After Ben (10 page)

But what difference would a few days really make, she wondered. Theo sighed loudly. Maggie heard him clearly, even over the ruckus her kids were making.

“Why don’t you tell me what it is you’ve already planned, Theo?” She knew him too well.

“I can’t drive—I can barely get dressed—but I can interview from my couch, right?” He couldn’t bear to waste another day. Besides, if departments were being scrutinized for cost savings, he couldn’t let his team look unproductive. The sooner he hired temporary staff—even inexperienced interns—the quicker the department could get back to its new version of normal.

He could only imagine how the rest of the team felt. He’d fired key staff members, resourceful and successful individuals on the whole. How could any of them feel safe? Add in the fact that their boss hadn’t been at work for a week, and he was sure the rumors must be flying.

He listened as Maggie sighed once more before asking, “Can you at least get your own pants on, Theo?” The smile in her voice was evident. “Don’t want to scare the new hires before they even start.”

Assuring her that he was almost dressed—sweats would have to do—he listed what he needed her to arrange once she arrived at the office. She told him to hush when he apologized for the early call again. She understood. He needed her to bring the necessary paperwork to him.

“So,” she summarized, “I’ll reschedule the interviews and give them directions to your apartment. You’ll leave the door unlocked, and they should just come on in and find you, right?”

Theo agreed.

It was the best he could do.

Maggie’s “Okay,” was long and drawn out. “Expect Evan Daly first, then Joel Hudson before lunch. I’ll be with you by lunchtime. That way I can continue with the other applicants if you need to crash for a while.”

She carried on, not giving Theo a moment to thank her. “I’ll bring food with me. Do you need anything else?”

Theo thanked his lucky stars again. Of all the dark clouds that crossed his mind when he considered the past twelve months, Maggie’s calm support was his one silver lining.

He was still thinking about her when the first tentative buzz sounded at his front door. Theo waited for the prospective intern to let himself in. When the door buzzer sounded again, he tried calling out, asking the man to come on in already. At the third buzz, he sighed, then slowly, slowly, slowly inched himself from the couch.

He guessed that maybe his expression wasn’t too welcoming when the kid who waited, dressed in a formal business suit, stepped back after Theo swung the door open. He couldn’t help himself; the pain was etched into his face.

“Fuck….” the slim blond kid started, quickly followed by an almost inaudible “Shit.”

Theo blamed the pain medication when he started to laugh. As interviews went, cursing wasn’t a typical beginning. He hauled his snorts back in when the kid at the door started to back away, a hot and painful looking flush creeping up his neck. He spoke as he stepped backward.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Anderson. That just slipped out. Your assistant told me to let myself in, but that just seemed… rude. She didn’t mention that you were injured. I should have realized that was why she said to go ahead and just come in.” He shook his head so that his fine, almost silver blond hair covered his eyes momentarily. When he flicked his hair to one side, Theo saw that his eyes were pale gray. In the dim entranceway, he looked almost ghostly.

Leaning heavily on the stick that Maggie had brought him, Theo tried to smile, hoping he didn’t actually look scary. The kid already looked ready to faint.

“Come in, Mr. Daly. Perhaps we should just start again.” He watched, smiling internally as the young man visibly pulled back his shoulders and huffed out a breath. Had he ever been so transparent, Theo wondered. Had he seemed so hopeless and nerve-wracked when he’d attended his own intern interview?

He guessed he had been more nervous when he was interviewed out of grad school, but there had been a lot more riding on that opportunity. Ben had seen him off from college, sending him up to Seattle with a hundred good luck kisses. He would be wonderful, they would love him; how could they not? Ben’s supportive words had traveled with him.

When he was offered the job, they had celebrated in bed, and on the couch, and in the kitchen. They had celebrated all week. Ben was so delighted for him—for them—to have an opportunity to settle so near to Theo’s family, given that Ben’s own were so missed, and so very far away.

Theo showed the nervous prospective intern into the living room, then excused himself. Leaning against the kitchen counter, he struggled for a moment. Getting stuck in a thought loop where he revisited the decision they had made so fucking long ago to move back to Seattle was becoming more and more rare, but sometimes, just sometimes….

He knew it did no good to dwell on might haves and if onlys. One aspect of moving home hadn’t worked out for them, but the rest of their lives together had been golden, right?

Pouring a couple of glasses of water and taking another pill gave him a moment to put himself in the candidate’s shoes. Pain or not, it was up to him to establish a professional start to the interview process.

When he returned to his living room, the kid was standing near the fireplace, scrutinizing the pictures arranged there. Theo frowned at what he felt was an invasion of his privacy, that is, until he saw which photo Evan was looking at. He’d picked up a framed photo of Theo and Ben at a company party. They were part of a group shot—everyone was smiling—and Ben was holding someone’s little girl, laughing. It was a fabulous photo of Ben and the child, just fabulous.

Theo swallowed.

“My dad looks so happy in this photo.” The candidate—Evan—tried really hard to smile. It was such a familiar expression to Theo, who almost felt his own face twist in sympathy. “I wonder if he really was—if he ever was.” And that was the absolutely worst thing about sudden death, Theo knew: unanswered questions.

He looked at the photo over the smaller man’s shoulder while Evan named the other people pictured. Evan’s father was at the center of the group, his smile reflected by the one worn by his wife. Theo said, “I saw your dad pretty much every workday for around ten years, Evan. He always seemed such a family guy, devoted to you and….”

“Aiden.”

“Yes, to you, Aiden, and to your mom. None of us expected him to pass away like that. We all were so very sorry for your loss.” He watched as Evan stared into the photo, looking closely at his father for another few minutes before replacing it carefully. When he turned toward Theo again, his face was set—he instantly looked older.

“I remember that party, Mr. Anderson. I remember your… your….” He struggled for a moment. “I remember your partner. He found me outside with Aiden, and he wouldn’t leave us alone until we agreed to help him. Then he made us serve punch to everyone. Everyone. I only wanted to be left alone.”

“How old were you then, Evan?” Theo asked.

“Eleven. It was right after I came to live with them.” Theo remembered David’s determination to adopt Evan. Aiden had been much younger when his adoption had been formalized, David had said. They hadn’t intended to adopt again, but once they met Evan they couldn’t stop thinking about him.

“Did you realize that all those people you served punch to were there to celebrate your adoption? You dad didn’t talk about anything else for months. He was worried about Aiden initially, but the way that kid was with you….” Theo paused. “It was like he’d always been your big brother, like he was made for the role.”

Evan smiled, and this smile reached his eyes. “Yeah, he said he was pissed at the beginning. He’d had Mom and Dad to himself for nearly ten years. There he was, nearly sixteen years old when he got saddled with an eleven-year-old brat.” He shook his head, remembering. “I wasn’t the easiest kid to get along with.”

Theo recalled David talking about his worries for his youngest son. He’d felt Evan had been in the system too long. His language was terrible, his attitude even worse. He looked like an angel, but someone had broken his wings somewhere along the way.

Theo took a moment to edge carefully back to the couch, slowly lowering himself before considering the young man in front of him.

“So, what changed for you?” he asked.

“My family. Aiden mostly. He wouldn’t take my….” He stopped just short of cursing again. “He remembered what it was like to live in a group home, even though he left when he was much younger.” Evan shook his head, then sat at the far end of the couch when Theo indicated he should. “I’ve heard they’ve improved somewhat since then,” he added. “But it was no place to grow up. I’m so grateful they got me out.” Blinking across the distance between them, he scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his palms for a second. “So, if it’s important to Mom that I try to be like Dad, then I will. Aiden already is like him. Too much like him, to be completely honest. He takes on too much.”

Theo could actually recall only the breadth of Aiden’s shoulders, and his mop of dark curls, such a contrast to his adoptive brother’s slight build and straight blond hair.

Evan continued, “Aiden took up where Dad left off. He’s looked after us all. He never stops working.” Sounding proud, he added, “He has his own business that he started on the Internet. He just opened his first retail store.” Theo nodded, impressed.

“And he’s—” Theo started to ask.

“Aiden just turned twenty-six. I’m twenty-one. Look, like I tried to explain on the phone, Mom thinks I’m the last chance, the last link between her old life and… well… now, I guess.” Theo watched as the younger man braced his elbows on his knees and dropped his head to his hands. “I still feel bad for choosing the wrong major. She was all set on business, but….” Theo couldn’t watch him struggle any longer.

“Evan, the spot is yours, if you really want it. My only concern is that you get to the end of the internship to find that your mom expects you to continue. You know it might give her some kind of false hope, don’t you?” Frankly, Theo thought that it was desperately unfair to ask a kid—and he was still a kid—to step into a grown man’s shoes. Especially a dead man’s shoes that were impossible to fill.

He took in the way that Evan’s face broke into a huge smile of relief. He looked incredibly young when his face lit up like that, all shining eyes like pools of mercury and white-blond hair that fell forward almost constantly. Evan flicked it back as he leaned over to shake Theo’s hand. His shake was firm, though. He might look slight, Theo thought, but the kid had strength. He’d have needed it to get through a loss like he’d experienced, let alone his early childhood.

Shrugging off his newest intern’s thanks, he gestured toward the photo on the mantle again.

“I’m not suggesting this only for your benefit, Evan. Your dad was a good man, a fine friend, and a reliable colleague. We all miss him and wondered if we should have noticed sooner….” His voice trailed away as the younger man’s head dropped forward again, eyes masked by the fall of silvered hair. He watched Evan shake his head.

“We’d all be glad to see you at the office, Evan. Just don’t make your mother any long-term promises, especially if your vocation lies elsewhere.”

The younger man nodded, keeping silent.

Theo guessed that would have to do.

They moved on to a discussion of the role requirements, and Evan took some notes.

“What should I wear?” he asked. It was a valid question. Theo had just described what essentially amounted to weeks of rummaging in dusty storerooms, filing, and endless contact with copier ink cartridges and toner.

“What you have on is fine for the first day, then something a little more casual after your orientation is complete.” He remembered how it was to be a student. He’d only owned one formal suit, supplemented by Ben’s shirts and Italian silk ties. Evan’s look of disappointment surprised him.

“Or you can wear a business suit every day. Whatever you’re comfortable in.” Evan smiled brightly again, smoothing down his tie.

Kids.

Theo had no idea how their minds worked anymore.

Ben had never lost his own youthful streak, and Theo considered that as he accepted Evan’s assistance to get up from the couch, then watched from his window as he started to cross the street below.

He and Ben had been on exactly the same wavelength when they first met. There was no way he would have guessed, after their first drunken evening together in Milan, that they weren’t the same age. The longer they were together, the more it seemed that Ben stayed perpetually young—in spirit, at least—while he seemed to age for both of them. Perhaps that was the effect of corporate life.

Looking down into the street below, he saw a Vespa coming around the corner just a few seconds before Evan did. It was a fucking miracle that he managed to get across the street before the fast-moving bike took him out. From behind the pane of window glass, Theo heard Evan cussing out the rider. He had such a potty mouth. Theo smiled, thinking that Evan absolutely was a bundle of contradictions: He had the face of an innocent and the soul of a street fighter.

Forgetting his back pain momentarily, he watched as the Vespa rider circled back, pulling to a halt right next to the curb near Evan. He couldn’t help his smile as he watched the smaller man gesticulating wildly, getting right up in the rider’s face. Yeah, fearless.

He blinked a little as the rider dismounted, towering over Evan. Theo fumbled for a pocket before remembering that he was wearing sweats. His cell phone was in the kitchen. Fuck. He hoped he wasn’t about to witness David Daly’s boy getting a beating.

The other dude was much taller than Evan. Theo could see that even from his skewed third-floor perspective. His shoulders looked twice the breadth of Evan’s, who watched the other man approach, then looked over his shoulder, scoping out an escape route, perhaps. Even from this distance, Theo noted the way his fists curled. Yeah, the kid had learned something about survival before he lived with the Dalys, Theo figured.

He watched as the other man held out his hands, palms facing Evan, like he was calming a startled pony. Theo huffed out a breath heavy with relief. Then he gasped as the taller man reached into the inner pocket of his jacket. Fuck. Please God, not a gun.