Accept Me (18 page)

The sounds of sirens and screeching tires followed by what must be twenty pounding feet rushing through the house drag my attention to the entrance to the living room.

“Drop your weapon!” multiple police officers demand.

Damon crouches slowly and sets his pistol on the tiled floor. Policemen move in fast and scurry around, some to Brian, some to Edward, some to Noni. There must be someone near me, but all I can focus on are the two men forcing my Big Man to the ground.

Damon doesn’t fight them. He complies, pressing his cheek against the floor, his eyes facing me. My gaze meets his and I fear the vacant look he wears is a sign that this has ruined him forever.

I think the worst thing about all of this is the feeling of being robbed. I had the store all these years and it was my foundation, my rock. I had been managing at least mostly okay without Captain because the store was my real lifeline in a world that seemed ready to swallow me up given half the chance. Now I have to let it go just like I have to let Damon go. The idea of giving up both is a devastating blow to my already wounded heart.

Twelve days ago, I watched from a stretcher as Damon was cuffed and hauled away in the back of a police cruiser. The media coverage has been nearly constant. While no charges have been brought against Damon, he has still been under close scrutiny by law enforcement and pushy reporters.

Brian was taken to the hospital, where he underwent surgery to remove the slug from his upper thigh. The doctors said he was lucky to have been shot there and not two inches to the left, else he would have bled out. He’s been in good spirits about it all though. Trey thinks it’s cool that his uncle is a hero. Lindsay was worried sick over the whole ordeal. She’s been by his side nonstop. Brian went on about how his current exploit would “dig” the scar too. I’ve only visited him once because seeing him any more than that would make doing what I have to do that much more difficult. I think he still has another week to go before they discharge him.

Noni suffered a concussion thanks to the butt of Edward’s semi-automatic, but she’s recovering well with the help of Grams. She insisted that Noni stay on her sofa bed while she recovered. I can understand Grams’ need to take care of the woman who gave her Damon 33 years ago.

When the paramedics began checking me out, reality struck hard. I worried that something would be wrong with my baby. I worried that I would lose him or her and the idea was more than I could handle. The ultrasound probe revealed my baby’s strong steady heartbeat from within the safety of my womb. There it was, in the shape of a tiny person, making little movements that I couldn’t really feel, completely unaware of the chaos on the outside. When the doctor reassured me that the baby was fine, I think I took the first deep breath I had in weeks. Seeing my little angel on that screen made things so clear for me. I knew right then that I’d do anything for this baby. I’d keep him or her safe from harm. I’d even walk away from the only city that I have ever called home. I left the hospital only a few hours after I was brought there with a plan in place. I went back to the penthouse and got to it.

My heart aches so much I find it hard to breathe sometimes. My nights still consist of waking up off and on to the sound of my own crying, but none of that ache changes the bottom line and that bottom line is that I have to leave Las Vegas. I have to make a new life for myself and my baby. Alone. I know now how frightened seventeen-year-old Noni must have been facing the world alone with a baby on the way. At least I’m an adult with some sort of skill set… though I’m not sure reading and a being a smartass will get me many job prospects.

It makes me think of Maman and Papa and how scared they must have been to start all over in a new place—a new country with a different language and everything. What they did inspires me. It shows me that I can do this. I can be strong and courageous; if not for myself, then for my child. It’s amazing that someone so tiny, someone who hasn’t even been brought into this world, is powerful enough to change my life so completely.

If I’m being honest, I knew from the beginning that a life with Damon was doomed for failure, but it doesn’t make my heart hurt any less. I’ve lost Captain, I’ve forfeited the store, I’ve lost Damon, I’ve lost the future I envisioned for myself. I’ve forfeited Grams, and Noni, and Brian. When I really think about it, all three of them belong to Damon, and instead of making them pick sides, I left them for him. He needs the support and I don’t need any strings. Like a coward, I changed my cell phone number to avoid the painful conversation. A clean break is best, right?

There is beauty in my situation, though. I’m free. I’m free from a past that has been a formidable opponent for far too many years. I’m free from constant reminders that bring back memories too painful to endure. I’m free from news coverage about Damon. I’m free from probing reporters. I’m free from the life that I had here. Vegas is a tumultuous ride that I’m ready to get off of.

One last stop and I’m ready to get on the road. The cemetery comes into view and I wait for the feeling of encompassing dread that visiting this place brings. I kill the engine and get out to make my way over to Maman, Papa, and Captain’s plots. I keep my eyes on my feet as I go. It’s still so hard to see those headstones knowing what they represent, the lives and deaths of three people that mean so much to me.

I get to my knees, resting my backside on my feet behind me. “Hey.” It’s the only word that comes out even though I have so much to say, so much to confess, so much to promise.

I clear my throat and try to gather my thoughts. “I have to say goodbye for now,” I croak, trying hard to keep my emotions under control. They may be gone but I feel like they’re right here with me. I hope that they are. “I, uh… turns out I’m moving to Salt Lake City. It’s not too far for me to drive here and visit a few times a year. Damon will still be able to have a relationship with the baby. I know what you’re thinking, Captain. I know it’s not exactly my type of place, but I’ll make it work. I have to, with the baby coming and all.” My hand goes to my small belly and I smile a little. “It’s going to be a great place for us to start over.” I look from one stone to another to another. “I just wanted to stop by and say that I-I love you. All of you—” A sob breaks through my paper thin resolve. “And I miss you so, so much. I wish you all were here. I’m scared to raise this baby alone…”

“You don’t have to be.”

I shoot to my feet, nearly falling over as I do. Damon jumps forward, steadying me.
His hands
. His hands are warm and supportive against my arms.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, swiping tears from my cheeks and chin. I fiddle with my shirt, straightening the hem nervously.

Damon wraps his fingers around my elbow and leads me back to my Volvo. I don’t see his truck or car anywhere. “Where’s your car?”

He shakes his head. “Mike dropped me off at the gate. I walked in.”

“Stop and listen to me for just a minute. Please. Give me two minutes, Jo.” His eyes are so warm and pleading that it does something to my insides and I relent, crossing my arms over my chest but listening to him nonetheless. “You don’t have to leave. I don’t want you to go.”

“It’s already done, Damon,” I say quietly. “I have a place waiting for me. You haven’t called. I haven’t seen you. Nothing has changed.”

“So cancel it.”

“Did you not hear me? It’s not just the new place. Don’t you understand?” I sound exasperated because I am. I can’t go through all of this again. I can’t give myself false hope again. I don’t have it in me to rescue him again. This relationship will never work and I’m trying hard to come to terms with that. My heart can’t afford any more abuse.

“I’ll fix all of it.” Damon lifts his hand to cup my cheek. His touch is tender and I melt a little on the spot. “Let me fix it, baby,” he pleads. “Please come home.”

I look up into those warm eyes that have entranced me since the first time I saw him. His tears glisten in the sunlight. It’s so hard to see him this way.

“Damon—”

“Please,” he urges, stepping closer to me.

“I’m scared,” I admit.

“You don’t have to be scared. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you. I was trying to protect you and things got out of control. I never wanted to lose you, or the baby.” One hand drops from my face to my small, pregnant belly.

“But you—”

“I know.” He looks at his feet, his guilt evident in the stoop of his shoulders, and then back up to me with a sigh. “The day that I told you to leave was the day that Mike gave me his report. My father was becoming desperate and Mike felt that something bad was in the works. We just couldn’t pin it down. He advised me to keep you safe, Josephine. It nearly killed me seeing you heartbroken because of a lie, but I had no choice. I had to try to keep him away from you and I thought that if you weren’t a part of my life, he’d leave you alone.”

“You should have told me!” I cry, balling up my fist and hammering it into his muscular chest. “Why haven’t you told me this until now?”

“I couldn’t risk it. I know how stubborn you are. I was trying to protect you, truly.” He grabs my fist and holds in tightly in his hand. “I know you, love. You wouldn’t have given up. You wouldn’t have left unless I convinced you that I didn’t want you. I’ve tried to let the media coverage cool down before getting you caught up in all of it again, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I couldn’t let you leave town.”

“But the baby! You acted like you barely cared,” I accuse, tears threatening.

“I do care. Of course I care. Do you know how hard it was for me to walk out of the penthouse that day you found out?” His tears begin to fall and he does nothing to wipe them away. “Do you know how badly I wanted to stay with you? To celebrate? I left there and hoped and prayed that Brian would call to let me know that the test was positive. When he did, I knew I had to see this through. You’re having my child, Jo. My baby. I had to keep him away from my family.”

I’m speechless and confused and relieved and angry.

“I want nothing more than to make babies with you. Lots of them, if you want. I want you to marry me. I want to go through life with you by my side, Jo. I wanted that test to be positive because I knew if you were already pregnant that I may have a better chance of winning you back, a better chance of reversing all of this.”

I hide my face in my hands as the flood gates burst open. My heart can’t take much more of this. I came here to say goodbye, yet here I stand, wrapped in Damon’s embrace, being told that I was scammed.

That none of that was real.

That it was all a ploy. A means to an end. Edward’s end.

“Please don’t cry, baby.” Damon leans down, pressing me to his chest, and drops tender kisses against the shell of my ear. “Please don’t cry.”

“I-I… you ripped my heart out!” I accuse him, still wrapped up in his arms.

“I know. I’m so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. Let me make it right, Jo.” Damon’s hands grip me by my shoulders and hold me at arm’s length. One big paw reaches into his shirt pocket and retrieves my ring, glittering and sparkling in the sunlight. He lifts my left hand to him. “Please come home,” he urges, slipping the ring back into place on my finger.

I watch in silence as he gets down to his knees. With one tentative look up at me, he slips one hand under my shirt, resting it against my barely swelling belly. His eyes close and he leans his forehead against my abdomen. He’s trying to make amends. He’s showing his cards. It’s clear that Damon wants our baby just as much as I do. And he wants me too.

I can feel his thumb making slow strokes against my belly. Seeing him like this, so tender, makes me melt. It breaks my heart knowing that he did all of that lying and planning and risking because he loves me and our baby that much. He risked so much to keep us safe. He was willing to lose me if it meant I could be safe. It reminds me of that first night when we moved Grams into her apartment. He made love to me and asked if I knew that he’d always keep me safe, no matter what. I knew then just like I know now.

I tug on his arms urging him to stand. “Jo, baby, say you’ll come home. Say you’ll still marry me.” His eyes are pained, worry lines mar his handsome face, and I can’t take another moment of it.

“Yes and yes.” My answer is simple but heavy with the promise of a second chance. “On one condition,” I go on. “Noni. She has to be a part of this baby’s life. I love her and I know you do too. Somewhere in here,” I press my palm to his chest, over his heart, “you love her too. You’ve been hurt but it’s time to make amends.”

“I know. I will,” he promises, raining kisses onto my face. “I’m not mad at her. It wasn’t her fault. She’s my mother and there’s a lot we have to talk about but I’ll do it. I’ll do anything you want. I love you. You don’t know how happy you’ve just made me.”

In one swoop, I’m gathered up against my Big Man’s chest and reveling in the feeling of peace. Being in his arms is home for me. I’m so glad to be home again.