Across The Hall (21 page)

that I was the one who made her smile and laugh and that it was for me alone was one of the best things about the weekend. I wanted to make her

smile and laugh al the time.

I was awake long before she was on Sunday morning. My body was stiff everywhere from the uncomfortable night on the couch but I wasn’t about

to get up when I had Sylvia there with me. I watched her sleep, wondering if she had talked in her sleep during the night. I had been exhausted and

slept wel despite the cramped quarters. I’d slept though any talking she might have done. I probably wouldn’t have wanted to hear it anyway. I

watched the way the light played over her face as the sun crept through the window. Her lashes were long and her hair was swept over her cheeks. I

brushed the hair off her face and traced one finger over it. I skimmed lightly over her closed eyes and wished I could fol ow my finger with my lips.

From her eyes, I stroked down her cheeks to her lips. I rubbed my finger over her slightly parted lips, back and forth. They were soft to the touch, and

her warm breath tickled over my finger.

I remembered what it was like to kiss those lips. I could imagine what it would be like to do it again. There were only inches between us. I wanted

to close the distance and press mine to hers. I wondered what she would do. Would she kiss back? Would she hit me? Maybe she would yel at me

again. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t risk this fragile friendliness between us. I sighed and closed my eyes and tried to forget about her lips. That only

made me aware of other parts of her body, and how closely they were pressed into mine. Her arms and legs were around me. Her breasts were

pushed against my chest causing another whole new fantasy. Of course I was hard. We only had a couple thin layers between us, and I could feel

her heat pressed against me. I shifted slightly and she gave out a little moan. I loved that sound.

I glanced back up at her to see if she had woken up. Her eyes were stil closed. I went back to memorizing her face, mental y connecting the

freckles as I had done so many times before. I always told her I could make my initials by connecting them, that it was, a sign that she was meant for

me. Soon her eyes opened. Staring into those twin emeralds was a better morning pick-me-up than any caffeinated beverage. I was sure that

would be the last of my time with her. I was stunned when she said she wanted to make me breakfast.

I hoped I would be good for the day after taking care of things in the shower but when I came out and found her bent over looking in the fridge, I

was afraid I was going to have to go back for a second one. Those old blue sweats with the QSHS across her ass shouldn’t have affected me as

badly as they did. Yet just seeing them stretched across her had me hard. I picked up my tea and tried to do anything but draw attention to myself. I

didn’t want her to see my reaction. I didn’t think she had noticed when we were on the couch, or if she did she pretended not to. I didn’t want to

scare her away. Friends don’t get hard just from seeing a friend dressed like that. I was pretty sure Sloane or Reed wouldn’t react that way to

seeing Sylvia in those old sweats.

The rest of the day I tried to keep my mind on the present. I had to push memories of her away and shut down any new fantasies that threatened

my sanity. We talked and laughed and had a wonderful day. I learned more about the rest of the group. She even told me about Jason. I can’t say

that I was exactly interested in meeting him but I was thankful that she had friends in her life. I avoided anything related to Beau. I just didn’t want to

hear it and I was afraid that I would say the wrong thing and wreck the mood of the day. I also avoided any mention of our past. I wasn’t sure how to

talk about it. I knew that if we spent more time together we would need to talk about it. Things were going good but were far from perfect.

When I went to bed, I had asked her to say goodbye before she went home. I real y didn’t think she would, though. I was pretty sure, when I left her

by the table, that that would be the last time I saw her that weekend. Never, not once, did I ever think that we would have a hot night like that. Sylvia

was
amazing
. I just had no words for how good it was between us. This was beyond anything we had had before. If it could be that powerful

between us, there must have been feelings there. I had heard that when you were with the one you loved, sex was so much more meaningful and

incredible. I had no idea if that was true, since Sylvia was the only girl I had ever been with, but I couldn’t imagine it could be any better than that.

As I laid there with her in my arms and thought about it, I worried that maybe it would have been better if she had left. What if she regretted it? I

sure as hel didn’t. I told myself that she wouldn’t have done it if she hadn’t wanted to. She must have felt something for me. What did I feel for her? I

knew I loved her. I told everyone I was only interested in being friends. In fact, I tried to convince myself that was al I wanted. I was only lying to

myself and everyone else. Mom knew. She knew al along that I needed Sylvia. I could see that now. I needed Sylvia like I needed air or water or

food. She was essential to my life. There was no way I could
just
be friends with her. Not after that. No, even if we hadn’t had sex I would stil need

her. It just took her sharing herself with me -- showing me that she could feel more about me -- for me to admit it.

No matter what the daylight would bring, I would not let Sylvia go again. I was going to tel her everything I felt. I had made a mistake, and now it

was time to correct it. I would do everything it took to get her back. There would be no running away this time. We also needed to talk about the

past. We had to get that cleared up before we could move on. Once that was done, we could build something new. We couldn’t just rebuild the past.

We were different people now. We needed to build something different between us. Not saying we should forget the past entirely, just move on from

it. I guess that was easy for me to say. I was the one who fucked up the past.

I sighed into the darkness. She had to forgive me. I couldn’t let her out of my life again. I couldn’t just be friends. I certainly would never be able to

see her with another guy without wanting to rip him apart. I would do whatever it took to get her back.

Determined, I cuddled up closer to her. We were both stil naked. I didn’t even care if I was going to be hard the rest of the night from sleeping

against her bare warmth. I stroked my hand over her stomach and breast. I could never get tired of touching Sylvia. Her skin was so soft. I nestled

my face into her hair and fel back to sleep, lul ed by her quiet breaths.

I woke up on my back again, having rol ed away from Sylvia at some point. When I rol ed over to pul her back into my arms, there was nothing

there. My first thought was panic.
She left. I knew she would.
I told myself to calm down and check it out before I jumped to conclusions. I got up and

pul ed my boxers on. I started down the hal and came to a dark and empty bathroom. The kitchen was the same way. No sign of her in the living

room either. She had to be back at her place.

I went back to my room and threw on a pair of jeans. I didn’t even bother with a t-shirt or shoes. I needed to talk to her. I needed to do it before

anything could get worse. I knew Sylvia. She was probably just as scared and worried about what happened between us as I was. I would bet

anything that she was internalizing it and finding everything wrong with it.

I pounded on her door but she didn’t answer. I tried the knob, but it was locked. Maybe she was in the shower. That had to be it. I waited outside

her door, pacing for what felt like forever. I knocked on her door again. Stil no answer. I tried the knob. I cal ed out, too, hoping that she would come.

Final y the same neighbor that looked out her door that first morning came up the stairs with a bag of laundry. She stopped and stared at me. I ran

my fingers threw my hair and wondered what her problem was.

“Are you looking for Sylvia?” She final y asked warily. She kept eyeing me like she wasn’t sure I was al there.

I wanted to snark at her for asking such an asinine question. I stopped myself. I wasn’t her fault that Sylvia was gone and I was standing in the

hal way half naked looking like a crazed psycho. I didn’t respond with a verbal reply, though. I just nodded my head, as I pinched the bridge of my

nose.

“I saw Sylvia about an hour ago. She was walking towards campus with her backpack.” Neighbor Girl stil looked as if she was worried about

having told me that.

“Thank you,” I responded. I was relieved. She’d probably gone to the library or to a computer lab to print out the paper she’d been working on. I

went back to my place and finished getting dressed. I would track her down and talk to her.

I was back at my door three hours later, Sylvia-less. I’d gone to every possible place I could think of. I’d asked al the people on staff at the various

locations if they had seen her. I knew I must have looked like a crazy-ass stalker, but I didn’t care. I had to find her. The bookstore she worked at

was the last place I checked for her before heading back to our apartment building. The girl I talked to said she hadn’t worked al weekend, that she

had asked for it off.

I tried her door once more - no answer. The others weren’t back yet. I texted Sloane for her cel phone number. He sent it but asked if everything

was fine. I told him yes, I just had a question for her. I tried her phone and it went straight to voicemail. Great, where ever she was, she didn’t even

have her phone with her. There was nothing to do now but sit back and wait. She had to come home eventual y. I was just afraid that by then, she

wouldn’t want to hear anything I had to say.

The first thing I was aware of when I woke was the feel of Quinn next to me. I could feel the strength of his arms around me, the heat coming off his

chest, and how hard he was pressed against me. I sighed contentedly and replayed last night in my head. It was so good but oh so wrong. I needed

to make a decision. I could no longer deny any feelings I had for Quinn. The attraction was definitely stil there. The weekend proved I could get

along with him, too. Could I love him again? Did I ever stop loving him? Those were harder questions to answer. Wel , the answer was easy -- yes,

yes I could. The mil ion dol ar question was: Did I want to?

What about Beau? I was dating Beau, sleeping with him. Yet there I was in another guy’s bed. I never, ever thought I would cheat on a guy. What

should I do about that? Should I tel him? I couldn’t lie worth shit; he was going to find out. I started to panic. I needed to clear my head and figure out

what I was going to do.

I took one more minute to enjoy being in Quinn’s arms and then careful y slipped out of them. I didn’t want to wake him. I knew we would need to

talk but I wasn’t ready for that yet. I had some more thinking to do.

Once I was off the bed I stood there looking around trying to find my clothes. My sweats were on the floor at the foot of the bed. My tank top and

flannel shirt were stil on the bed by the pil ows. My bra was hanging from the open bedside drawer. My underwear was nowhere to be found. It was

probably tangled up in the blankets. I would have to get them later. I pul ed the sweats on and went to get the bra. The drawer it was hanging off of

must have been where he had the condoms. Something caught my eye when I picked my bra up. I picked up the picture in the drawer. It was the

one of me in the grass out at the farm. Why did he have that here? He didn’t have any other pictures around. It was actual y in the drawer, not out.

But stil it made me wonder why. I put it back in the drawer. I didn’t have time to think about that right now.

I finished getting dressed and stopped to look at Quinn one more time. He was sleeping so peaceful y. He looked so young while he slept. The

crease in his brow was smooth. He had the hint of a smile. Just looking at his lips made me long to kiss him again. I didn’t want to wake him, but the

urge to touch him was too strong. I stroked one finger along his cheek and jaw. I loved the feel of his stubble. I took a big breath in as I remembered

how it had felt against my breast that night. He let out a soft sigh and moved towards my hand. I couldn’t resist giving him one last kiss, so I bent

over and put my lips to his forehead.
Goodbye Quinn. I don’t know when or if I’ll be back, but last night was magical.
With that thought, I left his

room.

I grabbed my bag and headed home. Once I was out in the hal way I didn’t think going home was the best idea. That would be the first place

Quinn would look for me, if he even looked for me. Beau could show up if he was back in town. Kai would come find me when she got home, and I

wasn’t ready for her either. I decided a walk would be a good start. I could clear my head some and then think about going home to face everyone. I

didn’t even stop to drop my bag off, maybe I would go to the library and print my paper off.

I started walking and thinking. The more I thought, the more confused I became. This was way more than I could deal with. I walked farther and

farther. Soon I found myself on Jason’s street, walking to his door. I suppose some part of me had known al along that I would end up there. I knew

it was early and no one would be up yet. I dug in my bag for my cel phone to cal him to come open the door for me. Great! No phone. I realized I