Abba's Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging (18 page)

Second, we realize that we are not alone on the Yellow Brick Road. Traffic is heavy. Fellow travelers are everywhere. It isn’t just me and Jesus anymore. The road is dotted with the moral and the immoral, the beautiful and the grungy, friends and enemies, people who help us and those who hinder us, bank guards and bank robbers
 
—human beings of bewildering complexity and diversity. And the Rabbi’s word, of course, is to love each person along the way. What we do to them, we do to Him.

We have known this all along.

Early on in Sunday school or catechism class, we learned the Golden Rule: “Always treat others as you would like them to treat you” (Matthew 7:12). Yet our melancholy marriages, dysfunctional families, splintered churches, and loveless neighborhoods indicate that we have not learned well.

“Learning by heart” is another matter entirely. The rhythm of relentless tenderness in the Rabbi’s heart makes loving terribly personal, terribly immediate, and terribly urgent. He says, “I give you a new commandment; it is My commandment; it is
all
I command you: Love one another as I have loved you.” Only compassion and forgiveness count. Love is the key to everything. Living and loving are one.

Heart speaks to heart. The Rabbi implores, “Don’t you understand that discipleship is not about being right or being perfect or being efficient? It’s all about the way you live with each other.” In every encounter we either give life or we drain it. There is no neutral exchange. We enhance human dignity, or we diminish it. The success or failure of a given day is measured by the quality of our interest and compassion toward those around us. We define ourselves by our response to human need. The question is not how we feel about our neighbor but what we have done for him or her. We reveal our heart in the way we listen to a
child, speak to the person who delivers mail, bear an injury, and share our resources with the indigent.

An old anecdote is told about a farm boy whose one skill was finding lost donkeys. When asked how he did this, he answered, “I just figured out where I would go if I were a jackass, and there it was.” Turning this in a more positive direction, listening to the Rabbi’s heartbeat, the disciple hears where Jesus would be in any given situation, and there He is.

Third, when we recline at the table with Jesus, we will learn that the recovery of passion is intimately connected with the discovery of the passion of Jesus.

An extraordinary transaction takes place between Jesus and Peter on the Tiberias shore. The most plaintive words ever spoken take the form of a heart-stopping question: “Do you love Me?” (John 21:15) As we lay aside our fuzzy distractions and actively listen, we hear the suffering cry of a
God never heard of before
. What is going on here? No deity of any world religion has ever condescended to inquire how we feel about that god. The pagan gods fired thunderbolts to remind peons who was in charge. The Rabbi in whom infinity dwells asks if we care about Him. The Jesus who died a bloody, God-forsaken death that we might live, is asking if we love Him!

The etymological root of
passion
is the Latin verb
passere
, “to suffer.” The passion of Jesus in His dialogue with Peter is “the voluntary laying oneself open to another and allowing oneself to be intimately
affected by
him; that is to say, the suffering of passionate love.”
[19]

The vulnerability of God in permitting Himself to be affected by our response, the heartbreak of Jesus as He wept over Jerusalem for not receiving Him, are utterly astounding. Christianity consists primarily not in what we do for God but in what God does for us
 
—the great, wondrous things that God dreamed up and achieved for us in Christ Jesus. When God comes streaming into our lives in the power of His Word, all He asks is that we be stunned and surprised, let our mouths hang open, and begin to breathe deeply.

The recovery of passion is intimately connected with astonishment. We are swept up by the overwhelming force of mystery. Self-consciousness evaporates in the presence of what Rudolf Otto called “mysterium tremendum.” The transcendent God overtakes us and overcomes us. Such an experience may wash over our consciousness like a gentle tide saturating the mind and heart in a tranquil spirit of profound adoration. Awe, wonder, and amazement induce speechless humility. We have a brief glimpse of the God we never dreamed existed.

Or we may be hammered by what the Hebrew tradition calls the
kabod Yahweh
 
—the crushing majesty of God. A deep, chilling stillness invades the inner sanctum of the soul. The awareness dawns that God is totally Other. The gulf between Creator and creature is unbridgeable. We are specks of sand on a beach of infinite expanse. We are in the magisterial presence of God. Stripped of our credentials of independence, our executive swagger disappears. Living in the wisdom of accepted tenderness is no longer adequate. God’s name is Mercy.

Faith stirs, and our fear and trembling find their voices once more. In worship we move into the tremendous poverty that is the adoration of God. We have moved from the Upper Room, where John laid his head on the breast of Jesus, to the book of Revelation, where the beloved disciple fell prostrate before the Lamb of God.

Wise men and women have long held that happiness lies in being yourself without inhibitions. Let the Great Rabbi hold you silently against His heart. In learning who He is, you will find out who you are: Abba’s child in Christ our Lord.

Internalizing the Book: Guide for Group Study

THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO
read a book, and I have used both. The first way is an external reading in order to gather information that I will employ as an aid to write a sermon, to lead a discussion, to quote in a book I am writing, to support my position in a debate, or to determine whether this particular book would be helpful to a seeker or a struggling friend.

The second way is an internal reading in order to experience the content and to personalize the God described within its pages. This approach requires that I read slowly, frequently pause to meditate on the paragraph or page just read, and sometimes read the entire book a second time. I seek transformation more than information, and the time devoted to the task is soaked in prayer.

I have learned through personal experience that sharing insights and reflections with a small group in a prayerful setting is an invaluable help. When circumstances do not allow for such a gathering, the Holy Spirit will not leave you an orphan. In the absence of a small group, I do encourage journaling, as this practice helps you see your own thoughts. Trust me, it helps. You’ll notice there is only one question/thought for each chapter. This is intentional; one question, thoroughly wrestled with, is sufficient
 
—maybe even more than sufficient. Thus, I present the following guide for group or individual use.

Chapter One
 
—Come Out of Hiding

Begin with three minutes of silent prayer, becoming aware in faith of the Indwelling Presence and humbly asking the Spirit to speak to your heart through Scripture, personal reflection, and the insights of others.

Let one from the group read aloud Romans 7:14-25. Then focus on the following questions for personal reflection and group interaction.

• We’ve all experienced personal failure, and chances are good afterward we’ve all beaten ourselves up with words like
  jerk
  ,
  stupid
  ,
  hypocrite
  ,
  loser
  , and
  I’m so ashamed I’d like to crawl in a hole
  . The temptation in those moments is to then project our own feelings onto God, assuming that He feels the same way about us.
  

  Reflect on an experience when low self-esteem and self-rejection really did a number on your relationship with Jesus. How did you come out of that? Was it a long or short process? How did you handle it the next time an experience like that came along
   
  —because it did, didn’t it?
  

Chapter Two
 
—The Impostor

Begin with three minutes of silent prayer, becoming aware in faith of the Indwelling Presence and humbly asking the Spirit to speak to your heart through Scripture, personal reflection, and the insights of others.

Let one from the group read aloud Mark 8:34-36. Then focus on the following questions for personal reflection and group interaction.

• Describe in some detail the two most prominent disguises your impostor has worn in recent years. What manifestation of the false self are you coping with at the present moment? Self-acceptance goes a-begging until the impostor is acknowledged and accepted. What is denied cannot be healed. Have you embraced your false self,
  introduced him/her to Jesus, and observed the little rascal beginning to shrink? If not, why not? Have you tagged him/her with a nickname? As to that last question, if not, do that today
   
  —give him/her a nickname, for in naming the beast you take away some of its power.
  

Chapter Three
 
—The Beloved

Begin with three minutes of silent prayer, becoming aware in faith of the Indwelling Presence and humbly asking the Spirit to speak to your heart through Scripture, personal reflection, and the insights of others.

Let one from the group read aloud John 17:23, 26. Then focus on the following meditation and questions for personal reflection and group interaction.

• Jesus prayed to Abba thus: “I have made your name known to them and will continue to make it known, so that the love with which you loved me may be in them” (John 17:26) Does it seem outrageous and incredible
   
  —even blasphemous
   
  —that Abba loves you just as much as He loves Jesus? But that is precisely what this Bible passage says. I love some people more than others; for example, I love Binky 90 percent, Winky 50 percent, and Stinky 20 percent. Abba cannot do that. If we think that Abba measures His love based on our achievements, we are thinking not of Abba but of ourselves. We
  have
  love. God
  is
  love. His love is not a dimension of Himself: It is His whole self. Even a vague intuition of this truth allows us to see the impossibility of Abba loving Jesus 100 percent, Mother Teresa 70 percent, and you 10 percent. If He could, Abba would not be God.
  

  Right now, in this moment, what “percent” do you believe Abba loves you? There’s no value in fudging here
   
  —be honest. What might it take for you to begin defining yourself radically as Abba’s beloved child
   
  —100 percent? Are you even sure that’s possible? If not, why not?
  

Chapter Four
 
—Abba’s Child

Begin with three minutes of silent prayer, becoming aware in faith of the Indwelling Presence and humbly asking the Spirit to speak to your heart through Scripture, personal reflection, and the insights of others.

Let one from the group read aloud Matthew 12:17-21 and Galatians 5:6. Then focus on the following questions for personal reflection and group interaction.

• The truest test of our faith is how we live with each other day by day. Do I give life to others, or do I drain life from others through my negativity? In my relationships, do I leave a person feeling a little better or a little worse? Am I in the habit of offering to others what they need most for their lives
   
  —a word of encouragement? Let each person in the group share one experience of depriving a person and one experience of affirming a person, and then one experience of being deprived and one of being affirmed.
  

Chapter Five
 
—The Pharisee and the Child

Begin with three minutes of silent prayer, becoming aware in faith of the Indwelling Presence and humbly asking the Spirit to speak to your heart through Scripture, personal reflection, and the insights of others.

Let one from the group read aloud Matthew 18:1-4. Then focus on the following meditation and questions for personal reflection and group interaction.

• How long does a child hold a grudge, nurture a bitter memory, carry resentment, or harbor hatred in his/her heart? One afternoon while jogging, I saw two seven-year-olds get into a fight. Being a true instrument of peace, I ducked into a doorway to
  watch the outcome. The heavier boy soon mastered the skinny kid, pinned his wrists to the ground, and asked, “Give up?” The vanquished surrendered. A minute later, while dusting off their pants, the victor said, “Wanna piece of my bubble gum?” The vanquished said, “Yeah,” and they went off down the street arm in arm.
  

  Trusting that what is said in the group stays in the group, share with complete candor your struggles with resentments, anger, hardheartedness, and unforgiveness. Be as specific as you can
   
  —vagueness is not helpful in this exercise. Yes, it is possible this may involve someone in your small group. Now ask the group to pray over you for the grace to forgive yourself and anyone who has wounded you.
  

Chapter Six
 
—Present Risenness

Begin with three minutes of silent prayer, becoming aware in faith of the Indwelling Presence and humbly asking the Spirit to speak to your heart through Scripture, personal reflection, and the insights of others.

Let one from the group read aloud John 15:1-5. Then focus on the following meditation and questions for personal reflection and group interaction.

• The great Southern writer Eudora Welty once explained the
  raison d’etre
  of her short stories and novels: “My wish, my continuing passion, would be not to point the finger in judgment but to part a curtain, that invisible shadow that falls between people, the veil of indifference to each other’s presence, each other’s wonder, each other’s human plight.” The veil of indifference to the present risenness of Jesus among many Christians is a bewildering mystery. “These people, living on borrowed emotions, stumbling through
  the corridors of time like shipboard drunks . . . never taste life deeply enough to be either saints or sinners.”
  [1]
  

  Describe from personal experience your daily efforts to stay centered, to overcome busyness and self-absorption in order to remain aware of the risen Christ abiding within you. What does it look like
   
  —are there actual physical disciplines you practice? What does it sound like
   
  —is there self-talk going on? Do you listen to music? And what does it feel like
   
  —is there a sense of gratitude, or duty, or what?
  

Chapter Seven
 
—The Recovery of Passion

Begin with three minutes of silent prayer, becoming aware in faith of the Indwelling Presence and humbly asking the Spirit to speak to your heart through Scripture, personal reflection, and the insights of others.

Let one from the group read aloud John 13:23-25. Then focus on the following meditation and questions for personal reflection and group interaction.

• The story of the old man who, as he lay dying, rested his head on the empty chair has been preached by pastors in little congregations of sixty members, by a youth pastor to a crowd of teenagers at a music festival at Wembley Stadium in London, and by Bill Hybels to his twenty thousand–plus community in Willow Creek, Illinois; it has been quoted, rewritten, retold, and embellished in tiny hamlets and large cities.
  

  What stirs within you when you read this story? Does it express the cry in your heart for intimate belonging? Does it embarrass you? Or do you have some other reaction to it? One of the cardinal rules of prayer is this: Pray as you can; don’t pray as you can’t. Share with the group the kind of praying you are most comfortable with. Remember the only way to fail in prayer is not to show up.
  

Chapter Eight
 
—Fortitude and Fantasy

Begin with three minutes of silent prayer, becoming aware in faith of the Indwelling Presence and humbly asking the Spirit to speak to your heart through Scripture, personal reflection, and the insights of others.

Let one from the group read aloud Matthew 14:22-23. Since there are a number of themes in this chapter, such as authority and service, the poverty of uniqueness, being and doing, and so forth, the group may decide to ignore the following questions and to focus on issues more immediate and relevant to your life situations.

• Lacking a lively awareness of my core identity as Abba’s child, it is relatively easy to become enslaved to the approval and disapproval of others. Jesus reproved the Pharisees for looking to one another for approval. Share with the group the snares and pitfalls you have experienced recently
   
  —flattery of peers, people pleasing, name-dropping, manipulation, excessive friendliness
   
  —in order to gain the esteem of others.
  

  Next, give an example or two of the occasions when you refused to be intimidated and spoke the truth in your heart, fully aware that you would incur the wrath or disfavor of significant others. How did it go? As you expected? Different than you expected? How did you feel several days after that courageous moment?
  

Chapter Nine
 
—The Rabbi’s Heartbeat

Begin with three minutes of silent prayer, becoming aware in faith of the Indwelling Presence and humbly asking the Spirit to speak to your heart through Scripture, personal reflection, and the insights of others.

Let one from the group read aloud John 14:23, John 15:4, and 1 Corinthians 6:19. Then focus on the following meditation and questions for personal reflection and group interaction.

• Yo-Yo Ma, acclaimed as the greatest classical cellist of our era, was told by his mentor at age nineteen, “You have not yet found your sound.” Yo-Yo (his name in Chinese means “friend”) was stunned. His technical genius was unrivaled at the time; it was simply incomprehensible that he still had not found his own unique sound. “It will take at least ten years,” said his mentor. Eleven years later, after learning love and generosity through marriage and having children and holding conversations in his mind with dead classical composers, Yo-Yo at last found his sound.
  

  After reading the manuscript for my fifth book,
  A Stranger to Self-Hatred
  , my first publisher, Tom Coffey, said, “I believe you have found your voice.” After reading this book, share your final reflections. Have you found your sound, your voice, your true self? Has
  Abba’s Child
  reinforced an identity you have already claimed? Do you believe in the depths of your bones that your Abba is very fond of you? Because He is, you know. And how will your awareness of your belovedness affect your relations with family, friends, and strangers? Because He is very fond of them as well.
  

If you experienced this book with a small group, I suggest concluding your final meeting time with a party. Eat, drink, and be as merry, as is fitting for those whom Abba loves! Why? Children just love parties. And if you experienced this book by yourself, then treat yourself in some special way. I heartily recommend ice cream!