A Year Without Autumn (22 page)

I think I’m going to be sick.

Autumn makes a face. “It’s a pain, isn’t it?”

I can’t even reply.

Mrs. Leonard’s on her way down the drive. “Come on, kids, we’re going to be late. Mikey, leave your game.”

I grab Autumn’s arm. I’m not ready to give up and let fate take over just yet. “Autumn, Mikey can’t come with us!”

“I know. It’s so unfair, but there’s nothing we can do. He can’t stay here on his own.”

“He could go over to my house, hang out with Craig.”

“I don’t want to hang out with Craig. I want to go horseback riding,” Mikey says, shoving past us and running to the car. “I’ve got the front seat!”

I clench my fingers into fists by my side. “Autumn, he can’t come,” I hiss. “We can’t let him.”

Autumn laughs. “Hey, don’t get too worked up about it. It’ll be fine; we don’t need to talk to him.”

“It’s not that,” I say, squeezing into the back of the car with Autumn squashed in next to me.

She looks at me. “What is it?” she asks, an edge of defensiveness creeping into her voice. “We do enough things with your family; why’s it such a problem to have my kid brother come with us?”

“I — I can’t explain. It just is,” I say, scratching around for another idea. If I can’t persuade her to stop Mikey from coming with us, I’ll have to somehow pull the plug on the whole trip.

“Look, it’s me, OK? I don’t want to go. I want to do something else,” I say. I lean forward, as well as I can manage in the tiny space, and tap Mrs. Leonard’s shoulder. “Um, actually, I’ve changed my mind about going horseback riding.”

Autumn bursts out laughing. “You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

Mrs. Leonard glances at me in the rearview mirror. “Are you OK, Jenni?”

“No, not really. I feel a bit — um, sick. I don’t think I can go riding. Can we do something different?” Then I remember today’s trip. “Can we go to the candle museum instead?”

Autumn guffaws and punches me on the arm. “You’re hilarious!” she says. “I love it.”

Mrs. Leonard smiles indulgently at us both. “You two,” she says. “OK, seat belts on — we need to get there.”

And then she drives Autumn, Mikey, and me to the stables, and I can’t speak another word all the way there. All I can think is:
I can’t let this happen.
After everything I’ve lived through in the last couple of days, I can’t have made it back here only to let the whole thing happen all over again. Only this time, it’s going to happen in front of my eyes.

I’ll have to think of something else. I’ve still got time. Maybe I can talk to someone at the stables. Get them to call off the ride, say the horses are all sick, they haven’t got enough staff, it’s too hot to go out — anything! There’s only one thing I know: I’ve got to stop Mikey from getting on that horse.

Autumn gets out of the car and marches ahead with Mikey. I trail behind with Mrs. Leonard.

“Can’t Mikey stay with you?” I say uselessly.

“I’ve got a spa appointment, and then I’m meeting my husband for a hot date at the rec center after his squash match,” she says, laughing. “Hey, what’s wrong with Mikey all of a sudden? You’ve never minded him being around before.”

We cross a dusty yard and head toward the far corner. A wooden
RECEPTION
sign is nailed onto the wall.

Inside, a bunch of excited girls are lining up with their parents. A woman behind a small desk is scribbling something on a form. She gets up to fetch a couple of helmets. Bits of straw litter the ground; a leathery smell wafts across the room.

Mikey runs over. “She says I can go, too,” he says, grinning as the woman comes over to him with a helmet in her hand.

“Try this one,” she says, handing Mikey the helmet. She looks familiar. Where have I seen her before?

As she turns to us and smiles, I realize where I’ve seen her. It’s the woman from the news program!

My body shakes. It’s going to happen. Soon — within hours — and no one knows it except me. It’s still going to happen!

Everyone’s acting so normal: smiling, laughing, trying on helmets. How can they do that? I can’t just stand back and watch it happen, I can’t!

Autumn takes the helmet she’s offered and goes to wait outside in the yard. I follow her when I’ve got mine and we say good-bye to her mom.

“Autumn, please listen,” I say, my voice low so no one else can hear me. I’m going to tell her the truth. I’ve no choice.

“Come on, Jen. Just go with it,” she says, grinning as she fastens the strap on her helmet. “You never know, it might even be as much fun as the candle museum.” Then she bursts out laughing.

I take a breath. “It’s not safe. Something awful is going to happen to Mikey if he comes horseback riding today.”

She stops what she’s doing. “Oh, Jenni. Please don’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“Resort to sci-fi stories as a way to get me to listen. If you don’t want to come, don’t, but
please
stop trying to spoil it for me and my brother. Give him a break.”

“Autumn, just
listen
to me!” I snap. “I’m not trying to spoil it for you
or
Mikey. I’m trying to warn you!”

“Warn me? So you can see into the future now, can you? What are you, a psychic?”

The woman from the stables has come out of the office. “OK, all those on the ride, this way,” she says, striding off to a row of stables on the other side of the yard. Autumn hurries after her. “I’m Carol, by the way,” the woman calls over her shoulder as she walks. There are ten of us. Four girls who look about my age, all giggling together; a gangly boy on his own, pacing awkwardly along behind them; an older couple; and the three of us.

How am I going to stop this from happening?

I scurry to the front of the group, following just behind Carol and Autumn. Carol stops at the first stable. “This is Hunter,” she says, stroking his nose. “Very good-natured, easy to control, but powerful when he wants to be. Mark, you can take him; you’ve ridden before, haven’t you?”

The gangly boy blushes and nods quickly.

Moving on, Carol casts her eye over the group. “Marion,” she says, motioning the older woman to come forward. “You want to take Star?”

“Okeydoke.” Marion smiles, tickling the horse’s nose.

Carol moves on to the next stable. “Now, here’s one of our new boys,” she says, reaching in to pat the horse in the next stable. The horse jerks its head up, batting her hand away. It’s got a dark-brown nose, a thin white stripe running down the center. “He’s young, but he’s a darling. He’ll be suitable for one of the children. He can be a little feisty,” she says, smiling, “but sweet as pie if you keep him in check.”

Mikey steps forward. “I like him,” he says. “What’s his name?”

“Angus.”

My blood runs cold.
Angus.
Mikey takes another step forward, reaching out to stroke him.

“I want him!” I burst out. It’s him! The horse from the TV. The one that threw Mikey off.

“You?” Autumn snorts. “I thought you didn’t even want —”

“I want him,” I repeat.

Carol turns to me. “Can you ride?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say firmly. Autumn opens her mouth to speak. “I’ve ridden lots,” I add quickly. “Please let me ride Angus.”

Carol looks me up and down. “OK.” She smiles. “You’re about the right height.”

She moves on, the rest of the group following her to the next stable. “Now, this is Mouse,” I hear her say. She points to Mikey. “Same size as Angus. Not quite so spirited but loves trail rides. Want to take him?”

Mikey agrees. Autumn takes the next horse. She’s called Winter. As the group moves on, she gives her horse a stroke before turning to look at me over her shoulder. “What are you up to?” she asks.

“I’m not up to anything.”

“Yes, you are. Pretending to be all psyched when you don’t even want to be here. What’s going on?”

“I just liked the look of Angus. Anything wrong with that?”

I glance across at Mikey. He’s still stroking his horse. Mouse nuzzles into Mikey’s shoulder as Autumn shrugs and turns away.

“Come on, Jenni,” Carol calls from her horse. Everyone else has gotten on and is waiting for me, surrounding me in the yard.

I try to smile as I stand next to Angus, gripping the bridle and praying he won’t step on my foot. Carol jumps down from her horse. “Come on,” she says. “I’ll give you a leg up.”

She reaches up to Autumn and hands her the reins to her horse. “You look confident enough up there. Hold on to Misty for a minute, would you?”

Autumn watches me as she takes the reins.

“Bend your leg,” Carol says, standing behind me and heaving me up into the air. Oh, heck, she’s lifting me onto the horse!

I’m up. High up in the air, clutching the reins. “Thanks,” I say, my voice shaking.

“Adjust your stirrups,” Carol says.

I look down at my feet.
Adjust my stirrups? How do I do that?

With a sigh, Carol comes back to my side. “Bend your leg forward,” she says, then yanks at a strap under the saddle. She walks around to the other side and does the same.

“You sure you’ve ridden before?” she asks.

“Yeah, lots,” I say, forcing a laugh. “I just didn’t hear you properly.”

“OK, well, ride at the back with me to begin with, so I can keep an eye on you. Angus can get a bit frisky. Just keep a firm grip on the reins, OK?”

“OK,” I say woodenly. And then she’s moving away and jumping back onto her horse.

“Walk on, everybody,” she calls, waving the riders past her. She indicates a girl on horseback ahead of us who must work at the stables, too. “Sue will lead from the front. I’ll stay at the back. The rest of you, stay in between us, OK?”

“You goof,” Autumn says with a laugh as she passes me. “At least we’re here, though. It’s not all that bad, is it?”

“No, it’s great,” I say through gritted teeth.

Autumn laughs again before kicking her horse and trotting to catch up with Mikey, who’s up ahead walking alongside Mark.

I copy everyone’s movements, squeezing my legs into the horse’s sides. “Come on, Angus,” I say under my breath. “Be good for me.” He pulls at the reins, stretching his head out and making me lurch forward in my seat before he settles into a steady walk.

We ride down to an old railroad track that’s been turned into a walkway. Trees reach across the top, in a ferny arch. Flies buzz around the horses’ heads as we walk along in a line, hooves thudding gently on the ground.

Angus is behaving himself perfectly. I’m even starting to enjoy it. It’s easy. All I have to do is hold on to the reins and sit still. He does the rest.

“We’re turning here,” Sue calls from up at the front. I look to see where she’s pointing. The path leads up through the trees to another path higher up.

“There are some lovely open fields up here where we can canter.”

“Excellent,” one of the girls in front of me says to the girl alongside her. “I thought we were going to walk all afternoon.”

“Boring!” her friend replies.

The horses turn up toward the high path. “Come on, Angus,” I whisper. “Up here.” He stops at the bottom of the new path. “Come
on,
” I repeat. Nothing. He won’t move.

Carol’s right behind me. “Give him a kick,” she says. “Walk on, Angus.”

I bounce my heels against his sides the way I’ve seen the others do. Angus pulls on the bridle, yanking me forward.

“Steady,” Carol says. She rides around to my side and tugs gently on the bridle. Angus jerks his head up again but still doesn’t move. I grip the reins with sweaty palms.
Come on, Angus. Please don’t do this.

Carol gives him a tap with her whip. He gives one more yank on the reins, rearing up slightly before settling down again. “Give him a little kick,” she says again. “Just gently. Use your heels.”

I squeeze my heels into his sides, and he finally edges forward. As he follows the others up the path, I breathe a sigh of relief. My heart’s racing.

The path takes us up to a wide meadow. I can’t see the end of it. All I can see is green open fields. Is this where Autumn encouraged Mikey to gallop? A thought crashes into my head so hard it takes my breath away:
What if it happens to me? What if Angus gallops across the field and I’m the one who’s thrown off, I’m the one who ends up —?

“OK, gather around me, everyone,” Carol calls the group together, thankfully breaking into my thoughts. “Those of you who are happy to have a canter here can do so. We’re heading over there to the stream and the woods.” She points to some trees in the distance. “Hands up who’s ready to do that?”

The group of girls raise their hands. So does Autumn. The only people who don’t are Mark, Mikey, me, and the older couple.

“Mikey, you can canter — come with us,” Autumn whispers.

“He’s fine with me!” I snap, before he can reply. Autumn just gives me a funny look and starts to head off with the other girls.

“You go ahead with Sue,” Carol says to Autumn. “The rest of you stay close to me, OK?”

I nod, holding tight on to the reins as I watch the others charge across the field, Autumn racing ahead at the front. Mikey’s just ahead of me. Safe. I’m starting to breathe almost normally again.
Nearly there, nearly there.

“We’ll just take it at a steady trot,” Carol says. “You guys OK with that?”

As we set off, I bounce around in the saddle, jigging and slipping. I hang around behind the others so they won’t notice. Every time Carol looks around, I try to lift myself in the stirrups the way the others are doing.

“Just along that river for a bit, then down a lane to Mile End Farm, and that’s our halfway point,” Carol calls to us.

Mile End Farm!
My throat tightens another notch.

“Sounds fine,” I force myself to say. The others smile and nod.

As we approach the river, I recognize the surroundings. It’s where they filmed the news report. We’re near the farm now.
This is where it happened.

They’re all waiting on the other side of the river. Even Mikey’s already gone across.

But I can’t do it. The horse, Angus, he galloped up to the river, and plunged down the bank without slowing. That’s how Mikey was thrown off. And now he’s going to do it to me. It’s all going to happen to me instead!