Addicted to You (11 page)

“For that beach cleanup next month, if we organize our group, and I mean like really have a solid game plan, we could definitely win this.”

“We could…” Were we seriously discussing a fundraiser like it was the most important event of our life? “But we haven't registered.”

His expression fell. “I know. But we'd win. And we'd donate all the money to the pier restoration. We need that pier.”

“Um, yeah. I like the pier too.” Holy crap, how much had he drunk?

“You were wearing blue.”

“Um, what?” Drunk Colby was very hard to keep up with.

“We were twelve. It was our first time getting to walk the carnival without our parents. And you were wearing blue.”

The back door slid open and Colby jumped up so fast I almost fell from his lap. He mumbled something about getting a drink and took off inside.

I craned to get a better look at his expression but Landon blocked my view.

“Sorry, I ended up making a few drinks for the guys.” He handed me back my drink. “Tell me if this is better.”

I took a sip and nodded, still hung up on where Colby had been going with that story. “Much better. Thanks.”

I sat in the chair Colby had been in and pretended to listen to the guys while thinking back to the night he'd been talking about.

It was the summer before seventh grade and we were at the weekend carnival on the pier. Usually I had to stay with my parents because it got crowded with all the tourists, but Colby's parents had let him walk around with Landon so I asked my parents if I could join them. Mom had always been overly protective, but that night she waved her hand and nodded, like she was batting away a fly.

At the time, I was thrilled, but looking back, I realized I'd missed the glossy tears hiding in the corner of her eyes. The slight turn of her mouth, the tremble of her lip, the way her shoulders sagged with the weight of adult problems that I'd never understand at twelve. They divorced a few years later, but what I hadn't realized at the time was how that night was the beginning of the end of their marriage. I never resented her for the brush-off though, because now I knew how much my mom had protected me from. She absorbed all the pain of a bad marriage, so I could stay blissfully unaware.

And I was. Happy and carefree with the freedom to follow Colby and Landon around. Because that's exactly how it felt to me. They'd always been close, even back then, and I was basically the tag-along puppy.

But the
best
part of the night was when Colby gave me a stuffed bear. He'd won it playing a ring toss game and wouldn't have been caught dead carrying it around so he handed it to me. God, how I'd treasured that stupid bear.

The details of that night had always lingered in my mind because even at the age of twelve, I'd already been hopelessly in love with him, but how had
he
remembered what I was wearing?
I
couldn't even recall that.

What had made the night so memorable for him? Was this just drunk Colby talk or was there really something about that night at the pier? I glanced at the sliding glass door wondering where Colby had taken off to.

Then again, even if I went inside and questioned him, could I believe anything he said? A few minutes ago he'd been rambling on about a team for a beach cleanup neither one of us had even signed up for. Obviously, after a few drinks, logic wasn't really on the table when it came to him.

But curiosity got the best of me. I slipped inside to find him. He wasn't at the table with the guys playing cards. Nor was he in the kitchen. I glanced down the hall but the bathroom door was open, the light off. His bedroom door was also open with the light off. He wouldn't have driven off somewhere, would he? My stomach turned, fearing what could happen if he got behind the wheel. I made my way down the hall just to double-check that he wasn't in his bedroom.

And though the room was dark, I made out the distinct silhouette of Colby.

His gaze was focused out the window. And I couldn't blame him. The ocean was peaceful at night. The lull of the waves always calmed my restlessness too.

“Colby?”

He stayed quiet. Didn't even turn around. Maybe he didn't hear me, or maybe he chose not to. Either way something compelled me to move forward. I placed my hand gently on his shoulder.

“You okay?” I asked, voice barely above a whisper.

With a deep breath, he nodded. “Tired.”

“Oh. I'm sorry. You were sitting in the dark, and I thought you were upset. I didn't realize you were getting ready to go to bed.” I lowered my hand but he caught it.

I stared at my hand, now in his, then at him. Was he reaching out for comfort? Or something more? “Want to talk about anything?”

“The ocean.”

I glanced out the window then back at him. And drunk Colby was still making his grand appearance. “Oh?”

“I like watching it. It's pretty this time of night.”

“Yeah. It is.”

He released my hand then tilted his head toward the empty spot beside him. “I'm not going to sleep yet. You can stay if you want.”

Several minutes seemed to pass with nothing more from him. I had to say something.

“So the pier? What were you saying about it?” I asked.

“It has good memories for me.”

“I can't believe you remembered I wore blue. I didn't even remem—”

“It was a blue sleeveless shirt with tiny white flowers all over it, jean shorts, and flip-flops. Your hair was in a braid.”

What the…? How…?

“The bear. I won it for you.”

I laughed, almost nervously. Scared to admit more than I should, knowing full and well this was just drunk talk. “You just didn't want to carry it around.”

He shook his head. “Nah. I played it cool, pretending I'd won it on a fluke. But, damn, if I hadn't tried my hardest…After all, yellow was your favorite color. Except…I hadn't expected to see
that
look.”

“What look?”

He grinned. “It was as if I'd handed you a priceless treasure, not some ugly, slightly deformed carnival prize.”

My face warmed and I was thankful the darkened room hid it. Of course I'd looked at it like it was a treasure, because to me it had been.

“I think about that look a lot. Sometimes I think I see it. Other times I think I just want to.”

He wanted to see that look? And what did that mean?

“We leapt, Isla.”

And there was the reminder I needed right then. Colby was wasted. There was no point in deciphering drunken messages.

“Here you are…this girl, who I've cared about, watched out for, laughed and joked with, and genuinely just loved as a person, but suddenly I'm supposed to be thinking about you in a way I'd kill another guy for?”

His words sunk deep. And while a part of me screamed
It's just drunk talk,
another part of me needed to know more. Like did he regret leaping? Or was he just having trouble figuring out the
what next,
like me? If we took our time, could we have more? Or could he never see me as more than a friend?

“Colby?”

He shifted, slowly coming to face me. His eyes looked hooded, sexy, and inviting. “Yeah, Isla?”

And I chickened out. All the things I'd wondered and the questions I had fell short on my tongue, and instead I blurted, “I still have that yellow bear.”

His head cocked sideways, the corner of his mouth tugged up in the slightest of smiles.

“In a box, in my closet.”

And then he was in motion, slowly closing the gap between us. His darkened eyes focused squarely on my lips.

Lost in the moment, my heart overrode my brain and I didn't care if he was drunk. After all what could one kiss hurt…besides our friendship. Again.

But I didn't have to stifle the fears and doubts, because Colby made the decision for us both. Just as our lips met in the slightest brush of skin, he yanked back. His eyes widened, like he'd just woken up from a dream and had no idea how he'd gotten there.

And my heart broke a little. I stared at him in disbelief. How many times would this play out? And how many times would I fall for it? “I don't know what you want from me.”

“Nothing,” he snapped.

My hurt morphed into anger. Why was he mad at me? He had leaned in for the kiss. And like always, he had pulled away, making me feel like an idiot and reminding me exactly what I was to him. So I snapped back, “Are you sure? Because some days, I think we're friends. Other days, I think we've lost that. And then there are moments like this…” I glanced up. “And I think you want more from me.”

He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off, needing to get it all out while I had the courage.

“Thing is,” I continued, “I thought I could do casual, but I was wrong. This…whatever it is…well, it's tempting. Yet every time I feel myself being sucked back in, you go and remind me that I'm nothing more than a
mistake.
”

“A mistake?” He blinked as if trying to bring my words into focus. “A fucking mistake,” he muttered.

I guess I'd expected him to argue it, or maybe even reassure me, but instead he just looked, well, confused.

“I know you regret it,” I whispered.

He shot upright, his posture rigid, his eyes focused on me. Everything about him screamed volatile.
Whoa.

“I regret straining our friendship, but
regret
and
mistake
are two very different things. I don't know if I'm more offended for you or me.”

I stood, not wanting to give him the opportunity to tower over me, and crossed my arms tightly across my chest. “Why in the world would
you
be offended? I didn't say you were the mistake.”

“No, you didn't. Nor would that have offended me.” He ran his hand through his hair, then dragged it down his face, looking more sober than he had ten minutes ago. “I'm offended that you think I could ever see you as anything less than abso-fucking-lutely perfect. You, Isla, could never, nor will ever be a mistake. For me or any other guy lucky enough to have you in his life.”

Though his words were sweet, I couldn't help but blurt, “Then why do we keep doing this? This constant back-and-forth. I'm sorry but I can't help but feel like I'm your drunken desire turned sober mistake.”

His face twisted like he was angry or hurt or confused. But I had no idea which. After all, he'd been full of surprises all night.

I sighed, losing my steam. “I know you probably think I'm crazy, but well, I'm a girl and sometimes we can't just shut it all down. I have feelings, Colby. And I let them get involved and I don't know how to do this with you.”

“You think you're the only one with feelings?”

“Well, it's not like you talk about them. How else should I know if there's actually more than one of us with feelings?”

He let out a humorless laugh. “And that is exactly the problem.” He brushed past me, and as he made his way to the door I could have sworn he mumbled, “
Definitely
more than one.”

“Oh no. You are not pulling that crap again. You do not just get to walk away when the conversation isn't going your way.” I reached for his arm and forced him to stop. “Why does it need to be like this?” My shoulders sagged and my voice lowered, the fire gone. “Just explain it to me. Tell me something. Anything. Help me understand so I don't have to feel like the crazy one here.”

His eyes drifted to the ground and for a moment I thought he'd completely shut down, but then he murmured, “Landon.”

Just because he looked to have sobered up, obviously he hadn't. “I don't even know why I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you when you've obviously had too much to drink,” I muttered more to myself than him as I walked past. “Like always, you've brought out stupid-decision-Isla. Congratulations!”

But this time, he stopped me. “Isla.”

I sighed. “What?”

“Could you…”

I stared at him, waiting for his question.

“I just…” He spoke slowly as if he needed me to hear each word with clarity. “Could you ever see Landon as…more than a friend?”

“Landon…Me?”

“Yeah.”

“But what about…what about us?”

“There's really not an—”

I held my breath, waiting to hear the words that would give finality to what I feared.

His expression softened as he continued. “…An easy way to figure this all out. But I, um, I think he's interested in more with you.”

“And you?”

“I think he'd treat you right.”

“I meant how do
you
feel about m—”

He looked down. “He deserves a fair chance.”

I ducked my head to make eye contact with him, searching for some kind of explanation behind what he was saying. “So you want me…and him? A chance…You want me to give him a chance?”

“You should do what's best for you.”

I stepped closer, and his body tensed, but not in an angry or upset way, more like caution. Like he held back.

“Landon is a great guy, but I, uh, don't see him in that way.”

His head popped up. “Could you?”

“I…I don't know.” My mouth tugged down, not liking the direction this conversation had headed. This went back to the same question Felicity had asked. Could I? Who knew? I had never seen him in that way, but truth be told, as long as Colby was in the picture, I wouldn't. “If…” I turned away and took a deep breath as my words trailed off.

“If what, Isla?”

I spun around, closed the distance between us, and kissed him. It wasn't deep, nor was it timid. More of an invitation. I needed to know once and for all, tonight. If I put myself out there, took the decision out of his hands, would he pull away or take it to the next level?

And I got my answer.

His arms wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly against him. As my lips parted, his tongue sought the soft underside of my top lip and my breath came out in a shudder, recalling how he'd done that same thing the night we'd spent together. So I pulled back slightly, allowing room for my teeth to sink into his bottom lip, forcing him to react just as he had that night.

He took a step in the direction of his bed, but I moved in the opposite direction, ultimately pulling away. Not that I really wanted to, but I'd only initiated to prove a point. I couldn't allow it to go further. Though I
really
wanted to.

“I needed to know this attraction wasn't one-sided. But I also need to know that ending up here again”—I gestured to the bed—“has nothing to do with drinking.” I slipped out of his arms. “Honestly, I don't know what you want me to do. And I guess we both have things to think about…to figure out.” I stepped outside his room then glanced back over my shoulder. “Just know that even if it's not what I want to hear, I'd rather know the truth then be shuffled around.” And right now, the truth felt like Colby had hooked up with me because we're friends, it was easy, it was comfortable, and there was an attraction. He'd do it again for all those same reasons. But when it came down to it, attraction wasn't the same as feelings, and he didn't
like
me in the way he believed Landon did. So Colby acted as a brother and a friend, and suggested Landon and I consider giving things a go.

“Isla—”

I truly hoped I was wrong, but it wasn't the time for arguing things further. Instead I said, “Think. Sober up. We'll talk later. But Colby, just know the choice is yours.”

He shook his head as if denying my words, but ultimately it always had been his decision. If he cared about me half as much as I did him, there'd be only one choice.

He remained quiet as I walked down the hall, and as I rounded the corner, I was thrown back into the party still in full swing. The last half hour had been like a time warp in an alternate universe compared to this. Everyone was laughing, drinking, and completely oblivious to my emotional turmoil, thank God.

“I win.” Brandon pointed at Dave. “Drink up.” He laughed, then asked, “Who's next?”

He started rearranging the cups for the next game just as I came into view.

He grinned and I shook my head, so not ready to pretend I was okay.

“Oh, come on.” Brandon stared at me, slightly pleading.

I glanced at the table and shrugged, wavering slightly as all eyes went to me. “I don't know.”

“You can play against Taylor. That will be fair.”

Fair? “Hold up.” I gestured to the cups. “You think I don't want to play because I'm scared to lose to a boy?”

“No, uh, I just assumed you'd have fun playing against her.” He quickly backpedaled, but I wasn't actually mad or offended. I was teasing.

Suddenly Landon was at my side. “Let's play teams. Matt and Taylor versus Isla and me. How does that sound?”

“Works for me,” Taylor said. “But I'm driving, so Matt, you have to do all the drinking for our team.”

He looked pretty pumped about that news. “No problem there.”

Landon grinned. “Well, I'm pretty wasted. So Isla might have to do all of ours, too.”

I laughed but it came out as more of a nervous titter and I wished Colby hadn't let me in on Landon's feelings.

“But…then again, we're going to kick your ass.” Landon tossed a Ping-Pong ball in the air and caught it. “We won't be doing much drinking either way.”

“Oh, I see how it is.” Matt reached both his arms into the air. “Hang on, let me just do a few stretches.” Then he rolled his head from front to back. “Loosen up a bit.”

His little spectacle made me laugh, a genuine
These are my friends; why not enjoy myself?
kind of laugh, and my body finally relaxed.