Adam's Bride (13 page)

It was one thing, though, to believe that he had a Creator. But the reality that the Maker of this world had sent His only Son to pay the ransom for Adam’s sin was more than he could grasp.

His hands clenched together. “You knew the choices I would face from birth, God, yet I know I’ve failed You. How could You still love me enough to sacrifice Your Son for someone as worthless as I am?”

Because I chose you from the beginning. You’re mine and I love you
.

Adam froze. The words whispered quietly into the recesses of his mind shook him to the core of his being. How could his Creator truly love him?

I have chosen you and you are Mine. I love you
.

Adam wanted to cry out at the repeated words. To scream that he didn’t deserve God’s love … Instead they began to wash over him like a healing balm.

“Forgive me, Lord.” He fell face down onto the ground. Dust blew into his nostrils as he pulled his hands across the loose dirt. “I want to be a man who can persevere in the face of trials and come out stronger because of them. I want to be a man who keeps his faith no matter what happens around me.”

An unexpected peace began to envelop him. He might have stumbled through the fires of this trial and made a mountain of mistakes along the way, but his God had forgiven him. It was a forgiveness he didn’t deserve—no one did—yet God offered it freely to anyone who would accept His unfailing love and follow Him. Strange how he’d heard sermons preaching the same lesson dozens of times since he was a boy, and yet it had taken this long for the words to pierce his heart.

Star ran up beside him and licked the back of Adam’s neck. He sat up and rubbed the mutt’s ears. “How are ya doing, boy?”

In spite of the seriousness of the moment, Adam laughed out loud. God must have a sense of humor.

“I guess God created you for a reason, as well, you little rascal.” He gathered the pup into his arms. “While it might be hard for me to admit it, I’ve enjoyed your company. Especially the fact that you listen and never argue with me.”

Emotionally drained, Adam felt a wave of fatigue overcome him, but he knew that there was something left he had to do. He’d finally found it within himself to forgive Jarek for what he had done to his brother. Forgiving himself for what happened that day was something he knew he’d continue to struggle with, but come daybreak he’d head out to his parents’ house. It was time to ask Lidia for her forgiveness.

Lidia stood on the front porch of the Johnson family home and watched the stars dance in the heavens above her. Since a girl, she’d been mesmerized by the beauty of the night sky. Like precious pearls strung out across a velvet mantle, they left her to wonder about what lay beyond Earth’s landscape. Discoveries, like Maria Mitchell’s finding of a new comet, or Asaph Hall’s more recent detection of two satellites circling the planet Mars, had always fascinated her. Tonight, though, it was hard for her to find the beauty in anything around her.

Jarek was dead.

Somewhere, deep inside her, she’d managed to hold onto the sliver of hope that things would turn out differently. That all of this would be nothing more than a horrible mistake. That Jarek really hadn’t killed Samuel, and any day now he was going to come riding back into her life as the boy she used to know.

But none of that would ever happen.

She’d never again watch Jarek play baseball in the dusty field behind her parents’ row home. Never see his eyes light up when he laughed or pulled a childish prank on her or Koby.

Shivering at a gust of wind that swept across the open land before her, Lidia pulled her shawl closer around her shoulders and went inside the house. The living area was empty, though she could hear ripples of laughter coming from the lighted kitchen. The normally pleasant scents of cinnamon, brown sugar, and homemade bread wafted into the dimly lit living room, but tonight it only made her stomach churn. Food was the last thing she was interested in. Picking up a newspaper, she sat on the rocking chair beside the fireplace and creased the paper’s folded edges.

The smoky light from the lantern that lay on the mantel above her fell across the page as Lidia thumbed through. She had no interest at the moment in editorials or fashion advice. A fancy dress to “sweep him off his feet” as the article promised would do nothing to bring back her brother. About to set the paper on the hearth, a small notice on the back page caught her eye.

Wife Wanted

Decent hardworking rancher is looking for a good Christian woman to join me on my large homestead in New Mexico. No drinkers or smokers. Seeking companionship and help on ranch. Suitable candidates please respond to the following address. Sincerely, Jonathan Washington Smith

Lidia ran her finger across the newsprint. She’d glanced at similar ads in the personals column of newspapers and never given them another thought besides wondering what kind of desperate woman would have the nerve to answer them.

Now she knew.

For the first time in her life, agreeing to marry someone she’d never met seemed far from ridiculous. In fact, it just might be the answer to her prayers—a way to completely start over. Laughter rang out from the kitchen, but she ignored the happy sounds. Surely she could find a good man who was in need of a faithful companion and who would be willing to take in her brother, as well. As long as he was treated kindly, Koby would earn his keep.

Pulling the paper to her chest, Lidia let out a deep sigh. How exactly did such an arrangement work? A short courtship by correspondence followed by a loveless proposal? The thought was far from appealing. Her childish dreams of her romantic champion coming to her rescue, falling in love, then living happily ever after would have to be forgotten. Romance wouldn’t be a factor in such a formal transaction.

But what other option did she have? What would the people of Cranton think now that they knew her brother had murdered one of their own? No, she had no option but to leave, and while the very idea made her sick to her stomach, becoming a mail-order bride did hold a solution.

Engrossed in her thoughts, Lidia started as someone entered the room.

“Hello.” Michaela dipped her head to gaze into Lidia’s eyes. “How are you doing?”

Lidia shrugged her shoulders. Michaela handed her a plate with a gooey cinnamon roll, then sat on the brick hearth across from her. “I need your expert opinion. How is it?”

The newspaper slid to the floor as Lidia forced herself to take a small bite. “It’s wonderful as always.”

Michaela reached out to pick up the fallen paper, then balanced it on her knees. “I was afraid I might have added too much brown sugar this time.”

Lidia couldn’t help but reveal the hint of a smile at the comment. Michaela had already found out that brown sugar was one of her weaknesses. “That, as you know, would be impossible.”

“Are you all right?” Michaela leaned forward, and the light from the lantern captured the reddish highlights in her hair.

“I will be.”

“Let me know if you need anything. I’m here for you. We all are.”

“Thank you.” The reassurances from her employer helped, but they still weren’t enough to bring Jarek back.

Michaela glanced at the paper, a puzzled furrow lining her brow. She held the paper up in front of her. “Don’t tell me you’ve been reading advertisements for mail-order brides.”

“I …”

What could Lidia say? She wouldn’t lie, and yet such an admission would only hurt Michaela and her family if they knew that not only had she been reading them but also seriously considering such an option.

When did life get so complicated, God, that I’ve begun to see the benefits in becoming a mail-order bride?

Lidia chewed on her bottom lip. “I’ve always thought them quite … amusing.”

That was true, at least.

Michaela reached up to tame a curl that had escaped the confines of her hairpins. “My best friend, Caroline, and I used to read these every week, trying to read between the lines.”

“What do you mean, read between the lines?” Lidia set the plate in her lap, unable to take another bite of the sweet bread, no matter how delicious it might be.

“Think about it.” She tapped her fingernails against the paper. “A man, or woman for that matter, can say anything they want in a personal advertisement or letter. For all you know, Mr. …” She glanced again at the wording. “Mr. Smith is twice your age and lives in a run-down shack in the middle of the scorching New Mexico desert.”

“How do you know—” Lidia choked out a laugh at the realization. “That’s reading between the lines?”

Michaela nodded. “And no doubt he wants companionship, but more than likely he wants someone to cook his dinner and wash his clothes.”

“Slop the pigs and can vegetables?”

Michaela’s grin widened. “You’re getting the picture.”

“I don’t know.” Lidia shrugged a shoulder and let her fingers play with a loose thread on her skirt. “Jonathan Washington Smith … it’s a nice name. He might really live on a huge ranch and simply be lonely—”

“And you might simply be trying to run away from your problems.”

The truth hit hard. “My brother’s dead, and I know people aren’t saying good things about him … about me and Koby.”

“It’s not fair, is it?” Michaela rested her hand on Lidia’s shoulder and caught her gaze. “There will always be those who find reasons to look down on others. I know how bad it hurts to lose someone you love so much, no matter what the circumstances. I’ve had my times of grieving, and it was never easy. Cry, scream, do whatever you need to do, but don’t run away from the people who love you and care about you.”

Lidia felt the tears begin to swell in the corners of her eyes. “I don’t know if I can stay.”

“Listen.” Michaela reached out and gripped Lidia’s hand as Koby’s distinct laugh rang out from the kitchen, filling the recesses of her heart. “Your brother’s thriving, and both of you are surrounded by people who love you like family. Don’t throw it all away because you’re afraid of what tomorrow might bring.

“Let God’s Spirit work within you to bring you the strength you need for today. Then let Him help you again tomorrow and the next day. You can’t do it alone, Lidia, and I can promise you that Jonathan Washington Smith doesn’t care for you the way our family does.”

Lidia squeezed her eyes shut to stop the flow of tears. She crinkled the edge of the paper and bit her lip. She understood Mrs. Johnson’s concerns that answering an advertisement for a mail-order bride might not be the solution to her situation, but surely it wouldn’t hurt to write Mr. Smith a letter.

twelve

Adam rounded the bend of the road that led to the Johnson farmhouse and let the warm spring air fill his lungs. The wagon jostled beneath him as he followed the uneven lane past lush farmland that spread out beyond a row of towering pines. Evidence of the new season was noticeable wherever he looked. Grazing cattle wandered throughout green pastures, content to feed off the land’s rich substance. Before long, a brilliant display of flowers would be in bloom, from the white blossoms of the hydrangea bush to the colorful rhododendrons that edged his parents’ home.

The gray-shingled farmhouse, with its large front porch, came into view. Adam pulled on the reins to slow the horses’ gait. This was the home where he’d been born and where he’d watched his brothers and sisters grow up beside him. Memories of afternoon baseball games, picnics, and church socials filtered through his mind. Those happy memories, though, were paired with vivid images of his mother’s death and the emptiness he’d felt knowing she’d never be there to help him with his schoolwork or kiss him good night. Sometimes the memories still left a hole in his heart. Michaela’s unexpected entrance into their lives had helped to draw him out, but life didn’t stay static for long. It had hit him with one more punch. No one had expected Samuel to die so young.

The sun brought out trickles of moisture across the back of his neck, and he reached up to wipe them away, wishing he could just as easily wipe away his melancholy mood. Life wasn’t always fair—he’d discovered that early on. But he’d learned an even greater lesson lately. God saw beyond the outer surface of a man. He saw into the very heart. But having the willing heart that God wanted wasn’t always easy.

Drawing in the reins, he stopped the wagon in front of the house and jumped down. The yard was quiet except for a plump hen that had somehow managed to escape the confines of her coop. Even her annoying squawking wasn’t enough to distract him from the real purpose of his visit. Adam’s heart throbbed at the thought of seeing Lidia again. The last time they’d been together he’d been nothing like the gentleman he should have been and far from the Christian example he yearned to be. He could never make up for his actions. Just like he would never be able to make up for the pain she was feeling over her brother’s death. That was one thing they had in common. They both understood the deep pain of loss. It might not ever bring them together as he’d once hoped, but it might help erase some of the uneasiness between them.