Accidentally in Love (20 page)

“I’m not arguing,” Cal said. “I promise. And I don’t disagree with you. It’s better for both of us to go into this with our eyes open. I just want to make sure what you’re seeing is what’s really there and not what you’re afraid of, you know? You’re fooling yourself if you think I’m some kind of…golden boy. Maybe, if I’d been the high school quarterback and straight. But that’s not the way it was.”

“I can imagine you like that,” Tom said. “Making out with a cheerleader under the bleachers.”

“I don’t even
like
football.” Cal wondered wildly how they’d even gotten to this topic of conversation. “And I’ve known I was gay forever. There’s never been a cheerleader. Why are we even talking about this?”

“I don’t know.” Tom sounded tired as he pulled the car into the entrance to Saint Vincent’s. “I didn’t mean to be. I was just trying to explain, so you’d understand.”

“I’ve never had to work so hard to make someone believe I liked them before,” Cal said helplessly.

The silence from Tom as he drove into the parking lot was worrying. Cal didn’t like Tom being quiet and withdrawn, even if when he did say something, it often left Cal feeling like a sock in the dryer.

“Maybe that’s what you like,” Tom offered finally, parking the car next to a minivan left at an angle, as if someone had been in a hurry. “Working hard, I mean. It’s different. The only problem is, you’ve got me now. I’m not a challenge anymore. I’m…easy.”

“You’re not,” Cal said with conviction. “You’re a lot of things, Tom, but a pushover isn’t one of them. And you’re putting a quarter in that jar of yours when we get back.”

Tom tossed the keys he was holding up into the air and caught them, the muted jingle of metal loud in the enclosed space. He nodded without looking at Cal. “Okay. I can do that.”

“Hey,” Cal said gently. Tom didn’t look at him. “Hey. Tom.”

Finally, Tom looked at him. It was the kind of look not meant to be more than a glance—

Cal could see that clearly—but once their eyes were locked it was as if Tom couldn’t look away.

“I love you,” Cal said. “I don’t know how it happened, but I know how lucky I am, and it doesn’t have anything to do with you being a challenge, or not being a challenge.” Tom’s uncertainty was starting to chip away at Cal’s confidence, making him wonder if it was true that he actually wasn’t capable of a real relationship. What if Tom was right? “Give me a break here, would you? Otherwise I might start believing I really am an asshole.”

“You need to get a jar too,” Tom said. “You’re not an asshole. I couldn’t like you this much if you were, and I do. More than that. I…I
need
you. I mean, I—” Tom closed his eyes, screwing them up tightly for a moment. “I want to say it, and I can’t.”

It was easy to guess what was sticking in Tom’s throat, and for all that Cal wanted to hear Tom say it, he knew it wasn’t something that Tom would ever say lightly.

“I don’t want to hear it until you’re ready,” Cal said. “Look, just kiss me and let’s go and see Derek. He’s probably wearing a hole in the carpet and bugging the nurses to death.”

“Yeah,” Tom agreed. “We should do that.” He leaned in close. “All of it.”

Every time Tom kissed him, he got better at it, Cal decided when they’d broken apart and gotten out of the car. There was still a hint of tentativeness at the start, but it was fading fast, and Cal was left wondering what it would be like to be kissed by Tom when he was holding nothing back. Maybe tonight, in bed, with Tom naked beside him, he’d find out.

Anticipation had him hurrying toward the hospital doors. They’d see Derek, find out what was happening, go home, grab some food, and then he’d do all that he could to show Tom how he felt.

It took much too long to find out where Derek and Marianne were. Marianne had been admitted and taken to the sixth floor, and once they found the room, it was empty. A harried redheaded nurse, her hair tied back, told them that Marianne had been taken for tests and that they’d have to wait.

“I’m sorry,” she said, then turned her attention back to a file on the countertop.

“Maybe we should just leave them a note or something?” Cal suggested. Tom shook his head.

“No, I want to be able to tell Derek that everything at the house is okay. The last thing he needs is something else to worry about, you know?” Tom sighed; then his face brightened. “There he is.”

Cal looked down the hallway and saw Derek, who smiled at them as he hurried to join them. “Hey, what are you two doing here?”

“Checking on you and Marianne and the baby,” Tom said. “I wanted to make sure you knew everything at the house is fine, which it is. Sorry about the fiasco with the police and the security alarm and everything.”

“Don’t worry about it. I should have realized you couldn’t get in. I was just so distracted. They did some kind of stress test and the baby’s fine. They’re going to keep Marianne overnight, at least, try to get her blood pressure down. Her mom’s with her now.” Derek gestured toward the room Tom and Cal had originally been sent to. “She wants me to grab her lip stuff. She says the air in here makes her lips dry out.”

“Is there anything we can do?” Tom asked.

Derek shook his head. “I don’t think so.
Y’know
, it means a lot that you guys came over. I didn’t tell Marianne about it—didn’t want to worry her—but when she’s better, she’ll get a kick out of hearing about how you two nearly got driven away in a cop car.”

Cal felt a stab of annoyance. Sure, it was the kind of story he could spin at a dinner table and have people laughing until they cried, but right now he was too close to it to find it all that funny. Something of that must’ve shown on his face, because Tom stepped in, distracting Derek with another query about Marianne and allowing Cal to regain his good temper.

“If you’re sure there’s nothing we can do, we’ll get out of here,” Tom said when Derek had finished telling them about the car drive to the hospital, with every light going red until his blood pressure had rivaled Marianne’s. “Marianne will think you’ve forgotten what she sent you to get.”

A look of sheer panic crossed Derek’s face, and Cal took pity on him. “Lip stuff,” he said kindly and watched relief replace panic.

“Right. Thanks.”

“Call later and let us know if you need anything,” Cal told him.

“I think we’ll be okay. I can always send Cheryl—I don’t think you’ve met her? Marianne’s mom—to the house for stuff. Thanks. For everything.”

Tom hesitated, then stepped forward and hugged Derek, who looked in turn surprised and then relieved and hugged Tom back.

“Thanks,” Derek said softly.

Tom patted his shoulder and said, “No problem,” projecting so much genuine friendliness that it took Cal’s breath away.

It took an effort, but Cal waited until they were in the parking lot before he said, “I seriously have no idea how you avoided having a boyfriend until now.”

“I seriously have no idea how I have a boyfriend now,” Tom said.

“You’re such a nice person.”

“I think the next time you tell me what a nice guy I am, I’m going to scream.” Tom unlocked the car. “And maybe break things. I’m not kidding. Who the hell have you been hanging out with? Because I’m not some saint. I’m just a guy, your average, run-of-the-mill guy. I’m not nicer than half the people you’d meet on the street.” He genuinely seemed to believe this.

“You are.” Cal held up both hands. “No, don’t scream. Just listen to me. You
are
nicer.”

“Then why do I want to punch you when you say it?” Tom asked. “Or go out and be rude to a sweet old lady to show you I can? I’m not nice; I just know what it’s like to be on the receiving end. There’s no way I’d ever put someone down or laugh at them when I know how it feels. Who would?”

“Plenty of people,” Cal said. “A lot of people who’re bullied turn into bullies themselves.”

“Just because you read that in a magazine waiting to get your teeth cleaned doesn’t make it true,” Tom snapped and got into the car, slamming his door harder than necessary.

Cal slid into the passenger seat, closing his door with less force. “Okay, that verged on testy. Congratulations?”

“Why do you push at me so much?” Tom demanded, pulling off with a stab at the gas pedal that made the car lurch forward. “I’ve lost my temper with you before, and I can do it again. Is that what you want? Me mad at you?”

“No,” Cal said, realizing that Tom really was mad, which certainly hadn’t been his intention. “No, that’s not what I want. Why would I want that?”

“I don’t know.” Tom pulled out onto the street. “Maybe you don’t really want to be in a relationship at all, and if you piss me off I’ll break up with you and you can tell yourself it wasn’t your fault.”

“What?” Cal was honestly shocked. “Are you kidding me?”

Tom shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road. “Seems like a reasonable possibility.”

“Well, it’s not. You’re wrong. I’m not trying to push at you, or whatever you think I’m doing. I don’t get why telling you how nice you are is a bad thing.”

“Maybe because you’ve never wanted anyone nice before, so maybe you don’t really want me either.”

“Oh.” Cal sat quietly and thought about this, because he wanted to be able to say that he’d taken the idea seriously rather than just dismissed it out of hand. “No,” he said finally. “It’s not that. It’s more that I don’t think I could possibly deserve you. However, I’ll try to stop saying it if it’s making you crazy.”

“It’s just…you wonder why I’ve never had a boyfriend because I’m so
nice
? What planet are you from?” Tom sounded sincerely bewildered, the words lacking the sarcastic edge someone else would’ve given them—which just proved Cal’s point, though he wasn’t going to share that particular observation with Tom. “Men don’t want nice. They want hot and confident, and they couldn’t give a fuck if I’ll never two-time them or never ever take them for granted because I know how lucky I am to have anyone give me a second look, let alone someone like you.”

“Oh my God, stop. Just stop it already, okay? I’m not some huge prize, and I’m not going to cheat on you or take
you
for granted just because I’m hot or whatever, so just shut up about how no one is going to appreciate you because all men want is confident assholes! I appreciate you for who you are, or at least I do when you aren’t being an
idiot
.”

Tom took one quick glance in the mirror and pulled over to the side of the road without indicating, going from forty to zero suddenly enough to make the car shudder and Cal yelp as he was flung forward, his seat belt cutting into his shoulder.

“So now I’m an idiot? Is that a step up from nice?” Tom put the car into park with a savage yank and rounded on Cal. His gray eyes were blazing, his mouth a thin line, and Cal wished they were having this argument back at home, because if ever someone needed the temper fucked out of him, Tom did.

“Sure, if you want it to be.” Cal wanted to grab Tom and shake him, wanted to shove him up against the nearest solid surface and kiss him. “You don’t want to be nice?”

“No,” Tom growled. “But I’m sure as hell not an idiot.”

Cal reached out and curled a hand into the front of Tom’s shirt. “Prove it.”

“How?”

“Stop fighting and kiss me.” Cal added deliberately, knowing what it would do to Tom’s temper, “Be
nice
to me.”

Tom made a sound that reminded Cal of an infuriated kitten protesting the loss of a toy, an aggravated hiss followed by a growl deep in his throat. He made the mistake of grinning, and Tom kissed him, a hard smack of teeth and lips against his. He lost the smile, his body channeling all the major and minor frustrations of the day into arousal, plain and simple.

They were both hampered by seat belts, yet Cal managed to get his hands on skin easily enough, shoving up Tom’s shirt and sliding his hands over Tom’s stomach and chest, opening his mouth for Tom’s tongue as he did it.

That didn’t seem to mollify Tom at all, not that Cal cared. Tom bit down on Cal’s lip and grabbed a handful of hair, using his grip to angle Cal’s face to suit him. Cal told himself he was in control and was allowing Tom to work out his issues in a more productive way than conversations that just seemed to make matters worse, but he wasn’t sure he believed it. When Tom let go of his inhibitions, he didn’t hold back, and Cal was honest enough to admit that it was exhilarating being on the receiving end.

“Nice enough for you?” Tom muttered. He bit Cal’s lip again, harder this time. Cal groaned into Tom’s mouth and let himself be kissed however Tom wanted. The thought struck him that under other circumstances—not here in the car, because he could have bolted out the passenger door if needed—Tom could overpower him without much effort, and for some reason that thought made him groan again.

“I want to blow you,” Cal whispered, and it was Tom’s turn to groan.

“Here? In the car?” He tightened his hand on the back of Cal’s neck. “You would, wouldn’t you. Right here where anyone could see.”

“I would, if you let me. Suck you until you come, make you feel so good…”

Tom kissed him again, cutting off whatever else Cal might have said. Not that he had any idea what it would have been, because thinking wasn’t high on his list of priorities just at that moment, not with an eager erection shoved against the front of his slacks and an even more eager Tom kissing him.