Accepted Fate (41 page)

"Sit babe, I need to do your makeup and we're going to talk this out. I need to know what is going on up there." I look at her and huff but take a seat on the edge of the bed. "Why are you so afraid to let yourself be happy with him? He is freakin' perfect. He loves you. He would probably give you the moon if he could and he's smoking hot. I am allowed to say that because I'm sleeping with his clone." She winks and one side of her top lip pulls up to her nose, emphasizing she is making a funny, and it's making me laugh.

She begins working her magic on my makeup while she waits on what, to come from my mouth, I'm not real sure. What am I supposed to tell her? Each time I consider my reasoning for why I am the way I am it sounds silly but to me it makes sense. "Were you in love with Josh?"

She is sponging foundation on my cheeks, standing over me. She peers down at me and raises her brow. "This is the last question you get to ask me and then you're spilling your heart out. Am I clear?" She smiles but continues painting my face. I nod to buy some time.

She now picks up the eye shadow brush and plunges it into the silver powder. I close my eyes and listen as she begins. "Josh is kind of hard to explain to a third party. We were not like most couples. He used to live here actually. We were next door neighbors until he went off to college. He was two years older than me. We started out as just friends, hanging out when we were bored. He was like the older brother I never had until I hit puberty. One day I came over after school, my freshman year, when his parents were gone. He was acting completely different around me. He started looking at me different and flirting with me. He said that we should lose our virginity to each other since we trusted each other. Long story short, I did and we were just kind of a couple after that. I didn't love him up front like with you and Breyson. I grew to love him over time."

I can feel the wetness of the eyeliner being lined on my lids. "You need to realize what you found in Breyson is a rare breed. It's like finding a diamond in the ruff. You're never going to find someone like him again or feel that kind of love. You're lucky to find it at all. Some people aren't that fortunate. Could you love someone else? Probably, but will it be that heart wrenching, soul captivating kind of love. Hell. No. What you have found my dear is a blood diamond. Everyone wants it and will kill to get it. I went after Josh because we were comfortable with each other. He wanted something from me I couldn't give him; magnitude. If I ever find the type of sublime love that you and Breyson have for each other, I'm grabbing it and holding on for dear life."

As she brushes the goop of mascara on my lashes, I linger on the words in my mind. What if she's right? Will I regret it if I don't grab a hold of it and live like there's no tomorrow? When she stops the movement of painting my face, I open my eyes. "My biggest fear is to lose myself; to allow myself to love whole heartedly and to be left behind...again. A passionate nature runs in my family. Maybe it's the Italian bloodline coming through, I don't know. What I do know is when you love like that, being on the receiving end of hurt is deadly. When Grams died, I wasn't sure I would survive that kind of heartache. I promised myself once I picked myself back up, I would protect myself from ever feeling that kind of pain again. He makes me feel things that terrify me. Loving him could be the death of me, Adalynn. If something were to happen to him or if I got cheated on, the person you see today would be long gone; a memory. A miserable person left in the shadows of humanity. When you enter into that kind of darkness, it's virtually impossible to come out."

She moves along to making my hair into a work of art for tonight's affair; pulling and tugging, twisting and braiding, pinning and spraying. She stays silent as what was said pools in our minds. "Babe. I understand where you're coming from but to live that kind of life is the ultimate catastrophe. You know that saying
it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?"
I nod in return.

"Well there is so much truth in it. Part of loving someone is taking the risk. For example, you live for cheerleading right? It's something that you would do no matter what the cost?" I nod again not knowing where she is going with this. "If someone told you that you have an eighty percent chance of breaking a bone or becoming paralyzed from a stunt gone wrong, would you stop or would you take all the risk at living a full life doing something you love and hope for the best possible outcome?"

"Of course I would continue. There is always a risk of getting hurt in sports. I wouldn't stop just because of some statistic." Her eyebrows lift up in the mirror as if I just solved my own problem and the light bulb just went off. "So what you're saying is that love is the same way? That the benefits of a lasting love outweigh the probability of an unforeseen circumstance?"

"That's precisely what I'm saying. You can't let the statistics of failure keep you from playing the game. I'd be willing to bet if you went and asked anyone that had an unfortunate outcome, if they would go back and change it given the opportunity, ninety percent of them would say no because the time they had of the good makes it worth having to get through the bad." I have to give it to her, she makes quite an argument. I'm not sure where she gets all this wisdom from. It reminds me of the old willow tree on Disney's Pocahontas.

"Do you sit around and read words from the wise? You're quite excelled for an eighteen year old. It's a little intimidating." She smiles and puts in the last bobby pin.

"There. All done. Now get up and look. You look sensational. Breyson is going to be beside himself." Standing up, I walk over to my dresser mirror. My hair is parted down the middle along my hairline with two small loose braids running from my part to the loose bun of curls pinned just above my neck. The crown is teased lightly, keeping it from being slicked to my head. The hairstyle looks beautiful with the natural flow of the dress. I feel like Kate Hudson in one of her movies, the name escapes me. My breath catches at the site.

Adalynn is the homecoming queen and I'm the football sweetheart. We are due soon at the football field to get all of the cars in the lineup. Me, Adalynn and Londyn all made signs together for our cars since we're all in the court. Londyn is one of the senior maids. A knock sounds at my door and I can hear someone clear their throat. "Baby girl, are you guys almost ready? It's time to go." Dad opens the door looking especially handsome in his slacks and button down.

The cars are all lined up, beginning with the freshmen maids to me and lastly Adalynn. All of the cars are beautiful; some plain, some exotic and some just classic beauties. I take a seat on the ledge of the back seat, on top of the trunk of my grandfathers white 1929 Duesenberg, fully restored. He loved this car. When he passed away he handed it down to my dad because he knew he would be the one to enjoy it as he did. Dad is sitting behind the wheel when he turns to look at me. "You look beautiful baby girl; exquisite. It makes me sad that you're no longer my little girl, running around in sprouted pig tails." He makes me smile. I've always been close to my dad. Our personalities are so similar it makes it easy.

He winks at me and his eyes trail off behind me. Something has caught his attention. I turn to try and see what it may be and my face collides into a gold number four, causing me to lean back. When my eyes clash with his, I can see the heat in his eyes as he scans my body, slowly, but completely, as if he is savoring the sight of me to hold him off until later. He is glorious, like a warrior, standing in all of his muscled glory. "Hey big guy," I say nerdily waving my hand in the air.

He smirks at me and raises his brow in amusement of my greeting. "Beautiful. May I have a word with you?" He looks over at my dad. "Mr. Baker. I hope you're doing well today. Do you mind if I steal your daughter for a few minutes?"

Dad looks at me and begins to grin from ear to ear. "You're dang right she's beautiful and since you took notice I think I can share her for a few minutes."

"I'll have her back before you know it." He extends his hand to help me out of the car. As I stand, he hooks one arm around my back and the other behind my knees, scooping me into his arms. I yelp in surprise, grabbing around the back of his neck. "I won't let you go." I have a feeling that he means more with that statement than dropping me.

"You know I love a man in uniform," I tease as he carries me toward the field house. "Are you trying to swoop me off my feet, handsome? You can't just come and whisk me away. I have certain duties I must attend to."

He smiles ahead at the horizon, never making eye contact with me. "There's a certain blonde that's had my attention for quite a while. Her heart is not so easy to rapture. I guess you could say she has an immunity to being swooned by womanizing males." He looks down at me, capturing my attention and dominating my mind, body, and soul. How much longer until he has my heart as well? If only I could be immune to him. It would make things much easier. I'm not so lucky. "Do you have any advice on how I could sway her heart in my direction? I promise I'll cherish it if I ever get it."

Oh my beautiful boy, if only you knew the control to my heart is already slipping from my grasp. It seems to feel like it's being summoned each time I'm in the presence of yours.
I'm afraid my soul has found its mate and now that it has, it demands to be conjugated with his. How long can I keep this secret though before it finds a way out? I'm completely and irrevocably in love with Breyson Abercrombie. 

He stops just outside of the field house; out of sight for everyone else. He places his index finger just below my ear and traces down my neck and bare shoulder all the way to my hand, where he takes hold and brings the back of my hand to his lips. "You take my breath away every time I see you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met." Pulling my body against his, he clamps down on my bottom lip between the edges of his teeth, lightly skimming my skin. It's just enough to make me want more.

"Why do you do this to me? I need you in ways I can't have you right now. Don't tease me." Cupping my face he kisses to the left of my lips and then the right followed by my lips. The way he tastes and smells is an aphrodisiac to my senses. The overload of pheromones released in his presence is enough to make you lose all modesty; in a dying need to feel every inch of him inside me. I can no longer fight the addiction that is Breyson Abercrombie. The withdrawal I experience when I do is almost unbearable.

"I would never tease you baby. Everything I have is yours for as long as you will allow it; yours and only yours. I need you tonight. I need to look deep into those beautiful eyes while you say my name. I want to see the ink that is etched permanently on your skin as I slide inside you. You are and will always be the love of my life. I need you to close down your reservations tonight and just feel. I have to have you completely barred to me. I will get your heart in time, but I need you to open yourself up to me. I need to make love to you; mind blowing, passionate love. That is the only way I will have you. I have experienced that high and I can't stop. I will go through any means to keep getting that drug. You are my drug Kinzleigh."

He touches his lips to mine and inserts his tongue in my mouth on the hunt for mine. Once he finds what he's after they mingle, barely brushing against each other. Kissing him is an escape for me; sucking me into a world that I've never known and a world I want more of. The loss of him is going to be the end of me.

The last of my walls just came crashing down around me. I feel naked; vulnerable. My existence was mapped out for him. I was born to love this man. Nothing was ever more obvious.
God, I'm giving in. I'm letting go of my heart. I'm following the direction of the pull. Please, oh please, don't rip him from me. I will not survive. What I am about to do, there is no going back. It's irreversible. If he leaves me, my heart goes with him. I cannot survive without a vital organ. Only one thing will be in its absence: Death.

I reach down and pull up the bottom of my dress, revealing my left ankle; the one closest to my heart. This is going to forever change everything. Unclasping the anklet that holds a silver heart engraved with my initials, I stand back up and look at him. His eyes take on a new emotion as he discovers what I'm holding. There is something in those midnight blue eyes that I'll spend the rest of my life trying to interpret; solid, raw, uninhibited emotion. His hands are fisted by his sides.

Wrapping my small hand around his fist, I pull it between us. Turning it over, I open it palm side up. Placing the anklet in his hand, I look him directly in the eyes without even blinking. Closing his hand around the anklet, I breathe slowly, trying to keep from crying and smearing my makeup. "Please don't hurt me Breyson. I can't promise you forever or happily ever after, but I can promise you right now. I have tried to steer my heart away from you to protect it. It's no use. It reigns over my brain and it wants you. I would rather give it to someone that deserves it than to keep it forever being cautious. I don't know what will happen in the future but I know only after a few short months, you were meant for me. I'm giving you my heart. I'm pretty sure it's been yours all along. I was just keeping it safe until you found it. I can't deny it anymore. I love you Breyson. The love I feel for you is immaculate and to be honest, scary as hell. You asked me to trust you and I'm giving that trust to you freely. I won't come back from this. Please don't make me regret it."

A solemn tear drizzle's down his cheek. He doesn't say a word; just stares at me, at what seems a loss for words. I can tell though that he must not cry often. That shows how much of a momentous essence of time this is. He holds his right fist over his heart, encapsulating the anklet. "I will spend the rest of my life loving you. I will do everything in my power to be by your side. If it means jumping from an airplane or swimming the width of the ocean, I'll do it. You have no idea what it feels like to hear you say you love me."