A Woman of Independent Means (26 page)

I hope I do not sound too harsh, but I have your happiness at heart. Remember, marriage is a privilege both husband and wife must earn—not a convenience to be enjoyed by one member at the expense of the other.

Give Hans my best wishes. If you are happy he is there, then so am I.

Affectionately,
Bess

August 15, 1920
Woodstock

Miss Abigail Saunders
Riverview Convalescent Home
Syracuse, New York

 

Dear Miss Saunders,

I was deeply saddened to learn of the death of my cousin, Josephine Farrow—and shocked to discover that she was only sixty-four. She seemed so much older. She slipped into senility with no visible show of resistance, as if grateful that life could no longer make demands upon her.

I have decided to relinquish my right to the four-poster bed in which she died. It represents the only physical claim she made on life, and I would like to leave it with you as a memorial to her. Would it be possible to affix to the headboard a small brass plaque engraved with her name?

I would be very happy to provide a few other pieces of furniture taken from her family home to create a “Josephine Farrow Memorial Room.” This could establish a fortuitous precedent for your other residents, resulting ultimately in a welcome spirit of individuality, with each room reflecting the style and background of a former occupant.

I do not intend to criticize your methods, but I was struck by the unrelieved sameness of everything I encountered on my last visit: food, furnishings, and, sadly, even faces. Many of your residents might welcome the thought that their room would live after them and that their names at least would be remembered.

Since my cousin died on the tenth of the month, I would appreciate receiving from you the balance of the August payment, which I sent in advance, minus the cost, of course, of any funeral expenses not covered by my initial deposit for “death dues.”

Sincerely,
Bess Alcott Steed

August 25, 1920
Woodstock

Dear Arthur,

I have not written sooner because I was not sure what tone my letter should take. I can no longer write as I did before, as a friend seeking advice and recounting anecdotes. Since Boston, an intimacy exists between us even in our silence—an intimacy I treasure and trust I have not betrayed by rejecting its marital translation. Please do not think it vain of me to want to continue just as I am now, like one of the maidens on the Greek urn so admired by Keats, suspended for eternity in the moment of pursuit.

My friend Totsie is here with me. The weekend we shared in Boston may prove to be a turning point in her life. After those few days of freedom with us, she found marriage an impossibly confining relationship. As far as her husband is concerned, all she is doing now is spending a few weeks in the country with her old school friend, but she is actually restructuring her life.

Her plan is to take an apartment in Boston when we leave here after Labor Day. She realizes now how much she has missed by living in the country for the past decade. Fortunately she has had her own income since college but her husband assumed the responsibility for investing it when they married. I have urged her to obtain from him all information relevant to her portfolio before informing him of her decision to establish a separate residence. Once she has the portfolio in hand, I think she would benefit greatly from your advice and support. I trust you will not object if I encourage her to write to you.

By the way, I see in the
Wall Street Journal
that a new company has been formed in Texas to explore the market for natural gas. I foresee an unlimited future for any product that is a source of energy. Can I afford to be part of this venture? Please give careful scrutiny to my portfolio in terms of growth potential. I own nothing I could not be persuaded to sell.

Love always,
Bess

September 1, 1920
Woodstock

Dear Annie,

Enclosed is a check covering tuition for the fall semester of nursing school. I hope it is not too late for your application to be processed.

I regret that you did not inform me sooner of your decision to lend your savings to Hans. I admire his ambition in wanting his own business, and you are right in remembering that I made a sizable loan to my husband to establish his position in the business community. However, I did not divert funds already earmarked for my own use.

An act as unselfish as yours carries within it the seeds of future unhappiness. To me the only viable transactions are ones in which both parties have something to gain. Even though you were ostensibly only delaying your entry into nursing school until Hans got started in business, there is no way of predicting what the future will hold for any of us. In almost every case, if I had delayed doing what I wanted to do, I would never have done it at all.

It is haying time in New England—hard work for the farmers but a holiday for the children. They have been spending their days at a nearby farm—riding the haywagon from the field into the barn, then jumping up and down on the hay after it is stored in the loft. This is an activity the farmers encourage. The more the hay is trampled, the more of it can be stored in the loft. It takes a huge supply to keep the cattle fed during the long New England winter.

We will be arriving home next week. Since your classes do not begin until next month, I would be grateful if you could devote this time to preparing our new home for our arrival. The keys can be obtained at the real estate office.

Perhaps you could begin this weekend while Hans is available to help with the heavy chores. I am having all the furniture we left stored in St. Louis shipped to our new address. I have asked the transport company to notify you of its arrival date. Enclosed (along with the check for your tuition) is a rough scheme I made to show where everything should go. Please direct the movers accordingly.

My sister-in-law and her daughter will be traveling with us and will probably spend the night in Dallas before going on to Denton. So please be sure the guest room is in order.

This is undoubtedly the last time I will ever call upon you for assistance of a domestic nature—though I may require your services as a nurse. For me Labor Day always marks the beginning of a new year and this year we both have cause for celebration: a new home for me, a new career for you.

Happy New Year, dearest Annie.

Love,
Bess

September 25, 1920
Dallas

Dearest Totsie,

We are now settled in our lovely new home and once again I cherish the illusion that I am the “master of my fate.”

Your letter confirming my wisdom in urging you to move to Boston and establish a separate residence was indeed welcome. An outsider often finds it easier than the people involved to judge a situation objectively. The success of your marriage clearly depended on your ability to accommodate yourself to your husband's wishes without any thought for your own. I was hesitant to say anything because I thought you were happy, but when you confessed to me at the farm how estranged you and Dwight had become emotionally, then physical separation seemed to be the inevitable next step.

In the weeks to come Dwight will be forced to define the terms on which he wants the marriage to continue, and for the first time since he proposed (and I remember the spring that happened—none of us were in any mood for defining terms then), you will be in a position either to accept or reject them. So you must not feel that you have left your husband—at least not yet. So far all you have done is restore the possibility of choice between you.

The apartment sounds charming—and how wonderful to be located within walking distance of so many places. It must have given you an enormous sense of freedom to leave your automobile behind with your home and husband.

Though I know you are happy devoting all your time to the baby, do not allow him to become your whole life. The potential for tyranny exists in the most angelic infant. They are quick to take advantage of any moment when you are not otherwise occupied and unless you firmly assert your right to time of your own, they can become your total occupation.

You would be well-advised to find some young girl willing to help with the baby in return for room and board. In a city like Boston, there are undoubtedly any number of young girls from large Catholic families whose experience in caring for younger brothers and sisters is equaled by a desire to move away from home and start a life of their own.

Our homecoming was quite gala. We did not expect anyone to meet our train, but to our surprise Manning was waiting at the station, and to our even greater surprise Arthur was standing beside him. The two men had never met and it was only when we began waving from the window of our compartment that they realized they were meeting the same party of travelers. Arthur seemed a little overwhelmed to encounter so much family at one time but he was gentle and gracious as always and Lydia was quite charmed by his gallantry.

We are now seeing each other regularly. I insist on occasionally assuming the responsibility for our entertainment, though with a man like Arthur this requires complicated advance planning. Last week I invited him to be my guest for dinner at the Dallas Country Club. He seemed very hesitant to accept, and I was afraid I had offended him by asking him to accompany me to a club where he would not be admitted on his own. I explained I only chose the country club because I knew he would never allow me to pay the bill in a public place but if it made him uncomfortable I would find other means of entertaining him. He said it was not the place that made him uncomfortable but the idea of my assuming the expense of the evening.

Once he offered that explanation, I promptly went ahead with the reservations, and we had a delightful dinner. I was somewhat apprehensive that country club cuisine might not measure up to his high standards, since most of the members are less concerned with what they eat than with who sees them eat it. However he pronounced the “sole bonne femme” superlative and I thoroughly enjoyed my porterhouse.

Arthur said he had not heard from you concerning your financial future so I urged him to take the initiative and suggest some income-producing investments to meet your immediate needs. His advice has made such a difference in my life, and I know he would be glad to do the same for you. And since his business requires him to make frequent trips to Boston, he could meet with you personally at your mutual convenience.

I hope all goes well with you and the baby. The next few months will be the most difficult to endure. Like me, you went directly from your parents to a husband, and it is only now, as an adult woman with a child, that you have had to make decisions entirely on your own. You may not believe me yet, but your own experience will soon confirm my assurance that you are as qualified to make decisions as those you have previously allowed to make them for you. Indeed I predict that you will soon enjoy the process as much as I do.