Addicted (A Billionaire Romance Novel) (6 page)

Before his funeral, I drew a portrait of him and hung it up inside of his coffin. He was buried in a small black suit with a purple button-down shirt. My parents, especially my dad, told me that I should’ve put him in different clothes. “Boys shouldn’t wear purple,” is what he said. I chose the color purple because they say it represents gentle and kind; that was my boy. He touched everyone’s heart in some small way. If I hadn’t lost
him, I would’ve never touched a drug in my life. I’d never had the desire before, but at that time, it helped keep me sane.
 

After work, I went to the grocery store and browsed their inventory. I’d have to start planning our meal now since I was scheduled to work midnights the next two nights. That was one thing I hated about the gas station. Graveyard shift totally zaps the life out of me. I hate sleeping during the day and I feel less productive. Standing in the meat section, a rack of lamb caught my eye; I hadn’t had it in years. Alex always liked hamburgers and hot dogs, so we ate a lot of that. When he wanted something different, he would pick spaghetti or pizza. After his death, I hardly ate. I grabbed the rack of lamb up and placed it in the cart and decided to make my own glaze to spice it up.
 

The next few days were uneventful. I worked my dreaded night shifts as scheduled, and hadn’t heard a word from Chad. Suddenly, I found myself wondering if he’d possibly forgotten about our dinner date. My mind told me that he hadn’t. He did, after all, intentionally text me to ask if I was free this weekend, but my heart worried. This is when the old Audrey would’ve went to her dealer and got a couple of envelopes of heroin and made everything shut up, but rehab has shown me a different way of life. I can no longer fall back on drugs when things were complicated or not working in my favor. I have to remain strong and believe in myself. Hopefully, Chad will believe in me too once he’s learned about my past.
 

Saturday came too fast. Too anxious to sleep, Audrey found herself prepping for that evening’s dinner when she got off work Saturday morning from her graveyard shift. Worried how Chad might
react to her past, she carefully chopped each vegetable and measured out all of her ingredients for her particular glaze that would cover the rack of lamb. By 11 AM, she’d exhausted herself enough to fall asleep despite the sun pouring in through her windows and spilling all over her pillows as she closed her eyes. Before going to sleep, Audrey set her alarm clock for 4:30 that afternoon to give herself enough time to shower, shave and begin cooking. Restless in her sleep, she tossed and turned. By the time her alarm clock was sounding, she was ready to get up anyway.
 

Rolling out of bed, she looked at herself in her dresser mirror. Boy, do I look rough. I’ve got to get showered and get that food in the oven. With any luck, these eye bags might go away before dinner. She preheated the oven before starting her shower. As she bathed, she imagined how she would bring up her past over dinner. “More lamb?
By the way, did I mention I’m a recovering heroin addict?” she laughed out loud as she rinsed her hair. That, would not go over very well. There’s also still the possibility that maybe he only wants a casual relationship like we had in the day and the roses were just a nice touch.   
 

Around 6:45, the doorbell rang. Audrey found herself scurrying to the door as if it were her first date. Chad looked stunning. He was wearing a pair of black trousers with an emerald polo shirt that brought out his coffee-brown eyes.
 

“I’m so glad you made it,” she said, shutting the door behind them as they embraced.
 

“I’ve been thinking about you all week,” Chad admitted. “What smells so delicious?”
 

“Rack of lamb with a secret glaze that I made,” she smiled. “And, of course, roasted veggies.”
 

As the two sat down to dinner, Audrey found herself becoming nervous. Sitting across from Chad, she repeatedly tucked her hair behind her ear as she babbled. Even though the food smelled and looked delightful, she’d lost her appetite as soon as they sat down to talk. It was obvious that her smile was pasted on as she seemed a bit withdrawn. All she could think about was fleeing the situation, avoid telling him about her past and wishing time would speed up.
 

“What’s wrong?” Chad asked her, picking up on the fact that she seemed distant and not herself.
 

“Nothing,” she lied.
 

“Why don’t you tell me about yourself? It’s been a while since we’ve actually seen each other and when we went out the other night, I hogged all of the spotlight.”
 

She swallowed, even though her mouth was dry. “Where should I start?” she looked at him hopelessly.
 

“How about college? Where’s Rob, what happened with the two of you?” he suggested, even though he already knew about her son with Rob and Alex’s death. He didn’t want her to know that he knew these things.
 

“I have to be upfront with you Chad,” she wiped her mouth with a cloth napkin. Carefully refolding it, she avoided eye contact as she continued. “Rob and I became a couple back in
college, and I got pregnant. When I learned I was going to be a mom, I dropped out of school. I saw the struggles of my older sister Theresa with her kids, and I wanted the ability to be there for my baby too.”
 

“I thought I’d heard you were pregnant. You remember Nancy Tiffins and Emily Brockster?” Audrey nodded. “I overheard them talking about whether or not you’d be coming back since you were having a baby.” At this point, this is all that he would fess up to.
 

“Right. They were some of my closest friends. Gosh, I haven’t talked to them in years,” she said, momentarily reflecting on the last time she saw them. “Anyway, yes, I was pregnant so I quit college. Rob and I were doing okay. I mean, not great, but we were happy. Everything was going smooth when he suddenly announced that he
wanted to pursue his career in Washington. He up and left me, and Alex. That was my son’s name.”
 

Chad nodded as he intently listened.
 

“Alex and I were on our own. We did okay until his accident.” She paused for a moment as she collected her thoughts. “He came home from school one day, pleading to go over to a friend’s house. The little boy only lived across the street, two houses up; it seemed harmless enough, or so I thought. I asked what they planned on doing. His little glimmering jade eyes looked right up at me and said, “He has a swing set and we’re going to play on it!” Busy with trying to clean and get dinner started, I stopped what I was doing and walked him over there. I never imagined it would be my last time hearing his voice or talking to him.”
 

She stopped talking, replaying the day in her mind. Chad could see the pain on her face but allowed her to continue telling her story though he already knew most of it.
 

“As I was chopping a head of broccoli, I heard tires squeal and someone scream. At first I didn’t think anything of it; cars always zoomed up and down our block, slamming on their brakes as children ran out in front of them. That’s when I realized, it could’ve been my son, and he was outside. I rushed over to the screen door and looked out at the road. I saw a man jumping out of his car, now double parked in the street, screaming for help. The cordless phone was on the small round table near the front door; I grabbed it and began calling for help. The operator asked what my emergency was, which at this point, I still wasn’t exactly sure what was going on. It became painfully evident that there was a car accident
when I saw two small legs peering out from the front driver’s side tires.”
 

“Are you okay?” Chad interrupted her as tears fell from the corners of her eyes.
 

She didn’t answer right away; she drew a deep breath before continuing and shook her head.
 

“There’s been an accident,” I said while running over to the car. That’s when I saw it. His khaki sandals; we’d bought them a few weeks before since he was growing like a weed and no longer fit last year’s sandals. “Oh my God! It’s my baby! My baby’s been hit by a car!” I cried into the phone.”
 

“That must have been traumatic,” Chad acknowledged.
 

“It was,” she wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “And he had the most beautiful funeral. Well, as beautiful as it could be for a child.”
 

“That’s awful. I wish I would’ve been there for you when you were going through that.”
 

She sipped on her water, allowing an ice cube to roll around in her mouth before she continued.
 

“There’s more that I need to tell you, though. I don’t know exactly what your intentions are, but I feel you should know the real me.”
 

“Audrey, there’s nothing you could say to me to make me think anything badly of you,” he put his hand on her shoulder.
 

“You say that now, but hear me out,” she looked deep into his eyes. “After his death, I was severely depressed.”
 

“That’s understandable,” he said, squeezing her shoulder.
 

“My doctor prescribed anti-depressants and medication to help me sleep; Ambien. I was becoming addicted to them, and soon I was asking for refills before they were due to be refilled. The doctor caught on that I was developing a habit.”
 

“I’m sure you’re not the first person that’s happened to,” he tried to reason with her.
 

“No, it’s not, but I took it a step further. When my doctor attempted to wean me off of them, I began buying pills off the streets. It gets expensive very quickly. There was this guy that I was buying
them from, and I told him that I couldn’t afford it anymore and asked what my options were. I’d already pawned or sold everything I could.”
 

It was becoming painful for Chad to listen to her describe her downward spiral, but he continued to look and tried to comfort her with gentle touches.
 

“What did he say?” Chad asked, wondering where this was going and how bad it would get.
 

“He said that he had some heroin that I could try; on the house. At first I said no, but then I finally agreed.”
 

“God, Audrey,” he said, cupping his hand over his mouth as he shook his head. He never imagined sitting in her kitchen listening to her tell this story.
 

“I never planned on shooting it. They say those people are junkies.”
 

“Don’t tell me that you did,” he said, as a sudden coldness hit his core. He didn’t want to believe that she was one of
them.
 

“I snorted it for a while, but that only lasted for so long. My dealer said I should try smoking it to get a different high; so I did. Soon, that no longer worked and I eventually did begin shooting it.”
 

Chad crumpled back in the chair, looking down at his feet. The woman he let ‘get away’ had experienced quite a rough past, and he wasn’t there to help her. He ran his hand through his hair as he thought of what to say. It felt like someone had jabbed a knife deep into the pit of his
stomach; he could see her pain and feel it at the same time. His mind scrambled to understand everything that she’d just told him.
 

Audrey remained silent for a moment as she wrapped her arms around herself and curled her knuckles into a ball. Her chin trembled as she thought of what must be going through Chad’s mind. Unable to meet Chad’s eyes, she sighed as she felt her face, neck, and ears becoming impossibly hot. Her thoughts panicked as she realized, he could get up and walk out of her house at any moment. Ashamed, the tears continued to flood her eyes.
 

Chad sighed, “Audrey, I’m no one to judge you. Only you know why you did the things you did. All I can do is be here for you now and offer you support,” he said, getting up and hugging her.
 

Audrey’s voice cracked, “I just thought that you should know where I’ve been and the things I’ve done. I’m not proud of them, but I thought the best thing for me to do was to be upfront about it with you.”
 

He held her head in his hands as he searched for the right words. Praying that God would help him, his mind became clear. “Nothing that you could’ve ever done would make me think less of you. I want you to know that.”
 

“If we’re being honest, can I ask you a question?” she whispered.
 

“Of course,” he replied.
 

“What are your intentions? Why did you take me out to dinner the other night and why are you here now?”
 

“Audrey, I don’t know how to say this to you without sounding cheesy, but I’ve thought about you a lot over the years.” He bit his lip for a moment, carefully choosing his words. “I’ll be honest. I did try searching for you online, but I couldn’t find any of your social media accounts. Every time I clicked on one, it said it couldn’t display the page.”
 

She interrupted him, “That’s because I shut them all down. When Alex died, I couldn’t deal with reality, or with people for that matter.”