Accused (Ganzfield) (13 page)

I sighed.
I just… I wanted to be better than this by now. I mean, why did we bother? All I can say is a few words like “books.” And have I mentioned how much I hate those stupid picture books?

Trevor rolled his eyes.

Sorry. I don’t mean to dump all this on you.
Tears pricked at my eyes and I bit my lip as I looked out toward where the sun slanted amber light across the lake.
I’m letting Trevor down. He’s been so supportive through this whole thing, but I’m too screwed up. Too broken.

I gasped as Trevor suddenly changed direction, bringing me along into the huge field behind the main building. The breeze whispered though the stalks of dried grass, but I couldn’t hear any minds other than Trevor’s. He sat in the middle of the tall grass, pulling me down in his arms. The golden light caught his eyes and played with the edges of his hair.

“Maddie, you are
not
letting me down. Heather and Matilda both said that the initial progress would be slow. You’re trying to do something that’s never been done before—and it’s working. Give it some more time. Be patient.”

Being patient takes too long.

“You’re cute when you’re grumpy.”

My lips twitched. I looked up, feeling that wonderful little catch in my chest when my eyes met Trevor’s.
Thanks for putting up with me.

“I’d do anything for you, snookums.”

I huffed.
Who you calling snookums?
I borrowed his ability to tickle under his rib.

He yelped and tackled me. I squealed. He was
so
much better at four-handed tickling than I was. Soon we lay there, breathing hard, with our hair full of dry grass. Trevor pulled me into a kiss so intense it seared away the last of my lingering frustration and failure.

“Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way.” His hands framed my face.

What do you mean?

“Those books aren’t motivating you. You’re right—they’re childish and boring. So, how can we find some way to… um… inspire you?”

I grinned.
I can think of a few things.

Hey!
Seth’s thoughts intruded like a splash of cold water.
Take it back to your church!

Trevor and I sat up. Seth walked along the far edge of the field, heading toward home. Rusty orange frustration formed a corona around him.
It’s like a damn soap opera around here these days. Everyone’s falling in love or dropping into comas or getting arrested for murder. Blech! All we need is an evil twin or something.

I shielded with Trevor, but our laughter still floated across the field.

It’s just a fish.

Ann and I stood at the water’s edge on a bright Saturday morning. A light breeze whisked at the fallen leaves, sweeping them across the rocks. We’d thrown some ripped pieces of bread into the water to attract prey. Now, about a dozen finger-sized fish nibbled at their unexpected breakfast.

“I don’t want to hurt them.” Ann watched my thoughts as I focused in and found the mind of one of the fish a few feet offshore. I felt it take tiny mouthfuls from the now-soggy chunk of bread—its wordless thoughts came to me in simple sensations.

I sent a tiny zap of energy into its brain.

The fish went rigid and floated up to the surface, lying on its side. Its gills fluttered quickly. Pain filled its tiny mind.

Ann felt it, too. Her gut clenched when she realized it was her turn to hurt another living creature.

C’mon, Ann
.
It’s catch-and-release. Think that being dragged into a boat by a hook through your lip doesn’t hurt?
Gah. In that situation, we’d actually feel it. No fishing for me, not that I’d ever gone fishing before. This was the closest I’d ever been and it was more than enough.

Ann focused in on another fish. She tried to imitate what I’d done—tried to send a blast of energy into the mind she felt. Nothing happened. She tried again, re-focusing and otherwise attempting to tweak the process, to fit it to her mind.

The little fish I’d zapped thrashed once, and then flipped back under the water and darted away, scattering the other fish. We had to wait for them to return to the floating bread chunks.

This isn’t going to work, Ann.

“I’ve got to learn to do this.” Ambivalence braided different colors through her thoughts. Even if she did have the capacity to use her telepathy this way, she didn’t have the intestinal fortitude.

Ann, how well can you project these days?
Despite being on dodecamine for years, Ann had only been a projecting telepath since the summer—when she’d shocked the heck out of Zack’s brain. She’d had to shield for days until the worst of the effects dissipated, but now she usually kept control over it. It didn’t change how we talked mentally, since I heard her thoughts whether she sent them out or I picked them from her mind, but now non-telepaths could hear them when she wanted them to.

“Why?” She seemed defensive, as though I was challenging her status as a minder.
I can’t even blast a fish. Maddie seems to be able to do everything so easily. She’s like the fancy cousin who comes in from the city and I’m just this ignorant hick.

Are you kidding?
I stared at her, shocked.
Ann, are you frikkin’ KIDDING me? In the past few months, you’ve learned to shield AND project! And you look like a model. I’m short and mousy and can’t talk. Yeah, I can kill with my thoughts, but that basically got me thrown in a hole and tortured! I’m really not an object of envy here!

Sorry!
Her mind flushed pink.
I don’t even… you’re not mousy. And this—it’s not how I usually feel. It’s just, if something’s going to happen here, I want to be useful. It’s like Seth keeping watch on the minds of the Feds outside. Maddie, you know if we’re attacked, you’d be able to do something. You could stop people from hurting us. I might not be able to do anything but watch.

Seth hadn’t been able to stop the attack back in February—he’d just gotten a terrible mindful of pain and death from the victims. I hadn’t realized how intensely this had affected Ann.

He still won’t let Zack charm those memories?
Ha. Like I was one to talk.

She shook her head.

I had a sudden impulse.
Hey, can you sense where Seth is right now?
My range was too short to find most people. Even the other minders faded to nothingness a few hundred feet from me.

She closed her eyes in concentration.
I think he’s in his cabin. It feels like he’s sleeping.

How good is your shield right now? Could you keep your thoughts silent even if you’re close to him?

I think so. Why?

I smiled.
I think he needs an intervention.

Ann’s face flashed her surprise, which morphed into a grin.
Okay. It beats torturing fish
. We moved along the water’s edge, following the path that led to Seth’s private little corner of Ganzfield. As we closed in, Ann gave a little mental nudge to Seth’s mind to wake him.

What are you doing here?
His sleep-filled mind rumbled with grumpiness.

I answered before Ann had a chance.
Coming to visit you. We’re going to shield now, but we’ll be at your door in another minute. Make sure you’re decent.

I didn’t invite you here.

What are we, vampires? We don’t need an invitation. We’re coming in anyway!

Go away, Maddie! Ann, please go.

No. We need to talk to you.

Crap.
Seth reluctantly opened his door. His red-gold hair, which he normally pulled back in a ponytail, formed a loose lion’s mane that made his head look too large for his body. His thoughts hit us like a TV at full volume.
I don’t need this interruption—although I didn’t have anything better to do… except sleep. When was the last time someone else was here? At least I can’t hear anything coming off of them. I wish I could shield, too. What do they want? Actually, it’s surreal to have people so close to me and not have their every thought blasting through me.
He froze for a moment as his eyes locked with mine.
You’re hearing everything I’m thinking right now.

“Of course we are,” Ann said.

I shrugged and nodded.

He squeezed his eyes shut.

Seth’s cabin was functional-looking—nothing decorative. A huge TV dominated the front room, along with fancy stereo components and video game equipment. A single leather easy chair faced the set, and a laptop rested on the table beside it. Everything was clean and in-place, but a vague, funky, guy smell permeated the little house. I held out my hand to Seth and he tossed me a pen and a sheet of scrap paper.

What do they want from me? I can’t read them. How do I talk to people if I don’t know what they’re thinking? What if I say the wrong thing?
He met Ann’s gaze. “Why are you here?”

“Don’t look at me! This was Maddie’s idea.”

He flicked his gaze over and accused me with his a challenging tilt of his chin.

I looked down at the paper and bit my lip as I realized how hard it was to communicate like this. I hated having to write everything down.

I’m going down the path so I can talk.

I dropped the pen and paper as I headed out the door. Back in the woods I dropped my shield.
Hey, Seth?

Yeah?

You heard what my mind was like when I first got back a few weeks ago. I was a mess.

Yeah. It got worse every time we went to check on you in that place in Maine.
Protective anger welled up in his silent words.

Thanks… Thanks for not leaving me there alone.

You didn’t even know we were there.

But you came. You checked on me. Thanks.
I bit my lip
. So, you can hear what’s in my head… how’m I doing now?

You’re fine. You know you’re fine.

Seth, you’re not. Maybe you should let Zack charm some of the massacre stuff out.

I felt him tense at that.
No.

You wouldn’t lose the knowledge, you know.

Maddie, you’re a complete hypocrite! I know you wouldn’t let him charm you.

My hands tightened into fists
. I didn’t need him to. I have Trevor. And you’d already spread all the crap in my head to everyone, anyway.

I can’t… I can’t
. However, his thoughts softened toward the idea.
Why do they care?

Because you’re a pain-in-the-ass, but you’re OUR pain-in-the-ass.

His laughter echoed through the trees.

Think about it, Seth.

Ann dropped her own shield as she pulled up next to me.
Zack’s really good at that sort of thing, you know
.

Seth scoffed at that.
Please! You think Zack’s good at everything.

Ann flushed at that, but didn’t contradict him.

And you
, Seth focused back at me,
do you and Trevor still think your little wedding plans are a secret?
I grinned. All this caring had made Seth uncomfortable and his words put us back into our traditional brat versus narc footing.

“WHAT?” Ann wheeled at me, eyes wide. “You’re getting MARRIED?”

I took a step back as her shock splashed into me.
Of course we are. Why is this surprising?

Because you’re, like, twelve years old,
said Seth.

I laughed.
I’m not THAT much younger than you guys. What? Two years? I’ll be eighteen in January. Besides, when it’s right, it’s right.

Aww!
Ann had tears in her eyes. Romantic images of Zack filled her mind—her own dream wedding. Lace, ribbons, violins…

Seth let out a mental groan.
Geez, Ann. You are such a… a…

I cracked up.
Yeah, that’s pretty girly.

She looked at me. “So, what are you two going to do? Ooh, you could have the ceremony on the edge of the lake at sunset!”

A wedding? When I said I’d marry Trevor, I really hadn’t considered that it would involve a wedding. I wiped my palms on my jeans. Time to change the subject.
Hey, Seth. Want to try learning to shield?

Why did Ann look hurt? And what the hell were tulle and fondant? Oh, no. More wedding stuff.
Fancy
wedding stuff.

Seth chuckled.
Nice try, Maddie.
His thoughts sobered
. I… I tried to learn shielding when you were teaching Ann. I think I’m… well, it didn’t work. I can’t do it right.

I frowned. I hadn’t sensed him following along with the lesson
. Stupid short minder range…

Visions of taffeta whirled through Ann’s thoughts. I sighed. Time to pull out the secret weapon.
Ann? What about Zack?

“Zack?”

Hee hee—subject change successful.
Do you think Zack could charm Seth into learning to shield?
I asked, as the idea suddenly popped full-blown into my head.

Seth’s mind underwent a seismic shift.
Score!
We might’ve found the piece that would get Seth to allow Zack to help him.

Ann filled with green-speckled pride at her boyfriend’s talent. We left Seth to mull the possibilities. Ann returned to planning a wedding for Trevor and me as we walked back around the lake.

Ann, no! I swear, if you release a flight of doves near me, I’ll blast them out of the sky.
Okay, not really. But I had to nip this elaborate wedding planning in the bud.
We’re just going to do the paperwork. We don’t want all the ceremonial stuff. We don’t need it.

Please?
Ann really wanted to plan a wedding. The intensity of her thoughts was painfully loud.

Painfully loud…

Ann!
I turned to her, delighted with both the sudden inspiration I’d had and the fact that it might be enough to distract Ann from wedding planning.
How loudly can you project?