Abbie's Gift (29 page)

She sat sipping a mug of tea and for the first time in many weeks, all was content with her, her entire life felt like it was in the correct place. All the necessary legalities regarding her finances, her monies, property and insurances were now taken care by her last will and testament.

Her relationships with her mum and her best friend were now better than they had been in a long time.

Abbie knew all she had to do was choose a time to depart her life. There was now no reason to stay here on Earth anymore.  Then suddenly she remembered: it
was
all complete apart from one final thing that she had to do, run up that hill.

So Abbie decided, in a very calm and matter-of-fact way, that tomorrow would be her last full day on Earth, and that she would make it a very good day indeed.

She called her mum and Kate and said that she wanted them to come for tea the next day, and they both readily agreed.

Abbie decided that tomorrow she would have a long run in the morning, then she, her mum and Kate would have a meal and some wine together in the evening. The next morning she would run the hill for the final time, as she now knew that it was within her capability, it would happen.

Then after that, in the afternoon, she would depart her earth-bound life and join Peter forever. For Abbie, life recently had been hard, onerous and cruel, but she knew that she’d found her own, unexpected way through it all. Her future was planned and complete.

That evening as she lay in bed, there was no doubt in her mind that she was on the right path, so she focused on her breathing and on leaving her body, and she immediately re-entered the wonderment of the astral plain.

The next morning Abbie felt ready for a long run: her mind wanted it, and she felt that she needed to physically as her limbs felt that they’d recovered from her recent physical efforts on holiday. She was also aware that it was both the isolation and the solitude that she’d enjoyed when running. All that space she felt was good for her mind as well as her body, and she wanted to start today that way again.

Abbie ate some porridge to warm her before she drove to the country park early in the morning; the sun was not quite up yet, and the air was cold and fresh, the sky becoming lighter with each passing minute. There was a visible frost on the ground, and the grass crunched under her feet.

She set off down the flat path that she had run several times before, her breath rising in the chilly morning air, but she was warm enough, wrapped up well against the elements. By now the sky had changed from grey to blue with a hint of redness glowing towards her from the horizon.

This morning Abbie found herself not really focusing on her running at all but on all the natural elements around her. Her mind today seemed to drink in the natural wonders, and notice them in a way she never had before: she saw the trees and the way they stood tall and proud on the landscape, despite being bare of leaves for the winter, the frost heavy on the branches. She saw a small pond that was frozen over, and the way the tall grasses stood on the bank captured her attention, so thin and brittle-looking, yet strong and upright. It was as if she’d never seen the wonders of a winter nature scene before, as if she’d never seen anything so beautiful like this, ever. A robin perched on a nearby fence post, his red breast giving his identity away. All the brightness and freshness of each hue appeared magnified tenfold. Abbie was amazed, and she relished every moment.  A hare darted from the bottom of some shrubs and ran across the path in front of her; it ran and disappeared down a frost-strewn grassy bank.

Abbie looked all around her as she ran, even for a time jogging backwards so she could see the frost hanging heavy in the trees behind her. She was alone in this winter wilderness, probably the only person mad enough to venture out in this cold, she thought. As she ran she found herself enjoying every step, and she felt no physical discomfort at all; rather, it invigorated her, and made her feel alive. She continued to run for some time, even beyond the point where she had previously turned around and run back to the car park. Her stamina was much improved, and she had lost all sense of time and distance, but then again it didn’t matter to her at all today. Her time was all hers.

The path slowly inclined, and Abbie quickened and lengthened her pace, she felt strong and agile. Tomorrow she would run the hill for the last time.

Later that morning at home Abbie stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom after her shower. Feeling refreshed, she looked at her body and acknowledged her overall slimness and toned firmness. She felt pleased with what her dedication over recent weeks had achieved; she knew that she was both slimmer and fitter than ever, and this gave her a newfound self-confidence in achieving what lay ahead.

After eating scrambled eggs on toast, Abbie went shopping to the supermarket for the evening meal.  Not sure what to buy she pondered as she wandered the food aisles but couldn’t decide; she wanted to please both her mum and Kate equally. Then, a light-bulb moment: Chinese!  They both loved it and, best of all, she could order it from the local restaurant.

She chose three bottles of wine, taking time over her choices and she selected also a large American-style cheesecake that she knew both Kate and her mum loved.

Whilst in the checkout queue she was aware of an elderly woman watching her from the other queue; she looked familiar but Abbie couldn’t place her. She felt that there was no avoiding this woman speaking to her, as by the time she’d packed her shopping bag, the woman was obviously waiting for her.

Abbie felt the woman’s eyes fixed on her, and she was quite uncomfortable at this unwanted attention.

She felt a sudden surge of heat rise through her body and to the top of her head and was aware of her heart beat increasing, and she felt a surge of adrenaline power around her body. She realised she hadn’t been in this particular shop since the first time this feeling had happened, so she took a deep breath and focused herself, thinking
no, no fainting, not here, control it
. She breathed deeply and suddenly felt that was back in control.

Abbie turned to go and the elderly woman approached her, looking unsure.

“Hello Abbie” she said.

“Hello”

“You’re probably wondering who I am but don’t worry, I’m friendly!  I’ve not really met you before but I used to bump into Peter quite regularly when I was walking my dog and he was running. I live a few houses down from yours on the other side of the road.”

“Oh I see, hello” Abbie didn’t know what else to say.

“I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for what happened to him and to you”. The woman’s eyes glazed over and Abbie thought she was going to cry.

“Thank you”, said Abbie, “that means a lot to me. I’ve been running a lot lately too”

The elderly lady smiled, “Have you? I’m surprised that I haven’t seen you. I know it can’t be easy for you at all. If you ever want to pop in for a cup of tea and a chat you’re most welcome, I’m Catherine, by the way”.

“Catherine, that’s very nice of you, thank you, I might take you up on your offer.  I’ll see you around”

As she walked away, Abbie again felt guilty for misleading this woman who only wanted to be nice, offering her condolences. I don’t need or want ‘nice’ she thought as she left the shop. She realised that, although this woman lived only a few yards from her house, she didn’t know her, had never seen her nor would she have given her a second glance.  So typical of our neighbourhoods, she thought.

Back at the house, Abbie found the Chinese menu and decided that she would order all their favourites; if she telephoned about half an hour before they were due to arrive the timing would be ideal.

She tidied the dining room and set the table using her finest cutlery and napkins, the ones she had kept for special occasions. She prepared the dishes she would use and got everything ready. She then went round the rest of the house making sure everything was in its right place, all the washing and ironing done and put away.

By mid-afternoon Abbie felt quite tired and decided to go upstairs for a nap. She set her alarm clock for 90 minutes as she knew that, if she didn’t, this would be certain to be the one day she’d oversleep, when she needed to be up getting things ready.  She climbed between the covers and closed her eyes.

Abbie didn’t know if she’d fallen asleep immediately and then woken with a start, but it was as though everything she’d experienced over the past weeks had rapidly played through her mind like a video on fast-forward. She suddenly seemed to remember every detail and every drop of emotional pain, and this hurt her so much, it was so fresh and so real, and as if, in that instant, she had lost Peter all over again for the first time. The emotional wounds that she thought had been healing had been forced open. She turned over, put her face in the pillow, and cried uncontrollably.

Later on as the daylight began to fade, Abbie awoke again, realising she’d been asleep and that the pain she previously felt was now gone.

Abbie sat up feeling refreshed, but knew deep down that she never wanted another reminder of the pain of grief and loss. She knew in life that it could happen from time to time, and for that reason alone leaving her life behind to be free from such physical and emotional pain was the right thing to do. More importantly, it had the benefit of letting her be with Peter forever.

Abbie’s mind felt light and free from the shackles that bound her to her earthly life. As she dressed for the evening, she didn’t wish to draw attention to herself so put on smart but comfortable clothes, and a dab of Peter’s favourite perfume.

She looked out of the window and noticed the sun was going down at the end of the day; the sky again had a red-orange glow that seemed to penetrate the gloom of the autumn night.

Tomorrow morning will be bright and fine, she thought to herself, not long now my love. 

She paused as she left the bedroom, and smelt his dressing gown on the back of the door; she held the fabric to her face and his presence was overwhelming.

“Soon” she said.

                            ………………………………………………………………

At the allotted time, Abbie telephoned the restaurant and ordered the food for delivery, aware she was over-ordering but that didn’t matter. She warmed dishes in the oven; she knew that Kate was always a bit late. She lit a few lamps and scented candles, and a delicate rose fragrance filled the room.

She put on the radio and tuned it to the jazz channel, and immediately the room became a haven of peaceful and melancholic blues sounds.

Abbie took a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and poured herself a glass. She took a refreshing mouthful as she realised she only had to play this part of the good daughter and friend for a few hours more, then it was all done.

At 7.20 pm the food arrived. Abbie got rid of all the packaging, and then arranged the food on plates in the oven.  A little after 7.40 pm the doorbell rang to announce the arrival of Rose and Kate. To Abbie, Rose looked radiant, so healthy and alive despite her advancing years; Kate too seemed to glow, her complexion bright and clear.

Abbie readily admitted to them that they were not to be punished this evening by having to eat her any of her culinary creations, and a teasing cheer went up when they were told it was Chinese.

They all agreed the meal looked fabulous, enough food to feed an army: soup and prawn crackers, crispy duck with pancakes, followed by all their favourites. They paused between courses, enjoying their conversation and wine.

The pause until the pudding was even longer as all three of them were well- fed by this point.  They were all happy in their closeness this evening and with the topics of conversation, no difficulties or awkwardness at all. Abbie was content with the evening and how it had worked out, spending this time with the two most important people in her life, the two who had so lovingly and willingly helped her through her darkest hours.

By 11 pm Rose was yawning, and admitted that she was ready for bed. Abbie called for a taxi and, although she had enjoyed this time, she was in many ways glad it was now over as she wanted space.  She had eaten well and enjoyed a few glasses of wine, not as much as her guests however, she wanted to be sober.

At the door once the taxi had arrived, hugs and kisses were exchanged amid promises of doing this again soon. Abbie looked at them both, and with her emotions fully in check she paused and simply said,

“Thank you both for all you’ve done to help me these past weeks, I will forever be grateful”. It was obvious to her that both Rose and Kate were of the same mind, that this had been an unofficial ‘thank you’ dinner, and she was glad of that.  It was best that they had no idea it was goodbye.

Once the house was empty of guests, Abbie closed her eyes standing in the dining room, and felt and breathed in the silence; it comforted her.