Accidental Hero (Jack Blank Adventure) (18 page)

Jack rolled his eyes. Smart had his name on half the buildings in Empire City, and here he was complaining about a lack of recognition. When Smart’s back was turned, Jack looked at Allegra and silently mouthed “Blah, blah, blah…” as Smart blathered on.

Allegra giggled. Jack snickered too.

Smart spun around in a flash.

“Something amusing?” Smart asked pointedly. “Let’s see what’s so funny… Holo-board! Playback!”

Jack was mortified to learn the holo-board recorded everything that happened in the classroom. Moments later, the board replayed a high-definition video of Jack’s antics, and Smart’s temper hit volcanic levels.

“This is the second time you have disrespected me today… there will
not
be a third!” Smart bellowed. “In fact, I might just cast my vote on you right now.”

Technically, it was only the first time Jack had disrespected Smart. His lateness wasn’t his fault, but there was no point in trying to convince Jonas Smart of that. Jack said, “Sorry, sir. Really. It won’t happen again.”

Smart glared at Jack. “I should hope not.”

There was a tap on Jack’s shoulder as Smart returned to the holo-board. It was Skerren. “Just give up now, Rusty,” he hissed. “You can’t get on Smart’s good side. There is no good side! He’s heartless!”

Jack ignored Skerren’s whispering. He figured his insufferable classmate was just trying to get him into more trouble by goading him to talk out of turn again. When
Smart was done showing off all his inventions, he asked if there were any questions. Jack tried to take the opportunity to show some interest and make back some points with the teacher.

“Could I read some of your science books?” Jack asked with his hand in the air.

Smart just looked at Jack. “Whatever for?”

“Well, we found out that I can only control machines if I know how they work,” Jack explained. “I’m really impressed with all your inventions. If I could get a look at some of your books and the cool things you’ve done, maybe I could start to see what makes everything tick.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, boy,” Smart said dismissively. “My work is all very complex. You wouldn’t understand any of it.”

Jack leaned forward, squinting at Smart.
Wouldn’t understand it?
Of course he wouldn’t understand it. That was the whole point of trying to learn it! Jack slumped in his chair.

“Something you should know,” Smart told Jack. “I am not describing my inventions so that you can learn how to manipulate them. I’m not at all comfortable with training
a future Rüstov soldier to better control powers that he will one day use against me. I am just gracing your brain with a brief history of the greatest and most innovative mind the world has ever known. My own. This lecture has little to do with your testing or my vote. In fact, all the information I need from you will come in the form of little light-dots made by your laser pens.” He held up three sheets of SmartPaper. “Namely, your answers to this test.”

With that, Smart handed out his very comprehensive Total Personality Test. It was a test designed to create a snapshot estimate of an individual’s knowledge on every possible subject. As an added bonus, the TPT (as Smart was fond of calling it) could psychoanalyze a student’s personality into one of several predetermined profiles. The Total Personality Test distilled every unique characteristic of an individual person into a single test score. Smart was immensely proud of it.

Each copy of the test was entirely contained on a single sheet of SmartPaper. Jack scrolled through his test. There were more than a thousand questions in all. The tangital sheet went on and on, covering every subject and question type he could imagine. There were
math, linguistics, science, history, and grammar questions. There were logic puzzles, analogies, essays, and more. Jack scrolled down for what seemed like forever. It was a dizzying experience to feel so unprepared for a test of this magnitude. Jack hadn’t studied a thing. Then again, what do you study when you’re going to be tested on everything?

Smart announced that the four-hour examination period would begin immediately. A four-hour test! Jack held back a groan. Smart said there would be no break, since it would waste test time. The whole thing reminded Jack of Calhoun’s P-MAP Test, except way longer.

As Smart left the room, Jack concentrated on trying his best on the exam. After the first two hours of questions about algebra, classic books, and thermodynamics, the questions all gelled together into a blur of multiple choices. The only standouts were the additional questions, specific to each test taker. They were automatically generated by the test and Jack found them especially annoying. Some of the questions the Total Personality Test posed to Jack were:

WHY DID THE RÜSTOV SEND YOU HERE?

A. To attack humans

B. To spy on humans

C. To spy on humans now and attack them later

HOW OFTEN DO YOU DREAM ABOUT CONQUERING EARTH?

A. Always

B. More often than not

C. Now and then

IF AND WHEN THE RÜSTOV INVADE AGAIN, WHAT WILL YOU DO?

A. Join in the fight against humanity

B. Help find another planet to attack and systematically destroy

C. Both A and B

Whenever Jack didn’t like answer choices A, B, or C, he decided to write his own responses in the margins. He wrote in that the Rüstov didn’t send him here to do anything, that he never dreamed about world domination, and that if the Rüstov were to come back, he’d fight against them. Jack wondered what kind of questions Skerren and Allegra were getting. They didn’t seem to be enjoying the test any more than he was.

When Jack was finally done, Smart collected the tests and took them to be scanned and graded. He was going to base 100 percent of his vote on these tests. The very idea made Jack’s stomach turn. He had answered so many questions that he had no idea how he had done, or what any of it had to do with becoming a superhero. He just hoped that he would somehow pass.

Jack turned around in his chair after Smart left the room. “After this is over, do you want to go to SeasonStill Park or something?” he asked.

“I don’t have time to play in the park,” Skerren scoffed. “I have to train. Unlike you, I’m going to get into this school. When you fail, it’s going to be because you didn’t work like I did. Either that, or because you’ll turn
into a Rüstov Para-Soldier before we even get that far.”

“Thanks for sharing, Skerren,” Jack said. “I was talking to Allegra.”

Allegra shied away as Jack and Skerren turned toward her. She didn’t do well as the center of attention. “Urn…” was all she could say.

She was still struggling to reply when Smart returned with the test scores.
That was fast,
thought Jack.

“Here comes your first F,” Skerren said, tapping Jack’s shoulder. “Time to hit the MagLev road, Jack.” Jack felt queasy. Skerren was a jerk, but he was probably right. Jack braced himself for the inevitable as Smart approached.

Smart handed Skerren’s test back first. Skerren passed easily with a 98, earning both Smart’s vote and his praise. The test categorized Skerren’s personality as an “Ultracompulsive Overachiever.” Apparently, that was Smart’s personality type as well, and he was proud to say so. Next was Allegra. She scored an 85, which was also a passing grade. Smart told her it was tolerable, and that he would not vote against her. Her personality profile was a mixture of “Jittery Jitterbug” and “Late Bloomer.” Jack had to admit Allegra was pretty jittery, but he didn’t agree with
the second part at all. He actually thought Allegra was kind of cute. Finally, it was his turn. He fully expected to be classified as “Evil Rüstov Spawn” and sent packing, but Smart just paused a moment and looked at Jack with an odd sort of look. Jack waited anxiously as the dreaded test sheet was laid before him on the desk.

There was no score.

The grading area read
NEED MORE INPUT.

“What the—,” Jack began.

“Yes,” Smart said, unnerved and upset. “Your test was inconclusive. I assume you expect me to believe you had nothing to do with this?”

Jack stared at the test paper in front of him in disbelief. “I took the test, that’s all I did,” he said. “I don’t understand.”

Smart looked at Jack like he was trying to will his head to explode. “Don’t you? I designed the Total Personality Test to be perfect. The TPT has never failed to categorize an individual, and yet it cannot evaluate you, the boy who knows how to control machines.”

Jack looked up at Smart. “What are you saying?”

“SmartPaper is a machine. Obviously, you’re using your powers to cheat on my test.”

“My powers don’t work like that,” Jack said. “I don’t have a clue how SmartPaper works—I couldn’t mess with it if I tried.”

Of course, Jack hadn’t known how the power generator back at St. Barnaby’s had worked either, and he had blown that up without any trouble, but he didn’t feel the need to bring that up. He wondered if Smart was right. Was he so scared of failing that his powers had actually affected the test?

Smart didn’t pick up on Jack doubting his own story. Smart was in his own world, pondering away and talking to himself. “This is intolerable,” he muttered under his breath. “How can I be expected to make up my mind—to
vote!—
without the test telling me what to…” Smart grunted and went on pacing the room. After a few intense moments of rubbing his chin and pacing with a distressed look, Smart composed himself. He straightened his back and addressed the children with confidence.

“I have it,” Smart announced. “I’ve decided to wait.”

“What?” Jack and Skerren exclaimed at the same time, for very different reasons.

“I will wait to judge you, Jack Blank. I’ve thought long and hard on this. Forty-seven seconds, in fact. An eternity for someone with an intellect such as mine. I need more data,” Smart explained. “You are an unfinished equation. It irks me.
You
irk me. I will delay my vote, but only on the condition that you voluntarily submit to a battery of additional medical tests and experiments. We’ll get to the bottom of this mystery.”

“Whoa,” Jack said. “What kind of tests and experiments?” He had every right to be suspicious of a man who had very recently lobbied to execute and dissect him.

“Whatever kind I deem necessary,” Smart replied. “Not to worry, you’ll be quite safe. I can’t dissect you without the Inner Circle’s permission. My experiments will simply explore the nature of your infection and alleged ability to resist it. We will explore the full extent of your powers and find out just how you’ve confounded this test!”

“And if I pass your tests, you’ll vote me into the School of Thought?” Jack proposed.

Smart paused before answering. “If you pass all my tests and I deem you safe?” he asked. His compulsive need for more data was in conflict with the absolute disgust he
felt at the thought of voting for Jack. “Yes,” he said finally. “If that
extremely
unlikely scenario comes to pass, I will give you my vote.”

“Give him your vote?” Skerren protested. “But, but— he’s a Rüstov!”

“And I expect I’ll prove that. But I need to hear my tests say so.”

“Why?” Skerren asked.

“I JUST DO!” Smart shouted back. “Now be silent! It’s not your place to question me!” This was a very different Jonas Smart than the one Jack had seen up until now. He was harried. Agitated. Quite unlike himself. “Jack, you have heard my terms,” he said. “The choice is yours. Take all the time you need to decide.” He glanced at the clock on the wall. “You have four seconds.”

“Uh…okay, deal,” Jack said.

“Excellent,” Smart said, taking a deep breath. “Excellent.” He shut down the holo-board and leaned over a lab desk, facing away from the students. He exhaled deeply. “Tests will begin today,” he said. “Now. Perhaps sooner. The rest of you can leave,” he added with a wave of his hand. “Go. Play. Do whatever it is that children
do, but be gone.” Skerren and Allegra couldn’t have left any quicker if Stendeval had teleported them away.

Jack didn’t think it was possible, but Smart’s additional tests soon had him longing for more sheets of SmartPaper filled with thousands of rude questions. True to his word, Smart didn’t try to dissect Jack, but the tests he had in mind were no walk in SeasonStill Park. Jack had figured he’d be sleigh riding in Winterwind Way or swimming down at the Summershore Stretch by now. No such luck. Instead, he had to stay after school.

The whole experience did at least give Jack some insight into how Jonas Smart thought. The more Jack saw of Jonas Smart, the more Jack thought maybe he wasn’t the smartest guy in town after all. Jack never had any problems with his infection or heard any Rüstov voices in his head. He never even knew about his infection. In a sense, he was the only one beating the Rüstov. If he were to get really good at using his powers, maybe he could help beat the whole bunch of Rüstov once and for all. It was pretty obvious to Jack. If Smart weren’t so busy making everybody afraid of Jack, he’d see it too.

But Jack could tell that Smart saw the world differently. He saw the world as a disorganized, chaotic place in need of a hyperintelligent person like him to simplify it. He didn’t think,
he knew
that everything had its place. A job to do. A role to fulfill. Smart knew that everything had a category it fit into neatly and never moved from. “There is an order that must be preserved,” Smart told Jack while strapping him into a lab chair. “Think of the world like a mathematical equation. We don’t ask mathematical truths to be something other than what they are, do we? No, there is only one correct answer to balance the scales of any given problem. Things must be how they must be. We cannot change that. We must accept that.”

Smart lived his life by numbers. “Numbers don’t change and numbers don’t lie,” he told Jack. Smart trusted only his experiments and inventions. His machines spit out answers based on hard data, and he did whatever they said, because he didn’t make machines that made mistakes.

It amazed Jack that someone like Smart could be so closed-minded. How could an inventor, in this of all places, be so lacking in imagination? Smart claimed to love logic and reason, but he didn’t even seem to think
for himself. It appeared he was happy to let his machines do that for him.