Abandoned Memories (13 page)

Swerving around, her skirts flinging about her legs, she gave him a tight smile. “I
am
looking at you. I’m just busy at the moment, Doctor.” Her voice sounded stilted. She turned and continued to slice the wild onions, mushrooms, and herbs Thiago had found to add flavor to the rice. Rain tapped a baritone cadence on the thatched roof and formed puddles in the dirt across the town square. The deluge had not lessened since it began last night.

“I’ve been searching for you all day.” James shook his arms, sending droplets through the air. “Are you feeling well?”

“Well enough, thank you.” She continued her work. Wisps of hair, stirred by a breeze, danced over her neck while the musky scent of moist jungle filled his nose.

“I was sorry to hear you were ill last night. I so longed for our stroll on the beach.” He took a step toward her and swiped a hand through his wet hair. The rain had kept the colonists in their huts most of the day, save a few hardy souls who scavenged the jungle for food. And James, who had scavenged the town for Angeline. He had searched every hut, looked in the frame that would become the barn, hunted through the burnt mill, ventured over to the beginnings of the Scotts’ house, but Angeline was nowhere to be found. Until a few moments ago when a flash of blue skirts and red hair sent his heart racing and his legs darting to the meeting shelter.

Still, she said nothing. Thunder grumbled, shaking the roof and loosening a few raindrops onto the table.

He dared another step closer. The fire swamped him in smoke. Coughing, he blinked the sting from his eyes and touched her arm, staying the knife in her hand. “What is wrong, Angeline?”

A tremble passed through her. She drew in a shaky breath and stiffened her jaw, still avoiding his gaze. “I’m helping prepare supper.”

“I didn’t ask what you were doing.” Voices sounded in the distance. He leaned toward her. “Why are you treating me like I have the plague? Did I do something to offend you?” Though he couldn’t imagine what. Tabitha came to mind, and sudden terror flooded him. Had she appeared to Angeline? Had she told her what he’d done?

Violet eyes, brewing with turmoil, lifted to his. But there, he saw it—a speck of affection hid beneath the angst. Or was he only hoping? She opened her mouth to say something…

“There you both are.” Eliza darted beneath the frond roof, removed the cloak from her head and shook out the water. “Thank you for starting the rice, Angeline. That’s just what I was coming to do.”

Other feminine voices rode on the wind accompanied by the splash of boots in mud.

Releasing Angeline, James stepped away.
Confound it all!

Lifting her skirts, Magnolia ducked beneath the roof. “Now look at my gown.” She slapped at the mud clinging to her hem while Mrs. Jenkins, Sarah, and a few other women joined them. “When is this rain going to stop? I feel like a waterlogged goose.”

Eliza chuckled. “Surely it can’t last much longer.” Shoving a wet strand of hair behind her ear, she leaned to inspect Angeline’s work. “Would you believe Blake is still sleeping? One day of rain and he’s as lazy as a sloth.” She smiled and glanced up, but instantly frowned, no doubt at the tension strung tight between James and Angeline. Tension that threatened to eat away at his gut if it wasn’t resolved soon.

Slapping her hands together, Eliza skirted the table, mumbling something about helping skin the fish.

Taking Angeline’s elbow, James turned her to face him. “A word, please?”

“I have work to do.” She glanced over her shoulder at the ladies chattering and donning aprons. “Besides, people will hear.”

“Then whisper.” He leaned toward her ear. “Why are you angry?” She smelled of rain and coconut and sweet onions, and he longed to see her smile at him again. Lightning flashed and the droplets pounded even harder, splattering mud onto the raised bamboo floor.

“I’m not. We’ll talk later.” She tugged from him and started to go but not before he saw tears mist her eyes.

He pulled her back. “I’m not letting you go until you tell me what has you so upset. If someone has hurt you…” If so, he’d forget he was a preacher and pummel them into dust.

She jerked from his grasp. “You can’t always rescue me, James.” Anger burned in her eyes…anger and something else. Despair? “Sometimes you just have to let go.”

“What does that mean?” A sudden chill bit through his wet shirt.

She swallowed and stared off into the jungle, where rain streamed off the tip of a giant banana leaf like a spigot. A drop squeezed through the roof and landed on her forehead. James reached to wipe it, but she swatted him away. Thunder bellowed. “It means let me go, James. Let
us
go.”

The words felt like barbed spikes as they passed over her tongue. Sharp spikes that stung her lips, her ears. And her heart. James stepped backward into the rain. Water cascaded down his face, blurring his expression of shock and agony and beading in his lashes that hung limp over pain-filled eyes. She wanted to take it all back, retract every word, and lose herself in his arms forever.

But she couldn’t.

Rain slicked his hair and dripped from the curled tips to his collar. His wet shirt clung to every line and muscle in his chest. Still he stared at her. “I don’t understand. I thought…I thought we cared for each other.”

Blood pooled in her head. Behind her, the women’s voices grew muted and distant. “We do care.” She forced a smile. She would give him that much. A friendship to cherish.

Lightning flashed a deathly gray over him, enhancing the benumbed look on his face. Flattening his lips, he nodded then turned and walked away.

Taking her heart with him.

Impulsively, she sped after him, tears joining the rain on her cheeks.

He must have heard her for he stopped and faced her, confusion bending his brow.

She must be strong. If she stayed away from him, if she pretended not to care, Dodd would have no leverage over her. Then perhaps she wouldn’t have to give herself to the lecherous swine. She wouldn’t have to go back to her old way of life. And James would be spared the pain of discovering the truth. Even if Dodd eventually told him, it was better to break James’s heart now than crush it later after they entered a doomed courtship. Either way, things must end between them.

But she could tell him none of this.

Instead they stood, rain sheeting between them, water dripping off their chins and lashes.

“I’m sorry,” she finally said. Then fisting her hands, she forced herself to turn and walk away. Tears came as hard as the rain.

Dreams were not meant for her—not for little girls who had become harlots.

Distant groans wove their way through the slumberous maze in Hayden’s mind.
Tap, tap, tap
, just like the thrum of incessant rain on the roof of his hut—the thrum he’d become so accustomed to these past three days, it actually helped him fall asleep. That and the feel of his wife cradled in his arms. The last thought brought a smile to his lips while another whimper finally burst through his mind, jerking him awake.

Magnolia thrashed beside him. “No. Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me!”

Leaning on his elbow, he drew her trembling body close. “Princess, wake up. You’re dreaming.” He shook her gently then kissed her forehead. With a moan, her eyes popped open, her chest heaving against his. Releasing a breath, she flung her arms around him.

“Hayden, it was such a terrible nightmare.” Her voice quivering, she clung to him as if he were a lifeline in a storm.

“I was all alone in a tiny boat at sea.”

Nudging her onto the pillow, he brushed hair from her face and planted a kiss on her nose. “Shhh, it’s all right now. Only a dream.”

“It was so real, Hayden. I was old. All wrinkled and gray-haired and feeble. And I had no oars.” Tears dampened his fingers as he caressed her cheeks. “You and all our friends were leaving me…sailing away on a big ship, and I had no way to get to you.”

He cupped her face in his hands. “It’s the enemy feeding on your fears of being old and useless, you know that.”

She nodded as another tear spilled from her eye. Hayden kissed it away before it slid into her hair then drew her close again. If only he could kiss away all her fears, all her pain as easily. “Do you know how beautiful you are? Both inside and out?” Did she really know? Had Hayden been able to convey to her just how much she meant to him? How precious she was?

He felt her relax as she squirmed closer.

“Magnolia, you are useful to everyone in this town. You are kind and cheerful, and you make us all laugh. Besides that, Eliza finds your help in the clinic invaluable.”

“You are right.” Joy returned to her voice. “God
has
given me purpose. And He has shown me what true beauty is.” Turning on her side, she curled her back against him, erasing all slumber from his body and stirring it to life.

He ran fingers through her hair. “I love you, Magnolia. More than life itself,” he whispered in her ear, his passion rising.

“And I you,” she mumbled, her voice trailing off.

Hayden caressed her arm, brushing fingers over her soft skin, and thanked God yet again for giving him such a wonderful wife. Yet when he lowered his lips to hers, only the deep breaths of sleep responded to his kiss.

Smiling, he laid back on the pillow with a sigh, willing his body to relax. Another time. She needed her rest. She’d had so many nightmares lately. Hayden’s own visions had increased as well. In fact, each day a parade of people he’d swindled in the past accompanied him wherever he went, showering him with either looks of hatred or tears of agony. He ignored them most of the time. Citing scripture often sent them scurrying—something he’d learned from the doc. Another thing he’d learned from the doc, as well as from the hours Hayden had spent with God, was that Hayden was forgiven. God had adopted him into His family. He had a new Father and a new life. No silly vision of the past would ever change that.

An hour passed, and unable to relax, he rose, tucked the quilt beneath Magnolia’s chin then donned his trousers and shirt. Maybe a walk in the cool night rain would settle him.

All the rain did was soak through his clothes into his skin and finally send a chill through his bones. He slogged down Main Street, once terra firma but now nothing but a puddle—a rising puddle that squished beneath his boots, cloaking them in mud. When would this rain end? He was about to turn around and head back to the warmth of his wife and his bed when a flickering light coming from James’s hut tugged his curiosity. At least he wasn’t the only one not sleeping. Besides, he’d been meaning to speak to the doc about something.

Hayden found James leaning over a makeshift desk, a Bible on one end and a candle and large open book on the other.

Hayden cleared his throat.

James spun on his seat. “Hayden, I didn’t hear you.” He rubbed his eyes and set down his pen.

“It’s the rain. It drowns out everything.” Hayden shook the water from his hair then noticed his trousers dripping on the floor. “Sorry.”

“No matter. After three days of rain, everything is wet anyway.”

“Where are your bunkmates?” Hayden gestured toward the empty cots.

James sighed. “Off making rum is my guess. You know Lewis.” He tilted a pocket watch on his desk to see the time. “But at one in the morning, they should be back. What brings you here so late? Have a seat.” He gestured toward the only other chair in the room.

Hayden remained standing. No sense in soaking the furniture as well. “Magnolia had a nightmare again.”

James nodded as if the information didn’t surprise him. “Many are suffering from nightmares.” He leaned forward on his knees, his shoulders slumping. “I wish I knew what to do. I can’t seem to stop these demonic visions and dreams.”

“I doubt any preacher could.” Hayden gestured toward the old book on James’s desk. “Perhaps you’ll find the answers in there.”

James nodded as lightning burst outside the window. “Let’s hope so. But you didn’t come to talk about that.”

“No.”

James leaned back in his chair, the candle casting shadows over his face. “Well?”

“It’s Angeline.”

He frowned, but then alarm shot across his face. “Is she all right?”