Above the Noise (46 page)

“I MISS YOU,
too.” I rubbed my temples to thwart what felt like an oncoming migraine.

“Let me know how Buzz is by tomorrow, if things aren’t any better I could be in Knoxville by mid-day. We have a week or so to look over all the details of each label’s contracts, and we don’t play again until Sunday night.” I could hear the exhaustion in Calon’s voice. He was tired. Tired of a lot of things, I was sure. But we were all worried about Buzz.

“I don’t want you to do that, Calon. The more travelling you do, the more I worry something will happen to you.” I looked up at Gracie, and she smiled.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me. I want to be there if his situation stays as grim as you say it is.” Calon never put himself first. That was sexy and worrisome all at the same time. I knew the back and forth flights were wearing him down. All the energy he spent worrying about me and the baby over the last three weeks had him on edge and losing sleep.

“Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow. Try to get some sleep.”

“I just hate sleeping without you.” His voice made my toes curl.

“I know. Me, too.” I tried my hardest not to sound sappy and whiny with the audience I currently had in the hospital waiting room. I had my elbows on my knees and my chin tucked into my chest, trying to keep our conversation private.

“You know what would really help me sleep?” His voice went deep with a bit of sultry.

“What’s that?” I smiled a flirty smile as if he could see it and lifted my head to see if anyone was looking. Most everyone was half asleep or on their phones.

“If you could do that kitchen counter thing again.”

“Hmm. You enjoyed that?” I glanced in Gracie’s direction. She flipped the pages of a People Magazine and rolled her eyes. She smiled at me and shook her head.

“Enjoyed it? That was the hottest thing you’ve ever done. I slept the entire flight back to LA that day. I barely had enough energy to carry my bag. I could use that kind of sleep again.” I heard him sigh.

“So, pretend I’m there.” I cupped my hand over my mouth when I said it. I knew Gracie would know exactly what I was suggesting.

“It’s not the same. Trust me.” Calon chuckled. I squeezed my thighs together at the thought of him touching himself.

“I miss you, Calon. Your bed is super big when you’re not in it.”

“Our bed, Becks. You’re going to be my wife. You need to start saying
ours
.”

“Mmkay.” I couldn’t wipe the goofy grin off my face. “Listen, I need to go. Gracie and I should go back and check on Buzz. And, you need sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I love you, Becki Jane.”

“I love you, Calon James.” As much as I wanted to keep talking, I knew how badly he needed sleep.

Gracie and I tossed our cold, rancid hospital coffee in the trash as we left the waiting room. Jake had called Gracie around nine to tell her an ambulance had just taken Buzz to the hospital. She told him to call in another band for her ten o’clock show because she was headed to see Buzz. Luckily, there’d been a band bugging Buzz to give them a spot, and they jumped at the chance to cover for Gracie.

She picked me up in Jake’s car on her way, and we’d been checking on Buzz and roaming the halls ever since. It was three in the morning, and Jake had just left Mitchell’s. Maverick was giving him a ride to the hospital.

“So, did you hear anything from Jake about the new band?” I was anxious to see how Gracie’s last minute replacement worked out. They were a young band, new to the bar scene, but I’d heard great things about them. They had a fresh, unique sound.

“His exact words were, ‘Friday nights are my favorite nights of the week because I get to watch you shine, but if I had to watch someone else, Decent Breath would be it.’”

“Gag.” I pretended to put my finger down my throat, and we both cracked up.

“Really? And ‘pretend I’m there’ didn’t make
me
want to barf? You and Calon are two of my best friends. I don’t need to picture you guys… you know.”

We got to Buzz’s room just as one of the nurses jotted something in his file then hung it back on the end of his bed.

“Hi, girls. I’m sorry, but there’s been no change.” The nurses had been so cool to us. We were the closest thing Buzz had to family, so they didn’t make us adhere to the visiting hours, and he had signed papers saying the doctors and nurses could share details of his health with us. Buzz had cancer.

It was tough to see Buzz so helpless. He was a big man with a big personality, so seeing him hooked up to machines was surreal. No one knew he was sick until the night he collapsed in the kitchen. Since then, he’d been in and out of the hospital, and up until last night was pretty tight-lipped about what was going on.

But now that we knew it was cancer, and he was opting out of the suggested chemo regimen, we planned to take shifts with Jake, Mav, and some other guys from the bar. There would be someone by his side around the clock. When he was awake, he was still making everyone laugh. We kept his TV on ESPN, so he could keep track of his March Madness bracket. His love of basketball seemed to breathe life back into him, even if it was just for the length of a game.

Gracie turned the volume down on a repeat of one of the day’s games, and we each curled up in our chairs with our white hospital blankets the nurses had provided.

“I can’t believe all these years we never knew Buzz didn’t have anyone. No family.” I shook my head at the thought and let my eyes close a little longer than a blink.

“I know, it’s really sad. We could have been checking in on him all these years, making sure he was taking his meds and stuff.” Gracie looked over at the once bigger-than-life man we all adored. He was pale, pasty white, and his eye sockets were dark and sunken.

“Maybe that’s
why
he made sure we didn’t know. We would have driven him crazy.”

“Damn straight, that’s why I didn’t tell no one. You all would have camped out on my front lawn.” Buzz’s deep voice made Gracie and I jump. We stood and walked over to the side of his bed. His eyes were still closed, and it didn’t look like he’d even moved.

“Buzz?” Gracie’s voice was soft, and she laid her hand on his.

“Yeah, Gracie?” His lips moved, but he still didn’t open his eyes.

“Jake said Decent Breath was awesome. He was really pleased with their show tonight.” She rubbed his hand gently without touching the spot where the IV went in.

“Well, they’re no Gracie Jordan, that’s for sure. You’ve got the voice of an angel, sweetheart. You’re my favorite performer we’ve ever had.” He peeked out of one eye and looked from Gracie to me. “But, don’t tell that hairball boyfriend of yours I said that. I’ll deny it.” He smiled as best he could and then went silent again.

“Buzz, do you need anything?” I reached out and touched his arm.

“A new lease on life would be good.”

I didn’t know what to say. His head tipped to the side a little, and he stilled. Thankfully, the machine next to his bed continued to beep with each of his heartbeats, so I knew those weren’t his last words.

We walked back to our tandem chairs and curled back up in our blankets. “God, Becki, I hate this. I don’t know why he just wouldn’t get the chemo.” Gracie started to cry.

“Gracie, you’ve seen what chemo does to people. Sure, it extends their life, but it’s Hell just living through the side effects. If the doctors know it won’t cure you, so they’re just slowing it down, there just doesn’t seem to be any quality of life left at that point, ya know?” I rarely put myself in other people’s positions, but at that moment, I did. I had to admit that’d be a tough call.

Something started beeping rapidly, and Buzz’s body jerked a couple times. I grabbed Gracie’s hand, and we both stood to go get someone. A whole team of nurses ran in and asked us to leave. My heart pounded so hard I could hear the blood pulsing in my ears. Gracie and I held onto each other for dear life and headed out into the hallway.

No sooner did we get out there, when the sharpest pain I’d ever felt hit me just above my pubic bone. I cried out and leaned back against the wall.

“Becki! What is it?” Gracie grabbed me by my biceps and stood right in front of me. “Becki, look at me.”

I had a hard time focusing on her face simply because my brain was spinning with thoughts of what a pain like that could mean. I took a couple deep breaths and slowly straightened up until my back was flush against the wall.

“I’m okay, Gracie. It was just a really sharp pain, but it’s gone.” I placed my hand on my belly and felt Abigail move. “She’s moving all over the place. Maybe she just kicked and hit a nerve. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?” Gracie was as pale as a ghost.

“Gracie, let’s get you some water and somewhere to sit.” We took about three steps when another nurse ran by us and into Buzz’s room. I was scared. It probably sounded selfish, but if he was going to die anytime soon, I really would have preferred it be on someone else’s watch. I thought about Chloe and how haunting the images of her last moments must have been for Calon all these years. I couldn’t imagine.

As much as I didn’t want Calon to have to fly home, he needed to know something was up.

Me:
Hey. Something just happened w Buzz. Will let you know when we know more.

Calon:
Ok.

Me:
You’re not ASLEEP?

Calon:
LOL. I love you. I’m trying.

Me:
I love you, too.

Gracie saw Jake step off the elevator down the hall. She ran to him, and I decided to take that seat I’d suggested we take just a few minutes prior. I put my hand on my belly again for a reassuring kick, and I didn’t have to wait more than a couple seconds for it.

“Becki, you okay?” Jake came over and sat next to me on the bench outside Buzz’s room.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just a weird pain. My books say that’s normal.” I wasn’t sure that was exactly the truth, but I thought it would take the attention off me when it was really Buzz who needed it.

A nurse walked out of Buzz’s room, and Jake stopped her.

“What’s going on? Can you tell us how he is?”

“He’s still here. We will send his doctor down to you as soon as he gets here. He can fill you in on his status.” She smiled and headed to the nurses’ station. One by one the rest of the nurses left, and the three of us ducked in.

Buzz didn’t look any different than he had before the nurses kicked us out, but the beeping had stopped which terrified me. I looked up at his screen, and there were still pointed blips jumping across it, so I assumed they’d just muted the sound.

“Hey, Buzz?” Jake walked over and put his hand on Buzz’s shoulder. “Buzz, the band was great. The lead singer is funny as hell and was just as entertaining as their music. They play twisted up versions of songs you forgot you knew. The
Gilligan’s Island
theme song, stuff from classic commercials. It was a blast. I penciled them in on the dates Gracie needs off and a couple open Saturdays, too. I hope that’s okay.” Jake’s voice was so calm and strong. It was probably good for Buzz to hear that, instead of Gracie’s and my shaky, sad voices each time we talked to him.

“You guys should get some rest. You’ve been here for hours.” Buzz’s doctor spoke when he walked in. He grabbed Buzz’s chart from the foot of his bed. “I’m Dr. Stevens.”

“I’m their respite.” Jake nodded. “They’re going home.”

“Well, not many of our patients get such amazing care from non-family members. I’m impressed with your stamina over the last couple times Mr. Stanley’s been admitted. He’s a lucky man to have all you devoted young people.”

“Buzz is a great guy.” Gracie’s voice was small and sad.

“Can you all come into the hall with me?” Dr. Stevens tipped his head toward the door.

We fell in behind him and stepped out into the hallway. My body started to tremble. It was obvious, at least to me, what Dr. Stevens wanted to tell us.

“Well, here’s what we’re looking at. Mr. Stanley’s cancer has gone so long without chemo that it’s now in his bones. Without any treatment, the calcium from his bones will leach into his blood stream, which will cause him to go unconscious, and then he will pass quickly.”

“How long?” Jake spoke, and Gracie held his hand and pressed her face into his shoulder.

“Well, that’s not something I can tell you. There are a lot of other factors that come into play that make that impossible to estimate. Each case is different.” Dr. Stevens looked down at his feet and then back up to us. “It’s good that you’re here. I’m not sure if he will regain consciousness, but, he still may be able to hear you, so just keep talking to him. He may acknowledge you, or he may just lie still, but don’t let that deter you from reliving old stories or talking to him about what’s going on in your lives now.”

None of us could speak. We just nodded.

“I’m going to do my rounds, and I’ll be back in a couple of hours. You two should get some sleep.” He pointed to Gracie and me, then walked down the hall and into the next room. I felt bad for Jake, though, he’d just ran a bar into the wee hours of the morning and
he
was supposed to be relieving
us
from our post.