Across the Winds of Time (23 page)

“Good night, Darren. See you tomorrow,” I murmured.

Sara said goodnight and led the way out of the kitchen. I followed after turning to throw Darius a look filled with all the longing I felt. He nodded, smiled gently and blew me a kiss. My knees wobbled, and I turned away to follow Sara up the stairs in a trance.

An hour later, the lights were out and I lay awake as a night breeze from the open window swirled around the room. Moonlight filtered in through the window, and I watched it as Sara slept by my side, wishing I could be with Darius more than anything in the world. I thought of him downstairs, lying on the couch, Sassy curled up at his feet, and I wondered how I was ever going to get any sleep. I wanted to be near him, to feel his warm hands covering mine, his soft lips on my face, his strong arms around me.

I listened for Sara’s breathing, now steady and deep, and I gingerly pulled back the covers and slipped out of bed. I grabbed my bathrobe, shrugged it on and stepped into my bedroom slippers before pulling open the door and easing it shut behind me. I tiptoed down the hallway but a creak in the old floor made me pause. I held my breath and waited. Sara didn’t throw open the door and demand to know just what I was up to.

I slipped down the stairs and headed into the living room. Moonlight filled the non-curtained room as well, and I stared at the empty couch. The blanket and pillow were neatly folded. Sassy slept on the back of the couch, but Darius was nowhere to be seen.

An edge of panic took hold of me, the same panic that seemed to squeeze the breath out of my lungs every time I couldn’t find Darius—more so since I’d seem him literally disappear before my eyes in the car. I rubbed an ache in my shoulder.

“Darius,” I whispered as I crept through the living room and into the kitchen. “Darius.”

There was no answer.

I moved to the kitchen door, peering into the back yard—the high grass and corn fields now a pale silver hue under the moonlight. I opened the door, holding my breath at the creaking of the screen. Hopefully, Sara hadn’t heard. She slept pretty soundly.

“Darius!” I hissed from the top step of the porch. I waited. Nothing moved, except the steady wind rustling through the trees. Darius did not answer.

My teeth started chattering though I wasn’t cold, and I gritted my teeth. Where could he have gone? I re-entered the house and returned to the living room, slumping down onto the couch. I didn’t think I could go through this turmoil and anxiety every time I couldn’t find him. But it seemed likely that I would. Whatever force or spell or act of nature that brought him to me remained a mystery. And I would never know when he might disappear again as he had.

The cemetery! Where else could he be?

The thought of creeping back upstairs to find shoes seemed risky at best. I had no idea what to say if Sara awoke. I wriggled my toes in my slippers, jumped up, tightened my bathrobe and headed for the front door. I lived in the last house on a long county road. No one was going to see me wandering around in my jammies.

I opened the door, and Marmaduke ran past me to get outside. He accompanied me down the driveway to the road.

“No, you stay here,” I told him. “I don’t want any of my men disappearing by coming out to this road.” I hurried up the road—thanking my lucky stars the moon was almost full, providing me with adequate light to see the way. Ten minutes later, I reached the entrance to the cemetery.

The wind gusted up on the hill, even more so at night, and my hair flew around my face.

I hesitated to shout for Darius. The idea of standing about a cemetery screaming for someone—and I didn’t know that he wasn’t a ghost yet—was even too much for me to contemplate as “normal.”

“Darius,” I whispered. I moved up the path toward the oak tree.

“Darius?” I dared to raise my voice just a little. But the rustling of leaves in the oak trees drowned my voice.

“Molly! What are you doing here, love?”

I shrieked as Darius came up behind me and enfolded me in his arms. I twisted and grabbed the lapels of his jacket, giving him a shake.

“Why do you keep disappearing on me? I can’t handle it. I’m terrified I’ll never see you again.”

“I am sorry, Molly. I did not mean to worry you. And here I am thinking that you are safe and sound tucked up in your bed without a care in the world.”

I tilted my head back to gape at him.

“Without a care in the world? You must be joking. Since I met you, I’ve had nothing but worries.”

Darius
tisked
with a half smile. His white teeth gleamed in the moonlight. He pulled me closer, and I wrapped my arms around his waist as he rested his chin on top of my head.

“I know, love. I hate adding to your concerns. I fancied myself your protector, the man who would ease your burdens.”

The wind encircled us, and I smiled.

“You are all that, Darius. Though I seem to worry a lot more daily, I think that’s probably the price of love. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Darius bent to peer into my eyes. The moonlight allowed me to see the hope on his face.

“So, you
do
love me,” he said with something that sounded like wonder.

“Yes, Darius, I love you. I love you with all my heart. I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone else,” I said simply.

He brought his mouth down on mine and kissed me with a passion that drew the strength right out of my body. I clung to him, reveling in the feel of his lips on mine, the strength of his arms around my waist.

He lifted his head and smiled tenderly.

“We had better get you back home. It is not seemly for you to be traipsing about a cemetery in your nightclothes.” He grabbed my hand and led me down the path whitened by moonlight.

“Why did you come here tonight, Darius?”

“I could not sleep. I could not sleep last night either.”

“What’s wrong? Why can’t you sleep? Do you sleep?”

Darius chuckled.

“Yes, I sleep, dearest. Not as much as I was once did though. I must admit to laying awake these past few nights since I ‘arrived,’ thinking of you, missing you, wishing I were with you, holding you in my arms, laughing with you, kissing your lips.”

I melted, and my heart swelled with love. “You certainly do know how to flatter a girl, sir.”

Darius squeezed my hand. He led me away from the road.

“Where are we going?”

“By the path that runs down the hill through the woods. It has always been there. You and I used to walk it as we came up here to the hill to enjoy the wind. Apparently, it is still safe for me to travel, as I have used it to go back and forth between the cemetery and the house.”

We entered a line of trees at the end of the cemetery, and followed a small footpath down the hill. The wind continued to shake the leaves overhead, but the slope blocked any breeze.

“I still don’t understand how you think you’ve known me in the past.”

He squeezed my hand. “Not just ‘known’ you, Molly. Loved you.”

I could almost believe him.

“I wish I could remember,” I murmured. My shoulder ached for just an instant.

“Perhaps you will someday.”

We reached the house in less than ten minutes and came out into the side yard near the pond. Marmaduke met us at the edge of the trees and followed us as Darius led the way toward the front door. I pulled back.

“Wait! I don’t want to go inside yet. I want to stay with you.”

“You read my mind,” Darius murmured. “Come, sit with me here.”

He lowered himself to the love seat and pulled me down beside him to rest in his arms in a half reclining position. I nestled into his embrace and listened to the beat of his heart against the side of my face. We sat together in companionable silence while Marmaduke settled himself into one of the chairs and watched us with interest.

“Molly.” I heard the rumble of Darius’s voice against my ear.

“Yes?”

Darius’s embrace tightened. I felt a tremor run through his hands.

“I want to marry you. I want to have children.”

I stiffened at the unexpected words and held my breath, a million images racing through my mind—not all of them pleasant. I pulled out of his arms and straightened, trying to read his expression in the dark.

“How?” The simple word hung in the air between us, summing up everything that was wrong.

Darius sighed and reached for my trembling hand. I couldn’t steady it, and I couldn’t stop the horrible rush of images in my mind. I pulled my hand from his and jammed it into my robe pocket. He stared at me for a moment, tightened his lips and rose slowly from the love seat, moving to stand by the railing with his back to me. I felt the loss of him almost immediately and ached to slip into his arms once again, but I held back.

Children? How?

“So, we come to the crux of the matter, I see.” Darius’s voice held a hoarse note that seemed distant.

I remained mute, unable to tell him what I feared.

“Molly?”

“Yes.” I watched his stiff back. My shoulder ached.

“Am I so repulsive to you?” A break in his voice caught at my heart and twisted it painfully.

“No, Darius! No. I love you.” I jumped up to stand at his side, but his body emanated an aloof rigidity that kept me from touching him.

“Then how shall we proceed?” He grasped the railing. “Do I just live here, always a ghost or—if you had your way—a time traveler?” Skepticism filled his voice. “Am I to go away when the house is finished? How will you explain my continuing presence to your sister, your family, your friends—without the benefit of marriage, without a future?”

I rubbed an exhausted hand across my eyes. If only it were still five minutes ago—when I was in his arms.

“I don’t know, Darius. I haven’t thought that far ahead. I’m willing to marry you. That’s not the problem.”

“Ah!” he said on a bitter note. “Children.”

“Yes,” he dragged out of me. “Children. How can we have—” I bit my tongue, unwilling to say more. Any words now would only hurt us both and could never be retracted.

“How can we...?” He prompted as he inclined his head to look at me. I pretended to stare straight ahead into the moonlit front yard though I watched him from the corner of my eye. “Shall I finish for you? How can we have children when I am...as I am?” He sighed the last words. His shoulders slumped.

“As you are,” I repeated in a gentle voice. “What are you exactly, Darius? We don’t even know.” I shrugged helplessly.

Darius dropped his head to stare at his hands on the railing.

“I do not know. A ghost?”

I wiped away a tear that ran down my face.

“Sometimes, when I look at you,” I breathed, “all I see is the man I love, and I want to be in your arms...forever. But every now and then, I remember where you came from, and I wonder if I’m losing my mind.” I grabbed the railing as if to hold onto something tangible.

“And so you fear some monstrosity from our union.” The words were out, and I couldn’t bear to hear them. I nodded mutely in the darkness.

Darius turned to me, but I resisted looking at him. One glance from his eyes, and I would be lost forever.

“I understand, my love. I truly do.” He remained silent for a moment. His voice, when he spoke, held a finality that broke my heart. “There will be no children. We will not marry.”

“But—” I broke in with desperation.

Darius held up a hand. “I will not come between you and a normal life among the living. When the house is finished, I will leave.” He stared into the darkness. “You have made me see that my dreams have been selfish, that I have been thinking only of what I wanted, and not what is best for you.”

“Please, Darius—” I tried to break through the unyielding words. This wasn’t what I wanted at all.

“No, Molly. This is as it should be. I love you, and I believe you love me. But we have no future together. I would not keep you from living a full life, with a husband and children.”

“I’ll marry you, Darius!” I whispered, but I spoke into the wind because Darius had swung on his heels and walked away toward the side of the house. Marmaduke jumped up to follow. I wanted to run after him as well, but I held back.

Children. I had always wanted children. But the images in my mind haunted me. I shuddered. I didn’t know if Darius was a ghost or a time traveler, and I wasn’t sure it mattered. But children...

I pulled open the door and went inside. Darius had not come in through the back door. I wrapped my arms around my stomach to think of him wandering around outside—alone, rejected. I stared at the couch, longing to lay there and keep vigil until his return, but Sara would be awake in a few hours, and I suspected that I had better be up there when she did.

****

When I opened my swollen eyes in the morning, Sara was already awake and dressed. I dressed quickly, anxious to see if Darius had returned. We came downstairs to find him sipping a cup of hot chocolate in the kitchen. My relief to see him still there was palpable, and I offered him a tentative smile.

“Good morning, Darren,” Sara said. “Do you have any of that chocolate left?”

“Certainly. Let me pour you both a cup.” With a return smile that did not reach his eyes, he rose and prepared two more cups. My stomach rolled over to see him so distant, and I found breathing difficult.

Eager to please him in every way but one, I made plans to run down to the hardware store and get the order ready.

“Darren, Mr. Cooney, the electrician, will be here soon. Are you going to be working with him again today?” I met Darius’s flat gaze. The gold-flecked sparkle in his blue eyes was gone, and I bit my lips together against a cry of anguish.

“Certainly. I would be happy to work with him again today.” His voice lacked that subtle laughter that I loved.

“We should be getting a package today as well. You’ll remember we ordered a few things?” I did my best to talk around the subject of the clothing we had ordered for next day delivery.

Sara, eating a bowl of cereal, gave me a curious look but said nothing.

“Yes, of course.” He turned to look out the kitchen window, and I wished I could find a rock to crawl under somewhere. While Sara ate, I sat there silently watching Darius’s rigid back, feeling guilty and wrong and very unhappy. I could only take the misery for so long before anger set in to help me stave off the pain.