Abby Finds Her Calling (21 page)

Z
anna appeared sleepy-eyed but rested when she came to the table the next morning. As she stretched her lithe body and yawned, her pregnancy appeared more obvious—which meant the baby was growing like it should, at nineteen weeks.

“Thought you might snooze the day away,” Abby teased as she divided a steaming cheese omelet between their two plates. “But it’s gut you’re resting better. I was late enough getting back last night that I didn’t want to wake you.”

The blue eyes across the table widened. Zanna nibbled a corner of toast. “So how’d that go? I suppose those biddy hens thought I should have been there to—”

“Ach, now! They talked it out and got past pecking at each other. And you should, too.” Abby sat down at her place and bowed her head briefly. “Truth be told, Adah sends you her best. Come to find out, she’s feeling low about her boys leaving home. More so because Rudy doesn’t allow her to make contact with them.”

Zanna listened with her gaze fixed on her omelet. “Jonny told me his dat ordered him off the farm, last time he showed up. Rudy said any boy who’d smart off about honest farming and then go acting English, jumping the fence and driving a car, was no son of his.”

Abby’s eyebrows went up. She could well imagine Rudy Ropp making such a statement. “Can you understand how that made Adah feel?” she asked softly. “As if losing contact with her boys wasn’t bad enough, she told us she took her job at the Mennonite cheese store to help pay their bills. With the cost of feed going up—”

“So you’re taking her side now?”

Zanna’s wounded tone didn’t surprise Abby, and the question gave her the opening she’d hoped for. After she’d come home last night, she’d thought a lot about what had been said, and the bishop’s good-bye had stuck with her, as well.

It gets tricky out there on that dark road.

She studied Zanna’s face, pleased with how her cheeks were abloom today. Her kapp was fresh and her hair and dress looked clean and tidy. It wouldn’t be easy to break all the necessary news or to change her sister’s attitude, but Abby considered it her mission—her new calling—to see Zanna down this dark, tricky road to the light that came, like God’s grace, every morning.

“I’m not taking anybody’s side,” Abby replied with a shrug. “I’m just saying that none of us knows what sort of load another person’s carrying. In a lot of ways, you and Adah are alike.”

As she’d expected, Zanna looked at her in utter shock. “How can you compare me to that—”

“Well, we all know how Adah Ropp speaks her mind,” Abby began with a wry smile. “And when she’s got an idea, or something she wants done, there’s no telling her otherwise and just no stopping her. Ain’t so?”

“You’re saying these are her finer traits?”

Abby laughed and reached across the small table for Zanna’s hand. “You don’t see yourself in that description?” she asked with a grin. “There’s nothing wrong with determination and a can-do attitude, little sister. It’s something I’ve always admired about you, truth be told. Those are certainly traits any young mother needs.”

“Oh.” A grin flickered on Zanna’s lips.

“Adah breaks the mold by working over in Clearwater, too,”
Abby continued quietly. “She catches a lot of static about working away from home—and you know how
that
feels, when folks don’t approve of your decisions. And, like you, she latches onto more modern attitudes, yet she stays with her faith.” Abby paused, reflecting on how last night’s conversation had gone. “I had a better appreciation for Adah Ropp after I learned she tolerates so much criticism because her job away from home keeps the dairy—and her family—afloat.”

“So you don’t think working around the Mennonites cost her those two boys?” Zanna quizzed. “That’s what folks always blame their leaving on. But I’m saying Jonny and Gideon skedaddled out of Cedar Creek on account of their dat’s attitude. His meanness, mostly.”

Not wanting to comment—because this young lady had certainly accused her own dat and older brother of being too strict—Abby steered the conversation back to where it needed to go. “We all get notions about folks, and sometimes we have no idea about the way their lives really are,” she remarked carefully. She smiled at her sister, hoping her words would have the desired effect. “When I told them you refused to give up your baby because it’s no way to treat someone you love, it made them reconsider the Old Ways a bit. You have to remember that when they were your age—”

“A hundred years ago?”

“—girls had no choice in the matter,” Abby continued earnestly. “They got shipped off to distant kin, or a maidel aunt in another town took them in until the baby came, and by then the adoption was already set up. When the girl was as young as you are, the parents hoped to get her married off without anyone being the wiser about her past. Including her new husband.”

“That’s a pretty big secret to keep, isn’t it?” Zanna reflected aloud. “And… what of the baby, then? How’s a girl supposed to start fresh with a new husband without wondering every single day about the little one she gave away? That would
kill
me, Abby!”

Abby smiled at the love ablaze in her sister’s blue eyes, and prayed
it would guide Zanna down some very tricky dark roads. “I’m just reminding you how hard it is for the women hereabouts to accept the way you’re doing things—and I’m suggesting you appreciate Sam for not whisking you away, out of sight.”

Zanna chewed her toast, considering. “I told him I’d run off again if—”

“And we’ll have none of that.” Abby paused until her sister looked at her straight on. “But you know another way you’re like Adah Ropp? She admitted how lonely she was without her boys around.”

“But she’s got Becky and Maggie—”

“Sure she does. But losing your own flesh and blood after they’re nearly grown isn’t much different from acting like you never birthed them.” Abby let this idea soak in a bit. “What I’m saying is that Adah might warm up to being a grandmother if you’ll let her. It would be a gut thing for the both of you, and for the child, too.”

Zanna’s expression said it was time to move on; her sister was a good one for pulling down an invisible window shade between them when she didn’t want to hear difficult truths.

“So what else went on? Surely it didn’t take all night to hear about Adah Ropp.” Zanna glanced at Abby from the corner of her eye. “What did Beulah Mae and Eunice have to say? And James? I saw him bringing his folks over.”

Abby bit her lip to keep from praising strong, mature, compelling James Graber. She would sound like a lovestruck fool, no doubt. “He was concerned about you being so upset when you came out of the store, same as Sam was. James isn’t real happy, all things considered, but he’ll forgive you. If you ask.”

Again Zanna’s blue eyes widened. “We’ll see about that. What about his mamm and Beulah Mae?”

Abby knew a dodge when she heard one. “All three of them apologized and admitted their wrongdoing at the end of the discussion, rather than waiting for a preaching Sunday to confess.”

“I can see where they’d do that,” Zanna remarked, probably recalling
her own more public confession. “So now everybody’s righty-tighty? Gut to go?”

Abby held back a remark about Zanna’s irreverent attitude. “Sam asked what he and I could do to improve the situation, as well.”

“And?”

Zanna’s one-word response rang with a challenge. Abby knew better than to stall, so she replied as gently as she knew how. “We’re to keep you out of the store’s main room. Working here at the house might be best—”

“But haven’t I stayed out of the phone shanty? And stayed away from my friends?” she shot back. “And wasn’t I helping Sam, like folks said I should, instead of cleaning houses? Never mind that Phoebe and Gail and Ruthie work at Lois Yutzy’s shop instead of at Mamm’s greenhouse.”

“The very things I pointed out to them, jah.” Abby sighed, knowing how frustrated her sister must feel. “But when we ask, and the bishop answers—without declaring that we should make you disappear and give up your baby—it’s gut to go along with what he says.”

Zanna stood up. She went to the table in the front room to run her hand over the rag rug, which had finished out at nearly four feet long. The two shades of blue made a colorful contrast to the duller strips and brought out the brighter hues of the printed fabrics she’d worked in.

Abby cleared their dishes without saying anything more, letting her sister chew on Vernon Gingerich’s decision.

“So… have any more clothes landed in your donation box?” Zanna asked with a loud sigh. “Sounds like I might be making rugs all winter.”

“Lots of gals would enjoy having that option.” Abby knew all about that edge in Zanna’s voice: her sister hadn’t finished expressing herself.

Zanna threw the rug to the floor and stomped on it. She put her hands on her hips, looking like she’d bit into a lemon.

Then she relaxed… appeared to be contemplating her options in a more mature way. With a bare toe she stroked the rug she had made for Adah… focused on the royal blue fabric that had been her wedding gown. “What if I called Jonny to say his mamm wants to see him real bad? He had no hard feelings against her when he took off. It was his dat he couldn’t be in the same barn with.”

Abby sensed something fishy was going on, but she took the bait. “You know where he is?”

“Well, jah!” Zanna laughed as though the answer—her condition—should make that obvious. “I know his cell number, anyway.”

Abby kept her smile to herself. She prayed the Lord didn’t let her play the fool too long. Zanna knew exactly where Jonny Ropp hung his hat—if he wore one anymore.

“And why would you be calling him?” she quizzed her little sister. “Rudy’s told Adah she’s not to speak with those boys, so some folks might see your call as meddlesome, at best. Leading Adah into temptation, against her husband’s wishes.”

“It’s a sin for her son to come back and see her?” Zanna asked. “What if I set it up to surprise her? Or what if Jonny comes back without telling her first, so Rudy can’t say— Oh, forget it! This is insane!”

Zanna glared at her, exasperated. “Honestly, Abby, do all the Old Ways—the old rules—seem
right
to you? The Ordnung says we can welcome family members who haven’t yet joined the church—because they still might take their vows. Is it a crime to bring a family together again?”

It was a good question, and there was no satisfying answer. “Some folks think that when somebody jumps the fence rather than taking his vows, he’s forsaking his family as well as our faith. And along with that, the Bible says wives are to submit to their husbands.” Abby joined her sister in the front room, careful not to step on the new rug. “So if Adah goes against Rudy’s saying she can’t see the boys—”

“Oh, all right! So my calling Jonny has nothing to do with Rudy and Adah, or rules and regulations, or—” Zanna turned away. Her fists clenched and unclenched at her sides.

“Maybe I just want to hear his voice again. Maybe I can’t stay mad at him because—because I
miss
him, Abby,” Zanna wailed. “You don’t know how
awful
it feels, to love somebody when it’ll never work out. Not just because of all these stupid rules, but because… well, he doesn’t have a
clue
. Jonny has no idea how much I love him.” Her voice had trailed off to nearly nothing. Zanna hung her head and let her tears plop onto the rag rug.

Abby clenched her eyes shut. Oh, but she knew
exactly
how awful it felt to love someone who didn’t know about or return that love! Once again, however, she set aside her feelings for James. Zanna had just made several revealing statements that needed to be clarified while it was just the two of them talking.

“Are you sure it’s not your loneliness speaking, rather than love?” she asked gently. “It’s not your way to isolate yourself, and you’ve been so gut about not running with your buddies.”

“Not by choice, exactly.” Zanna shrugged forlornly. “Last I heard, the Coblentz twins were forbidden to come to the store, and their folks took their cell phone.” Her eyes misted over. “Lots of the other girls are helping their mamms… probably being told to stay away from me. Like I’d be a bad influence.”

Abby sighed along with her sister. This was all part and parcel of shunning. Although folks were encouraged to visit a member under the ban to show their support, it was difficult for teenage girls to show that support, and difficult for the girl being shunned to lose contact with her friends. “So,” Abby began, hoping the right ideas would come to her, “now that you’ve told James why you can’t marry him—”

“This isn’t about James.” Zanna sniffled loudly, shaking her head. “Oh, I tried to love him, Abby. He’s a gut man, like all of you say, but he’s too old for me. And I finally figured out I was making everybody happy about that marriage except for me.”

Her blue eyes, full of tears, tugged at Abby’s heartstrings. Anything she said, as a maidel, would hit Zanna the wrong way, so she kept quiet. Instead, Abby opened her arms and hugged her sister close, like they did far too seldom these days. Zanna swayed with her, sniffling against her shoulder, soaking in the warmth they both needed right then.

“Oh, Abby, what should I do?” Zanna sobbed. “When I ran into James coming out of the store—when I saw the pain in those brown eyes, and knew I put it there—it hurt so bad I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t call off the wedding to spite him, you know. Truth is, I’d been seeing Jonny Ropp for a long while.”

“Jah, we figured you’d been slipping out with him before your rumspringa, even though Dat said you were too young,” Abby replied. Most young folks kept their courting a secret, and most parents went along with this Plain tradition, but Zanna hadn’t always been quiet enough when she came home from her dates with Jonny.

“Oh, jah. We were sweet on each other all through school, too. He’s like nobody else I’ve ever met. Jonny makes me laugh—at myself, even. He has a gentleness about him even if everybody’s always figured him for a troublemaker, but when he asked if I’d jump the fence to live with him, I couldn’t do it. I just wanted to see him one last time, and… I didn’t tell him I was engaged to James.”