Afraid to Love (6 page)

A taxi stopped and the back window slowly lowered to reveal Mark. A smile of relief spread across my face and I hugged him through the window.

“Need some help?” he chuckled.

“What's it look like?” I asked.

Mark paid his fare and exited the taxi. After searching through his phone for a few minutes he called someone to bring the tools we needed. While he talked on the phone, I tried in vain to fix my makeup. I didn't want him to know I had been crying.

I heard him end the call and turned to face him. I blinked twice in surprise at how close we were. I could see the different shades of blues and grays that made his eyes shine in the sunlight.

I licked my lips and leaned closer to him. It had been too long since I had last allowed myself the simple comfort of touching another human being. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in close. He tensed and I thought that he would pull away, but he rested his hands on my hips instead.

His blue eyes studied mine as he leaned closer. For a split second I thought his mouth would capture mine, but he grinned at me instead.

“Bad day?” he asked.

I bit back a giggle and leaned into his lips. The kiss began chaste, but soon his tongue parted my lips and entwined with my own. When it broke I rested my head against his head and wondered what the hell I had been thinking.

When another car pulled behind mine, I pulled away from Mark and looked away embarrassed. The men didn't waste much time talking before they got down to work. I wasn't sure what to do with myself while they changed the tire, so I paced back and forth, waiting for it to be done.

When they were finished changing the tire, Mark thanked his friend and suddenly we were alone again. My heart pounded in my chest and I couldn't bring myself to look Mark in the eye. I wanted him, even if he was bad for me.

The drive back to my place was more boring than I thought it would be after the kiss we shared. If it made an impression on Mark he didn't say anything about it.

Once inside the house I made coffee and began to tell Mark about the argument. He hadn't asked me about it yet, but I knew if I didn't volunteer the information he would ask anyway.

“And the sucky part about it, Mark,” I said, “is that she's right. I do those things! I didn't know we were supposed to pay for the damn coffee! I've never seen anyone else pay for it, so how am I supposed to know? I leave when my shift's over, that's what people do! I'll ask Heather from now on, if I go back. I don't know if I'm going to, though. I hate that fucking place!”

“Have you thought about switching shifts or maybe switching to another part of the hospital?” Mark asked.

“I hadn't, but that isn't a bad idea,” I admitted.

Mark smiled at me and I blushed. He stood up and pulled me into his arms, and I didn't resist. I studied his blue eyes for only a second before our lips met again. I rose to my tiptoes and deepened the kiss, plunging my tongue deeper into his mouth and pressing my body against his. A familiar fire was burning in my belly and I knew I one of us didn't pull away soon there would be no going back.

Mark's phone rang and I ignored it, but he pulled away.

“I'm waiting on a package. That might be my doorman,” he said and turned away from me.

“Hello,” he said.

There was a pause as he listened to whoever was talking.

“I'll be there soon!”

Mark ended the call and shoved his phone back into his pocket. I thought he was going to leave without saying goodbye and I was about to cross my arms and shake my head when he turned to face me. He was grinning from ear to ear and I couldn't help but to smile back at him.

“I think I have a certified letter from the publishing company about my book,” he said.

The way Mark was bouncing on his feet made him look like a little boy.

“Go then!” I grinned.

Mark's arms were suddenly around my waist and he was pulling me to him. Our lips met only briefly, but it still stoked the fire that our previous kiss had started.

After Mark left, I called the hospital board and put in my request to switch shifts. The only thing available was a late night shift at the ER, but I took it anyway. Anything had to be better than where I was.

                                                                                    Chapter 6: Mark

Things were looking up and I could taste the possibilities on my tongue, or that may have been Cynthia's strawberry lip gloss. I caught myself humming as I walked home. I should have been nervous, but I was ready for whatever the publisher said. If they didn't like it, someone else would.

I was kicking myself for not asking Cynthia for another date, but we lived in the same city. I was bound to run into her at some time. If I didn't, I'd just show up at her doorstep. Hopefully, switching shifts would brighten her up a bit. She had smiled at me today and I couldn't wait to see her smile again.

“Howdy!” I said to the doorman as he handed me the envelope. “Thank you.”

I didn't hang around to chit-chat with him because I wanted to open my letter. I sprinted up the stairs, skipping the elevator altogether, because I didn't want anyone encroaching on my feel good.

I kicked off my shoes at the door and flopped onto the bed. I held the letter up and looked at it for a moment before tearing it open. I pulled the letter out and a slip of paper fell into my lap. I retrieved the paper and blinked. It was an advance payment!

“Payment?” I asked out loud to my empty apartment.

I was silent as I read and reread the letter that rested against my leg. They loved my book and wanted to publish it. The advance wasn't anything to write home about, but it was my first advance. My first book published by a real publishing company!

“Yes!” I shouted.

My only reward was the old man upstairs yelling down for me to shut up.

“Be a little quieter while you're wanking off, Sonny!” he yelled.

I fell back onto the bed and laughed until my stomach hurt. The day had taken on a surreal feeling. Once I was able to contain my laughing fit into nothing more than a smirk, I opened my laptop and began to write. I was just about finished with my man Charlie's story. I just had to wrap up his escape and alibi. Luck was on the side of the just today and he was going to get away scott free.

I rested my head against my keyboard once the last word was typed. I was panting as if I were the one who had just escaped. I double checked that I saved the document and closed it. I'd revisit Charlie in a few weeks and see what I could do to polish him up, but I had no idea what I was going to write next.

I pulled out my notebook and looked through all the notes I made after first meeting Cynthia. Some of the ideas looked promising, but nothing I wanted to fool with at the moment.

I spent most of the next few days wandering the city aimlessly. I went to all my usual haunts, but nothing was inspiring enough. Nothing was good enough for me now that the publisher had accepted my book, but more than that, I was missing Cynthia.

Friday night, my insomnia kept me up later than usual and I ended up back at the coffee shop before I ever slept. I didn't bring anything with me so I just sat and drank my coffee. I was zoned into my day dreaming of spending the weekend asleep when the bell above the door chimed. I shook my head and took another long drink of my coffee before looking up.

“Cynthia!” I gasped before I could stop myself.

She gave a sad smile and waved. I waited impatiently (although I hope she couldn't tell) for her to place her order and join me. My heart dropped into my stomach when she sat at another table.

“Hey,” I said and moved to join her table.

“Hi, Mark,” she frowned.

“Is everything okay?”

“I guess so,” she said, but I didn't believe her.

After a few seconds of silence she spoke again.

“I just want to be alone right now, okay?” she said.

I nodded and left the shop. My heart pounded against my chest and I walked more quickly than my usual meandering pace. Receiving the cold shoulder stung, but this morning it was just what I needed. I had my inspiration.

Once I was home I sat in front of my laptop and typed the first sentence.

“She was alone in the cafe and I should have left her that way. If I knew how it was going to end, I would have run from her.”

Then I erased it. No, this was going to have a happy ending. I just needed a better first line.

“She stared into her coffee and I knew she didn't want to be noticed, but my keen observational skills ignored her wants. I wanted her. I walked quickly between the booths and slid into the seat across from her. Her brown eyes met mine and I knew I was in dangerous territory. The ebony lioness was poised to strike.”

                                                                      Chapter 7

I thought working with Sandra was depressing, but the late night emergency room shift was a nightmare. Every morning, I fled as soon as my relief arrived. The people were nicer, but given the hectic schedule none of us had much time for anything but patients. The patients were the worst. Old people in agony, an injured fire fighter, and a newly arrested perp shot in the leg while trying to evade arrest, but those were the ones I could handle.

I had just finished discharging a little boy who had been brought in by his mother because he had a bead up his nose when the shouting began.

“Cynthia! Amber! Everyone!” the head of the ER had shouted.

We all dropped what we were doing and sprinted towards the voice.

“Two teens are on their way in my ambulance, a third was DOA. We're going to need all hands on deck!”

And all hands stayed on deck until it was over. We were able to stabilize the condition of the boy, but the girl was too far gone. When Mandy arrived to relieve me I stumbled out, only to have to run back in to clock out. My hands were shaking and I threw up in the parking lot before I made it to my car. I was exhausted and wanted to sleep, but knew that my dreams would be invaded by the girl. Her name had been Lacey and her mother's sobs were going to haunt me until my dying day.

I stopped at the cafe because once again I was too tired to go home and cook. Those of us employed in the health care professions have diets nearly as bad as rock stars and strippers. It's whatever is easiest to buy or make when you have a long hard night at work.

I smiled sadly when I saw Mark sitting at a table by himself. I had been mean to him the day before when all he had wanted to do was join me for a cup of coffee, and I felt bad about it. I really did like him and I was slowly falling in love with him, even if I didn't want to. He didn't look up when I entered the coffee shop, so I joined him.

After a moment of being ignored, I finally said hello.

“Are you talking to me again?” he asked.

I laughed, “I guess so.”

We were silent for a moment before I leaned across the table and kissed him. I had never been good at apologizing, so I skipped to the part he'd understand.

“You're feeling better,” Mark chuckled when the kiss broke.

“No,” I admitted and kissed him again.

We left before my food even arrived. The cashier said something to me, but I ignored him. I needed to fall into a pair of strong arms and forget my troubles. I chose Mark's arms.

I held his hand as I drove back to my place. My heart was pounding in my chest and I could feel wetness beginning to form between my thighs. We didn't waste time with words once we got inside. We both knew what we needed. I looked up into Mark's blue eyes and was overwhelmed by the emotions staring back at me. My confusion and the possibilities of my own heart were mirrored. Our lips met and our tongues danced together. Our clothes seemed to disappear without any conscious help from our hands.

Mark's hands traveled over my shoulders and down to my breasts as we kissed. His fingers teased my nipples, tugging them gently. I ground my hips against his and felt his half-hard manhood stir. He moaned into the kiss and I wrapped my hand around him. He was soft and smooth against my palm. For a moment, I just held his erection as we kissed.

Mark's fingers trailed down my side and over my hip. My clit twitched when I realized their destination. I wrapped my leg around his hip to give him access to my slippery crevice. His hand cupped my mound before slipping a finger between my glistening lower lips and sliding over my clit. I bit my lip and lost my balance as pleasure washed over me. It had been too long.

We fell back onto the sofa in a tangle of limbs and it took us a minute to right ourselves. Mark captured my lips and his fingers returned to my slippery folds. I drew in a sharp breath as his finger swirled around my swollen little nub. Again and again the tip of his finger would hit its peak and make my legs shake.

I arched my back and bucked into his hand. My worries about work had faded away, leaving behind only my longing to connect with another human being and my burning desire to be closer to Mark.

Reaching in between us, I wrapped my fingers around his now fully erect manhood and rubbed it against my wetness, enjoying the feeling of skin against skin. I twirled it around my clit and it was his turn to draw in a sharp breath. I smiled up at him and renewed the kiss.

Without a word passing between us, I slid Mark into my pussy and sighed as I felt him touch every inch of my insides. His organ inside of me reminded me of hidden little pleasure spots that I forgot had existed.

At first, we moved awkwardly together as we each learned the other’s body. Soon, we found our rhythm and our bodies danced together. My mind was blank except for the feeling of Mark moving in and out, deeper and deeper into my body. His flesh rubbed against my clit as he thrust. I arched against him and moved my hips to stimulate it even more.

My nails dug into his shoulders and he captured my lips again. I was feeling excellent, but I needed more. I flipped Mark onto his back without ever allowing him to pull out of my body. I settled myself over his hips so that I my slippery crevice could consume his entire length. I braced my hands on his chest and rode him hard. Up and down, up and down. My mind became lost to the sensations of his powerful muscle brushing against my sweet spots.