Acquired Tastes (20 page)

Jeremy brightened up. 'I haven't had a proper tea in ages.'

He took Alicia's bag from her hand and they set off across the park together.

'If only I'd listened to my mother,' Jeremy finished bitterly, emptying the dregs of the wine bottle into his glass.

Alicia put a plate of assorted sandwiches on the low table, and sat down on the cushions opposite Jeremy, tucking her dress round her knees. She reached for a cream cheese and smoked salmon sandwich.

'It really sounds as though you had an awful time. Vanessa always told me she was the one who was badly treated. I should never have believed her, and Belle doesn't sound as though she was much better.'

Jeremy put his glass down. 'It wasn't really Belle's fault. I wasn't much good at running a snack bar. We'd both rather assumed that, as I'd worked in a bank I could handle money, but I'm not very good at it, I'm afraid. Poor Belle was doing all the hard work like cooking, and at the end of it we made no profit at all. I could hardly blame her for wanting me out.'

'Oh, but surely it was more than a business partnership, didn't you, well…
love
each other?' Alicia helped herself to another sandwich.

'To be absolutely honest, I'm not sure we ever did. We liked each other well enough, but looking back, I'm not sure it was more than that.' He shrugged. 'Anyway, when you're trying to run a catering business, there's little time for sex and all that kind of stuff, which is probably just as well. Vee always said I was hopeless at sex, just like I was hopeless at everything else,' he ended morosely.

Alicia blushed. She found it impossible to believe that anyone as good-looking as Jeremy could possibly be hopeless at making love. Her blush deepened.

'But what happened between you and Vee? I always thought your friendship was indestructible,' asked Jeremy reaching for a ham and pickle sandwich.

Alicia told him, not daring to look at his face, hugging her arms around her body for protection, her face distorted with the effort not to cry. As she reached the end of the story her voice shrank to a tremulous whisper, forcing Jeremy to lean forward to hear her.

When she had finished they both sat in silence. Alicia closed her eyes trying to shut out the terrible visions she had once again conjured up.

Jeremy looked down at his half-eaten sandwich. For the first time in what seemed like a very long time, he realised that he wasn't the only one with problems. He desperately wanted to reach out and comfort Alicia, to tell her he knew how she felt, that he understood and even shared her pain, but he just didn't know how. He nervously cleared his throat.

'Do cheer up, old thing, things can't get much worse.'

The spell was broken.

Alicia pulled her handkerchief out of her pocket and loudly blew her nose. She looked over at Jeremy. 'Oh, but they can!' The force of her declaration seemed to surprise her and she blinked rapidly for a moment or two, then she steadied herself. 'You see, I realise now that Zelda is right, Fergus is not only a charlatan and a fraud, but his theories are dangerous. If Vanessa gives him a platform on television to promote them it would be terrible. It could do irreparable damage to the university if it was associated with his research. Someone has to do something about it. Since I must bear some of the blame, as I was the one who introduced them, I feel that person ought to be me. '

'Is that why you were sitting outside Vee's flat this afternoon?' encouraged Jeremy.

Alicia nodded. She took another sip of her wine.

'Why were
you
there?'

He shrugged his shoulders. 'I don't know really. I suppose I've got nothing else to do, apart from signing on, and seeing her again the other day made me think.'

'Do you still love her?' The words came out of her mouth before she had time to stop them them. Alicia blushed.

Jeremy started on his third ham and pickle sandwich. He munched thoughtfully for a moment or two. 'Not now, although perhaps I went to see her because I still harboured some hopes that there was still something left between us. But after the way she treated me, I knew it was over and probably had been over many years ago. I was just too stupid to see it.'

Alicia felt an unexpected sense of relief. She got to her feet and fetched the chocolate gateau she had bought from the local patisserie.

'I'm sorry it's shop made. I normally bake all my own cakes. I do think that extra bit of effort shows, don't you?'

Jeremy nodded approvingly, his eyes glistening with pleasure as he watched Alicia cut him a large slice. 'I love chocolate cake,' he said once he had crammed his mouth full.

Alicia smiled at him. There was chocolate around his lips making him look just like a little boy. She liked his hair long she decided. It somehow made him look more vulnerable.

'You know, you're awfully easy to talk to. I usually feel so awkward around women, under pressure so to speak.' Jeremy ran a finger round his plate and scooped up some chocolate cream which had escaped from the cake. He popped his finger in his mouth. 'I feel comfortable with you, just like I used to feel with Nanny Greig. She was never too busy to listen, and when I said silly things she never laughed at me. Mother was always telling me to act more like a man.'

He wrinkled his forehead as though trying to recall something. He had drunk nearly a bottle of wine. 'It's funny, but now I come to think of it, that's just what Vee used to say too.'

He lapsed into silence. For a few minutes he and Alicia munched in companionable silence, and Alicia took the opportunity to study him.

She had always thought Jeremy good looking, but his good looks were spoiled by a certain blandness of expression - a readiness to laughter which belied any real emotion. But now his features had a drawn look about them. Lines had appeared around his mouth, and his eyes looked almost haunted. He was definitely more interesting than she remembered.

Jeremy suddenly looked directly at her. 'Has anyone ever told you you're really rather pretty. I've always thought so. I used to tell Vee that you hid your light under a bushel, something
she
could never be accused of. I don't understand why some lucky chap hasn't snapped you up.'

Embarrassed, Alicia took off her glasses and polished the lenses with her handkerchief.

'And you look even prettier without your glasses,' he added.

Alicia immediately put them back on.

'Would you like some tea or coffee, or maybe some more wine?' she asked, getting up.

Jeremy followed her into the kitchen area and stood close enough for her to feel his body heat. Alicia tried to move away, but there wasn't much space in Zelda's tiny kitchenette.

'I think some more wine would be nice, don't you?'

Alicia reached for another bottle. Strictly speaking, Alicia knew she shouldn't really be helping herself from Zelda’s well-stocked wine cupboard. It was true that Zelda had bade her to make the place her own, but she had a feeling that hadn’t included the wine. Her hand wavered. What would Zelda have done if the situation had been reversed? Alicia's hand grasped another bottle of Sainsbury's claret.

As she clumsily attempted to remove the foil from around the neck, Jeremy reached over and took the corkscrew from her and their hands touched. Alicia snatched hers away as though it had been scalded.

She backed away and watched him opening the wine. It was absolutely ridiculous, she thought, trying to steady her pounding heart, she had probably had too much to drink. After all, this man had been married to her best friend, which surely made him out of bounds, even if they were divorced.

What best friend? Alicia thought, feeling a sense of loss that was almost physical. She'd never really
had
a best friend. All these years she had been fooling herself about Vanessa. She had other friends, it was true, but those words 'my best friend' had a special, intimate meaning that was like no other.

To realise that the friendship had never really existed - was a figment of her imagination - was like having to re-edit her whole life, wiping out all the memories which were no longer true. All that was left was a large, black hole.

This time Alicia couldn't hold back the tears.

Jeremy led her gently back to the
chaise-longue
and sat with his arm around her, offering her sips of wine between sobs and tissues.

Alicia finally took a deep breath. 'I'm sorry, I'm behaving like a complete idiot,' she sniffed, wiping away the last of the tears.

Jeremy squeezed her arm, 'Not in the least, old thing, best get it out of your system.'

Alicia risked a peep at him and then quickly hung her head so that her hair fell across her face. 'You must think I look an awful wreck.'

Jeremy brushed her hair aside and tucked it behind her ears.

Alicia's nose was indeed a rather unbecoming shade of pink and her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy.

'I think you look absolutely fine,' he said gallantly. 'Like a …' he paused. He had never really thought of Alicia as his kind of girl, but she was really rather nice. She made him feel protective, which was the last thing Vanessa had ever done. '… like a garden after a summer shower: all dewy and fresh,' he finished triumphantly, rather pleased at his turn of phrase.

Alicia flashed him a grateful smile. Her eyes, which Jeremy could have sworn were a kind of nondescript brown, were shot through with hints of green and gold, like sunlight in the depths of a wood.

'If you haven't got any other plans, why don't you stay for dinner,' Alicia ventured shyly. 'I do so hate cooking just for myself.'

Jeremy nodded eagerly. 'Vee hated cooking. She always said that if women were meant to cook, God wouldn't have invented microwaves and Marks & Spencer ready meals. I don't think she cooked a meal for us once in all the time we were married.'

Alicia placed a sympathetic hand over his.

'And this is such a nice little flat,' Jeremy continued looking around. 'You ought to see the room where I'm staying in Hackney. Even the cockroaches have packed their bags and left.'

Alicia giggled, 'Surely it can't be that bad.'

'Oh yes it is,' Jeremy said vehemently. 'I can't begin to tell you what that woman has done to me. Look at me, I've lost everything: job, family, friends. She left me with absolutely nothing, not even pride.' Jeremy's voice cracked.

It was Alicia's turn to be the comforter. She slipped her arm around his shoulders. Jeremy buried his head between Alicia's breasts, his shoulders heaving.

Alicia tentatively stroked his hair. It seemed to sooth him, so she continued until his breathing grew even. For the first time in what seemed like years, she felt peaceful.

The warm sounds of a London summer's evening drifted through the window. Somewhere, someone was playing a melodious saxophone, distant traffic providing the base line, and the high clear wail of a police siren the descant. On the rickety balcony outside, two pigeons fluffed out their chests and cocked their heads from side to side as they cooed a beady-eyed serenade of love.

Jeremy's body began to feel heavy, and there was an unpleasantly moist patch between her breasts where he was breathing, although now his deep breaths were beginning to sound like snores.

Alicia gently shook him. 'Jeremy…' He woke with a start.

'Good Lord! Did I fall asleep? How awfully bad mannered of me.' He rubbed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair which was rather attractively ruffled.

'Oh, please don't worry,' Alicia said, surreptitiously trying to straighten her crumpled dress and conceal the damp patch at the same time. 'I think we're both rather sleepy. It's probably the wine.'

Jeremy glanced at his watch; it was after ten. 'It's past my bedtime. I'd better be getting along. Perhaps we could do dinner another night,' he said wistfully.

'Oh, but you don't have to go,' the words came out before Alicia had realised. She blushed. 'What I mean to say is that you could sleep here,' she indicated the room, 'that is, if you don't mind the floor. There are plenty of spare blankets.'

'Anything would be better than the slog back to Hackney.'

Alicia bustled around, finding blankets and sheets and insisting on making a light supper of Welsh Rarebit, followed by more chocolate cake and some milky cocoa to help them both sleep.

But Jeremy did not need any assistance. As she turned at the door to bid him good night, he was already asleep, ensconced on his bed of cushions. With a whispered 'sleep well', Alicia switched off the light and quietly closed the door.

She sat on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. The day had certainly not turned out the way she'd expected. She put a hand between her breasts where Jeremy's head had lain for that blissful half hour. Poor man, how could Vanessa have treated him so badly?

Alicia reached for the zip at the back of her dress, but she couldn't pull it open past her waist, it was stuck fast. She stood up and twisted the dress round until it was back to front and tried again; the zip refused to budge. Frustrated, Alicia tried to pull the dress down over her hips, but even though she held her breath in, it wouldn't move. She tried pulling it over her head, but it refused to go over her breasts. Holding the zip with both hands, she pulled it down with all her strength. There was a loud rip and it gave way, taking part of the lining with it.

Alicia held up the offending article. It was beyond even her needlewoman's skills to mend. Anyway, she hadn't really liked it. It made her look even fatter than she was, and she wished she'd been wearing something else today when she met Jeremy. She bundled it up and stuffed it into the bottom of the wardrobe. As she did so, she caught sight of herself in the full-length mirror inside the wardrobe door. It was something she normally avoided unless she was fully dressed, and then only to check that her hair was tidy and that her slip wasn't showing.

Alicia looked despairingly at her body, encased in sensible all-enveloping white cotton pants and her old-fashioned bra, which looked like two armoured breastplates designed to repel all intruders. She bought her underwear by mail order, as she could no longer face going into a lingerie department. All those racks of frothy lace bras and tiny bikini pants made her feel absolutely wretched, especially when added to the disdainful look on the face of some seventeen-year old, bra-less shop assistant when she asked for her size.