Across the River of Yesterday (18 page)

“You were running to me.” Gideon’s voice was velvet with tenderness. “It was the time for us to come together.”

She met his eyes. “I believe that now, but that night I was confused and upset. I had suffered a shock that had shaken me to the foundations and sent me in a daze wandering through Mariba. I don’t even know how I got into that bar where you found me. Oh, I was brimful of a convent idea of sin. I’d taken a marriage vow and, even if I’d been duped, I couldn’t reconcile myself to the idea of breaking that vow.” She shook her head in wonder
as she looked back on that bewildered child. “Perhaps my stepfather even relied on that convent training. It wouldn’t surprise me.”

“You shouldn’t have left me. We could have worked everything out if we’d been together.”

“He would have destroyed you,” she said simply. “I didn’t dare even mention you. I told you, what he couldn’t control, he destroyed. He was a very powerful man and you were just getting started. That night I lay awake and tried to think of a way out, but I knew there was only one solution. I had to let them use me, until I could gather the strength to break free.” She determinedly blinked back the tears. “That first year was bad. I wanted to run back to you a hundred times a day.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No, I started to close you out instead.” She lifted his palm and cradled it against her cheek. “Remember when I told you that everything I love becomes an obsession with me? When I came to you, I was starved for affection and you gave me everything I’d ever dreamed about. I had been alone and suddenly you held out the promise that I’d never be alone again. I loved you so
much
it nearly killed me. The only way I could survive was to shut you out entirely. If I couldn’t have all of you, I didn’t want memories. I painted the mental picture I wanted to see and put you in the past where you couldn’t hurt me.”

“You managed very well.” Gideon’s voice held a thread of pain.

She shook her head. “I thought I had, but it all fell apart when I saw you. Though I still had a
king-size hang-up from repressing what I felt for you all those years. I think that was why I had trouble making a commitment.” Her lips lovingly brushed his palm. “I finished my education and then made a deal with my stepfather. I would stay married to Antonio on two conditions—that I didn’t have to live with them and that he would give me custody of Dane.”

“He went along with it?”

“He loved Antonio. I think perhaps Antonio was the only person he ever really did love.” Her lips curled. “And Dane was no personal loss to him. He’d been shipped away to schools since he was practically an infant. My stepfather probably thought I’d come crawling back to him when I found myself facing the world without a dime in my pocket.”

“But you didn’t go back to him?”

“No, but you were right, I gave up a few things. My work … and you.” She kissed his palm again. “But you wouldn’t stay in the nice little slot in my past where I had put you. You’re a very obstinate man, Gideon Brandt, and I’ll thank God for it every day for the rest of my life.” She raised her eyes and finished gravely. “I love you and you’d better get accustomed to the idea that I’ll never give up this particular obsession until the day I die.”

“I can hardly wait.” The long crescent lines in his cheeks deepened as he smiled down at her. “I’ve never been anyone’s obsession before. I expect to enjoy the hell out of it.” His smile faded. “I wish you’d let me stay. I don’t want you to have to face that bastard alone.”

She shook her head. “I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, but I have to do it on my own. He dominated my life for a long time and, even when I got away from him, he still loomed larger than life. Don’t you see, I ran away from him. I’ve been avoiding him for nine years, because I was afraid to face him again.” Her expression was desperately in earnest as she tried to make him understand. “I thought I had beaten him when I took Dane and left him, but you can’t really claim victory until you come to terms with what you fear. I have to prove he’s not important to me anymore. It’s the only way I’m ever going to be able to shoot this bushwhacker out of the saddle.” She drew a deep breath. “Do you understand?”

He became very still. “Yes, I understand,” he said slowly. “And I think you may be right.” His gaze lifted from her face to the thatched cottage down the beach. “Is that your bushwhacker coming toward us?”

She followed his gaze and went tense. She hurriedly rose to her feet and nervously brushed the sand from her skirt. Edwin Marlbrent was still far down the beach, but she could feel the familiar fear and tension gripping her.

Gideon stood up and his hand clasped her shoulder in encouragement. “Good shooting, partner.” He started down the beach toward the cottage. “I’ll see you later.”

She scarcely heard him. Her attention was focused on her stepfather coming toward her. In his late fifties, he was an attractive and imposing man. His dark hair was slightly flecked with gray
and his tall, heavily muscular body was clad with faultless elegance in an expensive dark business suit. He was frowning as his highly glossed shoes sank into the sand with every step. He had always abhorred the fact that the natural elements of nature were beyond his control and generally avoided exposing himself to the minor defeat they represented.

Serena automatically ran her hand through her rumpled hair to tidy it. She tried desperately to relax, but the habit of years was strong, and she felt as if she were encased in an iron straitjacket.

Gideon had come abreast of Marlbrent and he stopped, his head tilted to the side as he leisurely studied the older man. Marlbrent stopped, too, his frown deepening in puzzlement.

Gideon’s lean, whipcord body was dressed, as usual, in jeans and boots. The sleeves of his forest green shirt were rolled to the elbow revealing his tanned forearms, and his sunstreaked hair was ruffled by the breeze. In his elegantly sophisticated apparel and with his imposing, heavily built physique, Marlbrent should have made Gideon seem to dwindle in comparison. Yet this wasn’t the case. Gideon’s strength dominated the scene with absolutely no effort on his part.

Gideon suddenly cast a glance at Serena over his shoulder, his eyes gleaming with humor and a touch of mischief. Then he turned back to Marlbrent, extended his index finger as if he were aiming a gun, and slowly made the motion of pulling the trigger.

Serena’s laughter rang out over the deserted beach as she saw her stepfather’s expression of
befuddlement and outrage. Abruptly her tension and the ingrained fear of years disappeared as if it had never existed.

Without another glance, or speaking a single word, Gideon passed Marlbrent and continued down the beach toward the cottage. His stride was a careless saunter, but his bearing was totally indomitable.

It was done.

Serena watched her stepfather walk away and then turned once again to face the soothing rush of the waves against the shore. The episode hadn’t been pleasant, but now it was over she was experiencing a singing exuberance and a profound sense of freedom. She would give Marlbrent a few minutes to leave the village, and then she would find Gideon. There was no hurry, and she needed a little time to absorb exactly what had happened here today.

It was over fifteen minutes later that she picked up her shoes and strolled slowly back to the cottage.

Jeffrey Brenden’s keen brown eyes searched her face. “Are you all right?” he asked gruffly. “Gideon asked me to keep an eye on that big guy, but you didn’t seem to be in any trouble.”

She smiled. “No trouble at all. Where’s Gideon?”

“Gone.”

She became still. “Gone?”

“He said he’d be back in a couple of hours.” He looked at his watch. “We talked for a bit before he set out, but I guess he left about fifteen minutes after Marlbrent arrived, so he shouldn’t be long now.”

“But where did he go?”

“The rain forest. He had me give him directions to the tree house.”

The rain forest. A ripple of shock went through her, followed by an instant and sweeping rejection. What could have possessed him to go back there, after what he had gone through last night? She felt panic clutch at her as she thought of Gideon alone and reliving that nightmare by himself. “No,” she whispered. “It doesn’t make any sense. Why?” Her gaze lifted to Jeffrey’s face. “I have to go after him. Will you show me the way?”

“Sure, if you think it’s better to follow him.” He raised a brow as he glanced down at the high-heeled sandals in her hand. “Those aren’t very practical trekking shoes.”

“They’re all I have with me. I left my jeans and tennis shoes at the tree house when Julio brought me this outfit. He thought that purse with the bamboo handles wouldn’t be carried by a woman wearing jeans.”

“Sounds like Julio.” There was a touch of pride in Jeffrey’s voice. “He pays attention to details.” He turned away. “I might be able to find you a pair of Manuel’s sandals in the cottage. They’ll be too big, but at least you won’t be turning your ankle.”

“Hurry. Please hurry.”

Jeffrey looked back over his shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’ll see that you’re with Gideon in forty-five minutes, tops.”

It was closer to thirty minutes when Kate’s tree came into view. It was strange, but since Julio had told her the story of Kate and Beau Lantry that night while they were waiting for Gideon to return from Mariba, Serena now always thought of the tree house as belonging to Kate rather than Julio.

“Here you are,” Jeffrey said. “Gideon must still be up there since we didn’t run into him on the way over here.” He stopped under the tree, his eyes twinkling. “I think I’ll go back to the cottage and wait for you there. I don’t believe either of you will need me anymore.”

“Thank you, Jeffrey.” She began to climb the rungs of the ladder. “I appreciate you bringing—” She broke off as she looked over her shoulder and realized Jeffrey had gone. She tilted back her head and called, “Gideon, Are you there? Is everything all right?”

“I’m here.”

Serena felt relief pour through her. As far as she could tell from his voice, he couldn’t be suffering any traumatic upset. “I’ll be right up. I was worried when you ran off like that. If you wanted to come back here, why the devil didn’t you wait for me?” She stepped onto the platform. The door was wide open as it had been last night and she could see Gideon sitting on the mattress at the far end of the room. “I didn’t spend that much time with my honorable stepfather.”

“How did it go?”

“Well. Wonderfully well. I feel … free. It wasn’t
easy, but—” Her eyes widened in surprise as she gazed around the tiny room.

The entire house was brimming, exploding with flowers. Brilliant coral and cream-colored wild orchids had been thrust into the formerly empty black vase on the nightstand and into the rattan holders on the walls until they were overflowing with fragrance and beauty. The tall vase in the corner now held maidenfern and exotic white and gold blossoms. Wild flowers had even been strewn over the denim cover of the mattress next to the window.

“Do you like it?” Gideon asked quietly.

“It’s beautiful.” Serena’s gaze returned to his face. “
You’ve
been out in the rain forest picking flowers?”

He nodded. “Jeffrey told me a little about Kate, and how she had loved this little tree house and everything about the rain forest. How she always filled her world with flowers and tried to make the best of life. It reminded me of some of the things you said to me on the beach.”

She crossed the room and dropped to her knees on the mattress beside him. “What things? I remember rambling on about any number of subjects.”

“About coming to terms with the past.” His gaze met her own with grave tranquillity. “I realized I’d been so busy running away from the memory of Na Peng that I was letting it poison my judgment of the present. So I walked back through the rain forest and tried to see what Kate had seen here. The flowers and the birds, the sounds and … the beauty.”

“Did it work?”

“Not at first. My stomach was tied in knots; I felt sick. I wanted you beside me, holding my hand.”

She reached out and gathered both of his hands, threading her fingers through his in a silent bonding. “I’ll hold your hands now. I’ll hold them forever.”

“Forever. You finally got around to saying it.”

She smiled shakily. “I’m a little slow, but I always manage to get there eventually.”

“So do I.” Gideon’s smile was warm and tender, lighting up the room, lighting up the world. “After a while I found it got better and, by the time I got to the tree house, I was seeing Kate’s world as she had seen it. The ugliness was gone, lost somewhere in the past. It’s possible that it may not stay lost and I may need a little help to push it back when—”

“When it tries to ambush you?” Serena finished softly. “Once upon a time a very wise man told me that whenever the ugliness comes back, all we have to do is think of something beautiful and it will fade away again.”

He chuckled. “I’m wonderful at solving other people’s problems. But I’m lucky, I don’t have to
think
of something beautiful. I have it right in front of me.” He bent his head and kissed her with lingering sweetness. “Say you love me again. Hike to hear it.”

“I love you,” she whispered. “I’ll always love you and stand beside you. I’ll give you my strengths and my weaknesses, my mind and my heart. There won’t be a day or a month or a year I won’t need
and want you and not a second when you won’t fill my life. Is that enough for you?”

He smiled with a joy as radiant as the emotion reflected on her face. “No, but it will do for a start. You’ve got the next seventy years or so to get it right.’

She laughed. She felt wild and free and positively dizzy with happiness. “You’re a hard man to please.”

“Not at the moment.” He pulled her into his arms. “I couldn’t be more pleased at the moment.”

“Are we going back to the cottage?” She snuggled closer into his arms. “Jeffrey said he’d wait for us there. I guess we should be thinking about starting for Santa Isabella and beginning to make plans.”

“Soon.” His warm lips brushed her temple and his hand began to stroke the dark silk of her hair. “Now I think we’ll sit here for a while and smell the flowers and listen to the birds and just be together. We can think about the future tomorrow. Right now, the present seems mighty sweet to me.”