Authors: Riley Mackenzie
Abruption (43 page)
Couldn’t have been
not
this very second?
Ugh.
Forty-seven minutes later, Tomassino Joseph Hunter made our family complete. Talk about an entrance. At least we made it to the hospital, maybe not to Labor and Delivery, but the ER vestibule counted, right? Whatever modicum of embarrassment I had disappeared the second they lay eight and a half pounds of pure joy in my arms.
There were certain moments in life that were indescribable. They took your breath away, branded your heart forever, and made every moment of life worth living a hundred times over. Some people searched their whole lives, waiting to experience one such moment. I’d been blessed with six. Bringing Gemma, Raffaele, and now Tomassino into the world, the first time Maxie called me Mommy JuJu, watching the love of my life fumble his wedding vows while knowing without a doubt I’d found my soulmate, and my Finny’s response when I asked him how he felt about me adopting him and Maxie. “
I love you the mostest of everyone, so can I updopt you too?
”
I sighed, basking in the glory of now, watching the people I loved most squabble over what nickname our newest addition should have. Our backyard was dripping with family celebrating our peanut’s baptism. On day seven of life.
Because why wait when your entire family made the cross-country trip to meet the bambino? Two birds, one stone, and all that. Okay, more like Guy and I had no energy to argue with Mama CeCe.
“Look at him, is there really a question? He’s a TJ.” Guy gestured to our newborn sleeping soundly in my arms.
I’d come a long way, but like I’d been with Raffe, I was hesitant to put Tomassino down, especially when he was napping. Cherishing the rise and fall of their little chests was the only way I felt comfortable. It wasn’t until Raffe was a crawling, non-napping hellion that I started to relax and stopped fearing the improbable. It was fair to say his little brother was on par to be equally as spoiled. But I was okay with that.
Manners would come, as long as we had a lifetime together.
“Why cut sucha strong name? Tomassino è bello,” my father said.
Finn climbed up beside me on the patio sofa, righted his own glasses (heartbreakingly, he’d retired the neoprene band strap), patted his baby brother’s full head of hair, and said, “I like Cutie Toma.”
“When he’s five or six, we can’t call him Cutie Toma. That’s baby. Nicknames are ‘sposed to be forever.” My girl joined us with a solid point.
“Bet he’ll still be cute then,” Finn countered back, shrugging his little shoulders. No one could contest that.
“Cutie? Mio nipote is no baby orange.”
“A clementine, Papa.” I laughed, correcting him. My father seriously hated nicknames.
“I’d like to know what’s up with your daughter and nicknames ending in the “e” sound anyway?” Guy asked.
Oh my God, why hadn’t I thought of that?
“Tommy! That’s perfect! Maxie, Finny, Raffe, and Tommy.” I smiled on the inside, thinking
Gemmy
fit perfectly. Almost on cue, my smart pup rubbed against my leg. “Of course, Casey. Mommy would never forget you.” I leaned over a little to give him some love.
Looking back up I caught the tail end of Guy rolling his steely blues, before he announced, “For the record I’m naming our next dog.”
“Guy!” I huffed, annoyed. “Casey is sitting right here. We could never do that to him.”
“You’re right. No one said you couldn’t live forever with one eye and no bladder control.” He quickly tucked me against his side, careful not to wake Tommy. He captured my lips in a searing kiss, shutting me up before I could give my proper comeback (infuriating). I thought I heard Finn mutter, “Yuck” before I felt the space to my right empty. But I definitely heard Guy whisper against my mouth, grinning, “Who loves ya?”
And just like every single other time he has said that to me over the years, everything melted away, leaving me to peer into the eyes of a man that changed my life.
The man who made it okay to have another plan. The man who helped me emerge from darkness with an understanding of what it was like to fight
together
and then survive the unthinkable
together
.
And ultimately revel in a life we have created
together
.
“Mommy, can I hold Tomassino now? You promised.” Maxie squeezed in between Guy and me to get a better look at her newest brother.
“Sure, Maxie girl.”
She wiggled herself back against the oversized cushions and made the perfect cradling position with her arms. Once Tommy was settled, she snuggled him close to her chest and cooed, kissing his forehead. And because my other two boys were Maxie magnets, they flanked each arm, not wanting to miss a thing. Guy wrapped his arm around my waist, and we proudly watched on.
Breathing in a lungful of fresh air, I let the beauty of the day consume me. Surrounded by my family and friends. My soulmate. My four precious gems.
There was nothing more beautiful.
An image burned in my brain for eternity.
I looked behind me, through the crystal clear sliding glass doors, to get a glimpse of our den fireplace. Most families hung oversized flat screen televisions above their mantels. We weren’t most families. That wall space was adorned with pictures of our life, our family,
us
.
Flanking both sides of the massive collage were matching silver frames. Guy had surprised me by reframing Gemma’s picture, beautifully engraved with
our
version of
I love you
. He said he did it not only for me, but also for the children, wanting to remind them daily that they had a sister
who they never had a chance to know
and
who loved them from afar
. That very same day I bought the matching frame, had it inscribed, and hung Brittany’s picture to mirror my baby girl’s.
My stitched heart overflowed with hope. I released my breath and shifted my gaze to above. A spectacular shade of blue filled my vision. A cloudless sapphire sky perfectly clear and radiant. I momentarily seeped into the stillness and opened my heart to the heavens and silently prayed to the mother of my oldest children.
I promise to cherish and love your babies unconditionally, as my own, for all my days and beyond. And may you forever love and watch over my precious angel.
Who loves you, my beautiful, sweet baby girl? Until we meet again.
The End
While Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and Munchausen by Proxy (MBP) are very different entities, they are both heartbreaking tragedies that thousands of families worldwide face yearly. Going into this project, we knew we needed to handle these sensitive topics with care. And we felt that while working within the confines of a fictitious narrative it was important to convey relevant information about the disease process so you, as a reader, reached a comfortable understanding.
Of the two, SIDS is more well-known and every parent’s worst nightmare. It is the sudden death of an infant less than one year and it is considered a diagnosis of exclusion only after a thorough non-conclusive investigation.
Sudden Unexpected Infant Death (SUID) is a diagnosis that more recently has been used to encompass, not only SIDS, but also accidental suffocation and unknown causes (sudden death without thorough investigation). According to the Center for Disease Control, SUID accounts for 3,500 US infant deaths annually.
As mothers, Jules’ story was difficult to write because we couldn’t help but step in her shoes. Empathy is not a strong enough word for what we feel for anyone who has ever experienced this devastation. Our hearts truly break for you.
Unlike SIDS, MBP is not as readily known. It is classified as a psychological disorder, but make no mistake it is also a form of horrific abuse.
When writing the chapter from Maya’s POV, we spent countless hours discussing, researching and reading articles revolving around the abstract nuisances related to this disorder. The complexities are challenging to fully grasp. We were tempted at first to make Maya’s character sound straight up “crazy” and dramatically admit to the abuse she was causing. But that is not the personality of a MBP sufferer. Their profiles depict them as loving and dedicated caregivers, who are often well-versed in medicine, and if witnessed (typically by video) inflicting harm on their victims, they are calm and collected. Our hopes were to portray Maya as accurately as possible in this role.
The most disturbing part of MBP sufferers, aside from most often being mothers, is that they are fully aware of their harmful behaviors but are reluctant to ever openly acknowledge them, making it one of the most difficult disorders to diagnose. And because of this delay, it can often claim the lives of the children that fall victim to it.
Fortunately, our fictional mini-hero, Finn, was one of the lucky ones. He survived this potentially deadly disorder.
For more information on Munchausen by Proxy (MBP) or Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy (MSBP):
https://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001555.htm
http://munchausen.com/index.php/munchausen-by-proxy/
https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/can/perpetrators/perp-munchausen/
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/119/5/1026
For more information on Sudden Unexpected Infant Death (SUID) and SIDS:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sleep/sids.html
