A Woman's Place: A Novel (35 page)

And then there were the children. I hadn't been sure what they would be feeling about spending the day without Dennis, and hadn't been able to Page 187

Barbara Delinsky - A Woman's Place

discuss it with them beforehand, given the last-minute change in plans. I was worried that the holiday would be like salt on the wound of their parents' divorce, and, yes, I'm sure there were moments that stung. But they were pleased to be spending the night here--can we sleep in your bed, Mommy, and turn out all the lights and pretend we're in the middle of the ocean for the whole night, and watch the sun come up, can we, pleeease? asked Kikit--and they loved being with Joy, and with Rona, and with Brody.

Yes, even Johnny. It took him a while to warm up, perhaps to forget that Dennis wasn't there, but once it happened he was more his normal self than he had been since the split. He responded in detail when I asked about his basketball team, even said he couldn't wait for me to watch his games, which was the closest he had come to restating his love. For all the times I had worried that I wasn't doing enough, I felt justified now. Children adapted, give or take. The key was in understanding the give or take, so that trauma was neither created when it didn't exist nor ignored when it did.

I think I did an okay job. When they left with Dennis on Friday morning, they were happy. I wasn't sure how happy he was after an hour in the car with Kikit retelling every detail of their night--not the least of which would have been a blow-by-blow of Brody's tale of the ill-fated whaler, Godsend, and the first mate's wife, whose will alone was reputed to have brought its surviving crew safely home--but at least I felt I had done my part.

My own moments of thought--of regret, if you will--in the aftermath of that Thanksgiving had to do with Mom. I missed her. It wasn't that she had a history of coming east for the holiday loaded down with cakes and cookies and the makings from old family recipes. It wasn't even that she did much after she arrived. Coming to visit me was her vacation, she said. Knowing how hard she had worked to support Rona and me, I was pleased to indulge her.

I missed the pleasure she took in my house and my kids. I missed the look on her face when I called everyone in to dinner. Even more than the children, who took prosperity for granted, Connie delighted in seeing the table filled to overflowing with goodies. I chose to think she would have loved this year's table even in spite of Dennis's absence. Rona disagreed. "There's good reason why you didn't tell her you were getting divorced. She would have been so hung up on the concept that she wouldn't have seen the reality. I can see the reality, and it isn't so bad."

It was Friday morning. The children had left, Brody had taken Joy to Boston, and Rona and I were braving the winds, bundled up on the rocks not far from the base of my light. We had our feet tucked beneath us, and were watching the swirl of the water a mere ten feet away. The air was so heavy with fog that it might have been a sauna, had the temperature been fifty degrees higher. Even cold, there was something of a balm to it.

"The reality," Rona went on, "is that there isn't the tension there used to be when Dennis was here. When he was here, you needed to make things perfect."

"Did I?"

"Definitely."

"Why?"

Page 188

Barbara Delinsky - A Woman's Place

"You tell me."

I thought about it. "Maybe I wanted to make him proud. Certainly, satisfied."

"Maybe you knew his eye was wandering and wanted to make yourself indispensable."

"That does sound controlling. Then again, maybe I did it for Mom. To please her. Y'know?"

Rona laughed. "Nu-uh. Mom was so enthralled by everything you did that she wouldn't have noticed the difference between perfection and a hair less so."

"She wouldn't have been enthralled by my divorce." That thought did haunt me still.

"But you're adapting to it."

"What choice do I have?" I swiveled on my bottom to face Rona. "How do the kids seem to you? I'm worried they'll be screwed up. Do they seem different?"

"Johnny, maybe. More introspective. That may be his age, though. I wouldn't worry about them, Claire. They're well-grounded kids."

"Tell that to the GAL," I muttered.

"Sure. Point me in his direction."

My muttering had been rhetoric. I hadn't expected Rona to take it as an offer. But she was serious. More than serious, if her look meant anything. It was purposeful. She was testing me, daring me to trust her with a part of my life that was so important to me. Jenovitz would have a field day with Rona. A question here, a bit of silence there, and he would have her spilling her guts. With the best of intentions, she might say something all the wrong way.

"I think he has a problem with women," I hedged. Rona's look didn't change.

"He dislikes me," I tried again. "You're my sister. He's apt to dislike you on that fact alone, so where will that get us?"

"I can still tell him you've been a great mother." Her mouth thinned.

"Look, Claire, I may resent you for a lot of things, but I'd never take that away from you. You have been a great mother. Besides," her voice went hard, "Dennis is a prick. He cheated on you for years."

"I don't know that."

"He did. Trust me. Where there's smoke, etcetera." She tipped up her chin and looked out to sea. "Dennis made a pass at me once."

"What?"

"Touched me in a totally inappropriate way. I mean, totally inappropriate way. Nothing innocent intended, nothing innocent taken." Page 189

Barbara Delinsky - A Woman's Place

"When?"

"Between Jerry and Harold."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She gave me an are-you-nufe look. "Because you were married to the guy. Besides, Mom would have killed me. She would have blamed me for wearing a tight dress and accused me of making a pass at Dennis and asked what did I think I was doing trying to ruin your marriage." She put her chin on her knees, but not before I saw that her look had turned stricken. I patted her arm. When I realized she couldn't feel it through her jacket, I increased the pressure of my hand. It was a small gesture. We had pretty much reverted to our touch-me-not style of old. I knew that the habit of years couldn't be changed in a single week, but I wanted to make the effort, I was comfortable touching the children, Brody, even friends. Not so Connie. Or Dennis. I wanted things to be different now with Rona.

"How are you doing, without Mom?" I asked gently.

"Fine."

"Really?"

"Really. There's plenty to keep me busy--big sale at Neiman Marcus, huuuuge gala at the country club, incrrrrrredible special on sculpted nails at the Ten-in-a-Row Emporium."

"I'm serious, Rona."

"So am I."

"I'll rephrase the question, then. How are you during the time when you aren't busy?"

"Lost," she said without pause, then straightened her back and took a breath. "I was thinking of moving. I'm tired of Cleveland."

"You've lived there all your life."

"Yup, and everyone there thinks I'm as much of a ditz as Mom did. I need a new start."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Australia. I read Mutant Message. I could shed my worldly possessions and spend five months walking the outback in a search for the meaning of life. Or, I could go to Harvard Square, browse the coffee shops wearing my John Lennon glasses, and look for an intellectual who's smart enough to see the woman inside."

Laugh or cry--I could have gone either way. It struck me that even without Dennis, my life was filled with people, while Rona was alone.

"But I won't," she said. Taking a visible breath, she relaxed her stance. "Actually," she turned her head and met my eye, "I'm feeling more responsible than I used to. Like since I don't have a mother anymore, I'm not a child anymore. Know what I mean?" I hadn't had that particular feeling, and shook my head to let her know. Page 190

Barbara Delinsky - A Woman's Place

"No," she said, "you wouldn't. You grew up when Daddy died. Me, I just kind of bided my time until I could live my life without Connie watching and judging my every move." She gave a small sigh and sought the horizon. "But you wouldn't know about that, either, would you?" She was wrong. I did know. I had learned what it was to be judged--and judged unfairly, though it hadn't occurred to me to make the connection between Rona's experience and mine. I did now, and the connection was there--in the anger I had felt, the sense of helplessness and injustice, the nights of sleep I had lost and the tears I had shed. So, had I been as blind about Connie as I had been about Dennis? Had I seen what I wanted to see? Worse, had I bought into Connie's criticisms of Rona because they had made me look good by comparison?

One thing I did know. I had put Connie on a pedestal, because she was my mother and I wanted her there. But she had abused Rona. My silence had condoned it. That made me partly responsible.

No amount of apologizing on my part could change what Rona had experienced, but I could help her in other ways. The first of those came to me late that afternoon. We were at the office--Rona, reading USA Today, and I, reviewing the monthly reports from our franchises in Milwaukee, Kansas City, and Charleston. We were waiting for Brody, who was dropping Joy at the airport and coming back to take us to dinner. When he finally arrived, he looked distracted. He went to his desk and turned papers around to study them from the front so that he wouldn't have to unseat Rona. Then he straightened and put a hand on the top of his head.

I knew that gesture, all right.

"Brody?"

He looked my way, held up his hand, and smiled. "No sweat. I'm cool." He bent over the desk again, turned his day-at-a-glance calendar around, and flipped several pages over and back. Then he straightened again and blew out a breath. "I'll handle it."

I had a feeling I knew what the problem was. "The Christmas boutiques?" Not only the boutiques, but three charity events begging for our attendance.

"I can handle it. Being at the airport and thinking about flying out Monday must have gotten me a little crazy, is all." We had been wrestling with the problem for days. Technically, the boutiques would survive without us. We had already received detailed reports on the Christmas displays, had given our approval or disapproval where it fit. The visits were more for employee morale. But we were big on morale. It set our operation apart from many another, and was a powerful incentive for hard work and loyalty. We hadn't yet had a franchisee sell out and open a competing business. Granted, Brody had put a clause in our contracts to prevent that, but there were ways to get around clauses, such as opening beyond the ninety-mile limit we had set out. No one had done that to us. We chose to think it was because we made our people feel important. Personal visits did that. Since I couldn't make them this year, Brody had agreed to. But he was also doing double the work at home, what with my distractions. He had worked late most nights this week and was planning more of the same for Page 191

Barbara Delinsky - A Woman's Place

the weekend.

I glanced at Rona. She held the newspaper in front of her, but her eyes were raised above it, focused on nothing in particular. She looked half asleep.

"Rona, " I called sharply.

Her eyes snapped to mine.

"How would you like an all-expense-paid trip across the country?" Her brows rose.

"We need someone to check out our Christmas boutiques," I said. "There are twelve of them. Brody was going to hit two a day. You could spread it out more. What do you say?"

She looked confused.

"We'd give you a checklist of things to look for. You'd report back at the end of each stop. It'd actually be kind of fun. You'd take our people out to breakfast or dinner, whichever works out best, be a goodwill ambassador of sorts. Same with three charity events--literacy, cancer, and AIDS."

Rona looked from me to Brody and back. Eyebrows still raised, she pointed a questioning finger at herself, and for a minute, just a minute, I shared her doubt.

Then I realized that it wasn't me sharing the doubt. It was Connie's voice in my head, warning that Rona could as easily ignore the Wicker Wise boutiques for the sake of shopping in other departments, spending money she shouldn't spend on clothing she didn't need, forgetting about the plane she had to catch until it was so late she flat-out missed it.

"Yes, you," Brody told Rona, and Connie's voice went still. "You'd be the perfect one to do it. The way you looked when you got here on Wednesday--" He smiled in a way that said the solution to our problem was simple and right.

The way she had looked when she got here on Wednesday was subdued, which for Rona meant a suit that was navy instead of hot pink, jewelry that was mid-sized instead of over-sized, and hair that was brushed to a shine, without an ounce of tease.

Rona looked guarded, but definitely interested. "I'd be like the cosmetic specialist visiting Bendel's from Yves St. Laurent?"

"Without the smock," I said, leaving my chair, "and without the work. You wouldn't have to do any selling yourself, or stand around waiting for customers to come. You'd be there strictly in a supervisory capacity."

"Part of the managerial team," Brody added. "The only catch is that you'd have to head out this Sunday. We can route you through Cleveland so that you can pick up more clothes, and you can take up to two weeks, but everything has to be visited by mid-December." I came up beside him and said to Rona, "You weren't planning on going anywhere else. What do you say?"

Rona scowled. "Are you sure this isn't just a makeshift dummy's mission Page 192

Barbara Delinsky - A Woman's Place

to give me something to do with Mom gone?"

Brody's expression was nearly as priceless as his voice. ""Makeshift dummy's mission'? Christ, Rona, I've been pulling overtime all week trying to get ready for this, it's that important. If you don't do it, it's right back in my lap. You'd be doing me a huge favor."

"Twelve cities?" she asked.

"Well, if that's too many--"

Brody cut me off. "Twelve cities."