A Widow Redefined (16 page)

I heard Mom and Tyler come in. “Hey Mom. Can I take you up on your offer to watch Tyler for that party?”

Her face lit up. I didn’t know what the big deal was, why she seemed so happy. “Sure. I can do it. What got you to change your mind?”

“You really wanna know?”

She nodded.

“Good old-fashioned guilt,” I replied.

My mom grinned and said, “Whatever works.”

D
uring the week, Tyler’s friend Sam came over to visit. He tried to convince my mom and me he could teach us some parkour moves. We both declined. Mom wasn’t particularly interested in breaking a hip. It was entertaining enough watching them practice.

One night, after coming home from work, I noticed a box sitting next to the mail. I checked the label and saw it was from Sabrina. My costumes, I mean dresses, had arrived. I would open it later.

Tyler’s curiosity got the best of him during dinner, “What’s in that box?”

“Just some dresses my friend sent over. She said I could borrow one for her party.”

“Good,” Tyler said with conviction. “I’m glad you’re going to go.”

“Why are you so glad?”

“Because,” he said. “She’s your friend. She invited you. It wouldn’t be nice not to go.”

I glanced over at Mom to see if she had anything to add, as she usually did. Tonight, she kept quiet.

After we cleaned up she said, “If you want a second opinion on those outfits, I could give you some input.”

“Sure.”

I put away the last plate, then went to the counter and opened the box. There was a hand-written note inside. It said: “Amy, Here’s a few options. Any one of them would be fabulous on you. I’m curious to see your choice. Sabrina.”

Each dress was on its own hanger and covered in a clear plastic bag. I pulled out all three. One was an emerald green satin get up, with a v-neck and feminine, capped sleeves. The second was a black sleeveless silk cowl neck with an open back. The last one was different. It was a platinum gray one-shoulder silk dress. It looked sleek and modern.

“Wow,” I gasped. “All of them are beautiful.”

I checked the tags and didn’t recognize the names. They weren’t Bergman Collection.

“They look brand new,” Mom commented.

I had noticed that, too. I fished around, trying to locate price tags, but couldn’t find any. I sure hoped she hadn’t bought them just for me. She said I could borrow one, so I assumed she was sending clothes that had already been worn.

I was mortified.

“Why don’t we take them to your room, so you can try them on. I’ll zip.”

I slung the dresses over my shoulder and we went to my bedroom. Then I hung them up on a nearby hook.

“What shoes are you going to wear?” Mom asked.

My choices were limited. I had flats, which I wore every day, one black pair, one brown. I owned a pair of gym shoes, and one pair of black heels. I found them in the back of the closet and dusted them off with a t-shirt from the laundry basket.

“How about these?” I asked. They were my only option.

“Perfect,” my mom replied.

I was so full from dinner. It couldn’t have been a worse time to try on dresses. But, I figured, I’d probably eat at her party. Better to see how each one fit while full.

I got undressed and slipped on the emerald green gown. I put on the heels, then Mom zipped the back.

“What do you think?” I asked while turning.

Mom’s expression told me she wasn’t sold. “It’s pretty,” she replied. “Has a vintage feel to it.”

I walked to the full-length mirror that stood next to my bed and took a look. She was right. It had an old Hollywood feel to it, Sabrina’s style, not mine. I laughed to myself about how defensive I got over my “look,” like I even had one.

I changed out of the green dress and into the black one. I liked the cowl neck a lot, but the open back bothered me. It was too revealing. I felt exposed.

“I think it’s beautiful,” Mom said.

It was beautiful, for someone else. I wasn’t the kind of woman to show off her back. I mean, what if I had an itch and I scratched it and it left red marks on my skin? There was too much to worry about.

I took the black dress off and hung it on the hook. I reached for the gray one. Since it only had one shoulder, I wasn’t sure what kind of bra I’d be able to wear with it. Then, after looking closer, I noticed it had a built-in bra.

Mom saw it too. “Don’t they just think of everything,” she said.

I took off my own bra and shimmied into the dress. It was more form-fitting than it appeared on the hanger. It had a side-zip, which I did myself. I turned to look in the mirror, expecting disappointment, because I don’t look good in body-conscious clothing. To my surprise, I looked great. Maybe it was the cut, or the fabric.

“Oh honey, you look amazing!” Mom said. “It really compliments your blonde hair.”

She was right. This was the best choice. I never would’ve picked something like it myself, yet, somehow it was perfect.

“Third one’s the charm,” I said, then began unzipping and changed back into sweats.

Mom agreed, then left the room smiling, happy she was able to help.

•••••

Tuesday night, since it was a scorcher, I offered to take Tyler to the community pool. My mom declined as she was off to her book club.

Tyler was thrilled to get out of the house. He packed his things and we arrived at the pool just as it was clearing out. I saw two available lounge chairs and threw our towels over them. Afterward, we ran and jumped into the water. Tyler was the first one to hit, creating a massive splash.

We did some laps back and forth, then got out to rest in the sun. We lay side by side, on our backs, letting the now cooler air dry us. I was just about to nod off when I heard someone call Tyler’s name.

“Hey Tyler, Mrs. White. It’s Josephine.”

Tyler and I both sat up, squinting into direct sunlight to see her. She wasn’t alone.

“Hey guys. This is my boyfriend, Mark.”

He waved to us and smiled.

Mark’s teeth were perfectly straight and white. A nice contrast to his bronzed skin. His hair was jet black and wavy, somewhat messy. His eyes were electric blue. He reminded me of one of those male models on the Abercrombie shopping bags.

“Hi,” we both said back.

“This is one of my best students,” she said, pointing to Tyler. “And this is Amy, his mom.”

Mark continued to smile and nod his head. I couldn’t help staring at him. He looked like a Roman statue.

“Well, see you tomorrow night,” Josephine said. Then they walked off, hand in hand.

I glanced at Tyler. He wore a sourpuss expression and let out a loud sigh. Then he turned to lie on his stomach.

Within a few minutes, Tyler got up and threw his towel aside, then jumped into the pool. He began swimming laps at a furious pace. I thought of joining him, but something told me not to. Instead, I turned over and caught some rays on my back.

“I think I’d like to go now,” I heard Tyler say. “I’m pretty tired.”

“Okay.”

I got up, gathered our things, and we drove home. Once we got back, Tyler ran straight to his room and slammed the door. I decided it was best to give him space, so I didn’t follow.

Within an hour, Mom came home. She plopped on the sofa and joined me. Out of nowhere, Tyler whizzed past, wearing his workout clothing and earphones. He got situated on the other side of the room and began doing pushups.

“What’s his deal?” she asked.

Even though Tyler couldn’t hear us under his headphones, I whispered, explaining how we’d bumped into Josephine at the pool, with her incredibly hot boyfriend.

A sorrowful expression came over my mom’s face. “His first heart break.”

I frowned and nodded in agreement. It was bound to happen. I continued to sit on the couch and read after my mom left. The room was quiet, other than the huffing and puffing coming from my son’s direction.

Half an hour passed, and after checking my watch, I realized it was past Tyler’s bedtime. I set my book aside and got up to interrupt him. He was in the middle of an abdominal crunch, but stopped when he saw me coming.

I didn’t want to treat him like a child, even though he was one, and tell him it was time for bed. He already knew that. Out of compassion, I did something else.

“Why don’t you turn off the lights when you’re done,” I said. “I’m going to hit the sack.”

I left the room, knowing he’d both turn off the lights and remember to brush his teeth. I wanted him to know I thought he was more “grown up.”

The next morning I woke to an unpleasant surprise. Tyler had fallen asleep in the family room on the sofa and he’d left all the lights on. The television was still on too, and he’d managed to knock a few knick knacks off the coffee table.

“What’s going on here?” I asked, waking him.

Tyler jumped. “Huh, what?”

Once he realized where he was he knew he’d blown it. “Uh, I stayed up and practiced some parkour moves. Then I couldn’t sleep so I watched TV.”

I gave him a stern look. “You could’ve broken Grandma’s collection.”

Tyler got up and started checking the figurines, then returned them to their places and turned off the TV. “Sorry,” he said.

I was aggravated, but I let it go. He was allowed to act up once and a while, but I wouldn’t be foolish enough to let him stay up without me anymore. He wasn’t grown up enough, no matter how old he seemed.

That evening, I decided to take Tyler to his art lesson. He was in the bathroom for an awfully long time, and if he didn’t hurry up we were going to be late.

“You almost done T.?” I called through the bathroom door.

Within a moment he opened it and stepped out. His hair looked messy, like he’d put some gel in it. “All set,” he said.

I giggled to myself. It was impossible to stay mad at him. My son—he might’ve taken a jab to the heart, but he was no quitter.

When we got to Josephine’s, she offered us lemonade.

“No thanks,” I said. “I’ve got to run some errands. Tyler might like some, though, if it doesn’t conflict with his healthy diet/workout routine.”

Josephine looked at Tyler. “You’re in great shape. Indulge a little,” she said, while handing him a glass.

Tyler took the lemonade from her and smiled. Then I walked out the door, my heart filled with happiness. That was just the kind of comment he needed to hear.

•••••

Throughout the remainder of the week, I thought about the upcoming party. I wondered why Sabrina was so intent on having me come. And I felt embarrassed she’d sent those dresses over. I wasn’t sure if I could ever be comfortable having such a wealthy friend.

Saturday morning I wasn’t really motivated to go anywhere, especially to a party. I lounged around all day doing nothing. As the time drew nearer, the more disinterested I became. Then, when I couldn’t waste a single minute more, I forced myself to get up and take a shower.

I dried my hair and curled it, inwardly cursing because it took so long to style. I hadn’t bothered with a curling iron since Justin was gone. I didn’t see a reason. Now I was forced to look nice. Okay, not forced. But it was expected.

As I put on my make-up, I wondered why I was such a complainer, why I didn’t enjoy being out, surrounded by groups of people. I didn’t know. I guess I liked to keep my circle small.

I finished my hair and make-up, put on the control-top hose I’d bought, then slipped on my one-shoulder gray dress and stepped into the heels. I was officially in costume.

I stepped out of the bathroom and found Mom and Tyler standing there. They’d been waiting, like I was Cinderella or something.

“You look pretty, Mom.”

I did a twirl to indulge them.

“You look beautiful,” Mom agreed.

The looks on both their faces. They both seemed so happy, eager. It was sad, I thought, how they were making a silly cocktail party into a big deal.

“Now you go and have yourself a good time,” Mom said. “Tyler is going to use me as a model for his next homework assignment.”

“I have to draw a human hand,” he explained.

I smiled. “Now
that
actually sounds fun.”

Tyler rolled his eyes, then waved goodbye. I grabbed my purse and dug out my car keys. I walked outside and paused to study my little Dodge Neon. It was dirty and its red paint was faded. It looked like a stale tomato. Oh well. Too late to worry about it now.

I climbed in, continuing to think along the Cinderella line. My car resembled a pumpkin. I started the engine and willed my coach to take me to Sabrina’s party. After hitting the gas, I was thrown back in my seat. My pumpkin had torque. That’s why Justin had picked it.

I thought of him all the way there. How if he were alive, we’d have spent the night together as a family, doing something fun. We would’ve played Battleship or worked on a puzzle. He might’ve even been bold enough to try some parkour moves with Tyler and Sam. All that could’ve been seemed endless.

As my mind wandered, time went by quickly. Before I knew it I was at Sabrina’s, pulling into the long drive that led to her home. I parked behind an Audi. After I got out and looked around, I noticed there were several Audi’s parked together, a little cluster of German engineering. I smirked as I walked away from my own car.

Then I smoothed my dress and rang the buzzer.

Henry answered. “Welcome,” he said. “Please come in.”

Henry was dressed up as well, smiling and wearing his game face. His expression seemed genuine. Either he was that good, or he was one of those rare individuals who actually enjoyed their job. I smiled back at him and stepped inside.

Once in the foyer I noticed a larger than expected crowd of guests. A wave of discomfort came over me and a knot tightened in my stomach. It was at times like these I wished I had Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak. All I wanted was to disappear.

Sabrina poked her head out of the crowd and made eye contact with me. She must’ve noticed my reluctance.

As she walked toward me, I was struck by her beauty. She had never looked better. Her hair was finger-waved and smooth. She wore a dark purple vintage gown that was fitted yet feminine. She was pure glamour.