Acceptance, The (24 page)

There she stood. Her hair was pulled up. Her clothes were well worn and comfortable. Her feet were bare and her mother must have taken her for a pedicure to try and cheer her up because her toes were bright pink.

In her arms she held the journal they had taken out of Fitz’s room.

“Hi,” he said in a weak attempt to win his way into the house.

“Why are you here? The gala is now. They need you.”

“And I need you more.”

She shook her head. “I’m not someone you can easily love. So you should go find someone who you won’t have to burden yourself with the rest of your life.”

“Are you kidding me? Is that what you think you are?” He stepped closer to the threshold without stepping over. “I’m sorry your brother died by his own hand. I’m sorry he scared the horse that made you see the world differently. I’m
not
sorry you picked me up at the airport and I’m
not
sorry I fell in love with you.” He rested his hands on the doorjambs. “I don’t want to lose you and for the past few weeks I’ve been miserable. Please, just let me talk to you.”

“If I let you in, will you leave when I ask you to?”

“Yes.”

“Will you do me a favor while you’re here?”

“Anything,” he knew it sounded desperate.

She handed him the journal. “I need you to read this to me. I need to know what he was thinking.”

Tyler took the journal and held it in his hands. “I think that’s very wise.”

Courtney stepped back into the house and walked toward the kitchen. Tyler followed, shutting the door behind him.

She was making tea and had already taken down a second cup by the time he’d walked into the kitchen. She hadn’t offered him any, but she was making it.

Watching her, he realized just how much he’d missed her. He couldn’t live without this woman in his life. So if she didn’t accept his proposal he’d have to convince her in some way that they had to remain friends.

“Have a seat. I’ll bring the tea to the table,” she said.

Tyler sat quietly. He knew the process. She was thinking as she took to the redundant task of making tea. When she was ready she’d let him know.

Courtney eventually turned with both mugs of tea, walked to the table, and set them down.

“Thank you,” Tyler said gratefully as she sat down.

“I didn’t even ask if you wanted it.”

“It’ll be fine. I’ve missed having tea with you.”

Courtney held her mug to her lips, blew, and then set it back down. “How is the gala?”

“Packed. Even Simone’s father was there.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “Really? Why?”

“I didn’t ask. I was busy making sure everyone was where they were supposed to be.”

Her head lowered. “I should have been there. I let everyone down.”

It was a risk, but he reached across the table and rested his hand on hers. “You didn’t let anyone down. You have things you need to deal with. Anyone who wouldn’t understand that isn’t human.”

She picked up her mug again and took a sip of her tea. As she lowered it, she lifted her chin. “Do you have the journal?”

“I have it.”

“Will you begin to read, please?”

He moved his chair closer to her and raised his hand to her cheek. “I will.”

She placed her hand over his. “I don’t know what to expect.”

“You can expect that no matter what this book says I’ll be here when we’re done reading it.”

She nodded as he retracted his hand and opened the book.

The pages were filled with the handwriting of a man who influenced everything Tyler currently did, but whom he didn’t know.

He started on the first page and read through years of a life cut so short. Fitz hated the military life, but he liked knowing his father was proud of him. Though he loved his mother, he couldn’t stand to reside in her home, which was one of the reasons he’d bought the house Courtney lived in. He was happy that it had pissed his father off, but he was also happy to have Courtney out of her parents’ house.

Court can do anything and everything on her own. Having the house gives her that opportunity. Under Mother’s thumb she will forever be Mother’s pet. And Dad needs to see her as something other than a disabled girl, she’s anything but disabled.

Today I watched her saddle up a horse and take a long ride. I can’t even imagine she’d want to be near a horse after what happened to her.

Tyler reached for her hand again and she took his, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles.

I know that if something had happened to me like that I wouldn’t have been as strong as she always has been.

He looked up at her and saw her lip tremble.

I know I was only four, but every day I feel horrible that she can’t just hop into a car and drive away from everything. I can do that. She should be able to too.

I’m heading back for another deployment. I hate thinking I have to leave her, but I’m going to leave her the house. She deserves that.

I don’t want to see more people die. I don’t want to be the reason for their death. I can’t live like this. I wish I had a little bit of the courage to go on as my sister does. She truly is my hero.

He stopped as she rested her face in her hands.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded. “I needed to hear that. I needed it so much.”

Tyler moved toward her and gathered her into his arms. She wrapped hers around his neck and fell against him.

“You were his hero, not his burden.”

“I miss him. I miss him so much.”

“You should.” Tyler pushed her back and brushed her hair back from her face. “I want to do something. Will you come with me?”

“Where are we going?”

“Let me just surprise you. Will you let me do that?”

The tension was visibly sliding away.

“Okay,” she said smiling.

There might be hope for this after all.

Courtney sat quietly in the car. Her brother loved her, she thought. But why couldn’t she have been enough of a hero to him so that he’d come back to her?

The road beneath them changed. “Are we on a dirt road?”

“We sure are.”

“Where are we going?”

He took her hand and laced their fingers together. “Two more miles and I’ll tell you.”

She nodded. Other than Fitz, she’d never trusted anyone as much as she trusted Tyler.

Five more minutes down the road, the car stopped.

“Okay, get out.”

“Where are we?” she asked opening her door and setting her feet on the ground, getting a feel for the terrain.

She heard Tyler climb out of the car and walk around toward her.

“We’re on the road leading up to my parents’ house,” he said taking her hands.

“Are we going for a walk?”

He chuckled. “No, c’mon.” He led her around the heated hood of the car. “We’re going for a ride.”

“So why did you stop?”

“Because you’re going to drive us up to the house.”

Courtney stopped. “Oh, no. You’re crazy.”

“No,” he laughed. “I’m not crazy. C’mon, think of it as Fitz’s wish for you. To drive away when it all gets too hard.”

“Tyler…”

“Get in.”

Her nerves fluttered in her chest, but she was actually giddy to try such a thing.

Tyler helped her into the car. “Okay, here’s your seatbelt,” he said handing it to her and she clicked it in. “I’m getting in and then I’ll tell you everything.”

She heard him on the gravel under his shoes and then heard him slide into the seat next to her.

“The car is in the middle of the road. There are a lot of trees, so we are going to take it very slow.” He inched toward her. “Put your hand on the wheel.” She followed his instruction. “With your right foot, feel for the pedals. On the left, the horizontal pedal is the brake.”

“I have seen a car set-up, you know.”

“Yeah, you’re not eight. I’m still walking you through this.”

Now she laughed. “Okay. I can feel the brake.” She moved her foot over. “Now the gas.”

“Right. Press down on the brake.”

She did so, pushing it as far as she possibly could.

“Reach your right hand to your right.” He guided her hand to the shift. “Keep your foot on that brake. Now, feel the button underneath?”

“Yeah.”

“Press it in. Now click it down one and you’re in reverse. One more click is neutral. One more click and you’re in drive.”

“I’m not really going to do this.”

“Oh yes you are. Now put it in drive. Keep your foot on the brake.”

Courtney eased the shift down three clicks and she felt the car purr beneath her.

“Now, both hands on the wheel.”

She gripped the wheel tightly and he laughed.

“Ease up a bit.”

“I’m nervous. I might kill us both.”

“Well, we’d be together.”

“Tyler!”

He rested his hand on hers. “You’re not even going to take your foot off the brake. But ease up just a bit.”

Courtney let her foot ease up on the brake and the car began to roll. Quickly she pressed the pedal into the floor and the car jerked.

“Don’t be afraid,” he said, but the humor was heavy in his voice. “Ease up again.”

Courtney let her foot ease up and the car began to roll again. “Oh, God!”

“Now just keep it where it is.”

“Oh, Tyler. Don’t let me crash.”

“Keep going.”

Courtney kept reminding herself to breathe. She could feel the road. The rise and fall of the ruts dug into the dirt.

“How fast are we going?”

She felt him move closer to her. “We haven’t broken ten miles an hour.”

Courtney laughed. “I can’t believe you’re letting me do this.”

“You can do anything. Your brother said so.”

Courtney bit down to keep her emotions tucked down. She hadn’t thought she’d ever do this, but she was. She was driving away when everything seemed so hard.

“Turn your wheel the slightest bit to the right, there’s a curve.”

“I can’t do this. Don’t let me hit anything.”

“You’re not going to. Keep going.”

She was driving. How was it possible? She’d always wanted to do this. When she was little, she’d sat on her father’s lap and driven down private roads, just like she was doing right now.

Tyler gave her directions and she followed. A laugh burst through and Tyler’s hand came to the wheel.

“Are you okay?” Now he was laughing too.

“Yes. This is amazing.”

“Well, you’ve almost made it to the house.”

She gripped the wheel tighter. “Don’t let me hit anything.”

“Just a little farther. We’re almost to the house.”

She pressed her foot down on the brake and the car jerked. “I can’t go any farther.”

“Put it in park.”

Courtney reached for the shift and pushed it all the way to the top. Her hand shook when she let go of the gearshift and Tyler took it in his.

“You did it. You drove. You got in the car and drove.”

“I did, didn’t I?”

“Courtney, Fitz was right. There isn’t anything you can’t do.”

She bit down on the inside of her cheek. There were tears coming and she wasn’t sure she could stop them.

“Fitz loved you, but there was so much more going on in him. We can’t even begin to understand what he saw. What he knew. But what we can do is live on knowing he loved you and carry on his spirit.”

She nodded. “You’re right. I still have to go on—even without him.”

“But you have me,” he said, raising his hand and caressing her cheek. “Hold on.”

The door opened and Tyler stepped out. Courtney sat and waited for him. A moment later he opened the door. She turned toward him and swung her legs out and set her feet on the ground. Tyler took her hand and helped her from the car.

He offered his arm, but this time she laced her arm through his and pulled him closer.

“Why are we at your parents’ house?”

“Most private road I knew,” he said on a laugh. “But there’s more.”

Tyler stopped walking. He turned her toward him and took her hands.

“When my mom ran from my dad because of the circumstances surrounding her past, he didn’t give up on her. He loved her more than what came before.” He stepped closer to her. “I love you more than any burden you think you could be.”

“Tyler, I love you. I never should have thought that’s what I was.”

“I’m happy to hear you say that. See, I had this amazing plan for tonight at the gala, but then you didn’t show up.”

“Oh, Tyler, I’m…”

He put his finger over her lips. “I want you to see something.”

“See?” She smiled at him.

“The way you do. Here take a
look.
”

He took her hand and turned it palm up. Then he set something in it. “What is it?”

“Look.”

She let out a breath and wrapped her other hand around it. It was a velvet box, just like the one Fitz gave her with earrings.

Her hands began to tremble as she felt for the break between lid and bottom. She pushed open the top and stopped for a moment. There was something about that instant you learned what the surprise was. She could use her lack of sight at her advantage for that moment. The box was open and she didn’t know if it was a piece of candy, earrings, or—dear Lord—a ring.

“Aren’t you going to touch it?” Tyler asked during her pause.

“I’m looking at it,” she joked and he laughed.

Timidly she straightened her fingers and touched the item in the box. Her lips trembled when she felt the stone. He’d bought her a ring. A ring that would glisten in the sunlight she could see. A ring that would be silent on her finger as the dark she lived in. A ring that meant eternity—or so she assumed.

She raised her head. “Tyler…”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? It reminds me of you. Bright and shiny and simple and beautiful.”

He took the box from her hand. “Your father was happy it wasn’t just a gold band. But you’re not as plain as a gold band.”

“My father?” She jerked back her shoulders. “You talked to him about this?”

Tyler moved in and rested his hand on her cheek. “Of course I did. A gentleman asks for a lady’s hand in marriage. He doesn’t just take it.” He chuckled and she could almost feel his smile, because she knew he wore one.