Adjournment (The Fate Series) (2 page)

My fingers smooth through the back of my newly cut hair. I inwardly pout at the fact that I had to cut mine, thanks to her and an accident with an aim and flame.

No, I don’t want to talk about it.

She raises her can of soda to me in a toast. “To surviving,” she blurts out before she can think about what she’s saying.

That’s what life is about, right? Surviving one thing at a time.

Yeah... here’s to surviving.

The sudden realization of her words hits her, and she gasps. “Oh Sid, I’m so sorry. You knew what I meant.” She slowly lowers the can.

“I do, it’s okay.” I give a light laugh. We sit here chugging back our drinks.

What does she think I’m going to do? Scream, cry, throw something? Nope, the time for that is over – eventually we have to give in to the fact that life is a day to day struggle to survive. I know what you’re thinking… ‘You’re only eighteen, you shouldn’t be so negative’. I’m not being negative, I’m ‘cautiously aware’ as my mother calls it.

You know, it’s funny, I never understood what that meant…until now.

“I guess it wasn’t so bad. Could have been worse.” I sigh, pulling at the bottom of my peach eyelet dress.

It’s not a lie, it could have been worse. My mother could have invited our weird-ass neighbors’, the Carmichaels.

Here’s to The Hamptons… Where the rich and beautiful live, or in our neighbors case, it’s more like the rich and eccentric.

And Mrs. Carmichael fits that description perfectly.

“I like your dress.” Morgan bumps me with her elbow, pulling me from my thoughts.

Of course she does… she made it.

       “Thanks, I know this girl who is an amazing designer, but she is going to college for accounting though,” I stick my finger in my mouth to gag. “She’d be really cool if she wasn’t such a bore.” I watch as her bright green eyes widen in disbelief. I love teasing my sisters, however, Morgan can take it better than Molly.

“A bore?” she gasps, then wrinkles her nose in disgust.

“It’s not your fault… it comes with the career choice.” I continue to poke fun at her. There’s something about her mouth hanging open that’s gratifying to me. “You know, you wouldn’t be such a bore if you went to school for fashion like you should.” I gesture to my dress.

Giving me a sly smile she goes to say something when Molly, our sister and Morgan’s identical twin, walks in. “Guess who has cake!” she sing-songs.

Tucking my long bangs behind my ear, I place my soda down and rub my hands together with anticipation.

“I figured Mom was hiding your cake in the fridge for allergy reasons.” Molly laughs, putting the chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting down across from us.

Oh yeah! This makes it all worth it!

As soon as she hands Morgan and me a fork, we hop off the counter to dive in.

“Where is Simon?” I wonder about the boy who has avoided contact with me since the night of my prom.

Shoving the fork down the side of the cake, I scoop up a chunk and quickly heave it into my mouth before any crumbs can fall.

Heavenly.

Still chewing my first one, I stick the fork back in to break off my next bite.

“Last time I saw him he was outside with Dean and Chase,” Molly replies as she stabs her fork into the cake.

Well that’s never a good sign.

“Why? You’re not going to tell him you’re in
love
with him… are you?” Morgan mocks me. She takes another bite and does a little dance between Molly and me. We stand in silence watching her until she finishes with what looks like a seizure. “Or are you going to tell him that you’re definitely moving out with us to go to school?” She then makes a disgusted face, while shuddering at the idea.

“I was debating on telling him…” I mumble through the cake, pointing my fork at her. “I might surprise him and don’t make that face. I’m sure Mom would like at least one of her daughters to become an accountant since you both hate it,” I tease.

They don’t need to know that he already knows. They would kill me if they found out that he already knew. I mean what other reason would I have to go out to California, if not to be with
him
? Accounting isn’t really my dream job, but it’s time my sisters got to

do what they want to do. And as long as I can take over the family business, they can have the life they want.

Besides this was
our
plan all along…

They just don’t know that, though.

“No Sid, no she doesn’t.” Molly shakes her head. “And if she did she wouldn’t pick you, no offense but the closest thing to math you know is that song about calculus,” she quips.

Too true… This is going to suck.

“So, why are
you
majoring in account then?” I take a bite looking back and forth between them.

They both shrug.

“In the beginning… it was for the same reason you’re doing it,” Molly starts. I guess I’ll let her believe that, since telling her my reasons would get me verbally slapped… possibly physically slapped too. “Lately though,” Molly continues, “we’ve been wondering why ourselves.”

Morgan’s voice drops to a whisper. “Mom might kill us if she finds out we’re almost done and want to drop out to go somewhere else for
something
else.” She thoughtfully looks over the large piece of cake on her fork before shoving it into her mouth.

I know what she is thinking, ‘Live life to its fullest because you never know which day is your last.’ Yeah, she’s been a walking billboard of positive life quotes lately.

I choose the ‘let’s eat our feelings’ approach.

Covering her mouth with her hand, Morgan looks crossly at me. “Are you really going to be happy coming to school with us instead of staying in New York to go to beauty school?” Her question is muffled by the food, but her brow furrows at the thought of me giving up my dream.

She sounds like Judith now.

Anger begins to bubble up inside of me.

“It’s not beauty school, its makeup artistry,” I snap. “You make it sound silly when you call it beauty school.”

Just because I’m not going doesn’t mean it’s not something I love. 

But it was a dream...

This is reality.

“You’re right… I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware you were so passionate about it. Oh wait… yes I was.” Morgan’s voice is filled with sarcasm.

“When you say it like that it sounds terrible.” My face turns at the thought.

Is she right?

“You know it’s not too late to change your mind. You were accepted to both.” Morgan tries for the hundredth time to convince me. “I still don’t understand why you applied to that school if you knew the entire time that you weren’t going,” she says.

The both of them watch me… waiting for an answer.

“I just wanted to see if I could get in… if I was good enough.” I shrug.

“So… self-gratification?” Molly asks.

“Exactly.” I toss my hand in Molly’s direction, while looking at Morgan. “She gets it,” I say.

“Oh! Self-gratification…
of course
.” She bumps her palm against her forehead. “You see, I thought it was more ‘Sidney is making a huge mistake, and she knows it so she is going to do the smart thing and back out before it’s too late.’ But now I see self-gratification… because
that
makes sense.” Morgan snaps her fingers; her eyes roll at me.

I see what she’s doing; it won’t work. I’m not going to get mad. I love him… I’ve always loved him, and he loves me.

This is how it’s supposed to be… it’s our plan.

I’m not going to let her and her proverbs shake my decision. And I certainly am
not
going to let one night… one mishap, change that.

Okay so, it was a little more than a mishap.

But Fate is hard at work here and who am
I
to mess with Fate?

As if reading my mind Morgan scoffs, “How do you love someone you’ve never even kissed?”

She thinks because she is the oldest, she can act like a mother figure. She’s only older than Molly by a minute, and me by three years.

I open my mouth to answer, when Molly chimes in, “Because she’s a
child
.” She gives me a stern look.

Wait… What?

What the hell?

I should have seen that coming. Turncoat sister of mine.

“We almost did…” My words trail off.

I gently run my fingertips over my newest of injuries that scales my hairline and try not to dwell on it.

“Stop touching it,” Morgan scolds as she swats my hand away. “If you keep touching it you’re going to split the stiches open. And you didn’t answer the question, how do you know you’re in love with him if you haven’t kissed him yet?” Her tone is stern like Molly’s, and they hold the same expression.

Man, they look alike.

“I can’t split the stitches from touching it. Besides, they come out this week.” I blow her off, pulling my bangs forward, trying to conceal the damage. “And in regards to the kiss. Who knows, maybe we will have our first kiss tonight.” I suck my bottom lip in, pinning it between my teeth and release an excited squeal at the thought of having his lips pressed against mine.

“I can’t believe you have gone to the dark side.” Morgan shakes her head at me. “I could see Molly, because she is the weak one. But you? Have you forgotten all the torture he has put you through over the years?” She tosses her fork onto the counter.

Molly just stands there, her mouth hanging open from Morgan’s accusation, but no words come out.

That’s because she knows she’s the weak one.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I roll my eyes at her.

Her eyes widen in horror. “Love makes you stupid.” Her mouth turns in disgust. “I think you need another CT scan. You clearly have severe amnesia,” she chides.

Sinking my fork into the cake again I ignore their disapproving faces.

I have a mother… a very good, loud, and overly involved mother. I don’t need these two giving me the third degree.

“Girls, I need you three to help clean up.” Our mother claps her hands at us when she comes in.

Speak of the devil!

We nod, taking one last bite, then follow her out.

“Sidney, could you grab your aunt’s crystal dish and bring it in? And do be careful, it’s priceless!” she yells to me.

“It’s priceless,” Molly mocks her in a nasally well-practiced Upper East Side tone.

She sounds just like her. 

I try to smother a laugh as we walk outside to the back patio to clean up, but it doesn’t work.

“Sidney, dawling, don’t wrinkle your nose. Your face will freeze that way,” Molly continues to carry on, as she grabs a stack of plates, and I pick up the crystal dish.

“And don’t laugh so loud people might think you’re high, ladies never laugh louder than a whisper,” Morgan joins in.

It’s amazing how fast they can get over being mad at me when they have someone else to pick on.

Turning around to go back inside, my laughter stops. I don’t feel the crystal dish slip from my fingers. I just stand here… frozen.

There’s yelling and noise but it’s all muffled… like that night.

I close my eyes.

Breathe… Breathe… 

Everything adjusts, the muffled sounds becomes clear and Morgan is screaming at me. “Jesus, Sidney! Do you want Mom to kill you?”

I hear her, but I can’t speak. I’m like a camera focused on an object. The lids of my eyes acting in unison as a shutter that has been set to a slow aperture so the photographer can let the most amount of light into the frame. They open and close deliberately as they capture this moment, letting in as much of the exposure as possible so the memory is forever etched into my mind.

Once…

Twice…

They move with the measured pounding in my chest.

I’m finally pulled out of my hazy state and look down to see Morgan had caught the dish just as it was about to shatter. I can’t bring myself to worry about that right now. I glance back up and watch as Simon, the boy I was so in love with just moments ago pulls away from a girl that up until this point was my best friend. A girl I thought I was going away to college with, a girl who knew how I felt about him.

This is not happening… at my party no less…

“Breathe… Remember you’re in control…” Molly whispers, her hand connecting with my back startling me. I jolt away from her, quickly glancing from her back to them.

You know when you witness something, and you know you should look away, but you can’t because it’s one of those moments, those damn life-changing moments that your brain makes sure to take notes on so that nothing is missed, no detail is overlooked, and nothing is ever forgotten. It’s one of those moments in life that you know instantly will repeat itself over and over in your head until it eventually causes you to change. It will break you and from those pieces will rebuild you. I thought that night was my moment, but I guess that was just a giant stepping-stone to this one. Maybe I was wrong about Fate… maybe it wasn’t hard at work, maybe it just… forgot about me.

My pulse beats through my body in a deep throbbing rhythm, the darkness of a blackout building up. He steps back from her, slightly turning his head in my direction, and I know he knows I’m standing here, he just refuses to turn and look at me.

I’m so dumb, I should have known this was going to happen. I mean did I really think I was so different from any of my predecessors?  Women, real women, who have actually given themselves to him completely only to find out the next morning they’re just one in a crowd of many. Nothing special and forgotten about as soon as he received whatever it was he wanted from them.

I did…

Because he told me I was.

We
had a plan.

Molly was right, I am a child. Completely naïve to men like him, the games they play, and a world like this. A world where there is no fairy tale ending. A world where we good girls watch as the tramps with stuffed bras take what we thought was ours but are too scared to take for ourselves. I guess in a way Simon was right too. I am different from them, I wasn’t stupid enough to give him what he was looking for, for one night. Instead, I held out waiting, waiting for my moment… our moment—the moment when our plan was complete and we got our happily ever after. The moment he has built me up my whole life for… a different kind of life-changing moment.