Adam's List (11 page)

Kelly was livid when Matt dropped her off, not that Levi broke our pictures, but that he had threatened Adam and frightened me. While braiding my hair, she tried to convince me to file a restraining order in case his anger flares and he actually follows through with his threat. But knowing Levi, he’s likely angry enough that I won’t have to worry about seeing him ever again.

Watching Adam maneuver through the parking lot, I’m extra fidgety, checking to be sure my leggings are tucked neatly into my riding boots, my minty green shirt positioned just right around my collarbone without showing my bra straps. It’s been a while since I’ve been this concerned about my looks. Most days I roll out of bed and throw on sweats for class. But after Adam said he didn’t expect anything more than friendship, I feel like I have to know if it’s because he’s not attracted to me, or because he thinks I’m really still involved with Levi and he doesn’t want to interfere.

As soon as the car’s parked at the curb in front of me, I hop in. “Hey!”

“Hey. You look great.” While Adam pauses a millisecond to take me in, smiling, I do the same. In a black button down and dark blue jeans, he looks dressier than I’m used to seeing him, and there’s a slight shadow dusting his jaw. “Any special requests?”

“Surprise me,” I say, shrugging.

He takes me to the small diner downtown where my parents used to take my grandma when she came to visit. A tall, young waitress with bright red hair leads us to a small booth in the back, leaving us alone with plastic menus and the smell of bacon thick in the air. A few older couples litter the quaint diner, most of them sipping on coffee and glancing at us with curiosity. Two girls my age sit in old-fashioned red stools near the front counter, one chatting animatedly with her hands, the other nodding while staring down on her cell phone. When done skimming through the breakfast selections, I set the menu on the table and watch Adam.

After taking a moment to summon enough courage, I clear my throat so he’ll look up.

“I know you didn’t want me to explain, but it’s something I have to do if we’re going to keep hanging out.”

He settles back in the short bench with his arm stretched over the plastic material, one eyebrow raised. “Fine. Let’s hear it.”

After a calming breath, I lay my hands down on the table as if bracing myself as the truth spills out. My eyes fall steadily on Adam’s. “I decided Levi and I don’t work together. He’s in a different place in his life. He works all the time at his motorcycle shop and hangs at the bars. He even has a two-year-old son he never sees or makes an effort to see. We really don’t even have much in common.”
Other than sex.
But I spare him that cruel detail. “What you saw last night was him trying to weasel his way back into my life. But I kicked him out after you left. I probably shouldn’t have hooked up with the guy in the first place. Last night you saw the real asshole side of him.”

Adam shrugs, glancing down at his menu. “He was just being protective.” He’s quiet for a moment before his attention returns to me. “Why
did
you hook up with a guy like that in the first place? Is he your type?”

Face flushing, I say, “I’ve been asking myself the same thing lately. I guess I was attracted to him. You know, older guy, motorcycle, the kind your parents wouldn’t necessarily approve of.” When Adam looks confused, I shrug. “I was almost always drunk whenever we got together. Before him, I only saw guys a few times before becoming bored and moving on. But then I met Levi, and thought I was ready for a
grownup
relationship.” I hook air quotes with the word “grownup”, feeling ridiculous for having thought such a thing.

Adam straightens with a gruff chuckle. “That guy didn’t seem like the
grownup
type.”

“Yeah, I’m not really sure what I was thinking and I don’t know why I let it drag on as long as it did, but that’s over now. I’m ready to start a new chapter in my life.” Our eyes catch as a look of surprise crosses his face.

“Are you ready to order?” the waitress asks, suddenly at our side. She places two glasses of water on the table before pulling a pen and pad of paper from her apron.

Adam turns to her. “I’ll take the strawberry crepe, no whipped cream.”

I’ve never had a crepe, but decide it sounds good. “What he said.”

We hand her the menus, and she’s gone again, leaving the two of us in an awkward state of silence. I shift in my seat and play with a packet of sugar. Just being in Adam’s presence lifts my spirits to a higher level than they’ve been in too long of a time. And I’m locked in a perpetual state of excitement that pinches at my chest.

“So you haven’t told me why you had to cancel on our plans last night. I figured you had probably changed your mind about me.”

When I glance up, he’s swirling the glass of water around, staring at its clear contents. “Family emergency. Nothing bad.” His eyes skate up to meet mine. “You really thought I was ditching you?”

“It was the first time you sent a text instead of calling. It wouldn’t be the first time a guy used that trick.”

Adam sighs, rubbing at the back of his neck. His eyebrows draw down in sternness.

“Jewels, please tell me you didn’t dump this guy just because of me.”

For a moment, I’m speechless, my lips flopping open soundlessly. I look back down at the sugar packet, squeezing the grain between my fingers. Swallowing with difficulty, I’m finally able to say, “I told you—”

“That you kicked him out last night after you saw me, yeah, I got that part.” He leans back into the bench. “Listen, I know it was incredibly impulsive and probably odd to ask a complete stranger to go on this trip with me. But you’re nothing like most girls I’ve met, and to be honest, I really don’t know what the hell I’d be doing if I went on my own. I like hanging out with you. It’s just...I’m probably not in the best place to start any kind of a relationship. I’m sorry, I probably should’ve made that clear right away. It wasn’t my goal to steal you away from your boyfriend.”

My face burns hot with embarrassment. I continue to focus on the sugar packet, my fingernails digging into the paper.

“Hey.” Adam reaches across the table to stop my hands from fidgeting. “Look at me.”

His eyes are soft, filled with a gleam that twists at my gut. “You’re gorgeous. I’d be an idiot not to recognize that. And I
really
like spending time with you. But I’m headed nowhere, fast. I dropped out of college. I live on a buddy’s couch with no long term or even
immediate
goals. If you think that Levi guy wasn’t good for you, I can promise you that I’m not any better.”

Did he really ask me to go on this trip strictly as friends? It seems impossible that I could keep things platonic, denying these feelings that keep growing stronger each day I get to know him better. “Why would you say that about yourself? There’s still time for you to do something meaningful with your life.” I lift my chin higher. “And I think it’s up to me to decide if you’re right for me or not.”

“You don’t want to get involved with me,” he tells me in the gruffest voice I’ve heard all week. Leaning over the table, he closes his stormy eyes for a moment. “Trust me. My family’s a nightmare. My life’s a mess.”

His argument only frustrates me further. I can handle difficult parents. It’s one of my specialties. I’ve been able to charm the pants off some of the crankiest people. But it’s starting to feel like he’s trying to find any excuse to reject me. Paranoia invades my every thought, spreading like poison.

“I still don’t get it. If you just want us to be friends, why
didn’t
you ask one of your buddies?”

“I already told you. My friends are boring.”

I look down to the sugar packet still in my fingers and grimace. “But what if I were to actually like you as something more than a friend?” I surprise even myself by saying it out loud, and don’t dare glance up to see what kind of expression Adam has because of my confession. Do I sound desperate? My cheeks flush.

I hear Adam pull in a slow breath. “Considering you
just
broke up with someone a few days ago, I’d say I wouldn’t want to be
that
guy.” He mutters something under his breath as he shifts around. “It’s like I said, I have a lot of fun when I’m with you. Is there any way we can keep going on like this, or are things going to get too weird between us now?”

What he’s saying sounds like an ultimatum: either I drop my little crush on him, or we can’t be friends. I realize we’ve only known each other a little less than a week, but every minute I’ve spent away from him has felt like a lifetime. And I’d rather try this friendship thing than never get to see him again. Pulling myself together, my eyes snap back to his.

“That was hypothetical. Besides, you’re way too nice for me to get involved with you.

Bad guys are kind of my thing.”

Relief settles in his expression, and he smirks. “I guess that explains the biker.”

The waitress appears again, setting identical plates in front of us. “Anything else I can get you?”

Adam raises his eyebrows at me, silently asking if I need anything more. I tip my head at the waitress. “Thanks, I think we’re good.” As she spins around, Adam watches me dig into my crepe with a flittering smile that doesn’t quite transform the worry in his eyes. “Are
we
? Good, I mean?”

By now I’m used to stuffing my face in front of Adam, and don’t hold back with a heaping forkful. The mix of strawberries, cream cheese and chocolate syrup stuffed inside the crepe is like a piece of heaven. I moan, pointing at my plate with my dirty fork.

“We’re definitely not as good as this. Does the rest of the world know about these things?”

“I’m pretty sure, yeah.” He chuckles, cutting his first bite. “You’ve never had a crepe before?” When I shake my head, he laughs even louder, the sound of his voice cutting through the quiet lull of the diner. “Days like this I’m not sure which of us is more deprived.”

Our conversation leads far away from my confession, leaving me a little sad and confused, although still glad Adam wants to see me again all the same.

When I return to the dorms after work, Kelly gasps dramatically from the couch. In a pair of spandex capris and a mesh athletic tank top, her brown hair pulled into a high ponytail, it’s safe to guess she just returned from another run without me. I’ve always considered it gross that she doesn’t shower as soon as she gets back. She usually eats an ice cream bar and watches smut TV first. The empty wrapper rests on the floor next to her running shoes.

Her eyebrows raise. “Wow, what gives me the honor of your presence today, after I
just
put in an application for a new roommate? Why aren’t you attached to Adam’s hip?”

“Very funny,” I answer, flopping down beside her. “He said he’d pick me up later at the library. I just have to decide if I’m going with him or not.”

“Ooooh, trouble in paradise?
Already
?” she teases, nudging me.

I grunt. “There’s no
paradise
. He made it clear this morning that he only wants to be friends.”

Kelly’s eyes pop wide as she whips her ponytail over her shoulder. “Wait. Is he gay?”

“No way!” Then, for a fraction of a second, I consider his sex appeal going to waste on me and shake my head. “Doubtful anyway. He said something about not wanting to be the rebound guy. He made it sound like his family is pretty intense.”

“Sounds like a load of shit to me. Maybe he’s just a total player.” Kelly glances down at her chipped pink nails before deciding which one to chew on. “When are you going to introduce me to this guy? I’m starting to feel like the secret friend not suitable for public viewing.”

“Give yourself a
little
credit. I at least take you out for walks.” I giggle when she feigns insult. “It’d be way too awkward to officially introduce you if we’re not actually dating. You’ll just have to conveniently run into
us one of these times.” I breathe out a long, slow breath, resting my hands on my stomach. “If there
is
a next time.”

Her eyes glower with suspicion. Times like this she’s more like the overbearing big sister I never had than my best friend, but I appreciate how much she cares. Since I lost most of my high school friends and my parents are so skeptical of my ability to independently function as a human, she’s kind of the only person of value left in my life.

“Does he still want you to go on his little trip?”

“I think so.” I shrug, crossing my legs then uncrossing them again. “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I can act normal around him for that long anyway. I mean if he just wants to be friends, I may have to invest in physical restraints.”

Could I really pretend I’m not majorly attracted to him for that long? I have a hard enough time when we’re alone for just a few hours. No matter how much I try to avoid it, my mind wanders to places that would definitely violate any kind of platonic friendship.

Kelly chews on her nail a little longer before springing from the couch. “Well, if you’re not going with him tonight, then you have no excuse to get out of going to the first end of the year mixer at Matt’s sisters’ house.”

The thought of teetering around all night in heels and a cocktail dress makes me want to roll my eyes. It’s one of the many reasons I purposely chose
not
to join a sorority. Kelly gets all hyped up over that kind of thing, but I’d rather hang on the couch in a pair of sweats and watch horror movies where no one will bother me.

“Thanks for the invite, but I think I’ll pass.”

“
C’mon
, Jewels,” she pleads, patting my calf with her foot. “For the first time in months, you’re
officially single
. I could name off a dozen guys who would foam at the mouth if they heard this. Let’s get dressed up and show you off.”

Adam’s rejection still weighs heavy on my shoulders. I
do
feel like blowing off a little steam. Going to a semi-formal dance isn’t my idea of fun, but a night here by myself doesn’t sound that inviting, either. “
Fine
,” I grumble in resignation. “As long as you let me dress like something
other
than a lady of the night.”