Authors: T. E. Cruise
He shrugged. “It’s a clear night, and a full moon. We’ll have plenty of light.” He took her hand and squeezed it. “Please
come. I want to show you something before I leave.”
Erica hesitated. Herman smiled down at her. God, she loved him when he was like this! She gazed at him; at his unruly red
curls and thick moustache; at his piercing blue eyes, usually filled with obtuse thoughts about his machines, but just now
simply bright with adoration.
She would go with him. It would be worth all the trouble that would come down upon her from her parents to go with him now.
To be able to have this memory of him, like a soaring eagle, to hold once he was gone.
She rode behind him on the motorcycle, clutching on to him, letting his back shelter her from the wind. She’d never been on
a motorcycle before. She thought the sensation was something like flying, and she understood why Herman loved the cycle so
much.
When they reached the field she was surprised to see Teddy Quinn’s truck parked next to the tarp-shrouded Jenny. Teddy was
just finishing lighting a number of widely spaced lanterns running parallel to each other, marking out a stretch of runway.
“You knew we were going to go flying all along, Herman Gold!” Erica admonished above the buzz of the motorcycle.
“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Herman said as he pulled up beside the truck.
“He took me up this afternoon.” Teddy laughed as he came over to them. “I figure your ride is going to be a bit more romantic—”
“Hey!” Herman scowled. He pressed his finger to his lips.
“What’s going on here?” Erica demanded suspiciously, looking from one to the other.
“I’ve said too much already.” Teddy shook his head. “Never could keep my mouth shut.”
Erica watched as the two men pulled the tarp from the Jenny. “She’s beautiful, again!” Erica cried out. The airplane’s fresh
scarlet paint, and her bright new metalwork protruding from the open cowling, glistened and gleamed in the moonlight. “Where
are the German Crosses?” she asked.
“We left them off,” Herman said. “I figure it’d be healthier for the count to travel incognito until I can hook up with the
troupe.”
He helped her into the front cockpit, where she found a light jacket and pair of goggles. Herman strapped her in and then
got into the rear, pilot’s cockpit. Erica waited anxiously as Herman and Teddy went through their preflight routine. She wondered
if she was going to enjoy night flying as much as she had flying on that glorious afternoon when Herman had turned the heavens
upside down for her.
Finally the Jenny’s engine caught, setting its brand-new propeller spinning. They taxied along between the two strings of
lanterns, which blended into a glowing blur as the airplane picked up speed. She adjusted her goggles against the delicious
wind. She felt the wheels rumbling along the short grass, and then came that supreme moment when they lifted off. She laughed,
exhilarated, knowing now that flying would always be magical for her and that she would always love airplanes. She even patted
the Jenny’s vibrating, taut, fabric flank, like she would a beloved and faithful horse.
Herman flew gently. Erica felt as if she were being magically levitated. For a while they followed the river, the fat, ivory-hued
August moon’s reflection in the water turning that river into an opalescent serpent slithering across the dark earth.
The airplane titled back, its nose rising as Herman gained altitude. Now Erica could only see the night, velvety black, and
the infinite and brilliant lacework of ice-blue stars, seemingly close enough to touch.
He brought the plane around in a gentle banking turn. Suddenly the engine was quiet! Erica, alarmed, twisted against her harness
to look back toward Herman.
“Don’t worry, I’ve cut her on purpose. Everything’s fine,” Herman reassured her. His voice carried clearly in the relative
silence, except for the low burble of the idled engine and the soft rustle of wind. “Look down,” he called.
Erica cried out, delighted. Below was the town—
her
town—but from this perspective it looked neither provincial nor drab. It looked magnificently dusted with a webbing of light,
like a starry constellation fallen intact to earth.
Herman whished her back and forth over the town, the quiet, gliding airplane riding the wind. It was their own flying carpet,
Erica thought. It was like flying in a dream.
“This is what I wanted to show you,” Herman told her. “I’ve no money to buy you jewelry. Those lights are the jewels I can
give you now. If you’ll agree to marry me, they’ll symbolize our engagement until I can afford to buy you a ring.”
“I’ll wait for you, my love,” Erica called out to him. “I’ll wait for as long as it takes.”
“Remember tonight,” she heard him plead. “Remember tonight when I’m gone.”
(Two)
Gold brought the Jenny down to land, guided by the beacons strung out along the field, gratified but not surprised that Teddy
had stuck to his offer to make sure that all the lanterns remained lit. Gold had learned that his new friend was a man of
his word.
Gold cut the engine and came to a stop by the truck. Teddy was beside the plane even before the prop had stopped turning.
“Well?” Teddy demanded. “What happened?”
“The Jenny flew fine,” Gold said, deadpan, hopping out of the plane.
“That’s not what I’m asking about!” Teddy exploded. He looked at Erica, who had unbuckled her own harness and was climbing
down to the ground. “Did this oaf ask you to marry him, or not?”
“He did, and I said I would.” Erica laughed, happily embracing Teddy.
Gold watched, amused, as Teddy awkwardly endured Erica’s kiss on the cheek, muttering all the while about sentimental womenfolk.
Then he and Teddy set out to collect the lanterns and load them into the back of the truck. “Want me to help you cover the
Jenny with the tarp?” Teddy asked when they were done.
“I’ll do it after she cools down a bit,” Herman said.
“I guess I’ll be going, then,” Teddy said. He shook hands with Gold. “Congratulations on your engagement, friend. You still
planning to be on your way west, first thing tomorrow?” When Herman nodded, Teddy said, “Then let’s meet at the garage at
dawn. I’ll give you a lift out to the field and see you off.”
Gold and Erica stood arm in arm, watching as Teddy got into his truck and drove away. “Well, I guess I’d better get you home,”
Gold said reluctantly once they were alone.
“Not yet,” Erica said. She took him by the hand and led him over to the tarp, bunched on the ground beneath the Jenny’s wing.
She settled down onto the soft, billowed canvas and then pulled him down beside her.
“Erica—” he began, but she quieted him with a kiss, her mouth pressing against his, her tongue darting. He pulled away, his
body throbbing, his mind in turmoil. Her taste, wet and sweet, was now indelible in him.
“I want you to make love to me,” she said.
He could see her clearly in the moonlight. Her glistening lips were parted. Her dark eyes were intent, almost somber, as she
gazed at him.
What was he to do? What was his responsibility here? He wanted her, desperately, but what should he do? She was too important
to make a mistake.
She kicked off her slippers and began to unbutton her dress. He watched her rise up on her knees to shrug the dress off over
her head. She wore no corset. She didn’t need one. Her camisole and brief knickers of white satin laced with pink ribbon shimmered
in the moonlight.
“I’ve never been with anyone,” she whispered. “But I guess you know that.” She laughed nervously. Her eyes searched his. “Have
you?”
He thought about the prostitutes of Berlin, and the New York City whores he had infrequently visited. Those sexual encounters
had nothing to do with this. “No, I’ve never made love,” he said sincerely.
She began to unbutton his shirt. He tried to speak, to ask her again if she was sure that this was what she wanted, but she
kissed him and kissed him and when she stopped he no longer had the will to question.
She slid his shirt off, running her hands across his back, making him shudder. She undid his belt, working the buttons along
his fly—
Gold panicked. His passion had kept him from thinking clearly. He couldn’t let her see him naked. He was circumcised—
He had never told her that he was a Jew, but now she would know. He should have told her before this, he realized in despair,
but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to reveal the truth to her, afraid her affection would turn to revulsion.
She had peeled down his trousers, and his undershorts. She was running her fingers along the length of his erection.
“So this is what a man looks like,” she breathed. She lowered her head to kiss him there.
She doesn’t know
— At first Gold couldn’t believe it, but then he remembered her innocence. She’d never been with a man, didn’t know what men
looked like, or about circumcision. She didn’t know anything…
He pulled off his boots and kicked off his trousers, then turned to her. Erica shivered like a bird as he untied the bows
of her camisole. Like a small child being undressed, she raised her arms to allow him to remove it. He stared at her breasts.
When he touched them she flinched. He pulled back, newly uncertain. Erica, smiling, shook her head.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help it, but I’m frightened. I’ll try not to be, but…” Her voice faded as she took his hands and placed
them on her swollen nipples.
He gathered her up in his arms and kissed her, then gently laid her back on the tarp. The whores in Berlin had taken a shine
to him. They had taught him things that they said women found pleasurable. He did those things now. His own excitement increased
in measure to Erica’s initial bewilderment as he slid the silky, damp knickers from her supple hips and she finally surrendered,
abandoning herself to his caresses.
When he entered her she clutched at him, then seemed to relax, her arms and legs wrapping around him. When she climaxed she
cried out, a touch of shrill panic in her voice, but just as quickly she murmured, “
Oh my love
,” her breath scalding his cheek as she clung to him. When he exploded inside of her he had a fleeting vision of them as if
seen from the starry sky: two feral, naked creatures in the silvery moonlight, twisting together in their canvas nest beneath
the wing of the scarlet Jenny, a benevolent mother bird sheltering her progeny in the midst of this vast field.
After, she lay curled beside him, hushed and trembling. He felt droplets on his chest and realized she was crying. Gold was
frightened. He had never been with a virgin—What if he had somehow hurt her inside?
“Are you all right?” She didn’t answer. “Erica! Are you—”
“Shhh, yes,” she whispered. “I didn’t know how it would be. I’d imagined it, of course, but I had no idea…” She propped herself
up on her elbows to look at him. Her eyes were shiny and soft in the moonlight. “What about you, are you disappointed?”
“No!” Gold exclaimed. “Are you?” he asked, concerned.
“No…” she sighed contentedly, resting her head on his chest. “I hope we did right,” she murmured. “I thought before that this
would make it easier to be apart, but now I think it’s going to make it worse…”
“I love you very much, Erica.”
“I know, my love.” She laughed. “You can’t have any secrets from me.”
Secrets
, Gold thought. He felt so dishonest,
so dirty
. He had to tell her he was a Jew. She had to know if they were going to be married…
Gold knew that Erica and her mother belonged to the Lutheran Church, but that her father had dropped out, his faith shaken
by the loss of his son to the war. Carl Schuler was presently involved in a Unitarian congregation that believed in mankind
coming together for social betterment and universal peace.
“Herman, you know, you’ve never discussed your religious beliefs with me,” she said softly.
He flinched. It was amazing how often she seemed to pick up on his thoughts. “This is hard for me to tell you,” he began.
“Don’t be angry with me, please… Try to understand…”
“What are you talking about?” she demanded.
Gold panicked. So often in his life had the truth cost him; people changed toward him after he’d revealed his origins. What
if his being born a Jew caused Erica to reject him? He couldn’t bear that.
“Herman? What’s wrong?” She was beginning to sound alarmed.
He had no intentions of ever practicing Judaism. None of the barnstormers knew he was a Jew. Why did
she
have to know? Why did
anybody
? It was totally up to him, he abruptly realized. He could reveal his past, or right now put it behind him, forever.
“What I’m trying to say is, don’t be angry with me, Erica, but I’m not very religious.”
She nodded. “But you do believe in Jesus?”
“I guess I don’t believe in anything very much,” Gold evaded. “I mean, I think I believe in God, but…” He trailed off helplessly.
“I just haven’t given it that much thought.”
“Does it bother you that I believe in Jesus?” Erica asked.
“No!” Herman blurted.
“Well, then,” Erica said, kissing him. “That’s all settled.”
“It’s all right?” Gold asked. “You don’t mind? What about your mother and father?”
“Papa might understand,” Erica said thoughtfully. “Between us, I don’t think he believes much, since the war. But Mama would
be upset…” She shrugged and smiled. “So we just won’t tell them. It’s none of their business anyway, Herman. I’m the one marrying
you, not them.”
Gold nodded, grateful the ordeal was over, thinking that it was right to keep this one harmless secret from her, to ensure
their happiness.
(One)
San Diego, California
10 September 1921
Gold stood out on the ferry’s deck, inhaling the salty air as they approached the mainland. He was smiling. San Diego was
his idea of paradise.
Captain Bob had his barnstormers performing at the military airfield at North Island, in San Diego Bay. After the show Gold
and the rest of the pilots would come across the bay to the mainland.