Abandon (15 page)

He ignored her statement, standing up and shaking the snow off his jeans.  “My ass is freezing, let’s get inside,” he suggested, holding his hand out to Annalise.

She placed her gloved hand in his and let him pull her up.  “Thanks.”

“For what?”

Looking in his eyes, she saw the he was looking for her to say something but she wasn’t sure what it was.  She pulled her hand out of his.  “For pulling me up.”  

“Yeah, no problem.”

They walked in silence back to the house.  At one point in time Annalise had dreamed of walking next to him in a comfortable silence through the snow.  Kicking the snow at her feet she smirked.  How like life to give you half of something you wanted.  

Chapter 20:  Cort

Deep Creek Lake, Western Maryland
December 22, 2012

She would be leaving in the morning.  Annalise would be gone, Cort was sure of it.  What he wasn’t sure of was how he felt about it.  Laying in bed, Cort pondered his feelings.  On one hand, she was right; Annalise was the odd one out.  None of her friends had made the rendezvous spot and by this point in time it was almost assured that the majority of them were either dead, or as impossible for her to find as she was to them.  He couldn’t fault her for wanting to leave and try though.  Emotionally it would much easier for her to be in a place where she was surrounded by people who understood her and wanted her to be there, and this definitely wasn’t that place.  On the other hand, Cort couldn’t imagine being out here without her.  In all the time since they drifted apart he had never once imagined this scenario where she wasn’t with him.  He didn’t know if his sanity would hold without her quiet strength and belief in him.  

Moving his head on the pillow he looked next to the sleeping form beside him.  Katy was snoring lightly, sleeping on her stomach.  He mentally cursed himself for bringing her.  He knew if he had to do it again, he wouldn’t change it though.  He couldn’t see himself just leaving her behind.  Truth be told, even if she hadn’t been at his place that night he probably would’ve brought her; he tried to save everyone he could.  That’s just who he was.  He knew that somewhere in her mind Annalise understood that and didn’t fault him for it, but he wished for a brief second that things had been different.

Katy shifted slightly in her sleep and Cort’s mind began to drift to the differences between the two.  Physically, Katy was the superior of the two, she was thinner with beautiful long blonde hair that curled slightly at the tips without her having to blow dry in the morning.  She had fair skin, but it never seemed to break out and she never had to wear make up.  Her butt and breasts were perky and she always appeared effortlessly beautiful to those around her.  In fact, when he had first started dating her many of his friends had been impressed, teasing him about how could a guy like him get a girl like her.

Of course, with beauty like that, there always seems to be something else that suffers, and mentally, he was ready to concede that Annalise had her beat in every other way.  It wasn’t that Katy was a bad person, she just lacked the mental capacity to make connections and keep up with his train of thought.  He rarely had conversations of an intellectual nature with her because she always seemed slightly confused by his thought process.  Annalise by contrast had always kept up with him at every turn.  They often had stayed up late at night arguing politics or making plans for the sort of situation they were in now.  They hadn’t often agreed, but at least she could keep up with him.  

Not only that, but Annalise had a unique way of understanding and communicating with him that he didn’t think Katy would ever be able to match.  He never felt comfortable in bed with Katy like he did with Annalise despite the fact that Annalise had constantly been stealing the covers.  Just touching Annalise had always instantly put him at ease, whereas touching Katy sometimes felt like he was touching a plastic mannequin at the mall.  There was no understanding, there was no connection.

He couldn’t let Annalise leave, but he couldn’t find a way to make her stay either.  He knew if he begged her to stay that she probably would, but there were two problems with that solution.  First, he couldn’t see himself showing that much emotion and leaving himself that vulnerable.   In begging Annalise to stay, he’d have to admit that he needed her in his life which he had been very careful to avoid to this point.  He was independant and liked it that way.  Needing someone. Voicing that gave them power over him;  power to hurt him and power to take away his independance.  

The second problem with pleading for Annalise to stay was that it would shake the group dynamic to the core of its foundation.  It would be impossible for Katy to understand, and everyone in the group had already become accustomed to he and Katy as a unit.  If he admitted his feelings for Annalise she would never settle for being second in his life, and Katy wasn’t the type to let something like that go easily.  One of them would eventually have to leave and he knew that Annalise was better equipped to handle the world as it existed now.  Katy, left alone, probably wouldn’t last a more than a couple days.  As noble as Annalise had always been, she would never let Katy be the one to go it alone so he would end up losing Annalise and being stuck with a probably very pissed off Katy.  He had to find a way to keep them both there.  He had to find a way for Annalise to understand that he needed her without upsetting the balance he currently had with Katy.

Slipping out from under the covers he let his feet touch the cold hardwood floor and moved out of the bedroom into the hallway.  At this point of the night everyone was in their rooms asleep.  He snuck down the hallway trying to make as little noise as possible to Annalise’s door and tried the doorknob.  It twisted easily in his hand and he quickly opened the door, slipping into the bedroom.  The window was propped slightly open making her room a touch cooler than the rest of the house as well as providing him just enough light to see her sprawled across the bed.  Apparently she hadn’t even bothered to switch into her pajamas when they came back.   Scanning the room, he saw her bags were packed and sitting near the closet.      

“Annalise,” he whispered as he crept toward the bed.  “Wake up.”

She moaned slightly and stretched out a little.  Her hair was splayed across her face shielding her eyes from him.  He tiptoed to the bed, making sure his footsteps were as quiet as possible and put one knee on the bed and his hand shook her shoulder softly.  “Annalise, please, wake up.”

Annalise’s eyes slowly fluttered open and when she caught his face she jumped up a little bit, scooting closer to the wall.  “What are you doing in here Cort?”

He sat down fully on the bed.  “Shhh, everyone is asleep.  I came to talk to you about earlier tonight.”

“There’s nothing else to say,” she said warily.

“You can’t leave Annalise.”

“I can’t - “ she started to stay before his mouth found hers to silent her protests.  He still couldn’t bring himself to tell her how he felt, but maybe he could show her.  At first her lips were frozen in shock, but as he moved his lightly against hers, he felt her arms come up around his neck pulling his chest against hers.  God, he didn’t know how much he had missed this; kissing her.  There had never been another girl who had managed to respond to him like she did, or make him respond with such enthusiasm.  His hands immediately went to her chest, cupping her breasts gently.  They felt the same as they always had, heavy and perfect in his hands.  He felt her moan gently against his lips as he tweaked her nipple gently.  She was always so damn responsive.  

In the back of his mind he knew this was a bad idea.  Anyone could wake up and hear what was going on in this room.  Katy could wake up and realize he wasn’t in bed.  It would be a disaster. Those thoughts were quickly silenced by Annalise arching her body up against his.  Her hands reaching to his boxers, ever so gently springing him from the confining fabric.  

“Tell me I’m not dreaming this,” she whispered, moving her lips from his down his neck leaving a trail of little kisses as she went.

“You’re not dreaming this,” he whispered throatily against her neck.  Her fingers were dancing lightly across his legs and chest, teasing him by never fully touching their intended destination.  He could feel himself getting more excited with every light caress of her fingertips and fought hard to keep some sorts of wits about him.  This was a bad idea.  This could destroy everything.  Through his hazy thinking, he felt her lips moving down his chest, and just over his belly button, until finally reaching the tip of his erect cock and he lost control.

He shifted his body until he was covering her, lifting her hands over her head and pinning her to the bed.  She didn’t resist the domination, instead she grinded her hips against him, taunting him.  He pulled his hips back slightly, and felt himself push into her.  She was just as tight and wet as she had always been.  He felt her legs begin to tremble as they pressed against his hips.  He began to move inside of her, and he marveled at how easy it was.  This was a dance that he had never truly forgotten no matter how many times he had tried.   They both writhed against each other, her hips rocking against him, and him pushing deeper and further.  Eventually he could feel the mounting pressure and he buried his head in the pillow beside her to muffle his moans as he found release.  Her hands instantly went to his back, rubbing up and down in a comforting pattern.  

“How ya feeling?” she asked, trying to suppress the well of giggles in her throat.   He had never understood that, most people, after the kind of sex they just had would lay there trying to catch their breath, or revel in the moment. Annalise, on the other hand, had always started giggling, as if sex was the funniest thing on earth.  Her legs were still vibrating under him, and he knew she had gotten off too.

He turned his head to face her.  “I’m okay,” he responded, feeling the urge to kiss her neck.  He moved his hips slowly knowing he was still hard and that she would be able to feel every inch of him.  Her body trembled in response and just like that, they were at it again.  

To Cort, being in bed with Annalise and feeling her body get slick from the mix of sweat and passion beneath him was like coming home.  He had known that he loved her but this sudden expression of that and her sweet, sweet response was intoxicating beyond words.  He didn’t know why he had waited so long, and when his body found release again as her nails dug into his back, he realized that he could never leave her nor let her leave.  

Annalise was his, like he was hers, forever.  He squeezed her hand in his and she turned her head to kiss it softly like she understood exactly what he was thinking.  They fell asleep just like that - naked, sweaty, and entangled between the sheets.  

Part III

Revelations

“He, who had done more than any human being to draw her out of the caves of her secret, folded life, now threw her down into deeper recesses of fear and doubt. The fall was greater than she had ever known, because she had ventured so far into emotion and had abandoned herself to it.”

Anais Nin

Chapter 21:  Annalise

Deep Creek Lake, Western Maryland
December 23, 2012

Annalise woke up to a loud snore that seemed to be right next to ear.  She hadn’t heard something like that since he dated Cort, she thought, trying to stretch out in bed without opening her eyes.  Her legs hit something solid and hairy, and her arm was pinned beneath a heavy weight.  Someone was in the bed with her.  The memories of the night before came back to her in quick flashes.  Cort coming in to talk her out of leaving, the kiss, and all the passion that had followed.  Opening her eyes she looked at the sleeping form next to her.  It wasn’t a dream this time.  Cort was there in bed next to her.

She reached her free hand up to his face to brush a lock of hair from in front of his beautiful green eyes.  He looked like an angel sleeping next to her.  Her personal angel sent to rescue her from the emptiness of her past and fill her heart with joy.  She would remember this morning for the rest of her life, and the joy she felt spread through her body.  The entire world seemed to be crumbling around them but all she needed was here in this bed with her.  She took a deep breath and let herself enjoy the moment, feeling him breathe against her neck.  He shifted, moving his arm over her stomach and pulling himself closer to her.  It was like there had never been a morning missed, all the puzzle pieces had fallen into the right place revealing a picture of pure love.

That picture was shattered two seconds later by a knock on her door.  “Annalise, are you awake?” she heard a hushed whisper outside her door.  

Katy.  

Katy was outside her door.

Katy was knocking on her door, asking if she was there.