Adopting Jenny (5 page)

"I'm calling him Barney," I said. Then I hurried to add, "You know, because all animals need names. Even if… even if they get changed later on."

"What are you calling the others?" Dad asked after a moment.

I bit my lip. "Um… I've been calling the other black and white one… um, Checkers. I haven't thought of any other names yet."

"Checkers, huh?" Dad continued to stare at me.

I squirmed under his scrutiny. There was no chance he hadn't guessed by now that I wanted to keep Barney. I was sure he'd launch into his extensive list of reasons why that wasn't possible any second, but he remained silent.

Finally he said, "Maybe we can call the little gray one Bear."

I felt my eyes widen in disbelief. Had my dad actually just suggested a name for a puppy that we both knew would be going to someone else eventually? Was my dad starting to get attached? I tried to squelch the hope building in me, but I couldn't stop the smile spreading across my face.

"This has been a great night," I said, feeling happier than I could ever remember feeling.

"Too bad your mom and your sisters couldn't have enjoyed more of it with us," Dad said. "It's best though that some people in this family get some sleep."

Just then we heard footsteps padding softly down the stairs. A moment later, Penny appeared in the kitchen doorway in her robe and slippers. Her short hair was sticking up in twenty different directions, and she was rubbing her eyes.

She came into the breakfast nook and flopped down on the floor next to Dad. "So how's it going?"

"No luck yet," Dad said, transferring Barney to Penny's lap. "But I still have hope. The night's not over yet."

Penny stroked the top of Barney's head with one finger. "He's a sweet little dog," she said.

"We're calling him Barney," Dad said.

From the look Penny gave me I could tell she was just as confused and hopeful as I felt. In that one little sentence Dad had ratcheted up our hopes. This was dangerous territory to be in because we would be in so much more pain when he let us down. There was still that little hope in my heart, though, that this would turn out like the time with Charlie.

“I like that name,” Penny said slowly. “Maybe I could name a puppy?”

“There's two left,” I said, not bothering to contain my excitement. “That one is Checkers and the other one is Bear.”

Penny leaned over the box. “I think I'd like to call that tannish one Shoehorn.”

“Shoehorn?” Dad said with a chuckle. “Poor dog.”

“Hey, it's not as bad as Mr. Ice Cream,” Penny said, only looking a little offended.

At the thought of Mr. Ice Cream my stomach knotted painfully. I knew that this night was too good to be true. I had to fight hard to keep the tears out of eyes. Penny must have noticed, though, because she reached over and squeezed my hand.

“Yeah, this girl at school named her hamster Shoehorn because he liked to sleep in her dad's shoes. I just thought it was really cute, you know?” Penny said with a shrug.

“Shoehorn it is then.” Dad picked up a discarded tea towel, and folded it into a small square. “I think it might be time to get these guys some food.”

I handed the yet unnamed puppy to Dad because he had eaten first last time. While Dad went through the now elaborate ritual of trying to get the puppy to latch, Penny kept rubbing Barney's nose. The dog got so relaxed his whole body got floppy and he started to drool. Penny and I watched him. Then we exchanged looks. I could tell that my sister wanted this dog just as much as I did.

“Having all these dogs here really makes me miss Duke,” Penny said.

With great effort, I swallowed past the huge lump that sprang to life in my throat. Duke had been such a good dog.

“We all miss Duke,” Dad said so softly I thought he might not have spoken at all and that we could suddenly hear his thoughts.

Tears streaked down Penny's cheeks. “It was just so unfair,” she said as her voice broke.

Dad set the puppy down by Jenny and scooted over to hug my sister. “Mom and I didn't want to put Duke to sleep,” he said, his own voice sounding hoarse. “He was just too sick.”

“I was the last person to walk him,” Penny said. “We walked to the park and he just looked at me with such love and trust. He had no idea what was going to happen to him. Sometimes I can't get that image out of my head.”

She turned toward Dad, burying her head in his shoulder as she sobbed. I reached over and pulled Barney to me as I felt the waves of sadness crashing over me. When Penny's tears subsided, Dad quietly went back to working with the puppies. I let Penny do the bottle feeding as each puppy failed to latch again. My heart was already aching from the thoughts of Duke, but I couldn't keep the crushing disappointment I knew was coming from creeping in too.

Dad cleared his throat. “You know, girls, I think when Mom wakes up I'm going to talk to her about keeping Jenny.”

Penny and I looked at each other and squealed. Without thinking, we jumped up, wrapping our arms around Dad in a sandwich type hug. Then I flung my arms around Jenny. I tried to talk, to thank Dad, but the words stuck in my throat and I could only giggle happily.

Dad set Barney next to Jenny, and through my haze of happiness a bit of sadness poked at me as I watched him fumble around. I turned my head away, telling myself to be happy with just Jenny. Then Penny gasped and I looked back over. Barney had managed to latch on. His little jaw worked hard as he tried to suckle. I held my breath. Moments later he was still sucking. With each suck he seemed to have a stronger connection to Jenny, who leaned over and licked him.

“Looks like Jenny found her baby after all,” Penny said.

“Way to go, Barney,” I whispered.

I looked up at Dad. This night had changed everything I thought about him, and no matter what else happened I was happy for that. If I hadn't known better I would have said that he had tears in his eyes as he said, “Well, I guess it looks like I'll be talking to Mom about keeping two dogs.”

Liz Botts
was born, raised, and still lives in northern Illinois with her husband and three small children (two boys and a baby girl). When not writing, she enjoys reading, sewing, trying new recipes, and homeschooling her kids. She is proud to pass her love of stories on to her children, and makes several trips to the library each week. After working with teenagers for several years, she decided to write stories about them instead.

 

 

 

Chapter One

 

“The test was negative.”

Josh dropped his basketball on the floor, flopped down on one of my oversized chairs, and ran a hand through his sweaty brown hair. He took a long swig of water before he frowned in confusion.

“What test?”

I pulled a throw pillow onto my lap. The fringe tickled my fingers as I wove the long strands around my hand. “The pregnancy test.”

The water bottle crunched in Josh's hand as he stilled. I couldn't bring myself to look at him so I focused on the pillow. This must be what if felt like to drop a literal bomb on someone.

“Pregnancy test?” His voice was high and slightly strangled.

My mouth went dry as hundreds of thoughts battered my mind at the same time. What was he thinking right now? I licked my lips before nodding slowly.

Josh deposited the crushed water bottle on the coffee table. He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. “Han, look at me,” he said, his voice low and soft, but serious. Finally, I forced myself to look up. I wasn't ready for the simultaneous looks of love and betrayal mixing in Josh's eyes. A lump formed at the back of my throat. “Tell me exactly what you are talking about.”

The words I wanted to speak were bottled up so I could only emit a terrified squeak. Shaking my head, I looked down at my hands again, clutching the pillow in desperation. A few tears trickled down my cheeks.

How could I explain myself? Nothing I could possibly say would adequately describe the terror I had felt when I realized I was late or the embarrassment of buying the pregnancy test. I couldn't explain that I should never have been in that position in the first place. That girl wasn't me.

The look of anguished hurt I'd glimpsed in Josh's eyes told me that he didn't comprehend how I could keep something like this from him. My addled brain didn't really understand how I could keep something like this from him either.

“Hannah? Honey, please tell me what's going on.” Josh moved from the chair and kneeled and front of me, taking my hands he stroked the backs with his thumbs. “When…did you think you were pregnant?”

The floodgates opened and tears streamed down my face. My stomach clenched as all the stress that had been building over the last few weeks poured out. Josh pulled me into his arms while I cried my heart out. As I soaked Josh's shoulder, he simply held me tightly against his chest. The familiar scent of him made me cry harder.

Finally spent, I sagged back against the sofa and really looked at Josh for the first time all night. Worry was etched on his face, and I couldn't take the tenderness shining in his eyes. Anger—hot and irrational—flared up in me.

“Yes. I thought I was pregnant,” I snapped. “But I'm not.”

The concern changed to confusion, and Josh stood slowly. His eyebrows knit together as one corner of his mouth puckered into a lopsided frown. “How could you not tell me?”

I sprang to my feet and started to pace the small living room. “And what would you have done if I had told you? What would
we
have done if I'd been pregnant?”

Josh shrugged. “Gotten married.”

My jaw dropped. I could feel it go slack. “Married? Are you crazy?”

“What? I see us married,” Josh said, his eyebrows furrowing. “So we would have gotten married sooner rather than later.”

“We're only seniors in college.”

“Yeah…so?” Josh crossed his arms, studying me, but anger crept across his features.

I stopped pacing and put my hands on my hips. “So? We're too young to get married and raise a kid.”

Josh scrubbed a hand across his face. “Harlow had a kid at our age. You love Britney.”

“Of course I love Britney. She's my niece. But I don't want to end up like Harlow. I want a life.”

“Fine,” Josh said. “And you'll get one. You aren't pregnant. So what are we worried about?”

“We're still having sex.” I arched an eyebrow at him, daring him to deny that this was the root cause of all our problems. If sex wasn't involved, we wouldn't be having this conversation. I wouldn't be so emotional over what might have happened. And I wouldn't be having this apparent early-life crisis. I hadn't even reached quarter life yet.

With a sigh, Josh nodded. “Yes, and we've been really careful.”

I laughed, but the sound came out strangled. “Yeah, and Harlow got pregnant while she was on birth control too. Accidents happen, Josh.” I paused. “We never should have started doing it.”

Anger flashed in Josh's eyes. “Doing it? Come on, Han. It's been more than that and you know it.”

“Do I?”

A hard mask slammed down across Josh's face. His jaw clenched, and his eyes narrowed. “That was low, Hannah. We made the decision together. I thought we were on the same page.”

I turned away and shrugged. “I guess not.”

“Why are we even talking about this?” The frustration in Josh's voice was evident in the rough edge as he bit off each word. Normally I would let my walls fall down so we could work things out, but something kept me from turning around. My anger felt righteous. Did he not worry about becoming a statistic?

“We're talking about this because we had a pregnancy scare, and it needs to be discussed.”

Josh took a few steps toward me. I could hear the floor creak as he came nearer. “
You
had a pregnancy scare, Hannah,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. “I didn't even get the chance to be there for you.”

I felt my heart harden. He was making this about him? The feeling tightened my chest. “Maybe…maybe I didn't need you to be there for me.”

Josh reached out, turning me gently to face him. “What are you talking about, Hannah? We've been together for five years. I…I need you, just like I thought you needed me.”

Emotions warred within me; love, anger, frustration. As I looked up into Josh's face I remembered all the reasons I loved him, but at the same time I remembered all the reasons why things hadn't been right for the past few months. Drawing in a deep breath, I said, “I don't know what I need anymore. I do know that I don't need to be having sex. I don't need to worry about having a kid.”

Josh frowned briefly but nodded. “Okay. Fine. We can stop. We'll wait until you're ready.”

I laid my hands on his chest. His heart hammered under my touch. That steady rhythm connected me to him, made the ache in my own chest so much worse. Maybe the thing I needed the most right now was not to be connected to Josh. “I don't think that's enough right now.”

Silence wrapped around us while Josh regarded me. Finally he said, “What are you saying?”

“I'm saying…I'm saying that I think we need to take a break. The possibility of being pregnant opened my eyes a little. What if we're not right for each other? Or we get in a situation where we have to stay together and wind up hating each other?”

Josh dropped his arms and took a step back. He stared at me in utter disbelief. “You're breaking up with me?”

“I don't know.” I wrapped my arms around myself. I'd much rather have been in Josh's arms, but an odd feeling of relief washed over me. I had made a decision. For myself. Something about that little act made me feel free in ways I hadn't in a long time. A rush of adrenaline shot through my veins, giving me a buzzing feeling in my head.

“How can we be breaking up?” Josh sounded so lost as he spoke, but with each moment that passed I felt more sure that this was the right way to go. He clasped his hands together in a pleading stance, and his eyes were shiny. “I love you.”

That got me. “I love you too. That's why I need to take a step back.”

We stared at each other, Josh's face mirroring the raw emotion I felt.

“Don't do this,” Josh said softly.

I swallowed past the growing lump in my throat. “I have to.”

“Hannah…” He started toward me, closing the distance between us.

“Go,” I said with a harshness I didn't mean. I didn't have the strength to say it again.

Josh's eyes widened, but he didn't say anything else. He simply turned, grabbed his coat and basketball, and headed toward the apartment door. The sound of the door shutting behind him reverberated through the small space. I was engulfed in the sudden silence, feeling lonelier than I ever had before. Part of myself had just been ripped away and walked out the door with Josh.