Abound in Love (22 page)

“I
don’t deserve him,” she continued.  “I never did.”

Laura
laid a gentle hand on her sister’s arm.  “Candace, talk to me, please.  I want
to help you.  Tell me, why do you think you don’t deserve Dan?”

Her
face fell and she began crying.  “I lost his baby,” she moaned.  “His baby
boy…”

“Candace,
miscarriages happen.  We don’t know why.  Only God knows why some couples
experience that heartbreak, but you have to trust that…”

“I
trust God!” she cried.  “It’s not that…”

“Then,
Candace, what is it?”

“
His
baby
…” she sobbed.

Laura
didn’t have a clue how to soothe her sister’s pain.  She prayed for the right
words.  “Thank the Lord that you two have two beautiful, healthy kids
together.  Candace, Dan loves those kids.  He’s a wonderful father who knows
he’s blessed.  Trust me on that.”

“But,
that’s just it,” she moaned.  “Kenny isn’t … his.”

It was
as if a dam burst.  She began explaining, the words tumbling out, about how at
age eighteen, during her senior year, she’d been at a party and had accepted a
soft drink from a friend.  She had no memory of the events after taking that
cup, but had awakened to discover herself alone on a bed, with her clothing
askew.

She
told Laura she had no recollection of having been raped, but knew something had
happened from the condition of her clothes and body.  She cried as she
described the terror of the experience, of the unknown, wondering if she’d been
subjected to a horrible disease.  She said she hadn’t considered the
possibility of pregnancy, until she’d actually missed a period.

“Laura,”
she cried, “I was an awful, awful girl.  I admit that.  My arrogance then
astonishes me now, but…  My body was my temple.  I wasn’t going to…”  She began
crying again.  “When I realized I was pregnant, my beliefs prevented me from…” 
She took a shuddering breath.  “Laura, I was so scared and so alone.  I didn’t
know what to do.”

“Oh,
Candace, I can only imagine what you went through.”  Laura felt her own tears
begin to fall and her heart broke as she contemplated the misery Candace had
experienced without her family beside her to offer support.   Thankfully, she
had retained her faith in God through it all. 

Candace
watched her and reached for her hand.  She pulled Laura close and held her hand
against her heart.  “Some boy did something awful to me, but then, I did
something terrible in return.  I…” 

She
paused for a moment, as if the words she was about to speak were too painful to
say.  Laura nodded, encouraging her to unburden herself.

  “You
see, I knew Dan loved me.  Really loved me.  Not long before that night, he had
told me that he’d loved me since we were kids, and I…

“What?”
Laura prompted softly.

“I took
full advantage of that love.”

Laura
didn’t speak, but waited for her sister to continue.

“I
asked him out,” she said with a sad smile.  “I … set him up.  I figured, well… 
My virginity had been stolen, so why not?”  She snared Laura’s gaze, her eyes
moist with tears.  “But Laura, I had to do something.  I knew Mom and Dad were
going to be so disappointed in me.  I knew how people were going to look at
me.  I just … couldn’t bear it.”

Laura
nodded, understanding dawning.  She squeezed her sister’s hand. 

“Anyway,
I later told Dan he’d fathered my baby.  I insisted he ‘do the right thing’ and
drive us to the courthouse.” 

At the
time, Laura remembered her parents talking about that trip to the courthouse. 
They had discerned the reason, as well, but hadn’t told Candace as much.  Laura
remembered being shocked that her sister wasn’t marrying in a huge ceremony,
surrounded by friends and family, as had always been her plan.  But then, she
too had accepted the reality of those expedient nuptials.  But as per usual, no
one had been willing to confront Candace.

“Laura,
I love him so much.  When I married him, I really didn’t know him well, and I
was so messed up mentally from what had happened to me, that I didn’t know what
love was.  But Laura, it didn’t take long for me to fall deeply in love with
him.”  She smiled.  “He’s the best man I know, and he loves our children with
everything in him.  He loves me with everything in him.”

“So
talk to him, Candace.  Tell him what you just told me.”

“I
can’t.”

“Candace,
give him a chance.”

“But
don’t you see?  I am giving him a chance—a chance for the life he would have
had had, had I not stolen it from him.”  She began to cry again.  “Someone
stole something precious from me, and I stole something precious from him.  His
freedom.  His ability to choose a woman better than me.  Someone who can give
him a son.  I love him so much, I have to set him free.”  She gave an agonized
cry.  “He deserves better than me.”

“There’s
no one better than you,” a masculine voice said from the doorway.  “And you’ve
already given me the best son a man could ask for.  I wouldn’t trade him for another
son.  Do you hear me, Candace?  For
any
other boy.”

Both
Laura and Candace gasped.

“Laura,
may I talk to my wife, please?”

She
nodded and made as if to leave, but Candace held firm to her hand.  “Please. 
Can Laura stay?”

He
hesitated, but nodded, and moved to stand several feet away from the sisters. 
He looked heavenward, as if looking to God for the right words.  Finally, he
spoke, “Candace, I know Kenny isn’t mine.  I always have.”

Her
eyes widened in shock.  She sunk even lower onto the bale of hay.  Laura
squeezed her hand, attempting to infuse her sister with strength.

“You
knew?” she said in a small, childlike voice.

“Honey,
if you’ll remember, I’ve always been good at math.”

“But… I
told you Kenny was premature…”

He
smiled sadly.  “Sweetie, even back then, as a stupid kid, I knew it was
unlikely a preemie could weigh in at over eight pounds.  I’m afraid a nurse
confirmed as much to me at the hospital, when our son was born.”

Candace
turned to Laura, her features locked in an expression of dismay.  She turned
back to face her husband.  “Why didn’t you say something?”

He gave
a shrug.  “Because it didn’t matter.  Candace, I was beside you when my little
boy came into the world.  He was so precious, so perfect, and I just figured he
completed our family.  Besides, I loved you so much, that’s all that really
mattered.” 

“You
did?”

“I
still do.”

He
sighed, and shifted his feet, as if remembering something and bracing himself
to say it.  “And honey, I knew what had happened to you.  I had heard a rumor
and tracked it all the way to…”  He paused, but gave himself a shake.  “Anyway,
I did find out who…” 

Candace
squeezed Laura’s hand again and she squeezed back.  They both watched Dan, each
holding her breath in stunned anticipation.

His
body stiffened and he clenched his hands at his sides.  “I have a confession to
make.”  He paused, searching Candace’s face.  “I went after him, to make him
pay.”

Candace
cried out.  She had never known who had hurt her, and hadn’t known if she
wanted to.  She had always told herself if she didn’t know who had fathered her
son, then he couldn’t show up and demand anything of her or him.

“Oh,
Dan.  What happened?”

“I
showed up at his house.  I guess I was going to…”  He gave a shrug.  “Well, I
was going to beat him senseless for what he’d done to you, but you have to
understand, it was a catch twenty-two.  You see, I already loved our baby so
much, and I was afraid of what his biological father might do.  What if he demanded
to see Kenny?”

He
paused and took a breath. “Candace, you need to know too, that when I looked at
Kenny, I never thought about…”  He ran a hand through his hair.  “I saw a
precious,
innocent
little baby.”

She
nodded with understanding.  She had never placed blame where it didn’t belong
either.  Kenny was and had always been her beloved boy.

“So
much was running though my mind,” Dan continued.  “What if the guy wanted
custody?  At that point, several months had passed, and frankly, well, it would
have been your word against his, and I feared what would happen to you if your
rape went public.  I didn’t think you could handle it, and I couldn’t bear the
thought of you reliving the horror of that time…”

“So
what happened?” she repeated, her voice barely a whisper.

“His
mother answered the door.  She told me he and his friends had gone to the beach
for the week and…  Do you remember?” he prompted.  “Four boys had gone and they
were…”

“…Killed
in that awful car crash,” she said, her eyes widening.

He
nodded.  “Yes, and I have to tell you, I had mixed feelings about that too—for
many years.  On one hand, my heart broke for the others, but him…”  He shook
his head.  “I was glad he was gone.”  He glanced heavenward, as if apologizing
to God.  “But it is what it is.”

He
spread his hands.  “I couldn’t hardly bear that he’d been out there, walking
around, potentially harming other girls.  And what if he
had
shown up
and demanded time with Kenny?”  He pressed his eyelids shut, as if the
possibility was too painful to endure.  “Kenny is
nothing
like his
father,” he said and turned to Laura.  “He’s a lot like you,” he remarked with
a smile.  “Compassionate, caring…  God knows, I love that boy.  He’s my son,”
he finished, his voice breaking with emotion.

Laura
smiled softly at the compliment.  She viewed those traits in her nephew with
pride, and felt her heart swell thinking that Dan attributed his son’s fine
qualities in some part to her.

“You
can forgive me, Dan?” Candace asked, her voice barely a whisper.  “After losing
your child?  Your son?”

“Honey,
the miscarriage wasn’t your fault.  And yes, losing our baby boy was horrible. 
My heart still breaks, but we’ll get through it with God’s help.”  He took a
step closer to her.  “I don’t see Kenny as any less my son because of our
loss.  You have to understand that.”

She
nodded, her eyes gleaming with hope for the first time in months.

“But
honey, I beg of you…” Dan continued.    “Please don’t tell Kenny I’m not his
biological father.  He’s only eleven.  But even if he were older, some secrets
are better kept,” he added adamantly.  “Very few,” he acknowledged, “but some.”

Laura
knew what he meant.  Kenny, so gentle and sweet, would be destroyed if he knew
how he’d come into the world. 

“He
would blame himself,” Dan said.  “I can’t live with that.  He couldn’t live
with that.”  He stepped forward and reached for Candace’s hand.  “Please, baby,
don’t ever tell him.”  Tears formed in his eyes.  “I love that boy.  I couldn’t
love him more if he was my own flesh and blood. 
Please
.  We could lose
him over this.  Not now maybe, but later…”

Candace
nodded and he tugged her toward him.  She stood and he wrapped her in his
arms.  Laura knew it was time to leave them alone.  They needed time to talk. 
But they were going to be okay.  Thank the good Lord, they were going to be
okay.

L
aura
walked into the old farmhouse, her heart swelling at the reality that Candace
and Dan were on the road to mending their marriage.  She could leave Battle Ground
knowing that she’d actually won a battle while here. 

She may
not have won the war—the one in which her heart was warring with itself—over
her love for Dalton, but, her sister and brother-in-law were going to be all
right.

She sat
down in the old recliner and eased it back, waiting for the couple to return. 
She suspected it might be awhile, but as she glanced out at the glistening son,
the beautiful orb that would soon be taking a plunge in the sky, she smiled
gratefully, heavenward.  God was so good.

When
the kids came into the room along with Thomas, bickering good-naturedly, she
smiled.  Kenny, who had been asking a question of his uncle, stopped and peered
at her, as if sensing something was on the horizon.

His
mouth tugged at the corners, as if he knew something wonderful had happened. 
She nodded at him, and the smile on his face widened, so bright, it rivaled the
sun.

“What?”
Thomas asked, but Laura only nodded toward the front door, which abruptly
opened to reveal Dan and Candace. 

Dan had
his arm around his wife, and the two had their heads together, as they entered
the house. 

“Mommy! 
Daddy!” Krissy cried.  “Is everything … okay?”

“Everything
is okay,” Dan told her, smiling.

“You …
love each other again?” Kenny asked, wanting to hear the words from their
mouths.

“We
love each other,” Dan said.  “And we love you both too.”

Kenny
ran to his father and threw his arms around him.  “I’ve been praying, Dad. 
Just like Aunt Laura told me to do.”