Adjournment (The Fate Series) (36 page)

I suddenly feel like I’m drowning even though I’m nowhere near water. The air becomes thicker, suffocating me.

Of course he knew it was a lie, I was foolish to think he wouldn’t see right through it.

“I don’t think I will survive this again.” The words come out before I can stop them. I turn my head so I don’t have to look at his face. With his finger gently pressing into my jaw, he brings my attention back to him.

“This time will be different. Let her out,” he whispers. His eyes hold me prisoner as I try to speak and my eyes begin to burn with emotion.

How many times have I heard that before?

“Simon…” I shake my head slowly.

“Please, Pet,” he urges me.

I look away, the memory right on the brink. I hear his pleas playing over and over in my head.

“It’s different for you. You can remember… I can only relive it.” My voice cracks.

I remember the pain in his voice as I laid there. The way it drove her… me to give him everything and anything he wanted, the way it brought her… me back and made me fight to stay. She is me, and I had to accept that.

“Sidney?” He gives me a light shake.

“Why do you want her?” I ask.

“I don’t want her… I need you.” He looks down, pain etched across his face.

My resistance snapping I tighten my fingers in his hair pulling him into me. His body freezes against mine the second our lips touch. Releasing a rush of air, his hands slide around my shoulders, fingertips pulling, kneading across my skin. My entire body begins to hum at the sensation. I give into him, and the girl I’ve tried to bury. I give into my youthful desires, the ones that left her… me wondering what it would feel like to run her… my hands over his shoulders, to feel his mouth against hers… mine. Even if it is only for a second, I’ll give her… me that. 

The kiss, this kiss is gentle, not charged with sexual desire but it’s intense in a beautiful, raw way that scatters my emotions. I have no idea how to stop what’s occurring inside of me. I’ve never had this happen before. I’ve had the head-spinning-drunk with passion kisses but this is new, this isn’t dizzy with passion—no, he’s too clever for that… he plays to win. This… this is emotional warfare, and I’ve come completely unarmed.

His hands move back to my arms and push me away, holding me against the wall as he catches his breath. It’s a stunning thing when a woman can leave a man breathless.

He doesn’t look at me when he speaks.

“I have to tell you something.”

The words no woman ever wants to hear.

“Oh my God. Are you dating someone?” I ask.

My stomach turns.

He looks up confused. “No.”

Whew.

“Then there’s nothing to tell me right this second.” Craning my neck I push up onto my toes so his lips once again are bonded with mine. Parting my lips, he moans as his tongue tangles with mine, moving and dancing with each other, our lips fitting together as though they were made for one another. I can sense a feeling begin to swell again in my chest, this is a sensation I have to keep to myself. I can’t give him that kind of hold over me.

Is it even possible to fall for someone you’ve only just kissed for the first time?

No, it’s not. It’s completely irrational and childish. I need to stop this. I need to go back to when it wasn’t so emotionally involved.

Am I emotionally involved?

“Sidney! You missed it,” I hear Lexi yell.

I jump, the glass bubble that was just encasing us shattering to our feet. I push away from him only to press myself further into the stone behind me. He removes his hands, resting them against the wall on either side of my head he gives a light laugh. “Shock is not an expression I’m used to seeing on your face, Pet. You might want to go inside until you calm down.”

“It’s not shock. It’s…” I hesitate, and he raises a brow at me. Leaning in, he gently presses his lips to mine. “Oh, shut up,” I mumble against them.

Darting underneath his arm I rush into the house before anyone can see me.

His deep laugh echoing through the air around me.

Jerk.

Once I’m in the solitude of the house I stagger on shaky legs, holding onto anything sturdy until I get to the pantry. My body tingles with nervous excitement as I play through all the scenarios that could have happened, each one better and more thrilling than the last.

Stop it… I mentally slap myself. Five seconds pinned against a wall is not enough to throw it all away.

Coming back down, I know I have to put some distance between us before I lose myself. Marching through the house I walk up the back steps to the observation deck my mother hides on to smoke when she’s stressed.

“No one will look for me here.” I grin. Dropping onto the padded lounge chair I listen to the sounds of the waves crash below me. The gentle breeze whispering across my bare skin. Closing my eyes I breathe deep. It’s peaceful up here, a girl can think here, gain some perspective here and remember why she left to begin with. It wasn’t just because of Simon, I understand that now. He was a good excuse at the time but if I let him in my real reason will have to be seen, and that would crush them all over again. Like I said in order for Fate to give someone something it first must take away from someone else. Whose life will I be impacting this time if I go back?

Watered down drinks and rejection…

“Always a lady,” I hear Simon’s voice. “You’re not going to be happy if you wake up in the sun,” he hums in my ear. The next thing I know his hand is sliding under my bare back and another under my knees as I am lifted off the furniture. The slit in my dress allows access to the cool night air, and I bury myself into the heat coming off his body.

“My feet have a pulse.” I sigh.

“I’m not surprised. There might be blood in your shoes too,” he jokes. “How does your head feel?” He pulls me in tighter to him.

“You watered down my drinks so it’s fine.” I peek up at him as he walks through the lounge into the hall.

“When did you figure that out?” Holding me with one hand he opens the door.

“When I was able to change into this and walk in these shoes.” I close my eyes, laying my head back against his chest. “I thought since you went to such an effort I would see why.”

He walks in and lays me down.

“Do you think it’s possible to be two people at once?” I ask him. His eyes grinning he nods.

“I think you can do anything you put your mind to.” Placing his hand on my sternum I freeze under him. My breath stills my heart beating hard enough to make contact with his hand.

“But she’s who you want?” For some reason my heart cracks a little to think I’m only desirable when I’m her.

“No, you’re who I need,” he says in a demanding tone. “I’m going to go,” he whispers.

What?

“Wait! At least take my shoes off for me,” I say, lifting my leg up to him my dress parts covering the other leg.

His hands wrap around my ankle pressing the shoe against his chest as he unbuckles the strap.

A sharp breath escapes past my lips when he moves his hand effortlessly up my leg. I try to swallow the lump in my throat as he glides his hands back down to slip the shoe off but my throat is tight. Laying my leg down I lift my other one, the smooth satin material falling from my leg. My heart is racing with excitement as he unbuckles the other and slowly moves his hands smoothly up my other leg.

Arching my back against the bed I grasp onto the blanket under me. A charge pulses through me, my insides twisting and squeezing with need as he slides his hands slowly back down removing the other shoe. It hits the floor with a clunk, as does my stomach.

Placing my leg back down, he moves to the side of the bed, leaning over me.

What am I doing? Why not just give him the cow, Sidney?

He pushes my bangs behind my ear letting his hand linger for a second before placing his other hand on my face. My heartbeat pulses through my body, my chest rising faster and faster with each staggered breath I take.

“I should go.” His eyes fall somewhat. Giving a slight nod, I agree, but I can’t seem to look away from him. He’s mesmerizing, even in the soft light of my room.

He moves closer until I can feel his breath against my lips. It tickles the sensitive skin that throbs with anticipation.

“Stay with me,” I whisper, staring into his eyes.

My heart slams into my chest, heat engulfing my body as I wait for him to send that smirk, that smirk that lets me know anything I want he will do.

“Will you be okay?” His eyes flicker quickly back and forth between mine.

He doesn’t answer or even acknowledge my plea. The only thing I can do is give another tiny nod. My heart is paralyzed, not sure whether to beat or crumble. The disturbing part is that only this man can do both to it with just a few words.

“I have to go,” he whispers again.

It starts to dissolve inside my chest, each beat coming more and more deliberate. It’s different from the high it was just on. This one is one I’ve grown accustomed to because this is a beat to survive to; not a beat to feel to and not a beat to love to. The tears try to build in my eyes, but I won’t let them. I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing them, they are mine and for me only. Only I can use them against myself. Taking a hard swallow, I try to speak normal, even though I’m scared of what may come out. Clearing the hurt and raw emotion from my throat, I manage to speak.

“You said that…” I whisper lightly brushing my lips across his causing his breath to still.

I know he wants this as much as I do. Then I realize I’ve stopped breathing as well. Time stands still for a moment as I wait for him to do something… anything. His fingers tighten against my neck; I brace myself for it. I try to silence my screaming nerves that are becoming deafening to me.

He pulls back instead, kissing my forehead before he stands and walks out of my room leaving behind my mind angry with him and my adolescent heart. All those nerves that were screaming and dancing now begin to quiet in disappointment and confusion. My heart doesn’t ache, it doesn’t shatter like it did when I was younger. It just stills and slinks back into the bitter nothingness that it’s used to.

Sorry… my brain sighs instead of saying “I told you so”.

Say what you will Simon but you don’t need me. You want her and now you’re about to see the fruits of your labor.

I hope you’re happy.

I wake up the next morning, laying in my bed thinking over my last few days. I wish I could say I regret them, but I don’t. I can now add Simon McAllister, the only man who my lazy heart will beat for, to the things I’ve learned from being here.

I guess they were right… Simon was my type. 

A knock at the door pulls me from my thoughts, and I wait, praying it isn’t him coming back. I don’t think I would have enough control to not launch a shoe at him. Lexi and Tyler creep in slowly.

“I think we’re dead, we wanted to make sure you died, too,” Tyler says as he falls onto the end of my bed with one leg, I imagine, firmly planted on the floor as he hugs the bed under him.

“What time is it?” I try to read the clock but my eyes are on strike so it’s no use.

“It’s six thirty… Jacob went for a run with Molly; they survived.” Lexi yawns as she walks around the side of my bed to get in.

“What do I look like, the dog? Move over and let me in the middle,” Tyler says crawling his way up to squeeze between us.

“I thought for sure we were going to walk in on you and Simon snuggled together.” Tyler nudges me.

“I have to keep my distance.” I bite my lip.

The memories of rejection are still vivid.

Drinking to forget sounds good. 

“Not again? Why?” Lexi sits up to look at me. Running my fingers over the scar that sits in perfect line with my hairline I frown.

I know what the problem is. He can’t let that night go.

“There are some things I don’t think he can get past, and it’s not fair to him that I’m a constant reminder. It’s also not fair to me that he pushes me away because of it.” I shrug.

“Well, it’s not fair to us that you both are jerks.” Lexi lies back down. Snuggling back down I close my eyes, I roll over and cuddle into Tyler.