A Younger Man (Mount Faith Series: Book 7) (19 page)

Chapter Seventeen

"Is 'Chi' really a Scrabble word, Vanley?" Davia squealed. They were playing Scrabble at her house on a rainy Sunday.

Her grandmother was also playing with them. She was nodding. "Yes, it is a word Davia. See—It says so here in the Scrabble dictionary."

Vanley grinned. "Score the thing. It is on a triple letter score."

He laughed when Davia frowned. "What does it mean?"

"It means the circulating life force whose existence and properties are the basis of many Chinese philosophies and medicine," Davia's grandmother read quickly.

Davia laughed. Vanley watched her as she laughed in wild abandon and then realized, not for the first time over the past two weeks, that her laughter warmed his heart.

He had let her in, and he was happy that he did. She was gradually changing the way that he thought about relationships. The beauty about liking Davia was that she liked him back, and she openly admitted it. She found his jokes funny. She loved to bake bread with him, and she was fun to be around.

He has finally letting go of his Anita obsession. He withdrew two letters from the Scrabble bag and realized when he added the two letters on his Scrabble rack that he had spelt the name ANITA. He almost laughed out loud. Yes, Anita still haunted him now and again. He had gradually stopped thinking about her in the way he did before, but he felt as if a part of him would always think about her and wonder what would have happened if they had gotten together. He supposed that in time that feeling would fade. He hoped it would.

He looked at the word again. What was it that Carol had said her name meant again? Full of grace.

He smiled and mixed up the letters. He didn't want to think about Anita for too long because inevitably he would start thinking about her secret, and when he thought of her secret he ran what-if-games in his head. His uncle was due back from the conference this evening, but he was restraining himself from going to see him.

They finished the Scrabble game with him finally winning a game. Davia's grandmother was a pro at the game. She had taken pleasure in whipping him and Davia six games in a row.

Davia put away the board, disappointed. "I mean, I haven't won even one game today. I got lousy hands. It was as if all the vowels were targeting me."

Vanley chuckled. "Want us to go for a walk?"

Davia looked outside. The downpour had turned into a steady drizzle. "Sure. I am going to borrow Grandpa's water boots."

"I have one in the car too," Vanley said. "It will be fun."

They walked along the quiet countryside huddled inside yellow raincoats and splashed in the puddles. There was a chill to the air, but at the same time, it smelled fresh and clean, like the countryside had gotten a good wash from God.

After letting go of his constant thoughts of Anita, that was exactly how it felt to Vanley, as if his mind had gotten a wash. He felt lighter and better. He looked at Davia. She was smiling at him,

"Your grandmother is really cool," Vanley said, "I like her."

Davia nodded and then laughed. "Yeah. I like her too. She has been a really good Mom to me since my parents died."

They walked along in silence and then Vanley stopped. "You know. I was confused for a number of years."

Davia stopped in front of him. "Why?"

"Because at one time I asked God for something. He clearly said no, and I still pursued it. I wanted to hold on to my obsession just a little bit longer."

Vanley stepped closer to Davia. "I have finally given up on that thing, and I think I met you for a reason. When I'm around you, I feel happy. I feel as if I know how it can be."

Davia inhaled. "Are we talking about Anita?"

"No, not anymore," Vanley said. "We are talking about you and me, and new beginnings and letting go of old obsessions."

The raindrops got heavier and Davia swallowed. "Have you really let go?"

Vanley nodded and kissed her gently. "Yes. I have."

*****

Vanley walked up to the president's building on Monday morning. His uncle would be in. He wanted to tell him that he could keep his secret for Anita. He didn't want to hear it anymore. His curiosity had finally been quelled. He wanted to move on, and knowing the secrets and resolving them would mean nothing to him now. He probably should thank his uncle for introducing him to Davia and practically forcing him to see her. He probably would be still hanging around Anita now.

He whistled as he walked and slowed down as he past the statues at the steps of the building. He didn't anticipate seeing Anita as she walked by him.

"Vanley," she said briskly.

"Anita." His heart had taken up that stupid thudding again, which it would probably always do when she was in the vicinity.

She looked good in her power suit. The last time he saw her she had shouted at him and told him to leave her alone. This morning she looked businesslike and he couldn't pinpoint it, but there was an expression in her eyes like a lurking sadness.

"What's wrong?" he blurted out as she took a step ahead of him.

Anita stopped and looked back at him. "Nothing, everything..." She sighed. "I got appointed by the school board to head up the new school in Dominica. I heard this morning."

"Congrats," Vanley said, feeling slightly disappointed. He wouldn't see her again.

Anita shrugged. "I begged for the appointment because I was running away."

"Why?" Vanley asked hoarsely. Why was she being so open with him now?

"You." Anita laughed dryly. "You and my past. Mostly, you."

Vanley pushed his hand deep in his jeans pocket. "I was on my way to tell my uncle that I didn't want to hear about your secret. Now why did you have to mention it again?"

"Ryan was going to tell you my secret?" Anita shook her head. "How come?"

Vanley looked around; there was nobody near them. "We had a deal. I would see Davia for three months and then I would hear your secret after that."

Anita laughed. "So that's why you were dating Davia?"

Vanley shrugged. "That was why I dated her in the first place. After a while, I did it because I genuinely like her. I..." he sighed. "I am over you, Anita. I like Davia, a lot. It is not as intense a feeling as you generated, and it doesn't tie me up in knots like loving you did. I think I prefer this feeling of not having to constantly hold my breath around her like I do around you, of having a person who genuinely loves my company, who I can hang out with without wondering about the million and one things that we don't have in common."

Tears gathered at the side of Anita's eyes and she valiantly tried to bat them away. "That's how it should be for any relationship. I am happy for you." Her voice caught. Then she exhaled and started walking up the steps.

When she was about five steps ahead of Vanley, she looked back at him and inclined her head. "Meet me in my office. I have a secret to tell you."

Vanley couldn't believe his ears. Was Anita going to voluntarily tell him her secret?

She walked toward the doors and Vanley raced up to catch her. He walked beside her rapidly and entered her office space behind her.

She sighed. "I miss Davia sometimes; she would be here by now. My new secretary is terrible when it comes to punctuality." She entered her office and sat around her desk.

Vanley sat before her. He was afraid to speak before she changed her mind.

Anita looked at him contemplatively and then sighed. She drummed her fingers on the desk. "Where should I start? My secret involves the Parks. You met Maud you said?"

"Yes," Vanley nodded vigorously. "I did."

"What did she say about her son Anton Parks?"

"That he had not been in touch with them for years," Vanley said. "She pretty much brushed us off when we tried to delve too deeply."

"The Parks didn't treat Anton with any understanding." Anita murmured. "They couldn't understand him; he was not what they wanted him to be."

"Who is he?" Vanley asked puzzled. "Is he your biological son?"

Anita laughed mirthlessly. "I can't believe that you haven't figured it out yet, Vanley. Anton is me…he was me. The Parks are my parents. I was married to Carol when I was a man. I lived the first twenty-one years of my life as a male."

Vanley opened his mouth and was staring at Anita as if she had two heads. "So what, are you transgender or something?" he finally found the voice to ask.

Anita shook her head. "No. I was born an intersex person. The term used to be hermaphrodite. In my case, I was born with the chromosomes of a woman, the ovaries of a woman, but external genitals that appeared male. Essentially when I was born I appeared male. My father was happy for a son.

Only problem was that I never quite felt right. I never really felt like a boy. I preferred girl things. My parents found out that I was intersex at age eight when I went to have my appendix removed.  The doctors came to the startling conclusion that I was really a girl. My parents never told me." Anita shook her head. "They fed me male hormones till I was in my teens, seventeen. I never was attracted to girls. Can you imagine how relieved I was to find out the reason?"

"How awful for you." Vanley croaked. He was looking at Anita and couldn't quite imagine the woman in front of him looking like a man.

Anita shrugged. "When I was seventeen I found out that I could have an operation to set everything right. To reconstruct my... er... genitals."

She coughed uncomfortably. This was the first time in years she was telling anyone about this part of her life, and she was telling it to Vanley, of all the people in the world, but she was certain that Vanley would not tell anyone else.

"If my parents had told me the truth, I probably could have had children but they destroyed my ability to conceive with the male hormones they stuffed me with when I was a teen."

"So why did you wait until twenty one to change your gender?" Vanley asked.

"It's a pretty expensive surgery, and although, as you saw from your visit with the Parks, they are well off, they refused to help. My father wanted his son; my other family members thought I was a freak. I had a small inheritance from my grandparents that was available to me at twenty-one. The very day it became available I did my operation. Unfortunately, I had gotten married to Carol already."

"Why'd you do that?" Vanley was feeling slightly shaken up inside. Anita's secret was really a big one.

"Because she loved me. She thought I was a guy." Anita sighed. "I told her I wasn't really a guy. At the time, I just knew that I didn't want to be male anymore and have to take hormones for the rest of my life. I had to change. I stuck it out for a year but I finally decided to be true to myself. That was when I changed my name, and changed my address..."

Vanley cupped his head in his hand. "Changed your gender, got a divorce. Wow."

"I couldn't marry you because I was already married and divorced. If we ever got married, my history would come up. Telling you would lead to a whole lot of explanations. I didn't want to have to tell you. I didn't want to have to explain who Anton was."

Anita looked at him. "I think you deserve to know the truth, now that you've moved on with Davia, and I guess I would tell the secret so much better than your uncle would."

Vanley sighed. He peeped through his fingers and looked at Anita. "You look so feminine."

Anita smiled sadly. "Why thank you, Vanley. I am female."

"You must have gone through hell growing up." Vanley finally moved his hand from his face.

"I did go through hell," Anita said, "there were days when I just wanted to be comfortable in my own skin but never really felt like I was. My parents didn't help. Either they wanted a boy, or couldn't adjust to having a child that was neither boy nor girl. I have lost family and friends in my past and present." She tacked on softly.

"You don't have to go to Dominica," Vanley said, inhaling and exhaling rapidly. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Thank you." Anita smiled. "But I think I should go. It is a terrific position. I get to be in charge."

"You know, you were basically right. If you had told me this earlier I would have still wanted you, but it would be a bit much for someone so young in the ministry to deal with." Vanley said earnestly, "I would not have gone screaming to the hills though."

"I didn't want you to deal with it," Anita said. "You deserve a family to love, and someone closer in age and experience to yourself. I didn't want to rob you of that."

"And you deserve the same," Vanley said softly. "You deserve someone who can handle your past with stoic indifference and love you for who you are now."

Tears came to Anita's eyes. "I do, don't I?"

"Yes, you do." Vanley reached across the desk and took her hand in his. "Promise me one thing."

"What?" Anita didn't want to blink. The tears were perilously close to the surface. "When you find him, don't alienate him. Don't let your past interfere with your happiness."

Anita nodded. "I promise."