“Ted! I didn’t
hear you come in.” She pulled a small plastic teething ring from the freezer,
slipped it into Jessica’s mouth, and
sighed
as the screaming stopped. “I’ll be glad when she stops teething
.” Karen
reached up and kissed Ted lightly on the lips. “Dinner will be ready in about
half an hour.”
Ted leaned
down and rubbed noses with his baby daughter. “And how is my precious today?
Suffering, huh? I can relate, sweetheart.” He pulled out a kitchen chair and
sank in it. “Did you call the dealership about the car?”
Karen paled as
she turned in his direction, dropping her eyes. “I forgot. I’m sorry.”
“You forgot? It’s the only thing I asked you to
take care of today.”
“I know,” she
mumbled. “I’m sorry.”
“Get me some
aspirin. I have a raging headache.”
Karen set her
knife down. “They’re in the bathroom.”
As she started
out of the kitchen, Jessica dropped her teething ring and began to whimper.
Karen stopped, turned, and reached for the ring.
Ted glared at
her. “Is it too much to ask that you get the aspirin before my head explodes?”
Karen yanked her hand back, dropping the teething
ring. “I’m.
. .I just thought. . .her screaming. . .your headache.” She
whirled and ran out of the room, returning quickly to hand him the bottle of
aspirin. He poured two into his hand while she rushed over and grabbed a glass,
filled it with water, and held it out to him.
As he tossed
the aspirin into his mouth, Karen picked up the teething ring and gave it back
to Jessica, who clamped down on it. “Bad day at work?” Karen sidled back over
to the counter and picked up her knife.
“Tense.” Ted
set down the glass and stood to his feet. “I’m going to take a shower. What
time is your dad supposed to be here?”
Karen glanced
up at the clock as she tossed the salad. “You’ve got about half an hour.”
“Plenty of
time.” He turned at the doorway. “And, Karen, I’m sorry for snapping at you. I
just have a lot on my mind.”
Karen smiled
up at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “No, it’s my fault. I should
have made a note to myself or something. I’ll make sure I do it tomorrow. Go
take your shower. It’ll help you feel better.”
What would
help him feel better was if his wife had bothered to dress, clean the house,
and maybe even make a simple phone call between soap operas and afternoon talk
shows. Karen had always been a little flighty, but ever since the birth of the
baby, she seemed constantly overwhelmed by the simplest things. Frankly, Ted
wondered if she was starting to lose her grip on reality.
*
Thirty-five
minutes later, Karen wiped her hands on a kitchen towel and then opened the
front door. “Hi, Daddy.” Smiling, she leaned forward to kiss his cheek.
Walter Timms accepted the kiss as if it were his due
and strode through the door, shoulders squared, with a stiff bearing that
hinted of the military. His gray hair was trimmed in a severe crew cut that
only seemed to emphasize his heavy jowls and thick neck. Tonight he wore neatly
pressed dark slacks and a white shirt, no tie, and a gray sports coat. As
always, his black shoes were spit-shined and gleaming as he marched toward the
kitchen. She trotted behind, nearly running into him when he stepped into the
kitchen and stopped. She scooted around him and headed for the stove.
“Ted will be
out in a minute,” she told him as she opened the oven and checked the roasting
chicken. It was golden brown and the little plastic timer had popped. Grabbing
the potholders, she reached in and pulled it out, the warm fragrance nearly
making her sigh. “He had a rough day at work.”
“Men usually
do,” her father said sharply, all the while inspecting the food and the table
and then finally resting those piercing eyes on his granddaughter. “Isn’t it a
little late for that child to still be awake?”
Karen set the
roasting pan on the stove, tossed the potholders on the counter, and rushed
forward, lifting little Jessica from her chair. “I was just waiting for you
before I put her down. I thought you might want to see her.”
“It’s important
to keep kids on a strict schedule. You should know that.”
“I know. I’m
sorry. I’ll be right back.”
Karen passed
Ted in the hall. He had changed into neatly pressed jeans and a short-sleeved
V-necked pullover. He filled the hall with the scent of English Leather and
Irish Spring soap. “Daddy’s in the kitchen.”
“Did you offer
him a drink yet?”
She shook her
head, trying to swallow back the feeling of being overwhelmed. “Not yet. I have
to get Jess down.”
“You should
have done that already, Karen. Never mind. I’ll get him something. Just don’t
take too long. I’m really hungry and I’m sure your father is, too.”
“I won’t be
long.” Karen slipped into the nursery, fighting back tears. No matter how hard
she tried, she couldn’t get organized. She couldn’t remember the simplest
things. She was forever disappointing people, letting them down.
You can’t
count on Karen.
How many times had she heard that over the years? And how
true it was.
“Okay, my
precious. Time for bed.” Karen tucked Jess under the quilt, taking the time to
run a finger down the baby’s cheek. Jess smiled up at her, gurgling, kicking
her feet in delight. “You’re the only one who seems happy with everything I do.
You love me, don’t you, baby?”
Jess kicked her feet again, pumping her little
fists in the air.
Karen took that as
an unqualified yes. “I love you, too, precious baby.”
When she
returned to the kitchen, Ted and her father were sitting at the table, tall
glasses of iced tea in hand, deep in conversation. Neither man seemed to notice
that she had returned as she picked up the potatoes and carried them to the
table.
“Do you
remember the woman we hired when Bud Griese retired a year or so back?”
“The tall
redhead you told me about?” Walter moved his arm out of Karen’s way as she set
the potatoes down.
“That’s her.
Well, O’Connell called me into his office this afternoon and told me that they
suspect her of embezzling funds. Can you believe that?”
“You can’t be
serious!” Karen spun around, her eyes wide, mouth gaping. “Embezzling?”
Ted looked up
at her. “That’s what they say.” Then he turned back to her father. “And get
this. . .
I
was under suspicion for awhile. I’m cleared now, but they
actually thought I might be involved.”
Karen’s father shook his head. “After you’ve been
with them for
years!”
“I know.
Needless to say, it unhinged me. I felt like they were staring over my shoulder
the rest of the day. My head was splitting by the time I got home.”
Karen returned
with the chicken and set it on the table in front of Ted. He picked up the
carving knife. “And to make matters worse, we’re behind at work, so I had to
bring some of it home.”
“You have to
work tonight?” Karen set the bowl of steaming peas on the table and slid into
her chair.
Ted sliced a
section of chicken and lifted it over to her father’s plate. “Quarterly budgets
are due soon. I have to work on them.”
Her father
turned and looked over at her, his disapproval almost palpable. “Where’s the
salt and pepper?”
Karen looked at the table, then jumped up. “I’m
sorry. I forgot.”
“She’s forgetting
everything these days,” Ted muttered.
Her father
picked up his fork. “I warned you before you married her that she’s never had
both feet firmly on the ground. You have to stay on her all the time.”
“I know. It’s
just gotten worse since the baby.”
Karen set the
salt and pepper down in front of her father. “Jess has been teething. It’s
making her fussy.”
“It’s too much for her to handle. She’s never been
real strong and this has her overwhelmed. Maybe I need to hire someone to come
in and help.” Ted continued speaking as if he hadn’t heard her.
“No! I can do
this,” Karen yelped. “I’m not overwhelmed.” Even as she said the words, she
knew neither of them would take her seriously. Even the desperate tone in her
voice told them that she was indeed in over her head.
She wanted so
much to be a good wife and a good mother, but experience had proven her to be a
dismal failure at the former, and time threatened to prove her just as great a
failure at the latter. How many times had Ted needed a particular shirt, only
to find that she had forgotten to wash and iron it? How many times had he found
dust on the windowsills or blinds? How many times had he come home to find her
rushing to get dinner on the table, only to learn she’d fixed something he
didn’t care for? He’d ask her to call a doctor, a plumber, or a car mechanic
and make an appointment, and she’d get caught up with bathing Jess or playing
with Jess. She’d lose herself in enjoying her baby and forget everything else.
“Thought you
had
someone coming in.” Karen’s father eyed her with stark disapproval, and she
dropped her eyes.
Ted shrugged.
“Just for two or three days a week right after the baby was born, but she quit.
Maybe we need someone full-time. Someone who can handle the baby and keep this
place running smoothly.”
“I can do it,”
Karen insisted.
Ted reached
over and stroked her arm. “Honey, we’re just looking out for you, not
condemning you. We know you’ve never been all that stable.”
Karen felt
herself shrinking into her chair. “I’m fine. I know I am. It’s just that
Jessica has been so fussy, and I spend so much time trying to make her feel
better.”
“You’ll never
change,” her father accused. “Quit making excuses and just accept the way you
are.”
Karen flinched
as she stared at her plate, her appetite gone. Maybe if she made a list of
everything she needed to do every day and stuck to it, crossing things off as
she finished them. . .got organized. Other women did it; surely she could, too.
But she wasn’t
like other women. Even as a child, her father had regularly pointed out her
weaknesses and faults. She was lazy, she was scatterbrained, she had her head
in the clouds, she was irresponsible, she was stupid, she was worthless. The
list was as endless as the daydreams she sank into when life got too hard.
She frequently
stared at other women on the street. They seemed so smart and successful. She
pictured herself just like them. Capable and admired. Someday. Someday she’d
walk out of her house with a briefcase in hand, dressed in a smart gray
pinstripe suit with a silk blouse with her hair neatly twisted on top of her
head. Someday everyone would stop and stare and envy her. Someday everyone
would look at her with respect. Someday she’d figure out how to be better at
everything.
“Karen, are
you listening to me?”
Karen jerked
her head up and stared over at her husband, desperately trying to recall what
he had been saying. The words eluded her. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening.”
“There’s a
news flash,” her father snapped.
Ted sighed,
his impatience flowing over her like a shroud. “I asked you if you made any
dessert.”
“Oh, yes.”
Karen jumped to her feet, reaching for plates. “Strawberry cake. I’m sure it
will be delicious.” As soon as she said it, she knew she’d made a mistake.
Dread swamped her as Ted narrowed his eyes.
“When did you
have time to bake a cake?”
Swallowing
hard, Karen dropped her eyes. “I didn’t.”
“Then where
did it come from?”
“Rene dropped
it off,” she whispered.
“I didn’t hear
you. And surely if I did, I didn’t hear you correctly. Did you actually say
that you had that woman over here today? I thought we discussed this before. I
don’t want you falling into that woman’s clutches.”
“What woman is this?” Walter asked, looking from
Karen to Ted.
“She’s a
neighbor. And a pest. Always sticking her nose into other people’s business.
One of those women’s libbers, too. She took one look at Karen, saw a sweet
young woman, and decided to make it her life’s work to convert Karen to her way
of thinking.”
“Oh, no,”
Karen insisted. “She’s just really nice. And I didn’t invite her over; she just
dropped over with the cake and. . .”
“Like I said,”
Ted repeated firmly, “sticking her nose in where it isn’t wanted.”
“She’s just
out meeting people.” Karen looked over at her father, hoping he would help
diffuse Ted’s anger. “They just moved in. Her husband is the new pastor at. .
.”
“So she’s
trying to steal you away from your church.”
“No.” Karen sighed heavily, accepting defeat. “Of
course not.”
Ted waved his
hand through the air, cutting through the conversation like a sword, a clear
indication to Karen that the subject was to be dropped. For now. “Is the coffee
made yet?”
She stepped
back, eager to diffuse the tension. “I’ll put it on right away. It won’t take
long.”
“Oh, well.”
Ted frowned, pushing his chair back from the table. “We might as well wait in
the living room.”
Karen’s father
shot her a hot look as he followed Ted from the room. “You’d think she’d have
learned something from her momma. Now, there was a woman who understood and
appreciated what a man goes through. Always took good care of me. Had things
done and ready when I needed them.”
Karen tuned
her father out as she measured the coffee. Her mother had explained that a man
works hard all day and all a woman has to do is take care of the home and
children for him. It was her job, her God-given responsibility. Karen’s mother
died of cancer when Karen was seventeen, and it would seem most of those
lessons had died with her.