved to return the journal to the shelf. I could buy this now, guiltlessly.

“You like it?” Matt tucked a curl behind my ear. He leaned down and kissed my temple.

“Um. Yeah, I…” His words pinged in my mind.
Simple girl.
Was this a silly indulgence? He wrote bestselling novels in plain marble notebooks from the grocery store. To him, this probably seemed so … gratuitous. So nouveau riche. “It’s stupid. Never mind.”

I hurried away, hiding in the magazine section.

There, I found myself face-to-face with a gorgeous bride in a lacy gown, standing with her groom in a field.
The Knot
magazine. I swallowed and plucked it off the rack. God, she looked beautiful. The magazine promised “10 stylish outdoor weddings YOU can do” and “5 simple steps to an intimate evening wedding.”

“Bridal magazines?”

I jumped. Matt loomed at my shoulder, his eyes round.

He was following me around the store like a puppy dog.

“No! No, uh—” I dropped the magazine and bolted out of the store, my face inflamed. Shopping with Matt: epic mistake. I barreled toward the baggage claim, forgot to check the monitors for our claim number, and ended up slumped against a wall, watching lumpen suitcases orbit on the belts.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.
First the almost baby conversation, then the bridal magazine. If I wasn’t careful, I would freak Matt right out of our engagement.

I waited for him to find me.

And he found me.

He always does.

He came striding along with our luggage, mine a fat blue duffel, his a sleek silver Tumi case. Now that we were really living together, I noticed our varying tastes. I liked cheap, cute, cluttered. Matt liked expensive, elegant, spare. But he let me decorate our condo like a circus …

Maybe there was hope for our future home.

Mmph, home. No more domestic thoughts today.

“There you are.” He smiled brightly. “You gave me a scare.”

“Sorry.” I looked at my feet.

“You dropped your magazine.” He thrust a Hudson Booksellers bag into my line of vision. “I got you a few others.”

“Huh?” I took the bag—
oof, heavy
—and flipped through the magazines:
Premier Bride, Wedding Style, Town & Country Weddings, Get Married,
and, of course,
The Knot
. Tears glazed my eyes.
Oh, Matt …

“And these,” he said, withdrawing a stack of Moleskine notebooks from another bag. He added them to the pile of magazines in my hands.

A tear slipped down my cheek.

I hugged the magazines and journals.

“Bird, why are you crying?”

“I’m just … happy,” I whispered. “So happy.”

He hugged me tight. I pressed my face into his chest and let another tear fall. Did he know what these magazines meant to me? They were Matt’s permission to think about our wedding—to plan and anticipate it. Sweet joy spread through me.

My phone chimed and I plucked it out of my purse.

I stayed in Matt’s arms as I read the text.

It was from Chrissy.

R we getting together this weekend or what?

Shit. I’d forgotten about my plans to check up on Chrissy this weekend. I glanced at Matt, who watched me patiently, and tapped out a quick reply.

Stuff came up, so sorry. Let’s get together Friday night.

I hesitated, and then I added:

& I’m bringing my fianc
é
.

Chapter 14

MATT

PUNISHMENT

She lied to me—withheld information from me—and I punished her for it. I spanked her. I used her. I denied her orgasm.

I’ve wanted this for a while, and now that I’ve had it, I want more.

When she’s bad, I want to tell her so. I want to take out my anger on her gorgeous body. She doesn’t understand how it provokes me, the sight of her.

I am constantly aching.

Mike’s lips thinned into a line as he read my notebook.

Matt’s Black Book of Aberrant Desires
, I’d written inside the cover. Mike didn’t crack a smile at that. I cleared my throat and he glanced at me.

“Yes?”

“Nothing,” I said. I wished I hadn’t let him see the book. By the same turn, it felt good to share those strange desires with someone.

He flipped a page and continued reading. “Your trip was good?”

“Yeah. Uneventful…”

Again, Mike glanced at me.

“How did you cut your face?”

“Hm?” My hand rose halfway to the wound.
The fountain. Seth.
“I fell.”

He watched me a moment too long and frowned.

“All right. You fell. Maybe you can tell me more about that sometime. For now, let’s talk about this.” He gestured with the notebook. “Desires for control, ownership—physical and emotional possession, I think—and a shame fetish.”

“Don’t fucking put it that way.” I stuck an unlit smoke between my lips.

“Erotic humiliation,” Mike said.

“Whatever.” I glared at the floor. “Fine.”

“No need to get defensive. I’m not horrified, Matthew. Just a discussion. Looking at this”—he handed the notebook back to me—“my immediate question is, how would you feel in Hannah’s position? Would you be comfortable if she felt this proprietary about your body? Would you allow her to humiliate, dominate, and punish you? To expose you to others?”

I smiled slyly at Mike.

“She has tied me to the bed,” I murmured.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Mike.
My eyes swept the family photo on his desk. I couldn’t picture Mrs. Mike getting that freaky.

“I’m aware. I read
Night Owl
.”

“The fuck?” I gaped.

“I read everything you publish. You’re my client. It’s part of my job. You know this, Matthew. Holistic mental health.”

I rubbed my face.
Good God
.

“Look, to answer your question…” My mind traveled back to Hannah. Last week, she’d put her finger in my backside, then made me confess to liking it. And before our brief breakup, she’d asked me to jerk off for her viewing pleasure. On my knees. On the floor. “She, ah … she sometimes … has the upper hand, yeah. I don’t mind.”

“You enjoy it?”

I shrugged.

“Well.” Mike tapped his desk, soliciting my attention. “It’s one thing to have these desires, and to explore sexuality with your partner, and quite another thing to punish her in bed for problems within your relationship. Can you see that?”

“Nope.” I twisted the lighter in my pocket.

“I think we’ll end this appointment early then.”

“Huh?” I glanced at the clock, which said we had twenty minutes to go.

“You’re closed off, embarrassed, defensive. We’re getting nowhere. Spend a week remembering that I am on your side, trying to help you. Get comfortable with the idea that I know about all that”—he pointed to my notebook—“and come back on Monday ready to talk.”

“Fine.” I pushed out of the armchair. Getting dismissed by my own shrink kind of sucked, but I wasn’t about to turn down freedom.

“Homework, Matthew.”

“What?” I snarled.

“If you feel so inclined, try asking Hannah how she felt about the punishment. And if you won’t do that, at least try to imagine Hannah striking you in bed, or withholding your orgasm or even sex, with no explanation or verbal contract, based upon an argument—”

I stepped out and slammed the door while Mike was still talking.

And I lit my goddamn cigarette in the elevator.

When I got back to the condo, I sprawled on the couch and texted Hannah.

Sweet bird. I need a fix.

She replied immediately.

Little Bird:
Hi you.

Matt:
Hi.

Little Bird:
What happened to your appointment?

Matt:
I left early.

Little Bird:
Oh …

Matt:
Mike sent me home. Said I wasn’t cooperating or some shit.

Little Bird:
Bad boy.

Matt:
Mm, exactly. Are your office doors shut?

Little Bird:
Yes …

Matt:
Touch your breasts for me. Just a little.

Little Bird:
Matt …

Matt:
Are you wet?

Little Bird:
I am now.

Matt:
And your pussy. Slip a finger into it. For me …

Little Bird:
God, Matt. Want you …

Matt:
I could drive over.

Little Bird:
No! Not at work.

Matt:
In my car then. Don’t you want me in you? And my cum.