About That Fling (25 page)

Back in their hotel room that night, Jenna took a long time getting ready for bed. She scrubbed her face with the soft, white washcloth from the rack, hoping to soothe away any traces of puffiness around her eyes.

She was being ridiculous. It wasn’t like she’d never considered the possibility Adam and Mia had an intimate and loving relationship at some point. They’d gotten married, had a honeymoon, and stayed married for five years. People didn’t do that without some serious affection between them.

It also wasn’t like she herself hadn’t been intimate with anyone else. She’d loved her fair share of men, exchanging kisses and family stories and promises neither of them ended up keeping. Hell, she’d been engaged. She’d even conceived a baby with another man, for crying out loud.

But there was something different about witnessing someone else’s affection in living color. Something about knowing the trill of Mia’s laugh, the softness of Adam’s lips.

“Jenna? Everything okay in there?”

She nodded at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, then felt silly. “Coming.”

“That’s unfortunate,” he called from the other side of the door. “I kinda hoped you’d wait for me.”

Her mouth twisted into a half smile, and she turned away from the mirror to open the door. She walked out to find Adam sitting on the side of the bed.

“Hey,” he said softly. “Want to talk?”

“About?”

“Oh, I don’t know—world religion? Recipes for corn bread? Child-rearing techniques of the early nineteenth century?” He held out his hand, and Jenna found herself reaching for it before she’d even made up her mind to join him. “Come on, Jenna. I think we’re past the point in this relationship where either of us can fool the other into thinking things are peachy keen when they’re not. I know that video upset you. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

She sighed and sat down beside him, her knee bumping against his through the terrycloth of her hotel robe. He wore nothing but boxer shorts, and the urge to touch his chest almost overwhelmed her urge to talk this through.

Almost.

“It’s stupid,” she said. “It’s not jealousy I’m feeling, exactly. I don’t know what it is.”

“Want me to get out one of my NVC worksheets with a list of emotion-related words you can pick from?”

She laughed and shook her head. “No, that’s okay. Tell me this, though—if you saw a video of me making out with my ex-fiancé, do you think it would upset you?”

He seemed to consider it a moment, then nodded. “Probably a little.”

“A little? Okay, how about a sex video?”

He frowned at that. “Okay, a lot.”

She smiled and edged closer, feeling something inside her start to thaw as Adam folded an arm around her. “That’s the thing about modern dating. Back before the age of technology, all you had to go on were your own mental pictures of how things were in your lover’s last relationship. A man could picture his new girlfriend’s ex with a tiny penis or a receding hairline, and it would automatically make it so.”

Adam nodded and pulled her closer to his side. “And you could imagine my ex-wife as some horrible shrew I never really loved, due in part to her grating personality and preponderance of warts.” He planted a kiss on her temple, and Jenna felt herself start to melt. “Doesn’t work out so well when the shrew is your best friend.”

“Or when there’s video evidence to the contrary.”

She snuggled under his arm, content to just settle there with her feelings, whatever the hell they were. She might not be able to name them, exactly, but there was something reassuring about discussing them with a guy who acknowledged they were there.

“So about that sex tape,” he said, kissing her neck this time instead of her temple. He planted another kiss behind her ear, his breath warm and soft against her skin, and Jenna shivered despite the heat of the room. “Was that just an example, or is there really an illicit video floating around out there?”

“Oh, it’s not floating,” Jenna said, closing her eyes as Adam kissed his way down her throat and pushed aside her robe, baring her shoulder. “It’s in a box under my bed, along with two hundred unsent wedding invitations and a bunch of sex toys that wouldn’t be appropriate to use with other partners, but I’m not sure what to do with them. Seriously, is there a recycling center for adult artifacts left over from past relationships?”

“Mmm,” Adam murmured, peeling her robe further off her shoulder and baring the tops of her breasts. “Are you trying to make me jealous?”

“Not really. Are you trying to make me forget?”

“Absolutely. Is it working?”

“Without a doubt,” she breathed, and pulled them both back onto the bed.

The call came at 5:00 a.m.

Jenna heard the faint buzz of Adam’s cell phone on the nightstand, and she tried to roll over. She found herself pinned beneath the weight of his arm and the heft of his bare leg.

“Adam? Wake up, Adam, it’s your phone.”

“Hmm?”

“Your phone. I think it’s ringing.”

She watched his eyes blink open, saw him roll and reach for the phone, knowing with a heavy feeling in her gut what the call was about before he even answered.

“Yes?”

He was silent a moment, and Jenna reached out to wrap his fingers with hers.

“So she went peacefully? Of course. No, I understand. That’s what we’d hoped for, I guess.”

Jenna sat up, pulling the sheet around her breasts as she wrapped her arms around Adam and just held him. He leaned against her, his bare shoulder chilly, but solid.

“And Gramps agreed to that? No, I think it’s best. I appreciate you doing that, Shel. Okay then. We’ll be there.”

Adam disconnected the call and sat quiet for a moment.

“She’s gone?” Jenna whispered, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah. Shelly has Gramps at her place. She invited us to come for breakfast. We can go now, or we can stop by the assisted living facility to say our goodbyes.”

“What do you want to do?”

He sighed. “You know, I feel at peace with it. Like I already said my goodbyes this afternoon. Or years ago, really. Is that wrong?”

“Not at all. There’s nothing that says you need to look at a dead person to have closure.” She winced. “I’m sorry, did that sound insensitive?”

Adam offered a small smile and moved in her arms, turning to face her in the dim glow of the hotel’s clock radio. “No more insensitive than if I tell you I’m looking forward to my sister’s bacon. Come on. Let’s get dressed.”

They showered together with the lights out. Jenna meant to keep a respectful distance, to stay stoic and supportive and reverent. But Adam reached for her in the dark, his hands slick and searching. She slid willingly into his arms, crying out as he drove into her beneath the hot spray of the shower.

They got to Shelly’s house a little after sunrise. True to Adam’s word, she had a platter of the best-looking bacon Jenna had ever seen. Shelly’s eyes were red-rimmed, but she smiled as they walked into the kitchen.

“I’m so sorry,” Jenna said, wrapping Adam’s sister in her arms.

“I’m glad you could be here,” Shelly murmured, hugging back with her hands smothered in oven mitts. “Adam might act tough, but he’s an emotional guy. I know he’s glad to have you with him this weekend.”

“I’m glad to be here. Is Gramps sleeping?”

“Yeah, he drifted off a few minutes ago in the guest room. I’m not going to wake him. We can save the food for when he wakes up.”

Jenna nodded and stepped back, letting Adam take her place in his sister’s embrace. She watched as the two siblings clung together, murmuring words of support and love and memories.

“I’m just going to run to the bathroom,” Jenna murmured, knowing they didn’t hear her. She turned and walked down the hall, patting the back pocket of her jeans as she felt her cell phone vibrate.

She closed the door behind her and pulled the phone out. A chill snaked up her arms as she read the words of Mia’s text message.

Emergency with Aunt Gertie. Please call right away.

C
hapte
r
T
hirteen

Jenna dialed the phone with trembling fingers, Mia’s words imprinted on her brain in bright, neon letters.

Emergency with Aunt Gertie. Please call right away.

“Mia, hello? What is it, what’s wrong, is Aunt Gertie alive?”

On the other end of the line, Mia gave a surprised gasp. “Alive? Of course she’s alive. You don’t really think I’d use a text message to tell you your aunt kicked the bucket?”

“No, of course not.” Jenna let her body sag, sliding down the wall until her palms pressed into the cold tiles of Shelly’s bathroom floor. “I’m sorry. I must just have funerals on the brain or something.”

“That’s some girls’ weekend you’re having there.”

Jenna winced as the sour taste of guilt surged up the back of her throat. Did Mia suspect anything?

“Anyway, sorry to scare you,” Mia said. “There is an emergency, though. You know that screen test Gert asked me to drive her to?”

“Yes. It was for some little cable TV program that broadcasts in Nebraska or something, right?”

“Wrong. Well, that’s what Gert told us, anyway. Turns out it’s a much bigger deal.”

“How much bigger?”

“Remember that time we went to that male strip club and we saw the one guy with the modest marble sack dancing next to the guy who looked like he’d shoved a salami in there?”

“Um—”

“That much bigger. Like, enormously bigger.”

“Mia, what is it?”

“
Good Morning America
. They loved the interview she did with the local station, and they want more. They offered to fly her to New York to tape an in-studio piece that will air later this week.”

“Oh, Jesus.” Jenna dropped her head into her hands, feeling her temples start to pound. “What did you tell her?”

“I told her I needed to call you. Not that she needs your permission, but it seems like something the two of you might want to talk about if she’s going to put herself on-air in front of five million viewers.”

“Oh, God.”

“She didn’t commit yet. She said she wanted to talk to her lawyer first anyway, which I told her was a very good idea. Jenna? Are you still there?”

“I’m here.” She bit her lip. “How much do you think the hospital administration would freak out about this?”

Mia was quiet a moment. “That’s what you’re worried about?”

“Kinda.”

“Hell, I thought you were worried about her personal safety or privacy or something.”

“That would make me a better person, wouldn’t it?”

Mia laughed. “I think you’re fine, hon. I mean I know you and Gertie have this weird thing going where you pretend she doesn’t write really filthy, amazing smut—which I’ve enjoyed very much, by the way.”

“You and half the women in America.”

“That’s not a bad thing. I know the two of you do your damnedest to avoid discussing the fact that she’s this mega-bestselling erotica author, but I think you might be overestimating how much anyone else cares. No offense.”

“None taken.” Jenna bit her lip. “You weren’t at Belmont when the shit hit the fan with the old CEO. You didn’t see how bad things got, how much it affected the staff’s trust in leadership. It tainted the way the whole community saw the hospital system.”

“Honey, you’re missing a key difference here.”

“What’s that?”

“Running an escort service is illegal. Last time I checked, writing smutty books wasn’t. Not in this country, anyway.”

Jenna sighed. “Still, things are rocky with the negotiations right now. I don’t want to muddy the waters.”

“Sometimes getting a little dirty isn’t the worst thing. You should try it sometime.”

A fresh wave of guilt knocked Jenna backward, and she glanced at the door. Had Adam and Shelly noticed how long she’d been gone? She was keeping her voice low, but still. For some reason, she didn’t want them to hear this. To know she was huddled in the bathroom whispering with Adam’s ex-wife like they were exchanging covert spy secrets.

“Sweetie, can I say something?” Mia asked.

Jenna drew her attention back to the conversation. “Have you ever needed my permission?”

“Not really. I was just being respectful. I just think you spend too much time worrying what other people will think of you. Just live your life the way you want to live it and don’t get so hung up on everyone else.”

The words felt like little daggers between her ribs, and she glanced at the bathroom door again.

Okay then, Mia—I’m sitting on your ex-sister-in-law’s bathroom floor in the midst of a weekend spent bonding with your former in-laws while alternately consoling your ex-husband and fucking his brains out.

“Jenna? You still there?”

“I’m here.”

“Just think about it, okay? Maybe it’s time you quit worrying so much about everyone else.”

“Okay,” she breathed, not sure she trusted herself to say anything more. “How are things going for you? Is Mark missing you madly while you keep Gert company?”

“Yeah, I guess so. I cooked dinner for Gertie last night, and I invited Mark and Katie to stop by afterward. I made Katie’s favorite peach cobbler, so I thought she might enjoy it, you know?”

“Sure, she’s always loved that. So what happened?”

Mia sighed. “Katie said she’s decided to go gluten free because her mom told her it’s healthier. She wouldn’t eat the cobbler, and then Mark got a text from Ellen asking him to come to the car dealership right away because she was buying a new car and needed him to sign off on the old one she was trading in. His name was still on the title.”

“It couldn’t wait?”

“Apparently not.” Mia sighed again. “I’m trying, Jenna. I’m trying so hard it hurts sometimes.”

“I know you are, honey. Maybe you need to try less. Invest less so you aren’t so disappointed all the time?”

Mia laughed. “Listen to us. You need to care less what other people think, and I need to care less what other people do. Maybe there’s a twelve-step program for us. Think Adam could recommend something?”

“I—I imagine so,” Jenna said, the guilt welling up in her again. “Look, I’d better go. Can you tell Gertie to wait until I get home to make any decisions on the TV show?”

“Will do. You’re coming home tomorrow afternoon?”

“That’s the plan. You’ve got a birthing class at three?”

“Yeah, my last one. Mark and I are going out to dinner afterward. Your favorite restaurant—Gerlake? It was the first place we ate together when I came out here to interview for the job.”

“Sounds romantic.”

“I hope so. It’s hard to feel romantic when you’re thirty-eight weeks pregnant and threatened by your husband’s relationship with his ex-wife, but I’m doing my best.”

“That’s all anyone can ask, right?”

“Right. If you’re home before I leave for birthing class, maybe we can have coffee? Fucking decaf, of course.”

“Deal. Thanks again for all your help, Mia. I really owe you.”

“Don’t mention it, babe. Have fun with your old roommates.”

“I will,” Jenna said, swallowing back a new surge of guilt.

On Monday afternoon, Adam pulled Jenna’s car up beside his rental car in the parking garage at his hotel. He turned in the driver’s seat and looked at her. God, he could never get tired of doing that.

“Thank you for going with me this weekend, Jenna,” he said. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“I was honored to be part of it,” she said, brushing the hair from her eyes. “Your family is amazing.”

“I know they’d love to see you next month for the memorial service. A lot of the East Coast relatives will be making the trip. Maybe if things keep going like they are between us—”

He stopped, recognizing the alarm in her eyes. “What?”

“Nothing.” She bit her lip. “It’s just that we’re back to reality now, right? Back in Portland, back to real life.”

“Right,” he said, not entirely sure what she was saying.

She touched his hand, the warmth of her fingers a marked contrast to the chill of her words. “We’re still working together, Adam. For several more weeks, possibly months. As far as I know, this is still against company policy.”

“Of course. Maybe in a few weeks.”

“Maybe,” she agreed, not meeting his eyes. “I should go. Mia has a birthing class at three, and I told her I’d try to get there before she leaves so we can have a cup of coffee and catch up.”

“Tell her hi for me.”

“Uh—”

He grimaced. “Sorry, force of habit. Kinda like when you called me Sean in bed last night.”

Her eyes went wide, and he watched the color rise in her cheeks. “I did not!”

He laughed and squeezed her hand. “Did too. Right at the moment you arched your back and—”

She grabbed the back of his head and pressed her lips to his, cutting off the stream of words and most of his oxygen flow. He didn’t care. He’d only been joking with her, and if he could get a kiss out of the deal, all the better.

Jenna drew back and smiled. “Shut the fuck up, Adam.”

“I love you.”

She blinked, fingers still twined in his hair. “What?”

“I said I love you. My segue could use a little work, but it’s true.”

Jenna bit her lip. “I don’t know what to say.”

He shrugged, trying not to feel too disappointed. “You could admit you’re fond of me, maybe compliment my driving or my ass.”

“You know all that’s true,” she said, waving a dismissive hand. “And I love you, too. But—”

“You do?”

“You’re ignoring my but.”

“I would never ignore your butt.”

“Come on, Adam. Be serious for one second. We can’t get serious here.”

“What?”

“You know what I mean.”

“I’m not sure I do.”

She sighed, her fingers still twined with his. “We can’t get serious in a relationship. Not now, anyway. Not with my job on the line and my best friend’s emotions so wonky right now.”

“I get the job thing, I really do. But what makes you think Mia would even care?”

“I just do.”

“Have you asked her?”

Jenna shrugged and looked away. “I’ve broached the subject. Not of me dating you, but of you getting serious with anyone at all.”

“And?”

“Look, the timing is just lousy. Her hormones are all topsy-turvy and her marriage is shaky and I just—”

“Her marriage is shaky?”

Jenna frowned down at her hands. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“But you said it,” he said, curling a finger beneath her chin and forcing her to look at him. “Why didn’t you want me to know?”

“Because I didn’t want you to feel glad about it.” Her eyes flashed with a different sort of passion than what he’d seen there all weekend. “I didn’t want to see
I told her so
in your eyes. I didn’t want to see even one tiny shred of delight that my best friend is having a hard time. She’s my
best friend
, Adam—it’s bad enough I’m betraying her by sleeping with you, but I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone taking pleasure in her struggles.”

Adam gritted his teeth. “Jenna, I’d never derive happiness from anyone else’s unhappiness. I hope you’d know that about me.”

“This is different. This is the woman who left you flat for someone she thought was better. You can’t honestly tell me you wouldn’t feel at least a tiny twinge of satisfaction if it turned out she didn’t live happily ever after with her new life and marriage.”

“I can,” he said, trying to keep his breathing even. “I can absolutely say that.”

She smiled, then leaned forward and planted another kiss on his lips.

“We can talk about this later,” she said. “For now, I need to get home. Thank you for the amazing weekend. I told your sister I’d call her tonight, but if you talk to her first, can you give her my regards?”

“I will.”

“I’m sorry about Nana, Adam. She was an amazing woman.”

“I’m glad you got to meet her. It wasn’t much, but—”

“It was everything,” she said, squeezing his hand. “You have no idea how much it meant to me.”

Adam nodded, feeling a lump welling up in his throat. “I’m glad. It meant a lot to me, too.”

She gave him a sad little smile, then unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the door. He watched her swing her legs out of the car, watched as she shut the door and strode away.