Abram's Daughters 03 The Sacrifice (21 page)

She felt the warmth of Leah's slender body and her loving arms slipping beneath her, cradling both her and the baby.

"I'm here . . . right here with you," Leah said quietly.

Ida could scarcely whisper, "Raise him as your own, Leah. Lydiann, too."

"Oh, Mamma . .. you needn't worry over that just now.

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Beseech the Lord God to let you live instead."

Ida felt she might be left hanging in the balance between earth and heaven if she did not know what was to become of

her little ones. "Promise me this thing?"

Leah paused; she was silent for too long. Then slowly she said, "I promise, jah ... to look after Abe, and I'll care for Lydiann till she's grown, Mamma." Leah whispered the words, kissing her face repeatedly. "But only if need be."

Little Abe . . . Lydiann. You'll be greatly loved with Leah. Oh, be safe . . .

The power in the dying was too strong to oppose, yet she labored against it an unmistakable desire kept her alive and living till that "acceptable time."

Her baby nursed, making the familiar sucking sounds she cherished. Stay alive, she told herself. Let little Abe have this important startAnnie Mae touched her wrist, checking her pulse again. She heard muffled words . . . fading fast away. "I'm so sorry, my sister and friend. May the Lord be with you."

Yet again Ida was keenly aware of her mother's voice . . . closer, it seemed, than before. She felt the cool touch of her mamma's gentle hand, guiding her along. She felt more than she could see, vividly aware of the cross, Jesus' sacrifice made on Calvary's hill for her sins, for all humanity ... for the People lost in a web of rules and tradition. For her family, for young Lydiann, and now her only son . . . Abe.

Tears slipped down her cheeks, yet she was too weak to brush them away. Leah was seeing to that, darling girl. Lizzie's first and only child, here, caring for her in these fragile moments . . . connected to Ida as closely in death as Sadie had

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Sadie . . . share your burdens with the Lord Jesus. She I'M'iithed the prayer.

The babe in her arms went limp, resting . . . full of lifet;ivIng sustenance ... for now. He would sleep soundly, she knew.

Bless this child, Lord. Make him a blessing all of his days. . . .

"I'll help you go to Jesus, Mamma," Leah said, wet face u(,;iiinsi her own.

"Tell Mary Ruth I love her . . . that I wish ..."

"Jiih, Mamma, I will. And I'll tell Hannah, too."

"But Mary . . . ach "

"Mary Ruth knows, Mamma. She's known all along."

Ahram whispered trembling words in her ear. "Ida . . . >l<-ar wife of mine."

"Oh, Abram ... be there. When the Lord . . . calls you, In- ready." She felt his strong arms beneath her, intertwined wiih Leah's. "I'll be ... waitin'..."

Breathing her last, she relinquished her grasp on the mori,11 and utterly gave in to overwhelming love, the purest dis-

11tiiing of it. The Lord Jesus was present, standing next to her i i\vn mamma, His nail-pierced hands extended to her. "Weli (ime home, child," she heard ever so clearly.

And all was well.

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iVlore crucial than Leah sitting through the solemn two-day wake with Miriam Peachey and dozens of Ebersol and Brennetnan relatives was planning how to care for and feed newborn Abe, keeping her promise to Mamma hour by hour.

She followed Aunt Lizzie's suggestion and gave the baby a small bottle of sugar water the first full day. On the second day she fed him goat's milk diluted with sterile well water, purchased from a meticulous family who shaved their goats for exceptional cleanliness and flavor. Tiny Abe took to it with much eagerness, as if to say, I'm mighty hungry for life!

Leah felt honored to look after Abe and Lydiann, tending to them as she might have her own wee ones. She suppressed sorrowful tears during the daylight hours, only succumbing to deepest grief in the privacy of her room after nightfall.

The raw memory of her helplessness and the utter desperation of Mamma's final moments distracted Leah in all her domestic and, now, motherly duties. She would never forget the earnest plea in her mother's sunken eyes, as if calling out to be surrounded by their love.

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liver so near. As close as Leah had ever dared to be, paying ini mind to the midwife or Dat when she followed her heart >iiul slipped into the deathbed alongside Mamma. She had felt li rtjBistibly pulled to do so, wanting to help her beloved mother die peacefully.

On the day of the funeral Leah sat with Aunt Lizzie and

I he other women folk and raised her voice in song as best she

i mild, singing the old familiar Ausbund hymns with over two

hundred souls gathered in their home. She pondered the

i rength it would take to carry out her new role. I must be

irang today, she thought, refusing to cry as she held Lydiann

< hi her lap while Abe slept soundly upstairs in his cradle.

The ache in her throat threatened to choke her midway ih rough the second long sermon. She'd spotted the back of ' iinithy Gid's head just now, and the unexpected mission of taising Mamma's babies weighed heavily on her mind, accompanied by heragreat sorrow at their loss. The future, indeed, '.( cmed to stretch beyond her reach.

My help cometh from the Lord, she reminded herself. Please Irl. it be so, O God.

As the service drew to a close and the People began making their traditional line to await the viewing, she was keenly . i ware of her own weakened spirit. It was painfully obvious to her that Peter and Fannie Mast and their family had not cared enough to attend Mamma's funeral service. The news would have easily traveled to their ears over in Grasshopper Level, ,he knew; nonetheless, far as Leah could tell, Mamma's

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cousins were nowhere to be seen today. She did not crane her neck in hopes of finding them.

With steadfast heart, she squared her shoulders in reliance upon God, clinging to the hope that one day, Lord willing, the two families might somehow be reunited.

In the week that followed Mamma's death, Leah knelt at her bedside at dawn and dusk, calling on the Lord God heavenly Father for help and strength. But when Hannah came privately to confide her most secret concern, Leah felt nearly powerless to know what to say.

"I hesitate to speak my heart on this," Hannah began, her face ashen as she stood against the bedroom door. "Yet I must say it, or I fear I'll burst apart."

Leah reached for her sister's cold hands. "Don't mince words . . . please, what is it?"

"Don't know how to put this, really."

"Start with a deep breath. It'll come out better that way."

Hannah began again, faltering a bit. "Could it be ... do ya think Mary Ruth's leavin' home was partly the cause of Mamma dyin'?" she asked. "Did Dat's wrath cause mortal trauma in our mother?"

Honestly Leah didn't think so at least she didn't want to think such a thing. Poor sorrowful Dat needed their kindness, not their finger-pointing. Besides, Mamma had struggled all during this pregnancy, Leah reminded Hannah. "She truly did."

: When Leah hinted of Hannah's worries to Lizzie, her aunt

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u-,iN adamant in her response. "Seems to me Abram has a mighty j*ut chance to redeem himself by askin' Mary Ruth kii'k home. That's what I think."

Leah was surprised. "Do you mean to say you think Dat would actually do that?"

Lizzie stood at the cook stove, wearing her long black ipron over a purple cape dress. "Well, why not? 'Tis a mighty I'IK man who looks back on a bad decision and has a hank-

ilii' to make things right."

A imt Lizzie had hit the nail smack-dab on the head. But

I< isI who among them was going to bring this up to Dat? Leah liivered a little, contemplating the conflict that was sure to

ulfje.

Holding Abe, who was tightly swaddled in a soft blanket, si ic went to sit at the table next to Lydiann. She watched as lu?r little sister made broad red crayon strokes on the paper.

"Where's my mamma?" Lydiann looked up at her with big Muo eyes.

Right then she thought of Sadie's poor baby, gone to hi'iiven. All th*pse months of her sister's deep grief, her loss. . . never having held her son close as Mamma had so tenderly before her death.

"Our mamma's in heaven." Leah forced a smile.

"I want her here," Lydiann said, making a round circle wiili her crayon.

Leah sighed. This was ever so difficult, yet she must be si rong for her youngest sister. "I know, dear one. I miss Mamma, too."

Lydiann put down her crayon and leaned against Leah.

Leah signaled for Aunt Lizzie to take tiny Abe, then lifted

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Lydiann up onto her lap. She rocked her gently and whispered, "I'll be your second mamma for as long as you need me."

This brought a little smile to Lydiann's face, though Leah didn't know how much Lydiann comprehended.

Turning, Lydiann clung to her, and Leah rose with the toddler still wrapped in her arms and carried her into the front room. From the window, she drank in the white splendor of snow and ice . . . the stark blackness of tall trees against a merciless gray sky.

The Lord is thy keeper; the Lord is thy shade upon thy righthand. She thought of one of Mamma's favorite psalms.

Then she whispered a promise, "We'll have us a happy life, dear one."

"Happy . . . with Mamma Leah." Lydiann snuggled hard against her.

She hummed a hymn and pondered the future. Just how would the Lord aid her efforts? She knew not the answer. She

had only to listen to God's voice one day at a time. I must notfear the morrow. . . .

With a kiss on the head, she put Lydiann down, and the two of them wandered back to the kitchen. Abe slept in his cradle not far from the cook stove, where Aunt Lizzie was frying up some chicken.

"There's something I've been thinking 'bout." Lizzie's voice startled her.

"What's that?" Leah turned slightly, watching Mamma's sister at the stove.

"You oughta get out some this week. Goodness' sake, for a girl who nearly grew up outdoors "

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~ " I is ;il I right, really 'tis. Dat's got himself two hired hands,

I'm not much needed outside anymore. Besides, Hannah's

i> In tinppy to help Dat some these days, seems to me." She

i ut'd down at Abe's smooth forehead, his light tuft of hair.

I wwi Ho|)/)Ii . . . "As for me, I like bein' with these beloved kiMi'S."

"Smithy Gid won't be able to help Abram near as much nitCi* the two of you get hitched, ain't so?" Aunt Lizzie was h mking down at the frying pan and rightly so. "Don't ya go .iiyin' you ain't marryin' him ... I see how the two of you

I1 iok ;ii each other."

I-L'nh said nothing. Let Aunt Lizzie say what she wanted. I mill was, she needed to talk to her beau here before too l> Hi); needed to share with him the important promise she'd m.ulr to Mamma. Pledges, nay, even covenants made to a ilyiiij; parent could not be taken lightly. She would keep her uord ;md raise Lydiann and Abe as her own. But the more In- i bought on it, the more the problem increased in her Immii and mind. She did not want to hurt Gid, nor herself by I mi i ing ways with the man who planned to marry her. Yet she h.ul no idea how to make Mamma's wishes come to pass in li].;lii of that.

To soothe herself, she reached down into the cradle and picked up Abe, enjoying his sweetness tucked so close to heart. What am 1 to do?

Following the suppertime meal, Dat took Leah aside before evening prayers. "I know you have your hands busy

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with the little ones, but when you have a breather tomorrow, could you begin sorting through your mother's things?" he asked, puffy eyes betraying his mournful spirit.

She suspected Dat privately grieved out in the barn, when he was alone with the animals and his somber thoughts, remembering all the years spent as his wife's confidant and lover.

"Jah, I'll see to it, Dat, first thing tomorrow." She touched his arm gently. "You must know ... I miss Mamma, too. Something awful."

He nodded quickly, then straightened and went to the corner cupboard, where he picked up the big German Bible. His voice sounded dreadful this night, a husky monotone. She knew his heart was not in the reading of God's Word.

^

First, last, and foremost, Leah thought of herself as a corn' pliant sort; except for the years given to her dream of marrying Jonas Mast, she had generally obeyed her father's bidding. But she felt rather bold when Dat asked her not only to go through Mamma's personal effects but to "discard everything but her old Bible . . . and her clothing, which can be given away to friends and older relatives." She spoke up, telling Dat there might be certain other things she or the twins might wish to save, perhaps as keepsakes. But observing the unyielding look in Dat's swollen eyes, she held her peace and said no more.

The night of Mamma's passing, she and Hannah had moved both Lydiann's little bed and Abe's cradle into Han-

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11,ill's and Leah's respective bedrooms. At night Leah was

ilotted by the soft sounds of Abe's breathing as she tucked

11mi in, and his gurgling as she fed him every three hours or M a round the clock. This arrangement also made it possible

11H' 1 )at to have himself a good night's sleep if he was able. I linnkfully Abe wasn't nearly as fussy as Lydiann had been 'luring her infancy. For this Leah was glad, not so much for lirrsclf as for poor Dat, who was obviously aging with each passing day. Without Mamma to seemingly soften his harsher ililr, Leah worried he might swiftly grow into a cranky old man.

After Dat rose early the next morning, Leah got up and i-1 locked on Abe, who slept soundly, then hurried to do the ililhcult work of sorting through her mother's clothing. She pulled out one drawer after another, folding Mamma's things and making small piles on the bed. Opening the bottom drawer, she discovered a woolen gray scarf and matching knitled mittens, something she hadn't seen Mamma wear in the longest time. She must've made these long ago, when Dat was courting her.