Abide Abode (2 page)

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ABIDE ABODE

I do not use alcohol anymore to escape what is happening.
It’s happening and after reading ‘Triangle Walk’ and resisting its
truth I’ve come to find that there are those intended on destroying
its secrets; there is power in secrets and some will do anything to
keep them for themselves; secrets are what keeps the magician
magic.

Alcohol was my crutch to ignore purpose, as much as it was
stop me slipping into memories. Who wants to have the memory of a
child half way around the world losing his parents six years from
now?

If you are reading this please assume I am most probably
dead. There is nothing like choosing to give up alcohol when A -
there are people trying to kill you and B – you’re killing the ones
you love, parts of them anyway.

If I have any words of advice for you it’s put down your
poisons, get strong. We are amongst a spiritual war and the
poisonings are a distraction. Get Strong. I can’t say it enough.
Get strong or go home. Bitch you’re going to need it. Bitch, you
gotta get smart.

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ABIDE ABODE

I live in a trailer, in my ma’s yard on a piece of aptly
named land called ‘Peacehaven.’ My skin an aptly named piece of
land named Noah. My name, a noise that had no relevance to me until
I started sinking ships, the irony does not escape me. I can’t
bring myself to do that again, to scream a scream that loud that it
tears the fabric of the universe, the scream does not go away, it
is in the universe now. Incongruous pain echoing for eternity.
Nothing ever really dies, it is energy, energy living internity
within the polar whole ( everything always. )

This is my written attempt to put back out there the laws I
learnt of the polar whole, the circular cycle of all life. I picked
it up from ‘The Triangle Walk’ book that Anna bought with her, it
has disappeared and it is unlikely to come back. The book taught
that circular paths are made without direction. If you are lost in
the desert walking on forever naturally you will sway in one
direction, try to walk in a straight line eventually you will find
yourself back where you started. Water whirling down the plug hole,
for instance, will swirl to the left or the right because of the
planets hemispheric magnetic pull on it, never straight down. In
space water with gravity will fall but outside of gravity it will
but float contained in and of itself. Likewise you will walk in a
straight line in the

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desert if you have a direction point a point of horizon. The
triangle is the direction point, it is the signpost, the purpose,
gravity and gravitas. As a united whole humanity’s next stage of
evolution is to find its purpose, our next step. Humanity has no
need to evolve physically anymore, we have conquered our
environment and being no longer controlled by survival it is not
our environment shaping us but us controlling and manipulating our
environment to suit ourselves. Evolution no longer is physical but
a metaphysical journey; we have by rights conquered the physical
world. Without a united purpose humanity is in the desert without a
sign post. Parents the products of their parents and you the
product of them. Circles of information passed genetically down. A
Russian doll inside a Russian doll, blood memory after blood memory
passed back to an infinitesimal infinity, the polar whole. Until
you take ownership and responsibility for your own life, until
you/we find that purpose, the circle will be our destination. The
Triangle Walk speaks different. It tells us a possible future, and
when you know it shows us all futures.

∆

I had a dream not so long ago… Not a Martin Luthur King
dream, a ridiculous dream, one where I asked the world for purpose
and the world answered.

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AB
IDE ABODE

I shake a magic 8 ball.

I propose the question.

The answers rattle inside. Thunderous whiling as water
displaces for plastic answers coming to meet

the surface.

I imagine myself inside the ball with the answer rushing up
towards me, what would it be like to live in

here - inside the magic 8 ball? I may well have been living
in a Magic 8 ball for the time before I found a united purpose,
small, drowning, looking for answers in a tight space. Waiting for
answers to reach the surface and save me.

I imagine thirsty apocalypse survivors splitting magic 8
balls open for nourishment.

The answer comes to the magical watery surface. Focusing,
focusing. Boom - Answer in view!

You're a cunt.

It says ‘You're a cunt.’ I stare at it blankly.

You.Are.A.Cunt.

I look over to the wrappings of the Magic 8 Ball.

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ABIDE ABODE

The ball box Packaging. Written on the side. It’s a magic
hate ball. Oh - Nice insult.

I wake up.

Nice insult. Mind, you're the cunt.

I’m hung over again sometime in the past and I’ve a long
stretch to reach for a glass of water, the kitchen is where? I’m
thirsty. My purpose is to drink water, survive but my body isn't
moving and right now my mind is a totally different entity to it.
No, no, bed will have to do. Ignore it, ignorance, ignorite.
Sustenance will have to come later. Sleep is food right? If I had a
magic 8 ball, I’d try to drink its possibly poisonous liquid but I
don’t even have a one for sustenance.

Do I get the glass of water? Do I hydrate myself? I'm lying
in bed putting chaos theory into play. If I don't get water could I
be causing an Earthquake the other side of the world? Better stay
in bed, save a few lives. Humanity outside the third world has come
along way from struggling to survive.

I fall to sleep into another dream that will take me a long
while to wake from. Strange things had been happening since reading
‘Triangle’ not just slipping into bodies, not just screaming and
creating holes. In

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this dream, I meet myself, Noah, he knows me, he’s been
watching from another dimension, he offers to guide me to a place
within him, within myself. I follow to a place he calls ‘The
renaissance garden.’ It is a place where the other Noah renderings
congregate sharing information about their lives, their other
worlds. Trees surround us and there’s a swimming pool sunk into the
Earth. This pool can be as deep or shallow as you wish, swim deep
enough and you pour your self into the collective consciousness of
your inner body, into the Polar whole and there live amongst your
other worldly bodies. The pool is a portal.

This version of myself demands I get up in life. ‘I’d rather
have you sharp and tired than blunt and awake.’ He says. ‘If you
skip bodies become them. Accept the unexplainable, live the lives
you were supposed to simultaneously. Keep the lines straight and
the Triangle pointing forwards. It sounds a cliché but be the
change you want to see, to change the world, change
yourself.’

I respond rambling and unfirm ‘There are two types of people
in this world, those who get up to get a glass of water, those who
stay in bed. I stumble over my words ‘and there’s those who didn't
drink in the first place.’

‘
So there are three types of people in this world,

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those that can count and those that can’t.’ He replies.
‘Who’s world do you think this is?’ He pauses, I say nothing. ‘Come
on Noah ‘is the glass half empty or half full?’

‘
It depends if there’s gin in it.’ I reply

When I woke up from these dreams it was as if for the first
time. I woke up, three months later on in my life. A version of
myself from another dimension had taken control over my body and
got it back in shape. He then returned my body to me with all my
lives from all other Worlds connected together helping each other
as one. And that is why I call that version of myself Magic 8. The
Polar Whole, The Triangle and Magic 8, the infinity me became One.
8 ∆ O .

They say that writing through something you don’t understand
is the way to find the meaning in it. Ordering chaos after it’s
been delivered. And that is why I am writing this.

I dream of Anna and take myself into her skin before I met
her.

ANNA

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The moon is full, I’m driving my car.

[
It’s incredibly complex being in
the body of a woman,
probably not if
you’ve been a woman all your life, but as a man inside the body of
a woman the feeling of the inside anatomy is very altered. My brain
works and feels different; having breasts is enough to make me feel
my balance is off, as is missing your testicles. Whilst in
another’s body you are merely a passenger, I’m no driver, and I’ve
no choice of vessel.
]

I’m heading through a wooded road to Pelham Mansions and
excitement for my husband tonight doesn’t even cut it, he has
brokered the deal not only of his life but one that changes the
future today. Evan he has pooled together $29 billion of funds to
put to the sea the first man made island – Atlantis. I go to call
him; distracted, a blur moves in front of me. A wolf darts out! The
tires screech in a noisy cacophony swerving with full effort to
avoid but I am too late. THUNK! I slam on the brakes, screeching to
a halt.

I step out of my vehicle with only a second of apprehension.
It’s an open road, the full moon lighting the road probably
silhouetting me and this… this wolf. This wolf is 6 foot, huge and
gasping for air, blood pouring from its stomach. Rasp.
Rasp.

I reach out to the wolf.

‘
What are you doing?’ The wolf asks. ‘I'm driving to a party’
I respond.

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‘
That’s the trouble with humans, you don't look where you are
going, walking in circles not triangles.’

‘
I'm sorry’ I reply.

‘
Apologies, huh. Don't mean much if you don't learn. Don't
need apologies, need action.’

‘
What can I do?’

‘
Who put that road there?’ The Wolf asks. I can’t unmake a
road I think, not responding to the seemingly rhetorical question.
‘The time of the wolf is at its end’he cries. ‘There's not many
places we of the woods can hide anymore, your species has seen to
that. You know that don't you? About the animals, the ones that
have their own nature are culled, they are being killed off, it's
the obedient that are surviving,and you are leaving behind shadows
of the animals, machines that forget their nature. It happened on
the farm you grew up on too didn’t it?

‘
How do you know?’

‘
Nature knows everything, and you are nature, ask yourself not
what I know about you but what you know that you have not realized.
Sentient beings are dying. It's happening to your species too isn't
it?’

We sit in silence, is it true? Is it happening? I guess it is
by our very nature we are becoming more tamed. I think back to my
parents’ farm and what happened there. ‘Who are you?’ I
ask.

‘
The last of my kind, Gaia.Stroke my fur whilst I pass from
this world. Anna something is calling you, remember your nature and
pass it on to your children. The time of the

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wolf is at itsend; it's your time, time to grow. Remember the
Wolf. ‘

I don’t know how long we sit there, my red dress flowing in
the breeze, the warm soft breaths of Gaia slowing as I stroke
strong bristled fur.

‘
Good Journey’ whispers the wolf ‘it’s your time.’

As the wolf passes I feel the ache of motherhood, I ruck
Gaia’s fur as if it’s part of methat’s leaving, but it’s not me who
leaves. Silence. I’m responsible.
A road
stretches
onwards.
I stand looking up at the moon dwarfed, the stars
and the world hold me,
and there are no humans. It's just
me, alone sitting and staring at the moon. It’s as if I’vea
book in my hand, reading out my life story and space wants to hear
what I have to say.