Above Rubies (Rockland Ranch) (31 page)

             
She was hesitant when she asked, “Is that good or bad?” 

             
He chuckled and shook his head.  “That’s good.  You’re good.  You’re good enough that I question whether I should even be around you.  You’re a much better person than I am.  I’m just selfish and I want to enjoy you, even if I don’t deserve to.”  He stroked her index finger with his thumb.  “See, I’m being honest about having a questionable character.  I’m not sure how that all works.”

             
Kit looked at him in the dim light of the car.  “You’re not very complimentary about yourself sometimes.  You put yourself down, but never once that I’ve been around you have you behaved questionably.  I’ve learned to respect you a great deal after having come to know you.”  She gently squeezed his hand.

             
“Maybe you just haven’t seen the real me.”  The thought made him somewhat sad.

             
She shook her head and said gently, “Maybe the man I know is the real you.”  She turned toward him in the car.  “You know, Nick, everybody has their moments.  We all have regrets and mistakes.  If there’s stuff that bothers you, then make it right.  That’s what we all do.  That’s what Christ gave his very life for.  But I think you’re a better person than you give yourself credit for.  It’s only when you honestly know better and still choose to make poor choices that mistakes are a problem.”

             
He looked over at her earnest face in the peacefulness of the car and admitted, “I guess my only excuse is that, until you, I thought everyone lived the way I have.  I’ve never been around people like you and Joey.  I had no idea there was even anyone like you around.”

             
At that, she shifted in her seat and seemed uncomfortable, and finally asked, “What exactly are we talking about here, Nick?  What do you mean, people like me and Joey?”

             
He down shifted to go up a long hill.  “That’s a good question.  And I honestly don’t know the answer.  I just know it didn’t take any of us long to figure out that you weren’t going to go out drinking and carousing and sleeping around.”  He smiled at her.  “Shane doesn’t even swear around you.  I’ve never seen anything like it!”

             
She laughed. “And I’ve never seen anything like Shane.  He should charge admission just to be with him!”  She became more serious and continued, “If you’ve honestly never been around people who don’t drink and carouse and sleep around, maybe you should find some new friends.  That could get old fast.  And it can’t be a very satisfying lifestyle.”

             
He thought about that for a minute.  She was right.  It had gotten old and had never, ever been satisfying.  He looked back over at her with a smile.  “How did you become so wise?  I thought you said you were only eighteen.”

             
He glanced at her and saw her face cloud up for just an instant and she said, “I guess I’ve just seen the difference between the two lifestyles.  One is much happier than the other.”

             
They drove in silence until he finally asked, “Are you telling me you used to party and sleep around?”

             
“No! No, of course not!  But before Joey’s family, the only people I was around much lived that way.  Now, after having seen both, there’s really no comparison.  The Rocklands are immeasurably happier, healthier, more productive, and much nicer to be around.  It’s almost like the people I knew before had no understanding that there was a purpose in life.  They acted like honesty or fidelity, or even just kindness never crossed their minds.  Now that I understand better, I feel so sorry for them.”

             
Nick drove feeling slightly bewildered.  He wondered if he was included in the group she felt sorry for.  What did she mean about the purpose of life?  And there was something wrong with the way she was talking about the people before the Rocklands.  He couldn’t quite figure what, but that sounded like a strange way to talk about her family. And she was only eighteen.  How did she have so much better an understanding about things he'd only begun to question at nearly thirty? 

             
He looked over at her in wonder and found her watching him intently.  She asked, “I’m sorry, did I offend you somehow?”

             
“No, but I’m a little lost.  Am I one of the ones you feel sorry for?”

             
“No, not the way I do them.”  She smiled an impish smile at him.  “You know a lot about the good qualities in life, a lot more than you admit.  Probably a lot more than you even understand.  You even know that drinking and carousing and sleeping around are wrong and you shouldn’t do them, but you don’t really want to admit that.”  Now she was laughing up at him. 

             
He shook his head, laughing with her. “You’re probably right.  What do you mean ‘not the way I do them’?  So, you do feel sorry for me?”

             
She seemed hesitant to answer him at first.  Finally, she asked, “Nick, if being physically intimate is no big deal, then how can you ever someday expect your wife to be faithful to you?  Because it probably becomes no big deal to her either.  So, if fidelity isn’t an issue, then why do people care if their spouse is faithful?  The way society seems to think, it shouldn’t matter.  But people do care.  People care a lot when it comes right down to it.  But you can’t have it both ways.  The sad part is that most people in our society either don’t figure it out before it’s too late, or they never figure it out.  Most people don’t realize that absolute fidelity is essential to a happy, healthy marriage.  Some people never even figure out that being happily married is an important part of a happy life.  If you really do think sleeping around is what everybody you know does, then yeah, in a way I do feel sorry for you.”

             
It was a full two minutes before he looked up at her.  “You make me want to believe there really are marriages out there that are happy and healthy and that last.  I’m not sure I believe you.  I’ve never seen one.  My grandparents were married for like sixty years, but I don’t think he was faithful to her.  At least, he didn’t treat her very well.  She was always just his old lady.”

             
“I know what you mean.  I hadn’t ever seen one either until about nine months ago, but since then I’ve been around a lot of happily married couples.  You should meet Joey’s parents.  Their friendship is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen!  Coming to live with them has changed my life more than you could even comprehend.”

             
He was mixed up again about her life before Joey, but didn’t press. Instead, he asked, “And you think being faithful is the key?”

             
She sounded absolutely confident when she said, “Maybe not the only key, but I don’t believe you can have a strong marriage without it.  I think there must be a lot of keys.  I’m sure I don’t have a clue about what it really takes, but I’ve seen a few things I know don’t work.”

             
Thinking about some of his friends and associates, he knew what she meant.  He mulled all this over in his mind for a while and then lightened the conversation up slightly.  “Maybe you should switch to a philosophy major.  With a mind like yours, we could have all the answers to the universe in no time.”

             
She laughed. “Now you’re making fun of me.”

             
“No.  I just can’t delve all that deeply without knowing I’m hopelessly toasted at judgment day.  So I handle it like any red blooded American male.  I put that thought away in its little compartment and don’t go there.  Knowing I can’t ever undo some of the things I’ve done is too hard to face.”  He gave her a sad smile and they drove on through the foothills for a while.

             
At length she softly said, “You forgot about the atonement.”

             
He looked over at her.  “Come again?”

             
“You forgot about the atonement.  It’s kind of a biggie.  Not something you want to forget.”

             
He gave her a blank look.  “You lost me.”

             
“You said you were hopelessly toasted at judgment day and that you could never undo some of the things you’ve done.  You’ve been suckered into what Naomi, Joey’s mother, calls the Big Lie.  If Satan and the world can get you to truly believe that trying is hopeless, then you’re right, it is, and you‘ll give up and he's got you.  But that's exactly opposite of what our Father in Heaven and Jesus teach.  It’s never hopeless.  They’ll always take us back no matter what kind of mistakes we’ve made, if we just ask.”

             
This time he looked at her for so long that he must have made her afraid he was going to drive off the road.  “Um, Nick.”  She pointed out the windshield.  “You better drive.  At least until you’ve finished all that repenting.”  She smiled at him again.  “It’d be a shame to crash this gorgeous car while you’re still hopelessly toasted.”

             
Focused on driving again, he asked, “You really believe that?  That bit about always being welcomed back?”

             
She squeezed his hand. “I didn’t believe it either at first, so I’ve been kind of studying up on it.  Now I know it to be true from the bottom of my heart.”

             
Shaking his head, he said, “Yeah, but I told you before, you don’t know what kind of guy I am.”

             
“God does.  And He loves us all anyway.”

             
A few minutes later he pulled the car off the road onto a scenic overlook and got out to come around and open her door.  He took her hand to walk over near the guardrail and gaze out over the cities and the ocean.  “You’d never been to the beach, but you know the answers to the meaning of life.  It’s gonna take me a while to figure you out, girl.”  The breeze up the canyon was cold and she backed up to him to lean against his chest and he put his arms around her.

             
“I have a jacket in the trunk, should I get it?”

             
“No, I’m fine if you hug me.  We’ll have to go back soon anyway or I’ll turn into a pumpkin.  We take an early flight to get here in time to work and I’m always dead by this time of night the first day.”

             
He hugged her tighter.  “You definitely don’t feel dead to me.”  He felt her laugh.  “How come you don’t just fly out the night before?”

             
She turned around to face him.  “I’m glad you asked that, because in light of our conversation tonight, there are some things about me you need to hear from me, not someone else.”  She looked down at her hands.  “I don’t come out the night before because of a lot of reasons, one of which is my four and a half month old daughter.”  She looked up into his eyes as he struggled to fit this new little earth shaking detail into his brain.  His eyes narrowed, questioning and she put up a hand defensively.  “It’s not because I’ve been sleeping around.  I promise.”  She looked down again and started to toy with the ring on her right ring finger. 

             
“I um, I had this foster father who wasn’t a very nice guy.  He uh, he…"  She hesitated as she struggled to voice what he grasped instantly.  It made his heart sick.  "He’s the father.”  She left it at that and continued to twist the small ring.  He put both arms around her and wrapped her in a tight hug.  They stood there like that with her head tucked under his chin for several long moments.  She didn’t cry, but he could feel the deep sadness that seemed to radiate from her.

             
Finally, he asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”  She shook her head without looking up.  Eventually he lifted her chin to look up at him.  “Can I just ask you one question?”  She looked at him with those brilliant blue eyes.  “Are you okay?”

             
She gave an almost undetectable shake of her head as she questioned back, “Do I have any choice?”  He pulled her back into his arms.  No wonder she always seemed so much older than eighteen. 

             
When she began to shiver, he took her back to the car and they headed back to her hotel.  They were quiet as they drove for the first several minutes.  There were so many things he wanted to ask her, but he wasn’t sure if he should.  He’d imagined she was thought provoking before.  Holy Toledo!  First she rocks his world with the idea that God wanted him and then this!

             
When the silence became uncomfortable, he asked, “Do you think you’d want to talk about things tomorrow night?  Could we have dinner again? Just the two of us?”

             
“I think I said a bit too much already, don’t you?  I shouldn’t have told you about Mimi.  I’m sorry, I just didn’t want you to hear it from someone else and think I was a hypocrite after talking about fidelity.”

             
He took her hand again.  “I’m glad you told me, and no you haven’t said too much.  I didn’t assume you’d been sleeping around either, by the way.”

             
She sounded bitter when she admitted, “If you had, you wouldn’t be the first.”

             
He looked down at her. “Kit, anyone who knows you and still thought that would be brain dead.  They wouldn’t even be worth stressing over.  It’s not like you not to let it go.”