Across Eternity (8 page)

As they walked back to the kitchen she touched a wooden mask hanging in a
cluster of three. "I love these pieces you have throughout your home. Do
you mind?"

"No." He watched her pick up the mask and
inspect
the dark wood, running her fingers over the detailed carvings. "It’s
from Bali."

She looked up at him surprised.
"Really?"

"Yes. They believe that when they put on a mask they become the spirit
of the mask. They think the mask has a life force of its own. A sacred mask is
considered to be alive and when the piece is worn the power it contains enters
the body. I had the privilege to see a ceremony performed with a
mask—similar to that one. It was amazing and very inspiring."

"Wow." She carefully hung it back up. "You’ve been
to Bali?"

"I’ve traveled around the world several times."

She just stared at him.

He cocked his head and looked at her slyly. "I was killing more
time."

Logan fixed her a cup a tea and then moved to the refrigerator for a beer.
As he popped the cap he asked, "Would you like to sit outside? The stars are
amazing. No city lights to drown them out."

"I’d love to."

A patio set, which consisted of several lounge chairs, side tables, and a
very wide market umbrella, took up most of the room on the spacious deck, which
disappeared around the sides of the house. The beautiful railing with its
tightly spaced carved balusters gave the deck a nice feeling of enclosure. Huge
terracotta containers of flowers and green foliage filled every corner. Hanging
baskets and planter boxes were scattered about. The soothing sound of water
came from a lit fountain near the kitchen window.

"This is like a retreat out here," Amber said as she looked
around.

He smiled.

Choosing a seat at the main table, Amber set her mug down and turned to
further admire her surroundings. The air wasn’t salty but fresh and laced
with the fragrance of sweet, blooming flowers. She stared at the built-in,
stainless gas grill as she listened to the crickets serenade each other in the
night.

"Do you like to garden, too?" she asked.

"I like to water." He viewed all the plants. "My mom takes
care of them. It gives her something to do when she visits."

"It’s nice out here."

Logan looked at her from across the table as he sipped his beer. It was a
long moment before he spoke. "Thank you for coming."

"Thank you for inviting me." She looked over at him and wondered
if this was how he spent his evenings when he was alone. She pictured him
drinking his beer in the cool night air enjoying the seclusion as his steak
slowly cooked on the grill. "How long have you lived here?"

"Five years."

God, he looked good, Amber thought. His broad shoulders, thick frame, and
wide chest filled the seat completely. He looked strong and impressive and a
whole slew of other masculine words that she couldn’t drum up at the
moment because she was so overwhelmed. "Where did you live before
that?"

"In a small condo in the city.
I stayed there
mostly because it was convenient. I traveled a lot of the time so I only needed
a place to lay my head when I was in town. And of course it was well-located
for when I had to come into town for business reasons."

"What made you move out here?" she asked.

"I was tired of the city. I felt like I needed to renew myself."
He took another drink. "I’d also seen
all of the
world I wanted to see. So, I was ready to settle down. This place fit my
needs."

"Have you ever settled down with anyone?"

He shook his head.

"Why?"

Lifting the bottle, he watched her for a moment before he took a long sip.
"Because I was waiting for you."

Amber felt her back stiffen a little. There it was again. She wasn’t
ready to comment on it because she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what he
was going to say when he explained himself. If it were any other man she would
have laughed in his face, but not Logan. He meant every word he said.
That’s why his comment had taken her back. "So, there’s been
no one?"

"I’ve been in college half my life and I’ve traveled
extensively. There have been women," he held her stare. "But I was
never serious about any of them." He shook his head. "You always
were there in the back of my mind."

It was funny, but she felt like she’d always been in the back of his
mind. She stared down at her tea when she found she was somewhat uncomfortable
by the notion. Emotionally, it was too much for her to think about so she
remained quiet.

"Have you ever been serious with any one?" he asked softly.

"No."

"Waiting around for mister right?"

"I wish that were the reason. Truth is I’ve been busy with just trying
to survive. Waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet wasn’t a high
priority." Looking up at the stars she watched them twinkle in the warm
breeze and then said with a sigh. "But then when I least expected it
someone wondered into my life and did just that."

"Things usually happen when we least expect them."

When her eyes found his, she realized the profound look on his face said it
all. He hadn’t just swept her off her
feet,
she
had also swept him off of his. At that very moment she totally and completely
lost her heart. He was the one for her. "I guess they do." They
exchanged a knowing glance and then a tender smile.

"If you could go anywhere in the world where would
you go?"
He asked.

She thought for a moment. "I’m not sure. Except for going to my
grandparents in Missouri when I was younger, I’ve never been anywhere
other than here. I very rarely leave the pavement of Pacific Coast
Highway." She shook her head because the confession seemed rather sad.
"You’ve traveled all over. Where’s your favorite
place?"

He shrugged his shoulders indifferently. "I don’t have a
favorite."

Not believing him, she asked. "Out of all the places you’ve
visited on this entire Earth not one place stands out from the others?"

He shook his head. "Not really."

"That surprises me. I would probably fall in love with a dozen
different locations." She stared off into space, getting lost in her own
thoughts as she considered the possibility of it. It was a moment before she
looked up and spoke.
"Ireland—that’s where
I would want to go."

"Why there?" Curiosity laced his voice.

"I read about it once. It’s a place that you could get lost in.
There’s supposed to be endless miles of countryside and amazing villages
scattered throughout."

"Why would you want to get lost?"

"Not lost.
Just away for a while."
She
exhaled a long breath, raising the cup but not taking a drink. "I’m
tired. The last few years have been hard."

"Heather?"

She nodded. "She was not only the most important person in my life,
she was my best friend. Having both taken away at the same time was very
difficult. For the longest time I felt hollow and empty. Sometimes I still
do." She stared at a moth that dipped around them and then shot off into
the night. "It hardly seems possible that someone that young and full of
life could die. Every now and then I wake up early in the morning and lie there
and I think it was all just a bad dream. It feels like Heather is still there
sleeping in the room next to me."

"There are no rules when it comes to death. If there were it would be
a game we’d all learn to master." He reached for her hand and held
it tightly in his.

"She told me the pain of missing her would only be temporary.
It’s not. I still feel it." Her eyes found his. "When I got
home this morning I wanted nothing more than to tell her all about you. I
wanted to share with her the most magical night of my life and she wasn’t
there.
It’s
times like that that it really hurts
and I miss her the most."

"I understand. There are times when I wish my dad were here. I come
across moments when I would love nothing more than to hear his advice."
The next question took a moment for him to ask. "Do you think if you talk
to her she can hear you?"

"I hope she can because as I took my shower this morning I told her
all about you." She squeezed his hand. "She would have loved
you."

"You think so?"

"Yeah."

"That’s good to hear." Releasing her hand, he moved to a
chaise lounge and straddled it. Patting the place between his legs he said,
"Come here."

Setting her tea down, she moved to him and sat. As his arms encompassed her,
he laid back bringing her with him. "Close your eyes and relax.
I’ve been inconsiderate not to mention selfish."

"I don’t think you could be either."

"I have. You haven’t gotten any sleep in the last twenty-four
hours and here I am trying to keep you up so I can be with you."

At her midsection, Amber found his hand. Slipping her fingers into his, she
closed her eyes and enjoyed hearing his heartbeat. She was tired and resting
against him felt so good.

Both Amber and Logan were quiet for a long time as they lost themselves in
the silence that so easily fell around them. The difficult separation they had
experienced through the day was gone and now they were enjoying the pleasure of
having each other near. They had hours ahead of them to spend together knowing
this was a comfort that neither could explain.

"I could take you there." Logan whispered softly in
Amber’s ear.

"Where?"she
asked in a sleepily tone.

"Ireland."

She didn’t speak.

"Did you hear me?"

Her eyes opened. "Yes, I heard you." She sat forward and turned.

"What do you think?"

She didn’t speak until her eyes found his. "I’m sure you
could."

With his hands, he cupped her face, calmly watching her for several breaths.
"Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear. I’d like to take you
there."

"You’re serious."

"You ask me that question often. I’m always serious."

The light shining through the kitchen window was just enough so he could see
her. His eyes moved across her face examining every feature, every expression,
trying to interpret what she was feeling.

"Why do you look at me like that?" She asked. His intense stare,
which did not intimidate, but rather captivate, caused her voice to shake when
she spoke.

"Remember, I’ve waited a long time for you." He touched
her chin, running his finger back and forth casually. "It’s hard
for me to look at you any other way."

The blueness of his eyes reflected the resolution infused in his words. He
was not trying to humor her into calming down. He was being completely honest
with her no matter what the cost. Anxiousness crept through her. "What do
you mean by that?"

"You ask a lot of questions."

"It’s my attempt to get to know you."

"What is it that you want to know, Amber?" He ran a finger down
the side of her cheek, watching the way she reacted to the contact.
"I’ll tell you anything. You’re the one person that
I’ll tell anything to."

"See, it’s that right there," she pointed out hastily.
"I hardly know you yet you’re willing to tell me things that you
won’t tell anyone else."

His hand stopped. "You know me," he said seriously.

"For," she counted in her head. "About twenty-eight
hours."

"Hours mean nothing with us."

"Don’t talk like that. It doesn’t make sense."
Suddenly, she moved from his embrace not seeing the distress her action had caused
him. Walking across the deck, she rested her hands on the railing and stared
out into the night. She was too close to him. Why was it when she got that
close to him she felt a change? Something in her responded to him on a level
she couldn’t comprehend. "I don’t understand what’s
going on. All this between us—I— don’t get it."

"I think you do."

She strained to find her voice. "No, I don’t."

"Ask me, Amber."

She turned but didn’t look at him. "I don’t know what to
ask."

"Yes, you do," he murmured.

"Why do you say that?"

"It’s the truth. You know it is."

"Things have happened so fast I’m not sure what’s real and
what’s not."

"Look at me." When she looked at him, he said, "Talk to me
about it."

"It’s not that easy," she said with irritation.
"I’m not even sure where to begin."

"Just start talking," he offered gently.

She ran her hands over her face, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I
want to leave," she said without moving an inch.

"And?"

"And when I picture myself walking out the door I can’t breathe.
The thought of being away from you causes me to panic."

"I need you by me, too."

She shook her head as she struggled for the words. "Not like this. I
feel like I
can’t
be away from you, but when I’m near
you…I…I…"

"Slow down and just tell me," Logan said calmly.

"One minute I feel like I’ve known you my entire life and the
next you’re a stranger that I’m trying to figure out." She
felt tears form in the corner of her eyes and she wasn’t sure why they
were there. "See it doesn’t even make sense."

"It makes sense to me," he said. "Please continue."

"And then there are times you look at me like you know me. Like you
know what I’m thinking—what I’m feeling and it takes my
breath away."

"What’s wrong with knowing you?" He got up and moved
toward her. "Why can’t I take your breath away? Why can’t I
know what you’re feeling?"

"Because you don’t know me," she said seriously.

"But I do."

"How," she shouted as frustration consumed her. "Explain
it to me. How do you know me? " She took a step back from him, bumping
into a planter as she did. "Don’t get so close." Awkwardly,
she stepped over the potted plant. "I feel like I can’t
breathe."

He watched her clumsily move away from him. "Are you afraid of
me?"

Amber was relieved when he gave her the distance she was desperate for.
"No, and that’s what scares me," she said whispering the
words to herself.

"Don’t be afraid." He was speaking softly to her,
reasoning with her. "Just because you don’t understand something
doesn’t mean you have to fear it." He watched the tears fall down
her cheeks. "Let me come to you. Let me touch you."

She shook her head and looked at him in confusion. "You don’t
understand what I’m feeling right now."

"Explain it to me." He’d felt her, his entire life. There
was never a moment he couldn’t recall that she wasn’t inside of
him. The overwhelming emotions he was experiencing he accepted with enthusiasm
that only time could create. She had been a part of him for as long as he could
remember. It was only her physical form that was new to him. However, for her,
all of this was new and unfamiliar.

"I can’t."

"Try," he said in quiet desperation.