Actual Stop (6 page)

“I’ve been fine. How about you?” I struggled to keep my words from sounding sharp, but even I thought I sounded a touch huffy.

Her smile never faltered. Was this all some sort of game to her? “I’ve been great, thanks. How’s your family?”

“They’re doing well, thank you. And yours?”

“The same as always. Mom’s busy with some committee or another, and Dad’s just now realizing that his rush into retirement means he has to spend more time with Mom.”

“Mmm,” I murmured, noncommittally. “Glad everyone’s well.”

The silence stretched out for a time, heavy and viscous. Allison continued to smile at me, and I continued to let it annoy me. Again, my stubbornness kicked in, and I refused to be the first one to speak. After years of no contact whatsoever, she’d sought me out. It was up to her to drive this conversation. It was her show. Besides, I’d said plenty to her the last time we’d spoken, during which I’d made a complete fool of myself, crying so hard I was barely coherent and insisting I’d love her forever. She had the majority of my dignity. No way in hell was I just going to hand her the rest.

“So, I just had a chat with your boss.” Allison’s demeanor became distinctly more businesslike.

“Better you than me.”

Allison’s brow furrowed, and her expression became confused. “I thought you liked the SAIC. He certainly seems fond enough of you.”

I sucked in a startled breath and willed my own countenance to remain completely neutral. I hadn’t realized she’d been talking about the Special Agent in Charge, although that did make more sense. “Oh, I thought you meant Mark. What’d you talk to him about?”

“I’ve requested that you be my field-office counterpart for the visit.”

I blinked and stared at her for a long moment waiting for the punch line to what was obviously an extremely unfunny joke. There wasn’t one. “What?”

“You heard me.”

Sure, I’d heard her, but her statement had made no sense. How could I be the field-office counterpart for a POTUS lead? I was in PI. In this squad we only did intelligence advances. Ever. I couldn’t think of one good reason to alter that policy. Not only that, but the bosses didn’t generally allow the PPD leads to handpick their counterparts. Something about this entire situation felt off to me, and I didn’t even try to hide my suspicion.

“Why?”

Allison waved in an offhanded way. “They thought that since we have so little time to complete this lead, it’d be in everyone’s best interest for me to work with someone I’m comfortable with. The SAIC agreed. And here we are.”

The last thing this disaster was sure to be for either of us was comfortable, but I didn’t think pointing that out would help. “And whose brilliant idea was this?”

“Mine. But I ran it by my SAIC, who called ahead and floated it to Flannigan.”

“Ah. Of course.”

I gritted my teeth, grounding myself by concentrating on the throbbing ache in my jaw, and took extreme care to make my expression go blank, although I didn’t know whether I succeeded. Allison was the golden child. The superstar. She always had been. That had been true when she’d been here in New York, and I had no doubt the trend continued down in D.C. She got everything she asked for. It’s just the way it was. And, secretly, even still, the thought filled me with a kind of pride.

Well, normally. Now, not so much. I shoved my hands into my lap so they’d be hidden behind my desk and she wouldn’t see me clenching them into iron-tight fists. My fingernails dug deeply into the flesh of my palms, and hot little bursts at my temples felt like someone was setting off tiny dynamite charges. What about what I was comfortable with? Did she even care? Probably not. I suspected that my comfort level, or lack thereof, was most likely last on her very long list of considerations, which is why I didn’t bother to argue. So what if I was in a squad that didn’t do that kind of protection work? Who the hell cared that this would cause office gossip for months to come? Allison Reynolds had asked for something. Who was I to stand in her way?

Not that my opinion really mattered anyway. That Allison and I were even having this conversation indicated that the bosses had already given her their blessing. It’d been decided without requiring any input from me, apparently. Oh, I might be able get out of this if I really wanted to, but there was no guarantee. And my reticence would most likely cause more of a stir than just going along with what everyone else clearly wanted. Sometimes you had to pick your battles. Even I knew that.

Allison seemed to sense my acceptance of the situation even before I said anything, because when I looked back into her eyes, they were sparkling again, and she was grinning. “Come on. You know we’ve always made a great team.” The low, intimate tone slipped back into her voice as she spoke, and something I couldn’t quite place flickered briefly behind her eyes.

No comment.

“Can you give me an hour or so to tie up a few loose ends?” I asked finally, trying to convince myself that I didn’t sound as beaten to her as I did to me. How was I supposed to finish everything else when I’d be spending the next few days wrapped up with this assignment? I fought the urge to massage my forehead.

“Take the rest of the day,” Allison replied. “Pick me up at my hotel at oh-seven-hundred tomorrow morning. I’m staying at The W on Lex. We’ll grab a quick breakfast and get started.”

I nodded absently as she stood and exited my office. Only after she shut the door behind her and I knew I was completely alone did I put my head in my hands and squeeze my eyes shut.

Son of a bitch! I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a sigh. This was going to suck in so many ways, and I couldn’t do a thing about it. Just my luck. I took a deep breath and stared at the mess on my desk, marveling at its resemblance to my life all of a sudden.

This wasn’t helping. I needed a plan. No way was I just going to sit back and embrace the suck. That wasn’t my style. But in order to come up with a realistic coping mechanism, I’d need to stop lying to myself and start getting real. Okay, so not a single day had gone by that I hadn’t thought about Allison. Not one. I’d thought about her yesterday, as a matter of fact. But first love is like that, from what I’d heard, though that old adage never made me feel any better about it.

It’d been getting better though. Slowly. In the beginning, thoughts of her had been nearly constant and had made it impossible to concentrate more often than not. But they’d slowly tapered off as time had passed, and the agony that’d seemed permanent had eventually faded into a dull ache. Yet I’d be a fool to deny that I did still think about her. And not all my reflections were appropriate.

Almost immediately, my mind shifted gears, and I smiled wistfully as I drifted to memories of Allison back when we’d been happy and in love. The playful way she used to cock her head to the side when she’d been teasing me. The light in her beautiful eyes when she smiled. The naked desire on her face when she’d looked at me. The smell of her skin. The feel of her silken hair sliding between my fingers. The taste of her lips. The sound of her breathlessly moaning my name in my ear while I—

“Ryan?” A voice broke into my reverie.

“Huh?” My head shot up, and I balled my hands into fists in my lap, trying to banish the almost palpable memory of what it felt like to slide my hands over Allison’s flesh. That was
not
a good coping mechanism.

Meaghan stood framed in our doorway looking at me with a curious expression. “You okay?” Her voice was soft, her expression tinged with concern, which caused a heavy pang of guilt to resound deep in my gut.

“Yeah.” I rubbed at my eyes without thinking about what I was doing and then swore softly. I’d probably just smeared my makeup everywhere. Great. “Just tired.”

“You sure?” Meaghan stepped closer to my desk to peer at me intently.

I nodded, but my thoughts kept drifting elsewhere. I was trying, I really was. But Allison’s sudden and completely unexpected reappearance had stirred up a whole host of emotions I’d spent a considerable amount of effort burying. Unsuccessfully, it seemed. With barely a thought, she’d thrown my entire world into chaos. Again.

“Here.” Meaghan handed me a manila envelope. She was obviously choosing to accept my explanation, though not looking as if she really believed it.

“What’s this?”

Meaghan’s eyes twinkled with something close to pride as she took the seat Allison had just vacated. “Photos. From last night.”

“Really?”

Meaghan nodded, and her smile widened as I shook the pictures loose from the envelope. “What do you think?”

Impatiently, I shoved some of the clutter on my desk to one side, so I could splay the photos out in front of me.

Meaghan was something of an amateur photographer, a hobby she studied tirelessly in what little free time she had. She’d even converted her spare bedroom into a darkroom. I found her work absolutely breathtaking and actually had a few of the pictures she’d taken while we’d once gone hiking hanging up in my living room. But she always shrugged and gave an absent wave of her hand when I complimented her considerable skill, stating she was merely okay.

Meaghan’s new obsession of late had been night photography. She’d been raving for weeks about this fancy, high-tech-sounding equipment she’d bought, and her entire body had practically vibrated every time the subject came up. It was all way over my head. She might not have wanted to go interview Akbari with me, but once she’d gotten over being mad at me for dragging her along in the first place, she’d decided it was the perfect opportunity to test her new toys.

“These are great, Meg.” I marveled at the work spread out in front of me. She hadn’t been after photos of anything in particular when she’d set out. But the details I could make out of people’s faces, even in the almost nonexistent light, amazed me.

“They’re okay.”

“They’re fantastic.” I pushed one across the desk at her, so she could admire it, too. “Look at this. You can see this guy’s face perfectly. And that right there.” I ran my fingertip over the area in question. “You can see the license plate on that car. Hell, you can even almost make out that sticker in the back window. It was nearly black out when you took these. Great job.”

Meaghan gathered up the pictures and slid them back into the envelope she held. “Thanks. I’m just glad I was able to test my new stuff. I’d been dying for an opportunity.”

Something clicked in the back of my mind as she said that, and I was suddenly apprehensive. “Uh, Meaghan? Did you see Mark today?”

“Yeah, why?”

I hesitated. “He lit into me about going to Utica Avenue last night.”

“I told you he’d find out. Wait, how did he do that?”

“I have no idea. Did he say anything to you?”

“No.”

The relief that surged then made me dizzy. I hadn’t dragged her down with me. “Good. He didn’t mention your presence to me, either. I’m hoping he didn’t see you.”

Meaghan shook her head, a small smile touching her lips.

“What?”

“Where’s all your bravado from yesterday? Not so much of an adventure now, is it?”

My thoughts wandered immediately to Allison. “My life’s a nonstop adventure. That’s the problem.”

“So, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” Lucia murmured into my ear, her voice a throaty whisper.

Splayed on the couch in her apartment, I nestled between her legs with my back propped up against her chest like she was the world’s most comfortable chair. Her arms were wrapped around my waist, and her chin rested on my shoulder. Her petite hands lightly stroked my thighs.

“Mmm?” I murmured, my mind still whirling. My eyes were closed, and much to my disgust, I’d been lost in memories of sitting like this on the couch with Allison many moons ago, remembering what it’d felt like to have her hands in a similar position. And then what it’d felt like when they’d moved with more purpose.

Lucia grew still. “You’re quiet. You were quiet all through dinner, and you’ve barely cracked a smile during the movie. It’s not like you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” Lucia’s voice was low and soothing as she pulled me tighter against her and placed a gentle kiss on my shoulder. “You’re not still upset about yesterday, are you? I thought we were past that.”

Sighing, I turned in her lap so I could meet her eyes. She opened her legs a little wider to accommodate me, but one of my arms remained trapped between our bodies. I traced feather-light patterns on her arm with one finger of my free hand, enjoying the softness of her skin, which always amazed me.

Even now, despite seeing her as often as I did, her beauty left me speechless. Lucia’s thick black hair was pushed back off her forehead and fell just past her shoulders in luxurious waves. Her skin was the color of lightly sweetened coffee, and her eyes were an amazing shade of golden brown flecked with hazel, yellow, and green. No single word could describe them save for, possibly, magnificent. And even that fell a little short.

I smiled at her and gave her a small kiss. I’d only meant for it to be a quick reassurance, but somehow, I became totally lost in the soft feel of her lips against mine. I deepened the kiss, exploring her slowly. Time lost all meaning, and when I finally pulled back, I was breathless.

“Wow,” Lucia said after a long moment of gazing into my eyes. Her own were slightly hazy, and her lips quirked up in a dreamy smile. She kissed me again and ran her fingers up and down my sides. “Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”

“It was an apology. For yesterday. For tonight. You’re right. I’ve been completely distracted lately. I’m sorry.” I sighed again as thoughts of my hectic day threatened to intrude. I managed to push them back with a colossal effort, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a very brief memory of giving Allison a kiss just like it. God, I was being an ass! I closed my eyes and shook my head to break the spell.

Lucia waited silently, knowing me well enough to realize that if she was patient, I’d talk. She never pushed, which I appreciated. Her warm eyes were encouraging as she lovingly brushed an errant lock off my forehead. I captured her hand with my own and kissed her fingertips.